Not thrilled with this chapter yeah me either but it's driving me nuts because it's a bridge to the conclusion of the story so love it or hate it. This is the best I can do for right now. Am going to step back for a few days. Then I may fix it.

I was conned into joining myspace dot com by my evil friends join me won't you if you are also there. I promise you can all be my friends since right now I only have Tom. It's corrin paul you're looking for. My blog is um something else lol

I understand that people often dislike mid-story flashbacks; I myself love them. Sorry I realize that makes the story difficult to follow but to once again be truthful I just write for my own amusement and if I can follow it I write it. Later when this is all done I'll revise, fix words that are wrong and the time line. I'll probably shrink the entries into 10 chapters then. We'll see. Three days trying to load this and finally just now it worked

Ok well enjoy

The knock on his door was hesitant this time, but still he knew it was her once again. It was only a matter of time till she returned to face him. Scarlett O'Hara was many things, but a coward wasn't one of them.

He stood and crossed to the door and admitted Scarlett who looked up at him expectantly.

"Scarlett?"

"Rhett, you've something of mine, I meant to ask for it when I was here earlier." Straight, direct, and to the point. There was no sign of the southern belle simper that for years had been her most readily employed weapon. She was a lady now, he could finally see that. Being around her these last two days had shown him that. She hadn't kept his child from him to hurt him because of some childish feelings of anger. She had acted in what she thought to be the best manner for the happiness of her child. Their child.

"Your journal?"

Her demeanor of calm slid away as she ventured further into his room. "May I have it?"

"No."

She spun to face him, "What do you mean by no."

"Just that, no. But I will say it makes enthralling reading material."

"You read my journal, my private thoughts." She laughed coldly, "I've known you were an eavesdropper for a long time, but a snoop too. You've added to your resume."

"I believe you meant for me to read it."

"I never intended you to read my journal." She retorted, the venom in her words was forced though. Secretly she was curious, what had he though while reading her journal? Was he still angry with her because of her concealing Bess's existence? Regardless though to read her journal so causally, her journal, which she'd shared with no one, not even Bertie.

Rhett crossed to the settee and picked up the journal. Scarlett lunged forward to take it from him but he sidestepped her, as gracefully as a dance master. He thumbed to the entry detailing the days before the birth of her daughter…their daughter in fact. He had to surprise a smile at the words their daughter.

He cleared his throat gently and began to read aloud, ignoring her rising blush of indignation at being lectured by her own words.

"I've told Bertie that if I die then he'll have to send the letter I've written to Rhett. It explains everything. I've told him to enclose this journal as well. Maybe it will explain my actions and my heart if he reads these pages. How can I keep this baby a secret? He deserves to know him or her…though I agree with Ella of course this baby is a girl. I wish things were different, if only he weren't married I could swallow my pride and beg him to come. Oh Rhett, I need you so. We both do."

He closed the book and reluctantly handed it to her. There was quite a bit more to read, but she was correct in one thing, she'd never meant for him to read her journal while she was still living.

She walked away from him to gaze out on the grounds. Her back was straight and her head was held high. "I did need you then, I don't anymore."

He crossed to her and stood close enough to touch her though there was no contact between them. Each was painfully aware of the other's proximity. He wanted to simply reach out and take her in his arms. To take her to his bed and ignore their problems at least for a short time. "Where's my letter?"

She didn't try to stonewall him, if he had read even a little of her journal he knew how much she'd changed since they'd parted company in Charleston. "I didn't die so Bertie didn't send it"

"Do you still have it?"

"It won't change anything."

"I'd like to hear it."

She looked at him incredulously, and then shook her head. "No."

"What harm can it do," he asked.

"What good could it do?" she countered.

He shrugged "I've always enjoyed deathbed confessions. Yours must have been pure Scarlett."

She tugged on his sleeve forcing him to face her. "You think you can goad me into whatever it is you want me to do. If you taunt me you can control the direction I take my life in? The great Rhett Butler controlling the stars of little ole me. You really want to hear my letter. Fine." She turned to the last two pages of the journal. "I wrote the rough draft in here. I don't know what happened to the actual letter but I'm sure you'll get the general idea.

Darling Rhett,

It feels strange to be writing you in such a final manner but I had things that need to be said and I don't believe I'll see you again in this life to say them firsthand. I owe you an explanation for my actions; I acted out of distrust and out of fear. Fear of you and of the unknown. I left America carrying your child, the result of our last encounter. I had decided to tell you about the baby when I reached France, but I received the news of your marriage to Anne and decided to take my secrets to the grave. Now I find the grave yawning in front of me and it's time to unburden my heart and soul to you.

I love you, despite the harsh words and the broken heart I carry I love you. I lusted after Ashley in a way that I finally see was childish admiration taken miles to far. I never met my equal till you and for that and a thousand varied reasons it's you I've truly loved all along. I love you and will till my last breath is drawn. Come now Rhett don't you find the irony in these words to be overwhelming. Once again Scarlett O'Hara is confessing her love to a married man. I love you with all of my heart and soul.

Our child will be in the care of Albert the Prince of Wales who has promised to deliver these words and my journal. He promises to care for her till you can make arrangements to come for her. I know our child to be a girl, in my heart of hearts I know. Just as I know that I love you and will for all the days that remain to me.

Remember me and tell our daughter only the good and I know that in rare moments there was good. Our time together is in the past and your future is an unknown road. But as is often said by wits and wags "All the past is not a diminishing road but, instead, a huge meadow which no winter ever quite touches, divided by the narrow bottle-neck of the most recent decade of years."

Care for our child, love her, and protect her. And know that I died loving only you.

Only yours.

Scarlett O'Hara Butler

Scarlett blinked back quick tears. She'd forgotten how much she'd ached for him in those last days of her pregnancy when the Doctors had whispered behind their hands that the Prince's mistress might not survive childbirth. She would have moved heaven and earth to have him near her then. And now he was so close that she could smell those scents that she had always associated with her father and later Rhett. Fine cigars, quality brandy, and an undertone of leather and polish. Those smells had always been a comfort to her. In her deepest moments of agony they had sustained and calmed her.

Suddenly her head came up sharply and she turned to face him. His own expression was hard to gauge. It was one of quiet contemplation as though he was trying to prolong the spell her supposed last words had woven. Where had she been, in agony, and smelled the scent that she had always subconsciously associated with Rhett?

"You were there, weren't you? "

His face clouded in confusion but before he could open his mouth she plunged ahead.

"After I lost the baby, when I was unconscious? I always assumed you didn't want me, didn't care. You never said that you'd come to me so I simply believed that you never did." When he didn't answer her she declared again firmly "You were there."

He nodded to buy himself a few moments. He didn't trust his voice not to falter and he didn't want to appear weak before her. "Yes, I came to see you after your fall."

"How many times?"

"Does it matter?"

She nodded "Yes, it matters to me. It's why Melly told me told me to be kind to you, because you loved me so. I just thought she meant in general, but she had a specific example didn't she."

"Yes."

Scarlett stood there silently waiting for him to say something, anything about anything. The silence was beginning to fray her already overwrought nerves. "Can't you say anything to me?"

Rhett walked away from her and settled in the armchair Scarlett had occupied yesterday while they discussed her new life. Now it was his turn to be seated and to discuss a time in their marriage he'd hoped to never have to revisit again. "Why don't you sit down and we'll talk, please."

Scarlett reluctantly perched on the edge of the window seat. He raised an eyebrow at her choice of seating and she shrugged delicately.

"That wasn't quite what I meant, but no matter."

"When did you see me?"

Rhett tented his hands into a steeple and began to speak. " At first I thought you were dead, it was such a tremendous fall and I took the stairs two at a time to reach you at the bottom. When I reached the bottom I realized you were still breathing so I gathered you in my arms and yelled for Mammy or anyone to come. Your chest was rising and falling and I couldn't take my eyes off of it because it was the only indication that you were still alive. You…you spoke once and then lost consciousness." He dreaded the question he knew would come, but the answer came unbidden from his lips in a horse voice he could scarcely recognize as his own. So before she could ask her question he answered it. "You said 'No, don't take my baby. Do you remember that?"

She shook her head "I remember you calling for Mammy and holding me. I don't remember saying anything."

"I waited for Doctor Mede at the bottom of the stairs while I held you. When he came he told me to pick you up and I carried you upstairs. You were so white and your lips were blue from shock. You moaned once when I jostled you and again when I laid you on the bed. By then Mrs. Meade and Miss Melly had arrived as well as Dr. Wiley. They ordered me out and I went in my bedroom and closed the door. I kept replaying what we'd said to one another…what I said to you. I told you'd have an accident and then you did. I kept thinking the last words I said to you were so cruel that you'd never know how I …" his composure broke and his head dropped forward. He sat there in silence, cradling his face in his hands.

She hated him sometimes, she feared his anger at what she'd done, but she still loved him and her resolve to keep herself from him melted to see him look so broken. Before she could consider the ramifications she flung herself from the window seat and practically flew across the room. Before she knew how she was in his arms and he held her so tightly she was nearly breathless. He was whispering things to her that she'd thought she'd imagined the first time he'd said them.

"I love you, you're my life, I thought I'd killed you and when I finally raised the courage to go to you, you didn't respond. I called your name and you only cried quietly. I tried to tell you I was sorry, that it was an accident, that I loved you. But you just cried and I couldn't bear to hurt you again so I shut myself up in my room. I thought you'd die and it would be my fault entirely. I love you, I've always loved you…" He continued in the same vein for a time before pulling her closer and burying his lips in her hair.

His words were a jumble and she could hardly believe that Rhett Butler; so polished and in control of himself could lose his iron grip on himself. Except when Bonnie died she'd never seen Rhett show hurt or despair and now she could see that behind his mockery and dismissive attitude he had only been protecting his heart, from her.

She could feel the tears that had threatened to spill earlier course down her cheeks. She loved him with all of her heart and he loved her. What else mattered except that?

"Oh Rhett, I love you. I've missed you so much…" She meant to say more but his lips found hers and she instead wrapped her arms around his neck as he kissed her breathless.

His insistent mouth was parting her shaking lips, sending wild tremors along her nerves, evoking from her sensations she never thought she'd feel again. Her hands raked through his hair and she could feel his hands scorch her skin through her chemise and thin white cambric riding shirt.

His lips slid to her ear and her alternated between kissing her throat and murmuring endearments. Her head fell back as she gave herself over to the sensations he caused to spill over her.

He spoke only once more before carrying her to his bed "I never stopped loving you Scarlett Butler and I never will."