"There's something called knocking, ever heard of it?" he snapped, brushing the tea to the side.
Urahara gave him a playful grin, "I've always preferred girls myself. They might start rumors about you, Mayuri-chan."
Mayuri sighed, eyeing the captain as he left before scribbling down a note on the side, making a few changes to his calculations.
When Urahara visited a few weeks later to gather some reports he caught sight of the new drawings and sighed. Honestly, the little vice captain couldn't do anything without him. The design was cute enough, but no girl could honestly be happy with that.
"Say, Mayuri-chan..." he drawled, bemused at the way he tensed at that, "Don't you think Unohana's braid is quite amazing? She's truly a symbol of femininity. It must be quite wonderful having such lovely long hair, but not having to worry about it during fights."
He could almost hear Mayuri's eyes roll. "Of course, Urahara-taichou," he replied dully, shoving a stack of reports into his captain's hands. "Did you need anything else?"
Urahara refrained from laughing at the positive venom in Mayuri's tone. He shook his head, giving him a light wave as he retired to the hall. He smiled a bit as he caught sight of Mayuri yanking out the drawing and making some minor alterations to it.
Mayuri had spent quite a few months in solitude before Urahara got the chance to peek at its progress when his little vice captain was called away to a vice captains' meeting. Urahara surveyed the shell of a body and tutted as he saw Mayuri had already begun to set up mind control programs.
He stroked the girl's beautiful long hair thoughtfully before putting a few kinks into Mayuri's program.
"Sorry, my dear, it seems your father just doesn't seem to know how to treat a girl right, yet. Perhaps you can teach him the error of his ways, hmm?" he whispered, ghosting a kiss on her pallid lips.
Years past and Urahara spent less and less time with his irritable vice captain. The division was ill at ease. Too many secret projects seemed to be going on, with too few members actually knowing anything about them. But, with as little time as Urahara spent in the division headquarters, he kept an eye on a certain subordinate's project.
He was late to her entrance ceremony at the academy, considering it perhaps a fashion statement more than an error on his part. He caught the collar of one of a pair of boys near the back. The boy blinked up in horror, "Urahara-taichou?" he breathed.
Urahara grinned and pointed to the frail-framed girl near the front of the line of the honors class. "See that girl? Mind keeping an eye on her for me?" he prodded, the order clear despite his playful tone.
The boy whose head was shaved so close it shone nearly hyperventilated as his feathered companion giggled softly. "Y-yes, sir!" he managed.
Urahara chuckled to himself, stepping towards the exit, ignoring the feeling of angry yellow eyes fixing on his back. Ah, he'd have to do some real work tonight if he wanted his dour little vice captain not to ask too many questions.
"You're not her father," Mayuri stated coldly. His eyes narrowed on his captain on the day of his daughter's graduation when Urahara joined him on the balcony overlooking the graduates. Urahara laughed dismissively, "Oh, but I'm sure Nemu-chan would enjoy having two daddies."
Mayuri drew in a sharp breath and turned away, "If you insist, Urahara-taichou." Urahara frowned softly, catching Mayuri's sleeve, "You'll miss the division announcements."
Mayuri shook him off. "I know where she got placed if you had any hand in it," he spat, stalking off. Urahara stuck his tongue out at the retreating figure.
When they announced those that had placed in the divisions, Urahara joined the other captains and vice captains on stage and tried his best to ignore the frown that touched Nemu's lips as she searched for her father in the group.
When the class applauded her and the other new members, he touched her back gently and she gave him a weak smile.
When it came time for him to leave, he folded up his captain's robe on his desk, ready for his dear Mayuri-chan to find it. He closed his eyes and stepped into the dawn and out of the division.
When Nemu woke that morning, she found the vice captain's badge wrapped neatly beside her bed. She felt tears rise in her eyes as she drew in a deep breath. "Thank you, Urahara-taichou...," she whispered, hugging it close to her.