Chapter 6 – Bulgaria

Lizzie's birthday came with great anticipation, but there were no parties planned or presents sent. It was time to get creative and go deeper into temporary hiding. She had to constantly close her mind once Voldemort knew she wasn't in Surrey, and she still didn't know how. Their upcoming destinations were not disclosed to anyone, not even her, and protections on her known friends were increased tenfold the night prior.

Charlie woke Lizzie up at midnight as Tonks packed. "Happy birthday," he whispered with a lopsided and apologetic smile, knowing this particular birthday packed a heavy punch. She smiled back fondly and took a deep breath. No more trace, she thought. I can use magic freely, but the blood wards are going to fall and unleash a fresh new wave of hell.

"Where's Remus?" Lizzie asked. Tonks gave her a look that said all it needed to say. It was a full moon.

"He will meet us after," Tonks said sadly, and Lizzie gave a little nod.

Charlie gave her hug and a friendly salute as her and Tonks apparated. "Good luck, Lizzie," he whispered quietly to himself in his now empty abode.

Standing a few feet in front of them at their destination was Viktor Krum with his serious looking smile, familiar cold eyes, and thicker than ever eyebrows. Lizzie took a moment to register but moved forward for a friendly hug.

"Happy birthday, Lizzee, I hear you are vinally old enough to compete in the tournament," he said with a mildly sarcastic smirk. He wasn't good at jokes and she rolled her eyes as they left so he could show her and Tonks inside his home. They were surrounded by forest for what must be miles.

The fireplace erupted in green flames the moment they finally settled in. Viktor held Lizzie back with an outstretched arm and Arthur's head appeared in the flames as Tonks ran forward to hear the message.

"Tonks, me and the family are splitting up for the next couple of weeks between Bill, Charlie, and your parents. Privet Drive was attacked and we think they are headed to the Burrow next. Make sure Remus knows when he gets back," he explained hurriedly.

"What do you mean Privet Drive was attacked?" Lizzie said, looking over Viktor's arm at Arthur.

"Lizzie, aurors are escorting your Aunt and cousin to safety. Your uncle is in critical condition but would only accept care at a muggle hospital. They tortured him for information about you," Arthur explained.

"Hospital where, the one in Surrey?" She asked, unsure why she felt a surge of panic.

"Lizzie, it will all be taken care of, do not leave where you are under any circumstances," Arthur insisted and then disappeared as quickly as he entered.

"Are you alright?" Viktor said, frowning at Lizzie who nodded back. He retreated to the kitchen to look out the windows at the surrounding forest and put a kettle on the stove for tea.

They sat in silence most of the day as Lizzie's mind raced.

"They know to protect the Grangers too right?" Lizzie asked suddenly.

"Of course they do," Tonks said curtly.

"Neville and his grandmother?" She asked.

"Lizzie stop, all bases are covered," Tonks assured.

"It's not your fault," Tonks said finally, noticing the look of guilt on her face.

"Yes it is," Lizzie said shortly, shaking her head in disbelief and quickly downing the remaining contents of the tea gone cold, wishing it were coffee.

"I'm going to lay down," she said suddenly and laid in bed for hours until it went dark, waiting for indication that Tonks and Krum were asleep. Remus wasn't there yet.

Every image of life on Privet Drive raced through her mind like a fast lane to hell and she wondered if her uncle would die. He should die, she thought. But will he? She wondered, rationalizing that he could just as well end up like the Longbottoms. Lizzie pulled on a jumper and pulled the hood tight as she quietly retreated into the surrounding forest under her cloak.

Looking around at the dark trees for any signs of movement, she pulled off the cloak, tucked it in her jacket, closed her eyes, and apparated.

Standing in the kitchen of the house she grew up in felt surreal in the moment. Several things were broken throughout the living room and she proceeded to shatter every picture on the mantel and shelves that had been otherwise untouched. Lizzie knew she couldn't stay because they might be counting on her return, so she rummaged through the cabinet under the sink and lifted a small bottle of rat poison she remembered clearly, clenching her jaw in anger at the memories. The bottom stair creaked and Lizzie went cold realizing she wasn't alone.

Slipping the bottle into her pocket, she peered around the corner nervously with her wand outstretched. It was Petunia.

"I thought they found you a safe house," Lizzie said evenly, startling her aunt.

"I-I I didn't go, I don't trust them," she said with tears flooding her eyes. "What are you doing here?" She asked with trepidation.

"To see if it was true. You need to leave; did they give you a way to contact them? You can't stay here - they will kill you," Lizzie insisted. Petunia broke down into tears.

"It doesn't matter," she said breathlessly.

"Why? Because of Vernon?" Lizzie asked reproachfully.

"Of course you wouldn't care!" Petunia yelled.

"Of course I care!" Lizzie roared back.

"It's your fault!" Petunia snapped back. Dudley was coming down the stairs looking frightened.

"Oh go to hell, Petunia! You'll be burned to ash before you would ever admit a sliver of fault," Lizzie growled.

"HOW DARE YOU! How dare you come back here! We never even wanted you and my husband is suffering for it," she whined.

"HE DESERVES TO SUFFER!" Lizzie yelled back.

"Who are you to determine what he deserves!?"

"Because he raped me for TEN YEARS, YOU HEARTLESS BITCH! AND YOU LET HIM!" Lizzie screamed.

Petunia was shaking in fury and crying profusely.

"I know you hated my mother, but please do me just one favor and look her in the eyes - my eyes - and tell her that her daughter deserved that," Lizzie pled but her aunt wouldn't look at her.

"You can't can you, Petunia? Because even you know that NOBODY DESERVES THAT!"

Petunia couldn't look at Lizzie, tears streamed in a downpour over her elongated cheeks.

"I didn't hate your mother," she whispered in a broken voice. "I loved my sister. I hated what she was..."

Lizzie stopped breathing.

"I didn't want your little girl. I didn't. But I knew from her first night here that he would treat her horribly. He surprised me with the cruelty and the only way I could cope with it was to blame her, I had to believe she deserved it," Lizzie could tell she was talking to Lily and froze in place shaking quietly in her skin.

"He was scared of you, Lizzie. He pushed his limits to make himself feel less so. I watched you die inside and I resented you for the shame I felt. Every time you looked at me I saw her. Every time you begged me, I heard her pleading with me to protect you and GOD DAMNIT LIZZIE, I COULDN'T EVEN IF I WANTED TO!" Petunia was looking beside herself in pain.

"I wasn't ALLOWED to grieve for my sister because he insisted she deserved to die. I wasn't ALLOWED to show you any affection because he insisted you didn't deserve any. We would have been better off and normal without you! So yes I have always hated you! I still hate you!" She shrieked, and Lizzie gripped the back of a chair for support as her insides crumbled.

"I didn't do anything wrong," Lizzie sobbed.

"You existed... it was impossible to love you when you only ever brought out the worst in him," Petunia said.

"You never tried," Lizzie whispered, her face scrunched in pain.

"Because I never wanted to, it made it easier to live with what was happening in my house!" Petunia said with a stone cold demeanor. Lizzie made up her mind in that moment but looked over at Dudley who was silent and unnerved. He looked back at Lizzie sympathetically.

"She didn't deserve it," he said quietly, looking Lizzie in the eyes and his mother burst into a fresh wave of grief.

Lizzie walked up to Dudley assertively and grabbed his arm, then reached a hand out for Petunia.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm taking you to Mrs. Figg's. Take my hand, she will get back in touch with the Order and get you to a safer location. You can't stay here. Vernon won't make it. They'll come back for you," Lizzie insisted, and Dudley gave a pleading look to his mother. Petunia hesitated still.

"PETUNIA, GOD DAMN IT, JUST TAKE MY FUCKING HAND!" Lizzie roared, startling her our of her skin for a moment unsure if she had ever heard Lizzie yell so loud. Once in her niece's grip, they apparated to Mrs. Figg's living room, but when they looked around, Lizzie was gone.

Lizzie apparated to the parking lot of the local hospital and swiftly pulled the cloak over her body with a determined demeanor. It didn't take her long to find Vernon, it was late, and nearly nobody was on staff.

She slipped quietly into the room he was in. The monitors and equipment beeped in a steady rhythm. From what she could tell his heart rate was low, oxygen was affixed to his nose, and IVs protruded from his hands. Lizzie pulled the cloak off and drew the curtain closed around his bed, sitting down quietly in the chair beside him.

For the first time in her life his hands didn't scare her. His presence didn't make her shake and her body only broke into goose bumps when his eyes opened in the dimly lit room and focused in on her face in confusion. His heart rate picked up and she scoffed at the noise the machine made in response.

"Hi Vernon," she whispered ominously.

He stared at her nervously knowing he couldn't move or defend himself. She looked at him for several silent moments as her eyes swam in memories. Lizzie leaned forward and placed her elbows on her knees, burying her face in her hands.

"I just wanted to ask you if it made a difference," she whispered. He gave her a fleeting look but couldn't talk.

"You know; I know I'm not allowed to talk freely around you. So I thought that before you die we should have at least one conversation... that you should hear what I sound like, not just the meek mutters I can manage to muster in your presence," she said.

"I remember the night my parents died, despite all the blows to the head. I know all the stories you told me were designed to hurt as much as possible. I want you to know that your wife resents you with great intensity. She blamed me to spare your marriage, but your cruelty was too much even for her. I want you to know that I found love and friendship and built a family that made up for everything you deprived me of. You are not the normal ones, and you are certainly not the better ones..." she said slowly, and pulled the bottle out of her pocket. His eyes widened in horror.

"I hope you made your amends with God... You raped, beat, drugged, and maimed a little girl who had nothing. You deprived her of everything from basic sustenance to basic decency. Despite me being what I am, I can't fathom that God wouldn't have a problem with that. But you'll be able to explain that to Him soon enough, maybe He will take your side, I personally don't think very highly of him, your version at least... " she hissed harshly. His heart rate picked up as she spoke.

Lizzie crouched down next to the bed to look at him level. "I know what they did to you, they've done it to me, it hurts doesn't it?" She asked sympathetically.

"Consider yourself lucky, they've murdered the people I loved most. My parents, my godfather, the boy I wanted to spend my life with. They tortured me relentlessly, raped, and cursed me... But YOU, you are the one who turned me into a monster, a literal monster that killed me slowly. Witches can't suppress the kind of magic I had without it becoming that force you witnessed that night in your bedroom... but worse, so much worse. I would have killed you all if I had not learned to control it… if I hadn't found my way to the magical make believe train and gone to school," she continued.

His eyes started to well in fear as she used a syringe to pull a small amount of poison from the bottle. She stopped and held the needle in front of her, her own eyes starting to swim with rogue tears trickling down her face.

Lizzie hesitated, wiped the tears away, and sniffed. "I'm sorry, Vernon. I thought... I thought making you think I came here to kill you would be enough to feel closure for all those years I thought you were going to kill me... but it doesn't," she whispered. He was trembling now from lack of control.

Lizzie focused in on his face with great intensity and much like she could with Voldemort, saw images through his eyes of the years passed. He was terrified of her and always had been. The sinister side she saw outside of herself was the only thing he saw, and the only time he didn't feel scared was looking down at the broken and lifeless shell he had created through relentless beatings, sedatives, and an unparalleled amount of shame. But he didn't feel shame for what he did to her, only shame for being scared of her. He whole heartedly believed she deserved it and she was sealing that opinion of his forever.

"I know you hate me," she whispered. "You could have tried to love me though, I know you could have even if just a little - you love your son and your wife beyond measure. I would have if you had just let me. The only thing I wanted was to feel safe. Safe in my home, in my skin, in my mind... that's not ungrateful to ask for. All that fear you felt is what I felt, and I didn't understand why. Just a shred of kindness or decency and you would not have needed to live in fear either. That was YOUR FAULT," tears were running like a faucet down her face as she buried her head in the sheet resting just under his arm.

"You're not going to make it, these doctors won't know how to treat you," she said, shaking her head.

"Consider this a mercy," she said with a broken and decisive tone, pinching the base of the IV. "I suppose I'll probably see you in hell..." Lizzie winced and looked away from him for one final moment of contemplation.

"Bye," she said a moment later close to his ear as she plunged the contents of the needle into his IV and squeezed his hand. Lizzie cast a silencing charm on the room so the nurses would not hear the alarms and slipped out of the hospital wiping away tears. With a loud crack Lizzie apparated back to Viktor's home in Bulgaria hoping her absence went unnoticed.

The forest around her was dark and she illuminated her wand up the trail to the house. Lizzie stopped dead in her tracks when the light from the tip of her wand illuminated a pair of white eyes a couple meters from where she was standing. It was the first time she had seen her since the night in the maze and her insides iced over.

The light of her wand went out suddenly and she was unable to flick it back on. Sucking in breath in panic, she bolted toward the faint outline she could see of the cabin and slipped in through the back door. Locking the latch and clutching her heart, Lizzie threw up in the sink, now starting to breathe unevenly and shake violently. It was a mixture of relief and everything her uncle made her feel since she was dumped at their home. Closure had come but still hit her with one last impossibly hard punch to the stomach which was now compacted by fear of what was now lurking outside her body.

"Where were you?" a stern voice said from behind her. She froze and turned slowly to see Remus looking distraught and angry.

"Azalea, WHERE WERE YOU?" He said much more harshly. Fury was radiating.

"Surrey," she whispered with a barely audible breath, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and looking ill again. It was the first time she ever thought he was going to hit her. His eyes were livid and his fists were clenched but he restrained himself with a considerable amount of obvious effort.

"Why?" He growled.

"I - I... I did something awful," she admitted with tears flooding her eyes.

He looked back in horror, shaking his head already knowing where the conversation was headed.

"I killed him," she whispered, watching his face contort around the thought.

"Liz..." he said painfully, turning away from her entirely.

"You put yourself in danger for someone who was already going to die! You went there alone knowing they could have been waiting?! For REVENGE?" He shouted. Tonks had woken up and cautiously approached the room.

"I - I'm not making excuses I know it was stupid," she said meekly.

"You are damn right it was stupid! Did it even make you feel better?!" He roared.

She sunk her head and stared at the floor.

"DID IT?!" He prodded, aggressively.

"YES! YES, IT FUCKING DID!" She yelled back with a quick surge of anger.

"How did you do it then? How did you kill him, Lizzie?" He asked harshly.

"With rat poison...I bloody injected him with rat poison!" She yelled, now breaking down around the gasps for full breaths. Her voice shook miserably. "The same amount of rat poison they'd give me for stealing food after days without it. The same amount they'd put in the wine at sacrament to make me think God hated me just before beating me for nothing but BLOODY EXISTING! I explained everything to that man before I did it and it was the first time in fourteen years he'd ever heard me say more than one meek sentence out loud!" she yelled harshly with a hoarse voice. Remus stared back as though washed over with pure dread.

"He turned me into a monster! If not for that monster Sirius would still be here! He died trying to save me from what that man turned me into," she continued, watching his face even out but his hands still shake in rage.

"You can't tell me you didn't want him dead!" She shouted.

"OF COURSE I WANTED HIM DEAD!" Remus roared. "He was on his way. YOU did not have any business putting all of this in jeopardy to do it!"

"HE RAPED ME FOR TEN YEARS! IF ANYONE SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM IT DAMN WELL SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! NOT THEM! THEY DIDN'T DESERVE TO KILL HIM!" She screamed. "My face is the ONLY face he deserved to see before he died!"

This silenced him as she crouched down to the floor holding the edges of the counter for support. Tonks approached Lizzie cautiously, gripping her around the neck for a tight embrace as Remus retreated to the sitting area to cool down from his rage.

Tonks got Lizzie to bed when she quickly succumbed to the mental exhaustion of it all and then retreated to the sitting area to find Remus with his face buried in his hands.

"She's fine. She didn't get into any trouble. They still don't know she's here. It could have been worse but it wasn't," she explained. He nodded.

"She's got to get a better grip. She's still so unhinged," he said, feeling exasperated.

"Of course she's unhinged, Remus. She's scared, she's lived life without a sliver of control, it's bound to lash out like this. It's not her fault," Tonks reasoned.

"I know it's not her fault," he whispered shamefully. "I know she doesn't deserve any of this. I promised to keep her safe and I let her down. But she's making it increasingly difficult to make that up," he explained.

"She doesn't need you to make that up. Lizzie doesn't blame you for that, when will that register with you?" Tonks reassured.

"She's scaring me. I watched her kill Pettigrew, now this..." he admitted.

"You were ready to kill Peter weren't you?" Tonks asked.

"I was," he admitted.

"You can't tell me that you or Sirius, not to mention James wouldn't have killed her uncle if you had a chance?" She asked.

"Jamie would have gutted him..." he admitted reluctantly, "and he was like Alastor, killing was a last resort, and he never did," he added. Tonks nodded.

"Now imagine living it. Lizzie watched them all die. Lizzie grew up under his thumb... she had every right to kill both of them as far as I'm concerned," Tonks explained. Remus nodded but she wasn't sure how convinced he was.