Chapter 39 – Slughorn's Secrets

Ron had finally been released from the hospital wing and Lavender refused to speak to him. He didn't pry or ask why exactly but seemed extremely happy to be shot of her. Him and Hermione were speaking again as though nothing had happened and the stars seemed to align again.

"Alright, Liz, Slughorn takes a walk after dinner and then goes up to his office. I reckon you could head him off on his walk or wait by his office and you'll catch him for a good talk," Hermione explained.

They were sitting by the fire in the common room while Lizzie played with the unopened bottle of Felix. She was contemplating, knowing it would serve her well if she needed it for something directly against Voldemort, but this memory was too essential to go head-to-head with him without. It might answer all of her questions. Lizzie opened the bottle and took a small swig, leaving a little over half of it intact.

The strangest feeling washed over her and she laughed immediately. "Wow!" She yelled too loudly, and they were taken off guard.

"How do you feel?" Ron asked.

"Excellent. I don't think I have ever felt excellent, but I feel excellent right now. I could walk on water probably," she said happily. Ron and Hermione looked between each other nervously.

"Ok, so where are you heading?" Ron asked.

"Hagrid's," Lizzie said absolutely.

"What?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I got a note from him that Aragog passed, I want to pay respects. It's the place I need to be tonight," she explained.

"No... that thing tried to eat us. Don't waste Felix on Hagrid's Lizzie," Ron said, frowning in disbelief.

"No, I know what I'm doing, Felix does anyway. My endeavors can't fail can they?" She said happily and climbed out of the portrait hole.

The front doors of the school opened for her even though it was growing late, and she headed down past the greenhouses instead of the bridge for no particular reason she could pin.

She could skip with excitement, but thought that might draw too much attention. Lizzie stopped at the sight of Slughorn clipping leaves off of Sprouts tentacular plant. Lizzie walked up to him in full confidence. "Hi professor!" She said a little too enthusiastically. He startled out of his skin and she giggled girlishly at his dumbfounded expression.

"Lizzie! What are you doing? How did you get out of the castle?" He asked dubiously.

"Oh, I'm heading down to Hagrid's, really close friend. Been neglecting him lately," Lizzie explained and walked off toward the hut.

"Lizzie! I can't let you of all people wander out there by yourself, it's getting late," he said.

"Well, by all means come along, sir..." she said with an inviting smile.

He looked confused, but followed her down. "Lizzie, dear, please let's return to the castle," he pled as they walked along the stone pathway down the hill.

Lizzie wrapped her arm in his and continued forward. "You know Hagrid was the first person I met? Soft spot for him, he was ready to bludgeon my uncle to a pulp soon as he looked at him," Lizzie laughed.

"You really hated him I take it?" Slughorn asked.

"Hate isn't the right word... too easy to hate someone...nobody ever scared me more... except myself and dementors. Not even the dark lord..." Lizzie explained.

Lizzie rapped on Hagrid's door but he didn't answer. Buckbeak cocked his head over to a clearing Hagrid was standing in to signal he wasn't inside.

"Buckbeak..." Lizzie said and bowed briefly to head over and give him a pat. "He was Hagrid's until Lucius Malfoy tried to have him executed. Hermione and I saved him and my godfather escaped with him. Gave him back to Hagrid obviously when Sirius died. Goes by Witherwings as far as anyone else is concerned," Lizzie said with a wink. "Ever ridden one?" She asked. Slughorn shook his head in disbelief.

"It's a thrill, only thing better was a dragon…" Lizzie said with a smile. "I don't have the best reputation... lots of detentions, tons of rules and laws broken...but there's always a good reason," she added. Slughorn gave her a curious look and followed her over to where Hagrid was standing.

Lizzie rubbed Hagrid's arm as he stared down at the carcass of a massive Achoranchon. "I'm sorry, Hagrid," Lizzie said sadly. He was sobbing large tears and looked absolutely miserable. Lizzie hugged his arm for support.

"My God, Hagrid, this is the most massive I've ever seen. How on earth did you kill it?" Slughorn asked incredulously.

"Kill him! He was my oldest friend..." Hagrid sobbed.

"Oh... dear man, I'm sorry. Would you like me to say something?" Slughorn asked. Lizzie nodded at him when Hagrid didn't answer.

"He had a family I trust?" Slughorn asked, and Lizzie laughed but nodded fervently at him.

"Farewell..." he started to say.

"Aragog!" Hagrid bellowed.

"Farewell, Argog. Your body will decay, but you spirit will live on in the hearts of all those who loved you. Love is forever, it never dies, and exists in all..." Slughorn continued to ramble as Hagrid broke down in harder sobs. Lizzie helped bury him and set a stone arrangement in the dirt. Hagrid invited them inside as she dusted herself off and they sat down around his table with drinks.

Lizzie poured out some whiskey and Hagrid downed a couple of bottles rather quickly while he chatted with Slughorn about his creatures. Lizzie drank too and watched them interact without much input.

"I once had a fish," Slughorn said. "One morning, I woke up and went downstairs, and the bowl was empty. That's life though, you go about life and then suddenly things just disappear," He added sadly looking at Lizzie with a sense of nostalgia and melancholy.

"My dear, how much have you had?" He asked as Hagrid passed out against the wall and he noticed Lizzie had depleted nearly half a bottle.

"A good amount," Lizzie laughed lightly, looking tired and tipsy.

"We should head back," he said suddenly, looking disoriented and confused by the entire ordeal.

"What kind of fish was it, professor?" She asked.

"It was a little white fish named Francis. One day I came into my office and there was a small bowl with a few inches of water. At the surface of the water was a flower petal. It was a lily petal... It sank in the bowl and transformed when it neared the bottom into a wee fish. Beautiful magic... your mother... the day the bowl was empty... was the morning after she..." he said fighting tears.

"My mother was a lot kinder than I am. She was beautiful in every way. Everyone who knew her tells me how much I...look... like her..." Lizzie started to say.

"I survived because she sacrificed herself for me that night. Because she loved me and wouldn't hand me over to him...old magic..."

"Love was more powerful than the magic he had mastered. It destroyed him, I believe in part because it was not something he ever experienced..." she continued.

"Professor, I know I frighten you... I frighten many... many who knew him especially. He has haunted me my entire life… I've fought his possession with the love she protected me with since the night he killed her..." she explained as her eyes welled. Slughorn stared back at her intently.

"Lizzie - I -" he said barely above a whisper.

"I was coloring with my dad when she saw him from the window. He told her to hide upstairs with me and I watched him fall when we reached the top. The last thing she said to me was that she was sorry, that she loved me, and that she would see me soon," Lizzie said, her face contorted around a cry.

"I didn't know what she meant, and I asked where she was going... she pointed to my heart and said 'right here'..."

"That's where she's stayed. I spent my childhood much like Tom did, without a shred of love. Too much abuse to fathom. Haunted by his ever presence. But she helped me resist it, her love transcended death," Lizzie continued.

"But... it wasn't always enough," she said with a break in her voice that turned into a sob.

"He's made me do some truly horrible things. I could never judge the things he's made people do, professor... He made me kill my best friend...my only friend… only love and friendship I had before this place…" Lizzie admitted. Slughorn stared back horrified and didn't know what to say.

"I am the chosen one, if you were ever skeptical... I'm something entirely of his own making. It's said that I know power that he doesn't, and I believe that to be what my mother left me with the night she died. But that isn't enough to destroy him...It wasn't enough then, and it won't be enough now. I need to know what he asked you about and what you told him. I need to know because it's our only hope of solving... the riddle," she said with an exhale and intent stare in his direction. He seemed to be lost in her eyes.

"Your eyes... Lizzie... hers were never as sad as yours," he said cautiously. "Please don't think ill of me...he was... well... you know him..." he said and pulled a memory strand into a glass vile.

Lizzie squeezed his arm warmly and wiped away stray tears. "You, darling, really ought to get to bed," he said, and gathered his things. Lizzie patted Fang's head and then tapped Hagrid's face to get him conscious enough to fall into bed. Slughorn walked with her up to the castle in silence.

"Thank you, sir..." she said when they parted ways at the main corridor. She made it up to Gryffindor Tower with a bit of a stumble. Hermione and Ron were waiting up, Lizzie nodded to them that she got it from him and they both exhaled a sigh of relief.

"You been drinking?" Ron asked. Lizzie nodded.

"Aragog's funeral," she said. "I'm going to go to bed..." Hermione followed her upstairs.

That night a series of images ran through her head like an endless freight train. Nothing could be made out except flashes of how each of those girls died and what was done with them. It was hard to distinguish one from the next. There was an underbelly of desperation as though he wasn't doing it for sadistic pleasure, but to rid himself of them. Each made him colder and more cruel. Each robbed him of whatever mercy was left in him, whatever hesitation he may have had to take a life, whatever means to an end.