Chapter 37 – Love Potion
Lizzie refocused her energy on getting Slughorn to chat with her again, but he avoided her at most all costs and stopped hosting his dinners.
Out of sheer annoyance in wanting Lizzie to shut up about Malfoy disappearing on the map, Hermione offered that if he was disappearing up on the seventh floor, then he was probably in the Room of Requirement since it didn't show up on the map. This insight, however, only gave Lizzie further pause and fuel for suspicion. Even she was starting to realize how obnoxiously obsessed she was by it all.
The strangest feeling washed over Lizzie after breakfast that Saturday. Hermione and Ginny left for Hogsmeade, and Lizzie was racking her brain trying to figure out what Malfoy was up to in the Room of Requirement.
Her thoughts felt like they were slowly boarding a train and leaving her head but were being replaced with invasive thoughts about someone she'd never give a second thought to. It only got worse when she crossed paths with Cormac McLaggen on the way back to the common room. She caught eyes with him in the corridor and he gave her an anticipatory look, then broke off from his conversation with someone to walk alongside Lizzie back to Gryffindor Tower.
"Lizzie, been meaning to talk to you," he said curtly with a bit of a smirk and stopped abruptly. He set both hands firmly on her shoulders as he towered nearly a foot taller than her. He was examining her face for something, but she couldn't place what he was looking for. His face on the other hand, suddenly appeared uncommonly attractive, she had noticed his looks before but something about the way he was looking at her sent butterflies through her stomach.
What is wrong with you? she thought to herself and shook her head to rid herself what must be a brief psychotic break. She hated this kid.
"Why don't you and I hang out to today? Wanted to see how you were holding up about Weasley and discuss some stuff for the game…" He asked with a lopsided grin still examining her eyes. Lizzie's head nodded when she deliberately meant to shake it and he pulled her arm invitingly into his to continue up to the tower.
The common room was empty, most everybody was out at Hogsmeade already or strolling the castle. Aside from a couple of first or second years at the table in the corner playing cards, it was just the two of them. He sat down on the couch with her and struck up mild conversation. Her head was uncommonly lightweight, as if her skull was stuffed with feather pluckings. It was as though every other thought not having to do with him jumped ship and left it light as a balloon the wind could easily whisk away. She stared at him while he talked, but hardly spoke herself, and didn't break eye contact. A smaller, suffocated part of her noticed that the look on his face was becoming increasingly satisfied. His words sounded like marbles because they didn't much matter to her.
"You are so pretty," he said suddenly, and she heard it crisp as winter morning air. He reached forward and tucked hair behind her ears, the ran a hand through the strands that fell just at her collar bone. This motion gave her the chills remembering a set of long grayish fingers doing the same. Lizzie wanted to frown but smiled girlishly instead and laughed lightly at the sentiment.
"The last time... you know... I showed interest you were still in a rough spot getting over Diggory, but I was hoping maybe you were open to hanging out with me sometimes, now that you know... you and Finnegan are done," he said with a sparkle in his eyes. Her heart sped up a little, but it was more excited drumming than apprehensive thudding.
What the fuck is the matter with me? She thought furiously, but it was clouded over by the glow that seemed to be radiating off of this surprisingly handsome young man sitting in front of her.
"Come with me, want to show you something," he said excitedly and grabbed her hand, heading up to the boys' dormitory.
"Close your eyes and sit there," he gestured to the edge of the bed and smiled innocently. She obliged after a brief moment of confusion and registration of where they were and what they were doing there. After a few seconds had passed, she felt a hand on the back of her head and lips brush hers enticingly. The kiss became more urgent and she opened her eyes to see him kneeling in front of her. With a slow crawl forward on his end, she was lying on her back with him hovering overhead and not breaking the lip lock he had on her face. Her heart didn't know whether to beat in terror or excitement and it seemed to deadlock any response she could have had at all.
When he let up off of her face, he pulled her legs up onto the bed and positioned himself between them as he stroked her thighs with his finger tips. Her knickers were gone and she didn't remember ever taking them off. He unbuttoned the overly large flannel shirt she was wearing slowly.
"I was hoping you felt this too," he said, but she just looked back into his eyes. Within minutes she was returning every advance eagerly. The smell she picked up, however, was highly familiar and overwhelming, something she'd never forget and hadn't had for years. It was Cedric, the way his hair smelled, the way the warm spot on his neck smelled, and the scent of his chest when she buried her head into it clothed or not. Then it dawned on her how obvious it was that this prat had slipped her a love potion. Cormac smiled down at her with an exasperated grin hoping to see a pair of sparkling green eyes swooning over him.
Lizzie had her forearm draped over her face with her other hand grabbing it tight, her nails digging in and lightly breaking the skin. He looked at her confused and slowly pulled her hand off of her arm to expose her face.
"You alright, Lizzie?" He asked nervously, though still smiling and leaning in to kiss her neck and collar bones.
She let him but kept her eyes closed to deter the effects. "What did you give me?" She asked after a moment.
"What can I give you? Anything, love," he said with a boyish grin, and ran hands over her waist and hips hungrily.
"No, what DID you give me?" She asked more assertively. "Love potion was it?" She was glaring at him now. He backed up and frowned but tried to keep an innocent demeanor.
"Don't pretend you're not enjoying this, I know you are," he laughed, looking her over with approval and reaching between her legs while he leaned in for a kiss. She shoved him backward and pulled on her clothes in a hurry.
"I should go to McGonagall," she hissed with contempt.
"Lizzie, I'm just trying to break the ice here between us, the tension is so obvious... we don't need to tip toe around it..." he said invitingly, and pulled on her arm to come back. She cringed around the touch and snatched her hand back indignantly.
"I - I don't even know what to say to you, what is wrong with you?" She asked reproachfully.
He stood up and pulled her close to him assertively so hot breath was on her ear and whispered, "just give me a chance to change your mind."
Lizzie shoved him and stormed off. He must not have given her a ton of the stuff if she was able to come down from it without an anecdote. Nonetheless, she made her way down to the Potions lab and rummaged through her Potions Book for a remedy to cure any lingering side effects.
Slughorn walked in to find Lizzie with her head buried in her arms, she wasn't crying, but was noticeably distraught.
"Lizzie, dear, are you alright?" He asked. She startled at the noise.
"Yes, I'm so sorry professor not trying to intrude I just needed to brew a quick thing for anxiety. Been getting the better of me lately," she lied. He nodded and smiled weakly.
"Anytime," he said with an uncertain tone watching her pack up in silence and leave.
Defense Against the Dark Arts on Monday was the next time she saw Cormac. He gave her a reproving look as he walked in, hurt ego mixed with lingering satisfaction. When they had broken up into smaller groups to practice amongst each other, she overheard him talking to a few of his idiot friends. It wasn't hard to overhear him because he wanted to be overheard, more so than usual.
"The consensus is that she's too intimidating to date right? I mean that's what everyone says. 'Oh what I'd do to get her to fall for me - but...' always ends in a 'but,' doesn't it? You'd think she'd be the aggressive one too...not on her back though," he laughed. Lizzie's heart stopped momentarily and Hermione looked at her abruptly and froze.
"How did you manage that?" one of his friends whispered, his eyes briefly caught Lizzie's.
"Well it wasn't easy... she's not easy... I mean you can't blame her, that would be insensitive. It's sort of like getting something REALLY nice but still second hand. I'm not trying to be mean or inconsiderate, but she was raped by God knows how many death eaters, right? and its so obvious, poor thing...felt guilty, you know..." he said condescendingly.
Lizzie was holding back boiling rage. Then there was a loud CRACK and Cormac keeled forward in pain clutching his face. Standing over him was Seamus looking enraged beyond recognition. Lizzie stared at Seamus with wide eyes, he looked back with a mixed expression as though he couldn't decide if he was angry at her or felt sorry for her. She shook her head to indicate he was lying but he walked off when Snape called him over. Surely he got detention but even Snape looked satisfied by McLaggen's bleeding face.
From the corner of her eye, Lizzie caught Draco staring with a look she couldn't pin down. It was similar to Seamus's but far more distant and slightly amused.
Lizzie waited outside the door after class for Seamus and Dean to leave. Seamus clutched his hand tightly, annoyed with himself for acting impulsively. What she could gather from his racing thoughts was a mixture of wanting to dismember Cormac for the things he said but also resentment toward her for stooping that low.
"Seam-us" Lizzie said meekly to get his attention. Him and Dean stopped, and Dean gave her an apologetic look.
"Not now, Lizzie," Seamus said in frustration.
"I'm sorry, I didn't-" she said, but stopped when he raised his eyebrows.
"Didn't what? Sleep with him?" He asked harshly.
"Seamus..." Dean said warningly.
"No… not fully. He slipped me a love potion," she admitted, face turning scarlet and abashed. "I was horrified when I realized... hatred for him was enough to shake the worst of it without an anecdote," she insisted.
He believed her based on what she gathered from his thoughts because it's exactly something Cormac would do. But the rising anger toward Cormac was about to be taken out on her anyway and she braced for the verbal blow.
"So you snapped out of it after then? All things you can resist but not a stupid love potion?" He berated.
"Seamus," Dean said sharply.
"I didn't know, I didn't know what I was given or what was wrong, it wasn't as obvious as the overdose of the stuff Ron had. I can't blindly resist something," she retorted.
"Why are you even apologizing? We aren't together anymore," He snapped indignantly.
"Because he might as well have gutted me like a fish with those comments and you stood up for me. I just wanted to say... thank you," she whispered the last part and caught apologetic eyes from him. He rolled his head on his shoulders and rubbed his neck with a guilty sort of sigh. Before she turned to walk away he pulled her in for a hug she accepted, but it felt forced. She left as a wave of regret and conflicted feelings rushed through his mind.
Lizzie rounded a corner out of sight and foot traffic, then buried her face in her hands even though she couldn't cry. Her face was hot with embarrassment.
Second hand. She did feel second hand. The shame of a decade of assault she kept tightly sealed behind her lips, only to have rumors rolling about what happened at the manor, like it's laughable. This was all asinine anyway, why would I want romance back in my life? She thought. The future was bleak. Yet she still longed for that feeling of closeness she had with Cedric and wondered why that was becoming so much more intense recently.
Lizzie made her way down to lunch later that day and sat down across from Hermione and Ginny looking abashed. "I didn't sleep with him," she whispered harshly when both of them looked at her like she'd just landed from an alien spacecraft.
"Love potion, these fuckers have no shame," she growled. Ginny shot a group of boys at the table an evil look and Hermione looked ready to do a face in.
"I'm reporting that to McGonagall. Have to, I'm a prefect. Him and Corner. Detentions until the end of term o reckon. At least that will get them to quit it," Hermione said and shot up a hand to silence Lizzie's impending protest.
"Just wait until after Saturday's game please, I don't have time to find a keeper, as much as I don't want Cormac on the pitch," Lizzie added. Hermione nodded reluctantly.
"They think they can just spike drinks and food with a blood potion and get lucky. I could kill them," Ginny hissed.
"That's it," Lizzie said, like a light bulb had gone off.
"Luck. I just need a bit of luck. Liquid luck, probably not that much either..." she said excitedly.
"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked incredulously.
"Slughorn! To get the memory, I just need luck... Felix... I'll give it a go next week. The next session with Dumbledore isn't until then anyway because he's out..." Lizzie said. "We should pay attention to his schedule until then, I don't want to waste the serum," she decided.