The clutch of anticipation almost locked her fingers on the stock but she forced a breath to relax. It was all about training. Overcoming the instinct to freeze or fly or fight so the body could move forward in measured paces. The instincts drilled and honed until they were the second nature over adrenaline or primal reactions.

She relied on them now.

Pacing down the corridor, the sound of her boots on the floor nothing compared to the thunder of her heart under her ribs, she kept her gun tight to her shoulder. The pressure there relaxed her, reminded her of the power she held almost like a shield. A power she could use to even a playing field if it came to that.

Clearing another corridor led her to a door and she wrapped her fingers around the knob. Counting three she opened it and swept the room quickly. Only one person stood in her way, sitting in a winged-back chair before an empty fireplace.

"I was wondering when you'd come."

Anna opened her eyes, jerking awake before she saw the face of the man speaking in her dream. Shaking herself, she frowned and measured her surroundings. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the identical twin beds, the compulsory television, and a bathroom nook just off a front door with clearly displayed fire exit instructions. Even turning to the bedside table revealed a Bible in the top drawer with another book she barely shrugged at before closing the drawer.

The snap alerted someone from the bathroom and she immediately tensed as a man emerged from the bathroom. Before her hand even wrapped around the phone, the jack already hanging loose before she realized it would leave the phone free as a weapon, the man raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry. I meant to be in the chair when you woke up but I had a shower and…"

"Where am I?"

"A hotel." He shrugged, pointing to the notepad next to the phone. "A Marriot, if you're especially picky about your options."

Anna studied the man, frowning as images reformed in her brain. "You're John, right? That's your name?"

"It is. Good memory." John pointed at the chair, adjusting his robe. "Mind if I sit?"

"Doesn't bother me." Anna shifted on the bed, moving the blankets away before searching the room for the aircon. "But why are we in a hotel?"

"I thought it best."

"Because you don't have a house?" Anna crossed the room and cranked the aircon before peeking through the curtains to ascertain her position in the city.

"Because I thought taking you to my home would set the wrong message." John shuffled in his seat, checking to keep his robe covering himself. "And I was pretty wasted so I didn't trust my Hindi with a taxi driver to get me home."

Anna snorted, sitting on the edge of the other bed as she checked over her clothes and her hair. "I'm impressed."

"Why?"

"I've never had someone out drink me."

"I didn't." John shook his head and gave a little laugh of his own.

"No?"

"No. I passed out before you did but I woke up before you… To a rather impressive collection of bottles and glasses around us."

"And there I was thinking that glass would be my last." Anna moved her tongue around her mouth before checking the ice container to chuck a few into her mouth to remove the dry taste. "So much for hoping to start my sobriety on a high note."

"Whatever your plans were, the bartender was insistent we get out of there so I got us out of the bar before he called the police." John pointed to the floor. "It's the bar below us, by the way."

"Good." Anna sighed, grabbing the ice container and bringing it to the bed to keep chewing on the pieces. "Been awhile since I was well and truly sloshed."

"Me too." John turned toward the door when someone knocked on it. "One moment."

Anna watched him go, crunching on more ice, and took advantage of his back to plug the phone jack back into the phone and ensure it sat properly in its cradle. Tucking the bucket of ice between her legs, Anna surveyed the room again as John came back with a tray. As he laid it on the end of the bed Anna paused in her chewing of ice to inspect the tray before swallowing.

"Is this a 'thank you'?"

"Sorry?" Anna nodded at the tray and John shook his head. "No. It's to try and help us both wake up a bit."

"Because nothing happened between us?"

"I don't usually sleep with inebriated women." John took one of the cups off the tray, blowing on it before sipping at it. "Ruins the experience."

"Because they can't tell you how good you were the next morning?"

"Because I don't enjoy sleeping with someone who can't remember my name." John shrugged, "It's also some heavily questionable consent."

"The last of the true gentlemen."

"Your bar for what makes a gentlemen must be exceptionally low." John nodded at the tray. "I didn't know what you wanted for breakfast so I just ordered a bunch of different things. Take whatever you want."

"If the bar for gentleman was not sleeping with me while drunk, then I think I need a new word for someone who provides breakfast the morning after without sex." Anna reached for some of the food, putting the ice bucket to the side. "Why'd you rescue me from the bar anyway?"

"Should I not've?"

"I didn't say that." Anna handled a piece of naan before biting into it. "I asked why you did when you don't owe me anything."

"The question, posed by a philosopher, is what do we owe each other."

"It's 'what we owe to each other' and it's called contractualism." Anna shrugged at John's raised eyebrows. "I may've read the book by Scanlon once."

"Just once?"

"I wouldn't put it on my list of best reads." Anna sat back, picking for another piece of ice to crunch. "And I needed something to try and get me on track. I thought philosophy would help steady the nerves."

"You mentioned something about that last night."

Anna froze, "I did?"

"Yeah." John nodded, "You had this quote you referenced."

"What quote?"

"Uh…" John closed his eyes, face scrunching a moment as if digging for the answer in the recesses of his brain, and snapped his fingers when they flew open. "You said, 'Do you know what it is like to lie in bed, awake with thoughts to haunt you every night, of all your past mistakes? Knowing sleep will set it right, if you were not to wake.' And I found that rather… beautiful in its sadness."

"You sound like a poet."

"I do teach English Literature so that's not really surprising." He settled a second, "And I didn't know what it meant, to you, but I happen to think Lang Leav hit it right on the money with the depth of that question."

"I was more of a fan of Orwell myself." Anna chewed at the naan for another moment. "The idea that, 'Those who abjure violence can do so only because others are committing violence on their behalf' and all that."

"Sounds vaguely military."

"I was in the Royal Marines." Anna sat back against the headboard. "And it's true. "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf'. Ungrateful blighters."

"And women." Anna frowned and John clarified. "The quote. It only mentions men but assuming you mean yourself as one ready to do violence, it should include women as well. Yes?"

"Sure." Anna shrugged, "How would that go over in your classes?"

"Better than admitting I got rip-roaring drunk in a hotel bar with a stranger and then discussed the philosophy of being with her while wearing a bathrobe."

"Yes, wouldn't want to give them the wrong impression that you got lucky when, by your own admission, neither of us got more than a hangover." Anna checked for more ice and sighed to find the bucket empty. "I need to hydrate. Or else I'm going to look an absolutely picture of shit-faced at work."

"You've got work today?"

Anna nodded, "Yep. Last night was a farewell to drinking and a hope that this'll be the start of a new chapter of my life. One I hope is a bit less eventful than the last one."

"Not something you'd want to talk about with a stranger, I'm guessing."

"I had to meet with a therapist yesterday who was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger to me and yet I bared part of my soul to her." Anna let her head knock back against the headboard. "Honestly though, I don't want to remember that chapter so telling it over again defeats the point of me being on the point of inebriation for the past several weeks."

"And you're still standing?"

"I've got a very strong liver."

"All evidence to the support of that." John checked his watch before looking around. "I know we only shared a drunken evening I barely remember and a hotel room, but I'd like to offer you something, if you're willing."

"If it's a chance to have sex with you, I'll probably pass because I don't like the idea of adding insult to injury if I sleep with you when I'm so obviously off my tits."

"It wasn't that." John shook his head, "Although I'm flattered you'd think so."

"Why not? You're an attractive man who bought me breakfast."

John gave a little laugh, "Fair point. But that wasn't the question."

"What is the question?"

"If you're going cold turkey, and I've little doubt about your resolve on that point, I'd like to offer you a chance to join me at AA."

Anna blinked, "You want me to go to AA with you? As a date?"

"No, as friends in a common cause."

"Sober companions?"

"Sure, if you like."

Anna chewed the inside of her cheek a moment before shrugging. "Well my therapist recommended AA, said there are two chapters right here in Mumbai, and I could see the benefit of me having a friend there. Someone to keep me honest in the meetings while my boss keeps me honest outside them."

"Your boss got you to go to AA?"

"She's also one of my oldest friends. We went to Secondary School together, joined the Royal Marines together, and then got jobs in the same industry so…"

"Then how'd she get to be your superior?"

"There's a touch of nepotism to it but she's always been more for management than me." Anna paused, "I'm better at sales. By far better at being out in the field doing work than behind a desk."

"What kind of work?"

"Now? Import-Export for a trade office. I handle, or will handle when I actually clock in for the first time, the Indian Sub-continent and South East Asia for the sale of nutraceutical ingredients for all the naïve and desperate women hoping to live healthier lives with their collection of essential oils." Anna snorted, "Mostly we're just selling saffron and ashwagandha at exorbitant prices to the gullible."

"Sounds exhausting."

"It's a living. And it was a bit more fun when there was a bit of travel involved but now I'm an office worker and I've got to get used to it." Anna patted at her pockets, frowning, "Where's my phone?"

"Charging." John pointed to the table and Anna pushed herself off the bed to check it. "Turns out the night manager here is very helpful. Get me two cords for our phones and I've even got a basic shave kit. I thought about asking for makeup but I didn't want to seem presumptuous or suggest anything."

"Probably best, since I definitely need to shower and change at my…" Anna stopped, her frown only deepening as she read one of the messages. "House."

"You've got a place here?"

"Not yet." Anna tapped out her reply before putting the phone in her pocket and rolling the charger around her fingers. "I've now got to do the walk of shame to my friend's place. And probably explain where I've been."

"Would any of this surprise her?"

"The part where I didn't sleep with you might." Anna stopped. "I hope that's not a turn off for you."

"Why would it matter?"

"Because I do hope, one day, maybe, that you and I might consider the idea of maybe sleeping together."

"Because you find me attractive?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"I couldn't even get my ex-wife to stick around."

"Her loss." Anna surveyed the room before digging her phone from her pocket again to hand it over to John. "For those AA meetings. Who knows how often I'll need to contact my sober companion."

"Fair." John put in his information and handed Anna back the phone. "Send me a text and I'll have your contact info too. In case I need my sober companion as well."

"I doubt you, John Bates," Anna made an approving sound as she tapped out the required message and tucked her phone away again. "Would have too many worries there."

"What makes you say that?"

"You seem like the type of person who does the right thing because it's the right thing to do. That kind of iron will usually lends itself well to sobriety. You'll stay sober because it's what you want to do."

"You make me sound impervious."

"It's impressive."

"Thank you." John flexed his jaw before nodding toward the bathroom. "If you wanted to shower here, you could."

"I'm not changing right back into these clothes."

"Given they're in better shape than most of the clothes I've had to help the drunk and disorderly out of," John stood, shrugging. "They're not bad."

"You've assisted many of the drunk and disorderly?"

"You're not the only one with a history in the armed forces."

"I do hope you're not about to embarrass us both and tell me you were in the Navy."

"Army, actually."

"I can handle that." Anna checked the time and scowled. "And, for as much as I'd love to continue this conversation, I think it's past my curfew."

"Probably mine too." John extended a hand, "It was a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." Anna paused, her hand still in mid-air after their handshake. "But the awkward part of this… not-date, is that I can't go dutch with you on the bill for this room."

"You paid for all the drinks last night."

"With what money?"

John gave a bigger laugh than the others that morning. "I'm not sure you've realized, because some women don't, but you're attractive. You were just the right kind of buzzed to get us drinks all night. At least a dozen different men tried to compete with you and when they lost you won… All of our drinks."

"I guess I still had it to the end." Anna gave a self-satisfied smile. "Does that make up for my share of the room?"

"Since I passed out first it does." John grabbed for his phone, "I'll text you the date and time, if you don't mind me taking the initiative."

"Not at all." Anna checked the room. "If I've got everything I came with then I'll be on my way before someone reports me missing."

"Like your boss?"

"She'd be the first." Anna pulled out her wallet, "Think a fiver's going to get me anywhere I need to go?"

"Depends on how good you are at haggling."

"If I could get us an evening of free drinks then I can't be that bad." Anna winked at him, "Be seeing you John Bates."

"Be seeing you Ms. Smith."

Anna left the hotel and managed to find a taxi driver with a rate she could afford that put her at Mary's building within an hour. But it took more than a few arguments with the door man and then the desk clerk before Mary finally emerged from the lift to save Anna from a discussion about spending a day in a cell if the police were called. They crowded into the lift together and Anna sighed against the back wall.

"How smashed are you?"

"I'm more hydrated now than I normally am under similar circumstances and I've actually got something in my stomach."

Mary eyed her, "You fed yourself the day after one of your binges?"

"No, the lovely man I got drunk with fed me. He also put us both up in a hotel to sleep it off so that was new. And very nice."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Not this time." Anna gave Mary a smile. "But I might in the future. We're going to AA together and we're going to be one another's sober companions."

"You can't be serious."

"As the plague." Anna cringed, "Maybe not the best joke. timing being everything and all that right?"

"Anna," Mary pinched the bridge of her nose as the doors to the lift opened. "I don't think I fully stressed to you, yesterday, the level of scrutiny you're under."

"And I told you, yesterday, that I did understand it. That's why I'm going to AA. Why last night was the last night I'm getting drunk. Or drinking, to be fair." Anna followed Mary to the door of the flat and then inside. "If you didn't believe me then you should've stopped me before I did it."

"Did you tell him anything about your work?"

"I'm not an idiot Mary."

"So you didn't tell him anything?"

"I told him the story I tell everyone about what I do. This isn't my first time 'round this maypole." Anna turned a slow circle around the room. "This place doesn't look lived in at all. How long've you been here?"

"I'm not here. I'm in the one next door." Mary jangled the keys before dropping them into Anna's surprised hand. "You're here so I can keep an eye on you. When you're out from under your probation period then you can get whatever kind of place you like. Until then you're stuck under my supervision."

"When did you graduate to being my babysitter?"

"When you went and met a man on your first night on the town."

"Who doesn't know anything." Anna sank onto the sofa and winced, "What kind of seat is this? It's like…"

"A thin cushion covering a wooden plank?" Mary smiled and Anna scowled back as she confirmed what Mary said. "When you've actually got money then you can buy your own furniture. All of this is second-hand."

"I'm not really feeling the welcome wagon being rolled out here."

"Anna," Mary perched on the edge of the coffee table. "I want you to succeed. But too many people want to treat you with kid gloves or wrap you in cotton wool after what you've been through."

"Not you?"

"I'd be doing you a disservice. You and I both know it." Mary interlaced her fingers to set her joined hands between her slightly parted legs. "According to the reports I read, about your psychiatric evaluations, you haven't slept well in months.

"You're not here about my sleeping habits."

"No. I'm here about your alcoholism, your nightmares, and the fact you've not cried or expressed any emotions about any of it."

"The robot look not doing it for you?"

"Not any more than the lazy drunk or the satirical joker." Mary stared Anna down until Anna broke the gaze and shifted in place and stared out toward the tiny balcony beyond French doors. "These aren't you Anna. You're not an emotionless person or a deflector but that's what you've become. It's what you're showing them and what you've showed me."

"And you don't like it?"

"Not when I know the real Anna Smith." Mary stood. "Talk to me about what happened or not, that's not my concern. I read the after-actions on those missions and I've read the evaluations from our psychiatrists."

"They tell you anything?" Anna continued to stare out at the crowded, choking city.

"Only that you're not yourself. That you've not been yourself for a long time and my father was wrong to think you were ready for Operation Forest. I told him then but you insisted and he couldn't stand to think you were damaged."

"But you knew I was."

"I hoped you knew yourself enough to get through it. But when you didn't, and then jumped off the deep end…" Mary shook her head. "Operation Forest should've been a wake-up call but it wasn't until you busted Barrow's arm that anyone noticed."

"No one likes to think they're to blame." Anna stood, pacing toward the French doors, and folded her arms over her chest. "Why not just call it the Green case? That's what Dr. Hughes called it yesterday."

"Because I don't think it's that simple. I never did. You were… What happened in Ukraine ripped you open and Green just took advantage of that to split you in half." Mary's paused almost had Anna turning but she forced herself to keep focusing forward, on memorizing the skyline. "I can't change the past and neither can you. But I know you're not yourself. You're hiding. And I don't need to know the details or the various and in sundry reasons why. I just need to know you're serious about being here. About healing. About attending those meetings. About being an agent who might, one day, get to go back out into the field and work again."

"Maybe I shouldn't." Anna pivoted to face Mary. "Maybe I don't want to do that anymore. Maybe I shouldn't do it anymore."

"Is that what you want?"

"It's what I discussed with Dr. Hughes yesterday."

"And?"

Anna shrugged, "I don't know what I want, Mary. This is the only job I've ever been good at. The only thing I knew how to do after I left the Marines. I've got nothing else but this. No safety net, no backup plan, no… This is it. And if I can't do this then… Then what do I do? Who am I without this?"

"I don't know." Mary scrubbed a hand over her face. "All I know is that I won't treat you with kid gloves. Friend or no, we've got a job to do."

"I'm aware."

"And I won't let a tryst with some idiot you met at a bar ruin that. Attractive or otherwise." Mary pursed her lips before pulling out her phone. "What's his name?"

"Who?"

"The bloke from the bar."

"He's doesn't…" Anna huffed and rolled her eyes. "John Bates. Roughly forty… forty-two, maybe. About fifteen maybe sixteen stone. Brown hair with a hint of gray around the ears. Crows feet. Brown eyes with… maybe green or hazel in them. Nice smile. Definitely got wrinkles from smiling. Teaches English Literature. Served in the Army at some point. Has an ex-wife somewhere."

She blinked as Mary stared at her. "What?"

"You got all that?"

"I was drunk Mary, not useless. And he told me most of it over breakfast, about himself, and the rest I go when I stared at him."

"This is him then?" Mary held her phone out and Anna nodded. "We'll keep a monitor on him. Make sure he doesn't contact anyone."

"He's going to contact me about an AA meeting."

"He's going sober too?"

"So he said." Anna shrugged, "Give me a tail if you want but I'll go to the meeting with him. It'll keep me honest."

"I can't fault someone trying to do that." Mary tucked her phone away again. "Your things, what of them you have, are in the bedroom. Get a shower, change your clothes, and knock on unit eight when you're ready."

"Taking me into the office?"

"I need to make sure we can run an SDR."

"In this city?"

"Especially in this city." Mary gave Anna what almost seemed a pitying smile. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"It doesn't show?"

"I can't tell with you anymore."

Anna nodded, "I did. Better than I have in awhile and it wasn't because I was drunk."

"No?"

"I wasn't drinking to forget last night, Mary. I was drinking to celebrate and…" Anna paused, "I woke up from a nightmare but it wasn't as bad as some've been."

"Then you're ready to work?"

"Whatever gets me going again makes me ready." Anna checked the bedroom. "I'd better get going or my boss'll get me for being late on the first day."

"I hear she's an unforgiving bitch." Mary winked at Anna before leaving the flat.

"Only sometimes." Anna muttered before grabbing one of her bags. "Where did I leave my shoes?"