A/N: OK I just watched the Christmas episode and I am slightly pissed off and slightly relieved. Could Derek have been anymore of a JACKASS? Seriously! And then the end. Don't get me started on the end. Forget that. I mean part of me is glad that he said that he had fallen in love with Meredith 'cause I kinda felt that he had almost been lying to Addison about it. Addison was clearly under the impression that it hadn't been as serious as it actually was. On the other hand I am glad that he also told her that he wanted to stay with her and that he wasn't telling her to hurt her. Even though he did, my god did you see her face? She was crushed. Trop peche. Ugh. But I am glad that Cristina and Burke are on neutral ground again, I was scared there for awhile (they are my favorite couple). Anyway there is my rant, enjoy the chapter.

P.S. This chapter is named after You and Me by Rosie Thomas, NOT Lifehouse. This song is SO much better, and if I do say so myself captures this chapter perfectly.

XXXXXXXXXX

MARCH

XXXX

Meredith

3:18pm

"Hey," Meredith sat down next to Derek in the gallery. This is the test. Can we be friends.

"Hey yourself," Derek replied, offering her some of his sunflower seeds.

"Big conference this weekend?" Small talk. This is good.

"Yup. Three days of long boring speeches and bad food."

They sat in silence for awhile. Ignoring the looks they were getting from other members of the staff.

"She a really good doctor," Meredith said after awhile. Forget what I said before. This is the real test. Can we talk about her?

Derek looked down into the operating room and watched Addison show Izzie a complicated procedure, "Yeah she is." Derek looked at Meredith for a minute, "How are you?"

Meredith looked back and smiled, "Good," her smile faded a bit, "I didn't think that it would be this hard." New test. Can we talk honestly.

"Me neither." Derek paused, "Have you been..."

"Ya," Meredith replied, "His name is Jared."

Derek nodded, "He's good to you?"

Meredith shrugged, "It's not going anywhere," she said finally.

They looked at each other for a few minutes.

"How about you? How are things."

"Good. Good."

"It's strange that we are talking like this, isn't it?"

Derek laughed out loud, causing the people around them to look at them strangely, "Yes. But really, who else are we suppose to talk too?"

Meredith laughed to, "I don't know," Meredith reflected, "I guess I could try talking to Addison."

Derek laughed again, "I don't think the world is ready for that."

"No?" Meredith continued with the joke, "But we have some much in common. I really thought we could be best friends. Paint each others nails. Braid each others hair."

"Make each other friendship bracelets," Derek suggested.

"Exactly." Meredith said with a smile.

"Not yet," Derek said decidedly, "I am not ready for that."

"Me neither."

"But really..." Derek paused, "Eventually..."

"You think that I could be friends with Addison?" Seriously?

"I think that in another lifetime you guys could have been friends," Derek saw that Meredith didn't believe him, "You two really are alot alike."

XXXX

Derek

5:52pm

"Have you seen Addison?" Derek asked the nurse sitting behind the desk.

"She was here a few minutes ago. She said she would be right back."

"Ok." Derek looked at his watch for the millionth time, "If she shows up in the next few minutes could you tell her that I am downstairs waiting for a cab, but if I don't see her I will call her tonight."

Derek left the nurses station and made his way downstairs to the front lobby. This would be the first time that he and Addison where going to be apart since they had gotten back together. Both of them were uncertain about how to handle it.

"Hey," Addison smiled as she walked towards her husband, "I caught you."

"You caught me," Derek smiled back as she sat down beside him. "So. Three days."

"That's along time." Addison pouted slightly, kneaded her hands together, "Is it strange that I don't want you to go? A year ago I would have killed for three days to myself."

"A lot has changed," He said, gently taking her hand. Everything has changed. And still, everyone stares. Over time they had discovered that people were indeed still watching their every move. They had become increasingly frugal about displays of affection at work. At the hospital things were strictly professional, "I'll bring you back something pretty"

"And shinny?" she teased.

"And shinny."

Things had been going better for them lately. On the recommendation of there marriage counselor they had been able to cut back to just once a week. These session used to end in long drawn out argument that would sometimes last for days but in the last three weeks something had changed. They would leave the sessions hand in hand, go out to dinner and spend the entire night talking. Instead of heading to the hospital if there was nothing else to do they would watch a movie or, Addison's favorite activity, shop for furniture for the apartment which was still looking bare in places.

"Your cabs here," Addison sighed standing up. Damn. Derek stood with her and took her hand as she him led to the hospital entrance, "Bye," she said squeezing his hand.

"Bye," Derek kissed Addison lightly on the cheek, then changing his mind, pressed his lips firmly to hers. She's beautiful when she blushes."Bye," Derek said again, backing away with a grin.

"Bye," Addison laughed turning away, her cheeks turning red.

Addison walked towards the elevators, a smile fixed on her face. She glanced up and locked eyes with Meredith, who was standing waiting for the elevator on the 2nd floor.

The smile faded instantly from Addison's face. They stared at each other, until Meredith finally gave Addison a small smile.

Addison smiled back.

XXXX

Meredith

6:09pm

"I saw you and Shepherd having quite the conversation this morning," Alex teased as Meredith leaned against the wall beside him.

Can't I be friends with the man?"We are friends Alex."

"Well I know you are friends, but everyone else..."

"Everyone else what?"

"You know as well as I do that the nurses love their gossip. Your flirt-fest with McDreamy is like their wet dream. They can practically taste the sordid affair."

Flirt-fest? Sordid affair? "We are not..."

"I know."

"We are friends."

"I know," Alex repeated, "Besides you are too smart to go for him again."

"What does that mean?"

"Here is the thing Grey. You and Shepherd never would have made it anyway," Alex smiled slightly at the astonishment that his bluntness was earning him, "Think about it. He is what? 10 years older then you? He wants the picket fence and the 2.5 kids. You want to finish your internship in one piece and have a little fun along the way. Your in completely different places, it wouldn't have lasted. Even if she hadn't shown up, you still wouldn't have lasted till Christmas."

"Burke and Cristina are lasting." Meredith pointed out smugly.

"Burke and Cristina are a mess." Alex corrected, "Cristina is like a wild chipmunk that Burke is trying to tame with peanut butter. She is freaking out at every turn, but still gets nervous every time he try's to take the peanut butter away. But they will never break up, either because neither of them will want to admit defeat, or they will never find anything big enough to justify going through the trouble.

"Face it Grey. You needed each other for awhile, but now you don't. "

"I didn't need him Alex."

"Yes you did." Alex countered again, "You needed him so that you could prove to yourself that you were worth the attention of a decent guy. And you are. Case closed."

Jerk.

XXXX

Derek

6:17pm

Something doesn't feel right. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but something was wrong. He checked his briefcase. Everything was there, his tickets... his wallet... nothing was missing. Your just being paranoid Derek. Derek looked out the window and tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Excuse me," he said finally, leaning forward to talk to the cab driver, "Could you take me back to the hospital? I think I've forgotten something."

XXXX

Addison

6:17pm

Addison stood just out side the nursery flipping through some files. She smiled as she felt a hand press against the small of her back, "Couldn't live without me?" she teased.

"No," replied a gruff voice.

Addison spun around. She felt like the air had been knocked from her lungs.

"Mark."

XXXX

Derek

6:33pm

Derek ran up the stairs 2 at a time. He wasn't sure why but he had to find Addison. "Where is she?" he demanded, almost running into Izzie.

"Who?"

"My wife!"

"I don't know," Izzie stuttered with confusion as Derek rushed by her.

Suddenly he stopped. He stood in the middle of the hall and turned silently around. He closed his eyes. He took several deep breaths. He opened his eyes again. Setting his shoulders he walked forward and opened a door. He wasn't surprised at what he saw. It was what he had expected.

"Mark."

XXXX

Addison

6:34pm

When the door opened Mark jumped away from her. Addison stayed where she was. She took her hands away from her face, where they had been for the last few minutes as she had tried to block out Mark's voice. She looked at Derek, but he wasn't looking at her.

"Get out," Derek said slowly, glaring at Mark.

"Derek," Mark tried to explain, "I had to come. I had to see her. I love her."

"Stay away from me. Stay away from my wife."

Addison watched in silence. Should I say something? Or does Derek need to get this out. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

"I am not going to walk away from her." Mark said taking a step toward Derek. "I am not going to turn my back on her like you did." No, No, No, No.

Derek's jaw clenched, "I did not turn my back on my wife." NO! NO! NO! NO!

"She called me. She was hurt and upset and she called me. You wanted nothing to do with her. I can make her happy. She trusts me. She confided in me. She loves me."

"No," Addison finally spoke.

Derek didn't look at her. He just turned and left the room.

"Derek!" Addison started off after him. DON'T LEAVE! LOOK AT ME!

"Addie," Mark grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "Let him go. It's better this way. We can start over."

"Don't TOUCH ME," Addison seethed ripping her arm out of his grasp, "Don't touch me, don't call me, don't even look at me. Get out of this hospital. Get out of this city. Get out of MY LIFE."

Addison slammed the door behind her. Derek. She tore down the hall. Derek. She was unaware of the people that were staring at her. DEREK!

"Derek!" she gasped as she finally caught up with him, "Don't."

Derek pulled away from where her hand touched his arm. "Stay away from me Addison."

"Derek! You cannot walk away from this."

"Why not?" he spat, "Apparently that is what I do. Go back to Mark AND TELL HIM THAT I WALKED OUT ON YOU ONCE AGAIN. I'M SURE HE'LL BE THRILLED."

"I DON'T CARE!" Addison yelled, "HAVE YOU LISTENED TO A SINGLE WORD I HAVE SAID IN THE LAST 5 MONTHS. I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM. I NEVER WANTED TO BE WITH HIM. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I LOVE YOU."

"THEN WHY THE HELL IS HE HERE ADDISON? HE CLEARLY THINKS THAT YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM, AND I THINK THAT HE IS RIGHT."

"HE'S NOT RIGHT."

"THEN WHY DID YOU CALL HIM? WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?"

"I DID CALL YOU! YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME!"

Addison and Derek glared at each other. Around them the people held their breaths, afraid that if they made any noise something terrible would happen.

Derek turned and walked away.

Addison didn't stop him.

XXXX

Meredith

11:43pm

Cristina, George, Izzie and Tyler stood huddle in a corner talking quietly.

"Do I have something on my face," Meredith asked with annoyance, "Ever since I got out of surgery people have been staring at me and whispering."

Her friends were silent.

Ok..."What?"

George stared at the ceiling and tried to form a cohesive thought.

Izzie looked down and away, not making eye contact.

Cristina and Tyler held a silent argument, darting angry looks back and forth.

"What!"

"How over McDreamy are you?" Cristina said finally, "Cause if your not, now would be the time to make your move."

What? "What are you talking about?"

"He showed up," George told her, "the guy from New York."

"Mark?"

Izzie nodded, "They had a huge fight."

Mark showed up? To break them up? Of course to break them up. You don't travel across the country just to say 'hi'. "Derek and Addison? Had a fight?"

"In the middle of the hall," Cristina added.

Meredith was silent, "I have to go." She said distractedly as she walked away.

"I thought she was over him," Tyler murmured to himself.

XXXX

Meredith

1:09am

"Hey." Meredith walked into the dark conference room and sat down.

"Do you need something Meredith?"

"I thought you might like some company. I know how it feels to have someone show up and ruin everything."

Addison glanced at Meredith, "I guess you do."

There was a long pause, "He'll come back." Why are you doing this?

Addison sighed, "I'm not so sure."

"He will. He loves you." Meredith leaned back in her chair. And why did you say that?

"Love isn't always enough Meredith."

What! "But..."

"Meredith, love can't over come everything. It isn't a magic potion that can cure anything, it's not enough. If it was enough neither of us would be sitting here right now." Addison shook her head, "If love was enough Derek and I wouldn't have driven each other away. If love was enough I wouldn't have slept with Mark. If love was..." Addison voice broke,"... If love was enough he wouldn't have left me and met you. It's not enough."

"I don't understand."

"They lie. The books, the movies, the songs that say that love can conquer anything, they lie, there are no knights on white horses. You can't just love someone and expect it to work out. Love doesn't give you the strength to get through anything, it makes you more vulnerable then you can possibly imagine."

Meredith and Addison sat in silence for almost an hour. Twice Meredith watched Addison wipe away the tears that she was trying so hard to hide.

"He loved you too," Addison said finally.

"Not in the same way," Meredith replied.

"Maybe not, but there is more then one type of love."

Meredith smiled, "I bought him a Christmas present the day before you showed up. A book, his favorite, vintage. I still have it."

"What did he say that his favorite was?" Addison asked.

"The Sun Also Rises."

Addison smiled slightly "Derek's favorite book is always the last one he's read. He just finished The Red Badge of Courage." Addison paused and looked at Meredith, "You should give it to him. He'd love it."

"Maybe." Meredith looked out the window and smiled, "Hey, your knight's coming." Meredith stood to leave. "And I still believe that love can conquer anything."

Meredith walked over to Derek who was watching Addison through the glass window, "What's your favorite book?"

"The Red Badge of Courage," He answered, perplexed by the question.

Meredith smiled.

And walked away.

XXXX

Derek and Addison

2:42am

Derek sat down adjacent to his wife at the large conference table.

"Derek, I..."

"No. Addison." Derek stopped her, unable to look her in the eye, "I need to go first. We need to talk about this. We can't put it off any longer."

Addison nodded.

Derek leaned forward and gripped her hands, his knuckles were white, but if he was hurting her, she wasn't showing it.

"When you called me that afternoon. You were distant. There was no emotion in your voice. You sounded like you had given up, and I didn't want to hear it. I though that you wanted out."

There was a long pause. Then Derek continued unable to hide the pain in his voice.

"When I came home that night, I could tell that something was different. The whole house felt different. It had been so cold and empty, but that night it was filled with pain and betrayal. I could feel it everywhere. I walked up the stairs and saw his jacket, and I was so angry. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to kill him for taking you from me. I wanted to kill him, and I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to just grab you and shake you as hard as I could. I wanted you to feel the same pain and helplessness that I did. I always knew that he wanted you, but I never thought that you would want him back.

"When I got to the bedroom door I just stopped. I couldn't go in. I couldn't face you yet. So I just stood there and listened. I could hear you talking to him. Telling him to leave. That I was coming home and that you were going to tell me. Telling him not to touch you. And then I heard him. I heard him say that he loved you. That you belonged with him. That he knew that he could make you happy, and that I couldn't.

"That's when I walked in. And I saw you..." Derek took a ragged breath, "I saw you sitting there, in my chair. You never go near that chair unless you're hurt and need to be comforted. And you had that old battered robe clutched so tightly around you. And you looked at me, you looked me straight in the eye. You looked defeated, and hurt, and angry, and it was my fault. I couldn't stay. I had to leave. I had hurt you and I couldn't do it anymore."

"It's not you fault, Derek. I'm the one that slept with him. I knew what I was doing. It's my fault." Addison leaned forward, forcing him to look her in the eye. "Listen to me. It's me. I messed up. I hurt you. I'm the one that ruined everything."

"Why?"

Addison took a deep breath. Their entire relationship depended on what she was about to say. She stood up and started to pace. When she spoke her words were slow and measured.

"I wanted to hurt you. I was jealous that you would rather spend time at the hospital then with me. I thought that you didn't care anymore. I had driven you away and there was no way to get you back. I felt lost and I just wanted to feel something, anything.

"When you left that morning, you didn't even say goodbye. I was still asleep, and you were asleep when I got home the night before. We hadn't seen each other in days. Every time one of us saw the other at work we would make an excuse to be somewhere else. I would walk into the nursery and see you watching those babies, and then you would look at me and I would know that I was failing you. I was making your life incomplete, you wanted more and I couldn't give it to you. I could give other people the babies that they never should have had but I couldn't do the same thing for you. I was failing you."

Addison voice to on a edge of angry and pain, but still, she kept her composure.

"And then I started to resent you. I hated that I was putting myself through all those damn fertility treatments and you didn't even want to talk about it. I needed to talk about it and you would say that it hurt you to much, and every time it wouldn't work we would close ourselves off from each other. The only time that we had sex was when the doctors told us too. We never made love anymore.

"Then you stopped coming to the appointments with me. I understood that. I knew that you couldn't handle the disappointment. I still wanted you there, but I wanted to protect you more. So I stopped telling you when I had appointments. I didn't tell you when I tried new drugs. I didn't tell you that nothing was working.

"When I called you that afternoon. I was going to tell you that..." Addison took several deep breathes, "... they told me that..." Addison was lost her battle with her tears, "they told me that there was no chance that I would be able to carry a baby." Derek stood up and put his arms tightly around her, his tears falling into her hair and hers onto his shirt as she sobbed, "I didn't want to be alone anymore, and you didn't want to be with me. So I called Mark to drive me home and..."

"Stop." Derek said suddenly, "I will always want to be with you."

"But is that enough?" she whispered.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ok. This time I mean it when I say that I am not updating till after the Holidays.