Chapter 6

"Wha…what…what did you just say?"

Carter cleared his throat. "I said…I uhh…I was asking you if Jake had seen your dress yet" He stuttered as he spoke – quickly racking his brain for an alibi.

Abby screwed up her face and shook her head at him.

"No…no, you…you didn't say that John." Abby said.

Carter turned his head in frustration as he walked away towards the kitchen.

Abby, still in a state of confusion followed a few paces behind him. She would have been lying if she had said she wasn't surprised at what Carter had said – she was in shock. For the seconds that passed after he spoke she tried to convince herself she had heard wrong, or that she had merely imagined it - but no matter how hard she tried, it didn't work. She was well aware of what he had said, it kept going over and over in her head, but she couldn't understand why he had said it.

"Look Carter, I don't know what's going on with you, or what all of this is about – but I'd really like you to tell me" She spoke somewhat quietly – which surprised even herself.

Carter turned to face her and instead of speaking he simply shrugged his shoulders. Desperate for an answer, Abby continued.

"You can talk to me." She confirmed whilst Carter still remained mute. "John, please…" She pleaded. "What is all this?"

Carter sighed deeply before he threw his hands up in the air.

"It's you…" He shouted. "It's Kem, it's Susan, it's Paris, Chicago, Africa, it's everything that has happened, pushed up against everything that should have happened. It's what I wanted to happen and it's reality. It's my marriage, it's your marriage. It's every situation I've found myself in sine I got married. It's every night I lie awake thinking of you, it's every wrong decision I've made in my life and it's every word you've ever said to me. It's everything…"

Abby paused for a moment, taking in everything he had said. Carter stood, somewhat breathless, across from her – awaiting a reply.

"What are you talking about?" Abby asked.

Carter remained silent for a while before he spoke.

"you know? It's gotten to the point where I don't know anymore." He spoke through doubtful laughter. Abby stared at him as she tried to read his face – for once something she was so good at, but now she was now struggling.

"Is everything ok with you and Kem?"

"You don't get it do you?" Carter snapped back.

"No, I don't John and I'd really appreciate it if you would fill me in…" Abby carried on.

"You can't marry Jake!" Carter shouted, interrupting Abby.

Startled, Abby fired back. "Excuse me?"

"Look…" Carter sighed as he calmed down. "I just don't want you jumping into something you will regret…"

"John! We have been through this before. I am marrying Jake, okay? He loves me and I want to be with him." Abby said as she threw her hands in the air.

"I won't regret it. I'll be fine…" Abby added, a little bit calmer.

Carter shook his head. "I don't think you will be."

"Well, thank you for your wonderful insight there Mr. Fraud but I don't need it." She said in anger as she began to walk away from the couch.
"Just drop it!" She added.

"No, I won't just 'drop it'!" Carter threw back at her. "You might be okay with being miserable the rest of your life, but I'm not!" He added.

"What makes you think for one second that I will be miserable." Abby retaliated.

"I am happy okay?...So it might not be the happiness I always wanted, but it's all I'm gonna get…" She continued.

"Abby…" Carter tried to interrupt.
"No! Let me finish!" Abby snapped back. "Just because what?...you're having doubts or your marriage has hit the rocks…"
"It's not hit the rocks" Carter added lucidly.

Abby shook her head. "Then what is all of this about John?" She asked him as she stared blankly at his face.
"…because if you honestly expected me to have been sitting here waiting for you to come back for me so I could run back into your arms and we could live happily ever after, then…"
"Then what Abby?" Carter shouted. "because you can't honestly expect me to believe that you love him. I know you, and I know you don't. Jake is a safe bet, and guess what Abby, you deserve so much more than that. You deserve to be with someone who loves you…and someone you love."

"Well, as nice as that sounds – it's not something I'm gonna get. I just can't have that…" Abby said as she shook her head, fighting back the tiny tear that began forming in the back of her eyes.

Carter shook his head. "Of course you can." Stated as Abby now began to shake her head again.

"Are you honestly telling me that you wouldn't want to? That you wouldn't want to call all of this off and run away?" He continued.

Abby stifled a laugh as she continued to shake her head. She then lifted her head and looked at Carter, laughing at him.

Defeated, Carter began to walk away.

"Look Abby, I get it ok?"
"You get what?"

"You!" He shouted before sitting back on the couch, he leant forward as he began to speak.
"Look, I know you do 'miserable' really well, I get that but you know you like being happy and I love seeing you happy…"

"Okay, Okay! But now you look. If I did run off into the sunset with you, what makes you think it would work huh?" Abby asked, filled with both anger and compassion.

John ran his hands through his hair before moving his mouth as though he was going to speak.

"…Cuz guess what?" Abby said before he could respond. "We suck in a relationship! Our relationship was awful! It was built on false hopes and everything we hate about ourselves. It had no sticking power!" Abby stated.

Carter realised what she was saying was right, but it still didn't change how he felt.

"So, I'll buy glue…"

"John!" Abby shook her head. "Ohh! And might I add…you're married!"

Carter had been paying such close attention to what Abby was saying that it had rendered him speechless. Abby grew tired of waiting for a response.

"We could have worked all of this out months ago in Paris, but we didn't."

"God knows I tried" Carter finally responded.

"No you didn't Carter. As always, we both danced around the subject until it was too late. And besides, if you knew you felt like this then why did you go ahead with it?" Abby asked.

"Because!" He started. "You so clearly didn't. You we're so set on marring Jake!"

"Only because I couldn't marry you" Abby blurted out, in a vain attempt to get him to stop yelling.

"What?" He asked her, somewhat taken aback with what she had just said. Once she had spoken, Abby began to calm down. She left the kitchen area and slowly made her way towards the couch. She sat down beside Carter before continuing.

"When you left for Africa…" She started slowly before being interrupted.

"What time?"
She smiled at Carter. "The third time." She stated. "Well, when you went I guess I realised that I had…lost you" She spoke calmly. Carter began to pay even closer attention as he sat up on the couch, ready for her to continue.

"So…uhh, well when Jake came back I guess I just thought I should stick it out with him, you know? It's not perfect – but it's the closest I'm gonna get" She smiled sadly.
Carter leaned forward and in aggravation, he ran his fingers through his hair.

"God Abby! Why don't you understand that you deserve to have so much more than that? You shouldn't have to stick it out with anyone. You should be with someone who really loves you…" Carter pleaded as he felt like he was spilling her heart out to her – something he hadn't done in a long time, if he had even done it the first time round.

"Jake does love me Carter. Why won't you understand that?" She mimicked him – although equally as serious as he was.

Carter ignored her attempt to prove him wrong. He continued:
"…and someone who you love back, someone you want to be with – someone you need to be with. The person you think about when you wake up, the person that every song on the radio reminds you of. The person you know you should be with." Carter stated the last point ever-so-quietly as tears were beginning to form in the back of his eyes as he continued to speak. Abby had started to cry, only little tears to begin with – but they soon got bigger as Carter continued to speak.

"Well I can't be with him, now can I?" Abby spoke through her tears. "He's half way around the world and he's married." She added as she continued to let a few stray tears fall from her eyes. Carter didn't dare speak – instead he kept his eyes focused on Abby, sensing she wasn't quite finished; and that she wasn't.

"He just doesn't belong with me" She said sadly.

Carter sat up and shook his head softly, fighting back the tears in the back of his eyes.

"…and how do you know that?" He added.

The next update might not be for a while - hopefully not too long. School started back...nuff said.