Good God, I am exhausted. I wrote this chapter SO fast. I didn't feel like writing cause me and McDreamy were kinda at odds after sundays episode. But then I made a list of reasons why I should still be optimistic, and I was able to move on. Actually what happened was that I saw the preview where Derek punches Mark (which I choose to believe was over Addison) and I started to hope that Mark would punch him back. And the thought of Derek with a broken nose made me happy.

So I hope that this chapter lives up to your expectations. I know it was a long time coming, but it should answer a lot of your questions. In any case, I love this chapter.

XXXXXXXXXX

August

XXXX

August 18th

Meredith

8:37am

Meredith leaned comfortably against the counter jotting notes in charts and chatting with Izzie, "So are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Izzie took a bite out of her apple and pulled a pencil out of the bun in her hair.

"Who the guy is."

A couple nurses on the other side of the nurses station suddenly became very quiet.

Meredith noticed and rolled her eyes at Izzie. Gossips.

"I'm not seeing anyone," Izzie murmured, barely moving her lips.

"You haven't slept at home in 2 weeks," Meredith teased.

"Shut up, Meredith," Izzie stared hard at her.

"What?" Meredith lowered her voice and leaned into Izzie.

"It's nothing." Izzie insisted, "But the nurses like to talk, and I would rather stay under the radar on this one."

"Is it someone from the hospital?"

"The situation is really complicated. I would tell you but, it's just not the right time. Do you trust me?"

"Of course." Meredith backed away from Izzie, "But he's hot right?"

Izzie just shook her head and smiled as she walked away.

Meredith smiled and went back to her charts. The nurses began murmuring to each other on the other side of the station. Meredith looked up and they immediately looked away.

"What?"

12:06pm

"Okay what is going on?" Meredith demanded as Tyler joined her for lunch, "Nurses have been staring at me all day. I have looked in the mirror 20 times. There is nothing on my face."

"They are just letting the gossip get the best of them," Tyler replied, poking at his salad before actually taking a bite. "Just ignore them."

"They are gossiping about me?"

"Not that I have actually heard."

"Well what have you 'actually heard'?"

"It's mostly about Shepherd. Montgomery-Shepherd," he clarified, "Her business trip excuse is starting to wear a little thin."

"Excuse?" Meredith was confused, "She is in Houston isn't she? Lecturing or something?"

"For two weeks?"

Meredith was silent, "Well where do you think she is?"

"I have no personal thoughts on the matter," Tyler edged.

"Tyler!" Meredith glared slightly, "What do the nurses think is going on?"

Tyler put down his plastic fork, "The general consensus is that she left Shepherd and went back to New York."

"That's stupid," Meredith dismissed the idea, "Why would she leave him?"

Tyler shrugged, "She hasn't really seemed that happy lately. Maybe she just had enough."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "No way, She stuck around when he was calling her Satan to anyone that would listen. She wouldn't just leave now."

Tyler just stared at his food.

"What else?" Meredith demanded.

"No one has actually told me anything else."

"What have you heard?"

"Mer, people tend to shut up pretty quickly when I come around lately."

"But..."

"But I have heard that Montgomery-Shepherd finally split because her husband was sleeping with an intern... again"

XXXX

August 19th

Izzie

Izzie stood patiently to the side as one of the nurse's needlessly readjusted the fluids on a preemie.

"You seem tired Dr. Steevens," the nurse proclaimed, giving her a sideways glance, "Not sleeping well at night?"

"I am sleeping fine, thank you," Izzie counter, setting her jaw slightly.

"Oh. Of course," the nurse smiled insincerely. "Have you heard anything from Dr. Shepherd?" she continued innocently, " I mean the Mrs, she seems to have been gone along time."

"I really don't know," Izzie replied tensely.

"I wasn't implying that you did," the nurse just raised an eyebrow, "I just thought you might have heard something."

"I haven't."

"Of course," the nurse glanced at her in a way that could in no way be interpreted as friendly.

"I don't know..." Izzie's pager began to beep, "I don't know anything" she repeated.

XXXX

August 20th

Derek

"Hey," Derek greeted Izzie as he entered the maternity ward.

"Hey," Izzie greeted him but didn't look at him, "What's up?"

"I just wanted to talk to you for a minute," Derek held out a bag and a cup of coffee, "I brought you a snack."

Izzie took the bag and the coffee and continued walking, "I am really busy right now."

Derek looked around as he continued to follow her, "It's dead here."

"I am catching up on paperwork."

"It can wait, I only need a minute."

"Dr. Shepherd..." Izzie began turning to face him.

"Dr. Shepherd? Izzie I think that given the situation you could call me Derek. I mean your living..."

"Dr. Steevens?" a nurse appeared out of nowhere, "Could you check on the mom in 2343?" The nurse glared at Izzie and Derek in turn

Izzie nodded, and turned back to Derek to finish there conversation.

The nurse didn't move.

"I guess I'll go now," Izzie sighed and handed him the bag and the coffee.

"Goodbye Dr. Shepherd," the nurse said icily.

20 minutes later

"That woman did not need to be looked at," Izzie glowered as she entered the NICU to see Derek waiting for her. "What's up?" She asked wheeling a chair closer to where he was sitting.

"I just wanted to know how Addison is doing."

"Didn't you talk to her?"

"Ya, but what she says and how she actually is have often been two very different things lately.

Izzie smiled slightly, "She's doing better I think. She won't talk to me, and I've caught her crying a couple of times." Derek looked pained, "But she is gaining weight back. And she is eating more, so lately she has only been using the IV at night. She is getting better."

Derek smiled, "Good. We should get her some ice cream, as a treat."

Izzie laughed and opened the bag that Derek had handed her again. "Ice cream?"

"She loves ice cream." Derek excepted half the muffin she offered, "Vanilla not chocolate."

"Really? She seems like a chocolate girl."

Derek shrugged, "Only white chocolate actually."

"Huh,"

"Dr. Steevens," a different nurse appeared this time, "The woman in 2343..."

"I just checked on her."

"She needs to be checked again."

Izzie and the nurse had a stare down.

"I'll check on her in a few minutes," Izzie finally relented.

The nurse continued to stand in the doorway.

"I will be there in a minute," Izzie repeated.

The nurse finally retreated.

"What was that?" Derek asked.

"Nothing."

"Izzie!"

"Derek," Izzie lowered her voice, "We need to stop meeting about Addison. At least in the hospital."

"Why?" Derek was genuinely confused.

"Do you hear nothing that people are saying?"

"What are you talking about?"

"They think that Addison left you. They think she went back to New York."

"That's only temporary, she'll be back at work eventually. They'll see they were wrong."

"Derek, they think that she left you because of me."

Derek sighed, "I am so sorry. I didn't think this through. I never should have asked you to..."

"No, it doesn't matter," Izzie also sighed and crossed her legs, "I don't mind. We should just act like there is nothing going on."

"There is nothing going on."

"Exactly. So we have nothing to worry about."

XXXX

August 21st

Meredith

"Okay, you know those rumours about Shepherd and the intern?" Tyler whispered as he stood behind Meredith at her locker.

"I said it wasn't me," Meredith said for the millionth time, even though Tyler insisted that he never considered it.

"I know," Tyler replied, "Turns out, no one ever thought it was you."

"Then who?" Meredith turned to face him.

Tyler slide his eyes over to where Izzie was packing up her stuff to go.

"No!" Meredith gasped.

Tyler just nodded.

"No!"

"Think about it Mer. Addison leaves town, a few days later we stop seeing Izzie around the house. Debbie swears she saw him give her a key, and he is always hanging around maternity talking to her. One of the nurses claims that when she went into the NICU nursery on Thursday they were all over each other."

"I don't believe it," Meredith said adamantly.

"Bye Mer," Izzie said cheerfully as she left the locker room.

"Bye," Meredith replied.

Meredith and Tyler were silent for a moment.

"We should follow her."

32 minutes later

"So?" Meredith asked as Tyler got back in the car.

"She got bread, milk, cereal and vanilla ice cream."

Meredith was silent, "Derek always ate vanilla ice cream."

"This isn't looking good." Tyler observed as Meredith pulled out into traffic and continued to follow Izzie.

11 minutes later

"I can't believe this," Meredith fumed as she pulled into a parking space across the street from the Shepherds apartment.

"Me neither, actually."

"What does she think she is doing?" Meredith leaned across Tyler and watched as Izzie got out of her car and said a few friendly words to the doorman before entering the building. Meredith wasn't even completely sure that the car Izzie had been driving wasn't actually Addison's. Izzie had said she was borrowing it from a cousin, "He is married!" Meredith exclaimed, "And my ex-boyfriend. He is my married ex-boyfriend. Who has a wife!"

"Maybe it's not how it seems."

Meredith glared at her boyfriend with disdain.

Tyler grimaced slightly, "Ok, ok. It's probably exactly how it seems."

XXXX

August 22nd

Izzie

"Haven't seen you around here in awhile."

Izzie turned from her closet to see Meredith standing at her bedroom door, "Life of an intern," she replied uneasily.

Meredith nodded but didn't move from the door, her face unreadable. "Your lucky."

"Excuse me?"

"Your lucky," Meredith repeated as she took a step inside the room, "You haven't had to work nights in... 2 weeks."

"Really?" Izzie turned back to her closet and closed her eyes, "Luck of the draw I guess."

"Must be," Meredith sat herself down on the edge of the bed.

"Listen Meredith," Izzie turned to confront her roommate. "I know what you have probably heard but I swear to you it is not what you think."

"Not what I think?" Meredith shook her head and glared, "People have seen you with him IZZIE. Your ALWAYS TOGETHER. You have a KEY to his APARTMENT, I followed you there Izzie, I SAW YOU! Do you even REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE? THIS ISN'T EVEN ABOUT ME! HE IS MARRIED! TO ADDISON! SHE WAS YOUR FRIEND, SHE LOVES HIM! SHE LEFT HIM BECAUSE OF YOU! AND YOU BARELY WAITED UNTIL SHE WAS OUT OF TOWN AND YOU MOVE IN WITH HIM..."

"Addison's pregnant!" Izzie exclaimed loudly. Oh my God. I did not just say that out loud. Damnit.

Meredith stared at Izzie, stunned. "Pregnant?"

"Very pregnant. And yes, I have been staying at the Shepherd's apartment, but not with Derek, with Addison." Meredith continued to stare, so Izzie sat on the bed beside her and kept talking, how much should I tell her? "She's been sick, since the very beginning. She has early onset gestational diabetes, she had appendicitis, and now... now she is just plain sick. She can't work, she can't really even leave the apartment because she's been hooked up to an IV most of the last two weeks."

"Then why are you..."

"She kicked him out." Izzie watched Meredith's face, I think she is actually more concerned about Addison then Derek, she really is over him, "I don't exactly know why. But he asked me to stay with her."

Meredith was slowly starting to process the information that she had been given, "That doesn't make sense. They both love children, they should be happy. Derek told me they were happy. He said everything was perfect."

"I think that's part of the reason why she wants to be alone. Derek is really excited, but that just seems to be making Addison more scared. I heard them fighting one night when he came to see her, she said something about trying to protect him, she said that she should have stayed in New York and let him be with you because she doesn't want him to get his hopes up only to loose another baby."

"Another baby?" Meredith whispered.

"Yeah," Izzie lay down on bed and Meredith lay down beside her, both of them staring at the ceiling, "When I saw her chart, my god Mer, it's heartbreaking. They had been trying to have kids, but, I dunno they just couldn't. She would get pregnant, everything would seem normal, and then she would loose it for no reason. She made it well into her 2nd trimester like three times. Can you even imagine? I mean, God.

"And they never stopped trying. You can tell when the doctors would tell them to take a break, to slow down, just from the dates. She would sometimes get pregnant 3 times, once 4 times, in a year before they would make them stop trying for 12 months to give her body a break. They did that for 5 years before she stopped being able to get pregnant at all.

"There are notes in her chart saying that she was exhausting herself, being pregnant so many times had messed up all her hormones and it was causing her sever emotional distress, and she started having nightmares, which I think she still has.

"They tried every new treatment that came out, even experimental ones against her doctors advice. I mean, it makes you wonder what that was doing to their relationship. It must have been so hard to go through so much loss. Think about how much they have been through together."

"No wonder he picked her."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

Izzie and Meredith continued to stare at the ceiling.

"I don't understand why he did it."

"Did what?" Izzie turned to stare at her friends profile.

"Left."

"I don't think that she actually gave him a choice."

"But it's Derek." Meredith turned to look back at Izzie, "He couldn't just leave. No matter what she said."

"I don't really know what happened, but I kinda got the impression that he left when she asked, because he loves her and wanted to do whatever she needed to get through this. And he didn't completely leave. He calls her every night and they talk for hours. I they even leave the phone off the hook until morning so they can talk if one of them wakes up. And he asks about her all the time. All the time. I think he is just trying to give her her space.

"When they talk face to face about the baby, Addison just breaks down. That fight they had, well the next day when I walked into the apartment, I could hear her crying as soon as I opened the door. And she just couldn't stop. I finally went and checked on her and found her in a nursery I didn't even know existed, sitting on the floor sobbing. I don't think she even realized that I was there. And then she pretended it never happened." Izzie paused, "I have overheard her talking to Derek a couple of times about him, the baby, I think that she can deal with it better if she can distance herself from the person she is afraid of hurting. Keeps her from getting hurt herself."

"You should have gone into psych."

"Maternity is kinda like psych. Just in the middle of it all you deliver."

Meredith nodded, "But your not sleeping with Derek."

"No, but don't tell anyone. It's easier for people to think that I am for a few more weeks, then to get into what is really going on."

XXXX

August 23rd

Meredith

Meredith tapped her nails against the kitchen counter. She had the day off and needed something to do. I know what I want to do. I also know that what I want to do is a very very bad idea. Meredith tapped her fingers a few more times, then picked up her phone.

"Tyler? I need a favor."

90 minutes later

Meredith stood staring at the door. I can't believe that I am here. Again. She took a key from her pocket and unlocked the door. Meredith stepped hesitantly into the Shepherd's foyer. She looked around her, trying to decided where to look first. She heard a voice coming from the back of the first floor and decided to start there.

Meredith found herself in the doorway to a small den listening to Addison sing quietly in a low voice.

"You guys really do like your Disney don't you," Meredith remarked entering the room, "I believe that that song is from Dumbo."

"So Izzie spilled her guts?" Addison stated as Meredith sat down on the other end of the couch, "She held out longer then I thought she would."

"It took some persuasion but she caved."

"I'm not surprised, she has been dying to tell people for months."

Meredith didn't reply.

"What are you doing here Meredith?" Addison asked finally.

Meredith shrugged, "I had nothing better to do. And I figured if you wouldn't talk to Derek, maybe you would talk to me. So I decided to steal Izzie's key and come over, chat a bit."

Addison gave her a hard stare, just short of a glare.

"You know I always thought that Derek would make a good father."

Addison raised an eyebrow and turned her body so that she was facing Meredith.

"He is kind. Like my dad." Meredith paused, "I never really knew my dad that well. I mean he was great, it was my mother that was hard to deal with so he was kinda scarce growing up. Well you knew my mother, she was brilliant, but she only really loved her work." Meredith paused, "I thought you were a lot like her when you first arrived. Turns out I was completely wrong. My mother never would have given up her career just on the chance that it might save her marriage, and she never felt the slightest bit of remorse for cheating, and I know she did cheat. And she never would have stopped working when she was pregnant."

"I wasn't given much of a choice."

"Yes, you were. Your alone all day, you could leave at anytime. But your not, your staying here and resting and taking care of your baby. Your singing to your baby. I doubt my mother sang to me."

Addison just silently stared.

"It's ok to be scared."

Addison laughed a bit, "Did you know that after 7 weeks your chance of miscarriage drops to 10?" Addison paused, "This is the 13th time I have gotten past the 7th week. I'm not scared. I'm terrified."

Meredith was silent.

"And I agree, Derek would be an excellent father."

Meredith was feeling slightly encouraged by what Addison had shared, I think she wants to talk, "What's his name?"

Addison didn't reply.

"He must have a name."

Addison looked down at her stomach and swallowed silently, "'Emery," she said quietly, "Short for Montgomery."

"Your maiden name. I like it."

Addison shook her head, "After my stepdad. I added the Montgomery to my name when he died. My father left when I was barely 1, said he wasn't cut out to be a father, nice huh?" Addison paused, "But my dad was great. I was really lucky."

"It's nice that your naming him after someone."

Addison rspoke quietly, almost to herself, "Derek and I got to a point where we realized that we wouldn't have tons of kids, so we'd better choose a name that meant something. Make it count. Montgomery Richard Illias Shepherd, it's longer then he will be, but it has everyone who strongly impacted our lives."

"Illias?"

"Derek's grandfather. They were really close, growing up Derek spent his summers with him on his farm."

Meredith was silent, "What about for a girl? Emery might like a sister."

"I just want this one to be healthy. We don't need more."

"But you must have a name."

Addison smiled slightly, "Audrey Lorraine. After our mothers."

"It's beautiful."

"Thanks," Addison seem precariously close to crying.

"Tell Derek to come home," Meredith encouraged, "You should be talking to him right now, not me, and not Izzie."

"I can't."

"But he loves you."

Addison stared straight at Meredith, "I love him. It has nothing to do with that."

"Then why..."

"Meredith, I love my husband. I do. I have loved him since I was 23 years old. That will never change. But right now, for a little while, I need to be by myself. Derek has dealt with loosing the other babies, he is looking forward. I'm not, I'm still grieving, and I need to do it on my own so if this baby decides to be 'lucky 13' I can be the mother that he deserves."

"Just don't make him wait forever."

XXXX

August 24th

Addison

"I think that we should get a dog."

Addison smiled into the phone, "A dog? What kind of dog?"

"A mutt. Or a spaniel."

"I knew you were going to say that."

"I can't help it, your a spaniel girl. It's has something to do with your hair."

"Well, I want the mutt. I like my boys scruffy."

Derek laughed, "Did I just hear the doorbell?"

"Yeah, I think Izzie ordered Thai food. I didn't know that you could order Thai food at midnight, I thought that was a purely Manhattan thing."

"You are not eating Thai food."

Addison tilted her head back and chuckled, "Of course not, I wouldn't dream of it."

"Hey Gorgeous!"

Addison turned to stare at the person that had just entered the den, "Oh My God,"she breathed and pulled her blanket closer around her, "Derek, sweetheart," she said into the phone, with false enthusiasm, "You will never guess who is here to visit us," another person entered behind the first, laden down with various things, "And you won't believe what they brought with them."

XXXXXXXXXX

Who's at the door?

Agh. So what do we think? Are all our questions answered? Or at least most of them. I am really bad about giving out information, even when I was sending it to Steph to get her opinion, I would take out certain paragraphs so she would still be somewhat surprised when she read it all the way through. I know I am evil. But I have had this entire multiple-miscarriage story line planned since before I started the story. I think I made the right decision making you all wait for the details.

S'il vous plaît, revue! Je vous aimerai pour toujours. Je vous prie, revue!