A/N : Ok this chapter goes in order there is no skipping forward and going back. And it goes by date not time. And Derek and Addison's parts are kinda together, mostly. Are we confused enough yet?

This chapter is named after All I Want for Christmas is You, which everyone has a version of (I like the one from Love Actually) although I seriously considered Christmas Without You, or A Christmas to Remember both by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton ( I LOVE Dolly Parton, I am not even kidding, it's sick really). All three pertain to this chapter... actually Addison's part is really All I Want for Christmas is You, Meredith's is Christmas Without You, and Derek's is A Christmas to Remember, so basically this chapter has three titles.

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December

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December 22nd

Addison

"This is getting ridiculous." Addison groaned trying to work out the kinks in her neck.

"At least the trailer has a real mattress," Derek groaned back, twisting and turning, trying to fix his back. "Could you slip this disk back into place?"

"Not that it matters," Addison muttered, ignoring his request.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that we are living like roommates."

"What?"

"Sex Derek. Sex."

"Addy."

"All I am saying is that I would be much more excepting of sleeping on the floor if it was because we couldn't make it to the bed."

"It was your idea to stay at the apartment." Derek tried to stretch again, "Please, my back."

"Seriously Derek? Try to focus on the point here."

"Did my favorite couple not get their morning coffee." Webber asked jovially.

"Let's just say that 4 nights on an air mattress are starting to take their toll on my spine."

"And my neck," Addison added as she walked away.

"Addy, my back. Please, for the love of God." Derek almost begged.

"Jesus Derek," Addison walked briskly over and not so gently, cracked Dereks back, "Better Dear?"

"Thank you Sweetheart."

December 22nd

Meredith

"Still not talking to me?"

Meredith tried not to listen as Derek spoke to his wife.

"I don't really have anything to say to you right now," Addison retorted, one hand on her hip.

"Do you even remember what we are fighting about?"

"Yes," she raised an eyebrow.

"Right," Derek blushed slightly.

"Your blushing Dr. Shepherd." Dr. Webber remarked as he walked by, "and your standing under the mistletoe."

Derek, Addison and Meredith all looked to the ceiling above Addison and Derek.

Addison smirked slightly, seemingly daring Derek to kiss her.

Derek took the dare, leaning forward and kissing her cheek. He started to walk away, and Meredith started to breath a sigh of relief, when Addison took Dereks hand forcing him to look at her again. Meredith tried and failed to look away as Derek walked back and kissed Addison quickly but firmly on the lips.

"I'm still not talking to you," Addison called over her shoulder as she smiled and walked in Meredith's direction.

Addison saw Meredith and paused.

"Sorry. I didn't know you where standing there."

"It's ok. You don't need to apologize."

"Don't I?"

"No. I don't care what you and Derek do."

"Your a horrible liar Meredith," Addison said with a gentel laugh as she touched her shoulder and walked away, "I'll stay out of your way."

December 23rd

Derek

Derek lay awake waiting.

2:37am

If it was going to happen it would happen soon. He lay there and watched Addison. She looked so peaceful.

She breathing slowly started to get shallower.

Damnit, Derek thought.

He ran his hand across her cheek, "Shhhh," he whispered softly, "It's ok," he assured her as he continued to caress her cheek and hair.

Sometimes that was all it would take. She would calm down and sleep peacefully the rest of the night. This was not one of those nights.

Her breathing got rapid. She began to tremble.

"Addison," Derek sighed as he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.

"Derek?"

"Your awake," Derek released her slightly, unwilling to let her go until she had stopped shaking.

"Yeah," she whispered uncertainly as she pulled away from Derek and pulled the blankets close around her.

"You ok?"

"Ya," Addison said uncertainly. "Thanks for..."

"It's ok." Derek smiled slightly, "Go back to sleep."

Addison continued to stare at him, "Has it been happening alot? The nightmares?"

"Not to often," Derek answered honestly, "and they don't usually get to bad. Do you not remember them in the morning?"

Addison stared at the ceiling"No. I just wake up feeling... alone, and scared, and... empty." She turned to look him in the eye, "You wake up to wait for them? Still?"

Derek smiled, "I can't sleep if you are going to toss and turn half the night." he teased, "Go back to sleep."

Addison nodded, still shook up.

"Addison?"

"Yeah?" she whispered.

"I know they were getting worse befor," Derek wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to the question he was about ask, "Did they... after I... left?"

Addison didn't answer, she just looked away.

"I'm sorry." Derek mumered.

"Hey," Addison reached over and rested her hand on her husbands cheek, "Don't worry about me. I'll be ok. I'm pretty tough."

Your not nearly as tough as you think you are Addy.

December 23rd

Meredith

"I hate the holidays." Meredith groaned as she watched some nurses decorate for Christmas.

"Of course you hate the holidays," Cristina said sitting down beside her holding a cup of awful smelling liquid, "Your bitter. Bitterness and Christmas cheer do not belong together."

"Speaking of bitterness, what are you drinking? It's making me nauseous."

"Cider. Burke made it, and as his girlfriend I am being supportive and drinking it. As the human being whose taste buds are being tortured, I am thinking it needs a lot of rum."

"Meredith!"

Meredith looked up to see Adele Webber barreling down the hall carrying several large books.

"Adele." Meredith grinned, allowing herself to be embraced by the older woman, "I missed you the last few times you were in the hospital."

"Avoiding me more like it," Adele grinned and turned to Cristina, "I have stories about Meredith as a child..."

"Adele, this is Cristina Yang." Meredith said, desperate to change the subject.

"Preston's girlfriend?" Adele asked giving Cristina a once over.

"Yes..." Cristina answered, desperate to change the subject back, "So stories about Meredith?"

"I have pictures in here of Burke when he was first starting out, and a few of Meredith as a toddler," Adele set the books, which were actually large photo albums, on the counter, "I brought these over for Richard, he is putting together a slide show for New Years Eve, but your not suppose to know about that. Here we go. Look at that hair."

"Wow." Cristina snickered, "If I ever need to black mail him I will know where to go."

"Oh I have copies." Adele said with a smile, "take one."

Cristina's smile couldn't have gotten bigger if a gory surgery was offered, "I'm going to go weasel my way into some surgeries that I don't deserve. Mrs. Webber, you are my new best friend."

Adele smiled as Cristina almost skipped off, "They seem like two of a kind."

"They are," Meredith agreed, "What else do you have in there? There must be a few embarrassing ones of the Chief."

"Oh I don't know about that," Adele laughed, "But I do have some of your mother in here." Adele opened another book, "Here, these ones are about 10 years old I think."

Meredith felt the bile rise in her throat. They were wedding picture. Derek and Addison's wedding pictures. Her mother, Derek, Addison and Richard stood together, arms around each other, Addison and Derek looking happily into each others eyes.

"My mother was at the Shepherds wedding?"

"Oh yes." Adele reminisced, "Oh it was the most beautiful wedding. Richard gave Addison away, her father left when she was very young you know, and her stepfather had just passed away. Heartbreaking. Anyway, they were SO happy. Your mother gave the most beautiful speech at the reception... though I can't for the life of me remember what she said, but everyone was in tears."

"Adele?" Addison came up the hall behind them. "I didn't know you were coming in today."

Meredith tried to make herself invisible.

"I was just showing Meredith some old pictures of her mother and we came across some of your wedding photo's."

A look of horror quickly passed over Addison's face. "Adele," she said quickly, closing the album "Meredith doesn't want to see pictures of us looking like fools. Do you remember some of the fashion disasters we committed back then." Addison ushered Adele towards Richard's office. "I'm sorry." she whispered to Meredith as she brushed by.

"What was that all about?" Tyler asked, joining a dumbfounded Meredith at the counter.

"Addison. She is trying to make it as hard as possible for me to hate her."

December 24th

Meredith

"What you doing here?" Meredith asked in surprise.

"Izzie invited me over," Tyler pushed his way past Meredith and into the house.

"Izzie isn't here. You have luggage."

"She invited me to spend Christmas with you guys. She didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Oh. Where is the liquor."

"On the coffee table."

"Excellent." Tyler pulled Meredith into the living room with him, "Let the holiday drinking games begin."

4 hours later

"Holy Jesus in a Manger. What happened?" Izzie and Alex looked in amazement to see Meredith and Tyler in there pajama's, half sitting, half laying, half in the living room, half in the hall. Drunk. Very Drunk.

"We are playing games," Meredith explained, trying very hard not to slur her words and failing miserably, "Every time someone sings Christmas, you take a drink." Meredith indicated the stereo, which was indeed playing christmas carols, with a wide sweeping gesture aimed nowhere near the actual location of the stereo.

"Wow." George said joining the group. "They are drunk."

"Thanks for the update George." Alex muttered rolling his eyes, "What do we do with them?"

"Drag them up to bed?" Izzie suggested.

"Together?" George asked uncertainly.

"I don't think we have to worry about anything" Alex pointed out, watching Meredith and Tyler who had suddenly become fascinated with the reflection of Izzie's earring on the wall, "They are definitely not going to be getting busy tonight."

December 25th

CHRISTMAS DAY!

Meredith

"Wake up sleepy heads." Izzie popped her head into Meredith's room, "It's Christmas!"

"I hate Christmas." Meredith muttered burying herself deeper under the blankets.

"Don't move," Tyler groaned.

"You and your damn drinking game."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Izzie says that if you are not downstairs in 3 minutes she is drinking the last of the coffee and not making more." George called down the hall.

"Geez." Meredith slowly maneuvered her way out of bed.

"Come on," Tyler pulled her the rest of the way out of bed, having been a bit faster. "I am not willing to make my own coffee."

2 hours later

"Are you going to move from that couch at any point today?" George asked as he walked around the living room picking up wrapping paper.

"No," Meredith replied from the pile of pillows and blankets that she and Tyler had buried themselves in, "If I move, I'll be sick."

"Drinking's bad," Tyler murmured. "I am never drinking again."

"Well do you need anything?" George asked. He did feel kinda bad for them. They really did look like they might die.

"Water," Tyler requested, unable to open his eyes.

"And the remote," Meredith asked, sticking her hand out from under the covers.

"Ok." George handed her the remote and headed for the kitchen. 20 minutes later he returned and sighed. Meredith had managed to find a Christmas movie on TV, but they both also seemed to have managed to fall asleep, each curled up on their own end of the couch.

"It's probably better this way," Izzie said coming up behind him, "If they were awake you would have to take care of them."

The roommates stood side by side and surveyed the scene.

"Do you think that they are... you know."

"George, if they were sleeping together, we would know."

"But do you think that..."

"Do I think they are interested in each other?" Izzie pondered the question a moment, "I think they are friends. Good friends. But friends. Maybe later on, they'll decided they aren't friends, and we will have to buy earplugs, but I think we can sleep easy for now."

"Ya, that's what I think to," George nodded, following Izzie back to the kitchen, "And I think that he might be good for her, not better then me, but a solid runner-up."

"You would think that they would realize that just because our eyes are closed that we are not necessarily asleep." Meredith murmured.

"Seriously," Tyler murmured back, "Your feet stink."

"Well yours are no picnic either," Meredith groaned as she sat up and crawled over so she was lying beside Tyler not across from him.

"Merry Christmas Mer," Tyler whispered as they both started to fall asleep again.

"Merry Christmas.

5 hours later

"Hello?" Meredith groggily answered her phone.

"What time is Izzie having dinner at?" Cristina demanded.

"I don't know," Meredith looked around, Tyler had woken up when the phone ran and had since covered his face with a pillow, "We haven't moved for the couch all day."

"So you'll still be nice and hung over for turkey, perfect." Cristina looked around her and put her hand on her hip, "So I am at the hospital."

"Why? It's Christmas."

"Why not," Cristina continued down the hall, "but I am on my way out, I just have to find Burke. Is everyone hung over or should I still bring alcohol?"

"It's just me and Tyler," Meredith could hear Cristina's heels echoing on the hospital floor.

"Nurse Gorgeous?" Cristina raised an eyebrow as she joined Burke at the counter, "Your camped out on the couch with Nurse Gorgeous?"

"He is a friend Cristina,"

"A friend," Tyler echoed through the pillow.

"Right. I've found Burke and we are leaving in 2 minutes, So you and Nurse Gorgeous have... 20 minutes, to do... whatever. Bye Mer." Cristina grinned and hung up the phone.

"You look nice Dr. Yang," Addison's voice floated over from the other side of the nurses station where she was sitting with Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd, and Dr. Shepherd." Cristina started awkwardly, "I didn't know you were there."

"Clearly," Derek replied.

"We should be going." Burke cut in, "Merry Christmas." Burke put his arm around Cristina's waist and guided her to the elevator.

December 25th

CHRISTMAS DAY!

Derek

"Did you know that they were seeing each other?" Derek asked as the elevator shut on Burke and Cristina.

"No, but I am out of the loop. They look good together."

"They do." Derek agreed as he stood up.

"Did you know that Meredith was seeing someone?"

Derek paused, "No."

"Does it bother you?"

"Yes," Derek looked at his wife, "Does that bother you?" he challenged her.

"Yes." Addison bit her lip, "Derek..."

"I'm working Addison."

"Derek..."

"We'll talk about it later."

Derek and Addison fell silent as they finished up charts.

"What?" Derek asked. Both he and Addison were suddenly back to their irritable selves, and she kept looking at him like she wanted to say something.

"Nothing."

"What is it Addison."

"Nothing."

"Addison!"

"Your right Derek. We are at work, we can discuss it later." Addison went back to her charts but continued to watch him out of the corner of her eye.

"Addison! Stop!" Derek muttered through clenched teeth.

"I'm not..." Addison began, but she was cut off by Derek grabbing her arm and half dragging her into the office next to the nurses station.

"Out!" he ordered two interns who were taking a break. "What is your problem?" he demanded as soon as the door was shut.

"What is my problem?"

"Yes! YOUR problem. You never keep anything to yourself, so whatever it is just tell me."

"Derek!"

"Stop pouting Addison. I swear to God!"

"I refuse to discuss this here Derek."

"Is it Meredith?"

"No."

"Your upset because I care that she is seeing someone."

"It's not Meredith. Actually it would bother me more if you didn't care. At least you are still capable of feeling something for someone."

"What are you talking about, what is it!" Derek and Addison's voices kept getting louder and louder, their words over lapping as they fought.

"I'm mad."

"Your mad? At what Addison. What could I possibly be doing now that you are mad about?"

"Nothing Derek. That is the entire problem. You are doing nothing."

"You cheated on ME!"

"And you think that is all MY fault? Did you ever ask yourself WHY?"

"What MORE do you want Addison?"

"I WANT YOU TO TRY!"

"I AM TRYING"

"NO YOUR NOT! YOUR PRETENDING TO TRY SO YOU CAN SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT. I'M CONFUSED DEREK. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE."

"I think that we both know that I am not sleeping better at night."

"That's what's confusing me Derek." Addison almost whispered, "I don't understand. We seemed to be getting closer again."

"We are."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"What are you talking about Addison?" Derek was exhausted he couldn't take this conversation anymore.

"Do you still love me?" Addison asked, "Sometimes I think you do. When you wake up in the middle of the night in case I have a nightmare, then I think you love me. When you kiss me, I think you still love me. But then you get so distant. Derek I know you have feeling for Meredith, I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me but at least I am willing to talk about it. But you won't talk to me, you can't even look at me half the time. Derek you can't even make love to me. I just need to know if you love me."

"I am trying to protect you."

"I don't need protecting Derek, I need my husband back."

"And I need my wife to be ok."

"I am ok."

"Your not Ok Addison. Your not Ok."

"Derek"

"I am not going to let myself hurt you again Addison." With that Derek turned and left the room. "I'm going home."

December 25th

CHRISTMAS DAY!

Addison

"I got you a Christmas present." Addison slammed a rather large box on the newly delivered kitchen table and walked away.

"I thought we weren't getting gifts. We were going to get stuff for the house." Derek followed her into the living room were she had collapsed on the floor in front of the couch that still had the plastic on it.

"Well strictly speaking, it is for the house."

Derek looked at Addison curiously, but opened the box, "Sheets."

"I bought a couple different kinds since you seem to have some sort of bipolar sheet disorder." Addison still hadn't looked at Derek, "There are Italian Paisleys, which are your favorite, cotton, which we both hate but for all I know are your new favorites, and flannel, which are my favorite but you seem to be under the misguided..." Addison trailed off, "You idiot."

"I had alot of good memories with those sheets." Derek smiled guiltily.

"God Derek," Addison started to laugh,"I actually lost sleep thinking that I didn't even know what kind of sheets my husband liked."

Derek laughed and moved to sit next to her, "Do you remember when we got them."

"Yes," Addison smiled, "You complained all night that you were to hot."

"Well you are always so damn cold."

Addison started to giggle, "And when I got those flannel pajama's, and wore them with the flannel sheets."

Derek laughed, "I couldn't touch you without getting a shock."

"Not that it stopped you."

"I always liked a challenge." Derek shook his head remembering.

"And the neighbors were banging on the wall because we were laughing so loud."

"Your hair was literally standing on end the next morning."

Addison collapsed in a fit of giggles. "And we spent the rest of the week making jokes about friction that no one understood." Addison gave up on trying to sit upright and just lay down on the floor. "My stomach hurts."

"We had some good times."

Addison turned her head to look him better, "We'll have more."

"Ya." Derek reached out his hand to pull her up so she was sitting up facing him. "I do love you." he told her brushing some hair out of her face.

"I know," she smiled, "I just needed you to say it."

"I still don't think we are ready too..."

"That's ok," Addison cut him off, "This is enough. I'm just glad that we are together for Christmas."

"Me too," Derek leaned forward and kissed his wife, leaving no doubt in her mind that he loved her.

Addison pulled away, resting her forhead on his, "But for the record... whenever you are ready..."

Derek laughed, "So I got you something too," he smiled.

"Really?" Addison asked coyly, "I love presents."

Derek reached into his pocket and pulled out a oblong jewelry box. Opening it he revealed and dainty white gold chain. "I noticed that the one you were wearing was getting kinda old.

Addison's hand went to her chest were the heavy gold chain hung. Looking pensively at her husband for a moment she reached behind her neck and undid the clasp. Pulling the chain away from her neck Derek saw that there was something hanging from the end.

"My wedding ring."

"I was holding on to it until you wanted to wear it again."

Derek smiled and held out his hand.

Grinning Addison slipped the ring on to his finger.

Derek intertwined his fingers with Addison's and they stayed seated on the floor completely content until life, and the pagers that come with it, brought them back to earth.

December 31st

NEW YEARS EVE

Derek

"How is your sex life?"

The room became still. Neither Derek or Addison said anything.

"You still haven't taken that step?"

"No." They both knew where this was ultimately going, and neither wanted to get into it. Derek shared a quick look with Addison, and with that looked they decided that they were in this together, therapist be damned. If they didn't want to talk about it, they weren't going to.

"Why?"

Derek and Addison looked at at the therapist, but didn't reply.

"We aren't ready. Emotionally." Derek said finally, crossing his arms and closing the subject.

"How is the move coming along?" the therapist asked, trying a different approach.

Derek answered halfheartedly, "Addison picked a fixer-upper, but we were mostly moved in by Christmas."

"Your wearing your wedding band," the therapist noted.

"Yes."

The therapist decided to get right to the root, "What is going on that you aren't telling me?"

Addison looked away, but gave Derek's hand a slight squeeze when she felt his fingers wrap around hers. They might as well throw him a bone.

"Addison has nightmares."

"Nightmares?"

"She's had them for years."

The doctor nodded, "When did they start?"

"About..." Derek started but was silenced by the Doctor.

"Addison?"

"About 7 years ago."

"Did anything happen around that time that could have triggered the nightmares."

Addison took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling as she exhaled, "I miscarried."

"You were trying to have children?"

Addison and Derek were like statues. Neither of them moved. The conversation had gone far enough.

"I think that our time is up, we will see you next week," Derek said suddenly, pulling Addison up with him as he stood. " Happy New Year" he added putting his arm protectively around his wife's waist and leading her to the door.

"I need to go to the hospital." Addison said as soon as they reached the parking lot.

"I'll come with you." Derek said not moving his hand from her waist, but turning to face her, "We need the distraction."

Addison sighed and pressed her forehead to his, her hand resting by his jawbone, "Are we ever going to be able to talk about this?"

"Yes." He promised "But not tonight."

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Ok I am posting another chapter either tomorrow or Tuesday, depends on reviews.