Thanks to everyone who reviewed.
Sorry for taking so long to update this, things have just beena bit hectic.
Not much of the fic left to write, should have an ending soon.

so anyway, enough of my rambling.

Chapter 10

It had started raining. She had left without thinking and had wound up with no where to go and in needing someone to talk to she turned to the only person she could. Her mind was in a trance so instead of catching the el or driving she walked in the pouring rain – replaying everything that had just happened and of course, adding in everything she wished she had done when she had the chance. Her face was soaked with both tears and rain when she slowly walked towards the house; it was funny how the weather seemed to reflect her mood, even if it was purely coincidental. She lifted her hand out from under her water clogged coat and brought it up to the door and knocked with all the force she could muster. No response. She knocked again, harder – still with no response. She quickly glanced around her, checking the road behind her and when she saw no sign of life she slowly slumped herself down onto the step, resting her head against the door.

She had walked away from him; it was after all her specialty and he knew it. She had counted the numerous times she had left him standing alone and felt ashamed. She was ashamed at her manner and lack of self confidence – especially when it came to him…or any confrontation, of any sort, with him. She was overwhelmed and for the majority of the time she was always afraid and disappointed - disappointed in herself. That was the most important bit. When they were together she constantly felt an overwhelming need to impress him and show him everything she was – or more, everything she wanted to be. When it hit the rocks he knew, what Abby believed to be, the real her. A dawning realisation made when he was disappointed in her; and far too big of a burden came with that and for once it was John Carter who walked away.

He loved her. John Carter loved her, Abby…plain old Abby; with the screwed up family and the even more screwed up history. As she sat on her friends step she replayed that moment over and over again – again working out as many hypothetical situations as she could, praying for a time machine to be invented so she could go back and tell him what she needed to say.

The water was unusually murky, almost dirty in parts but it was still riveting and all time consuming. He had been standing at the river bank for far too long, his legs were beginning to strain and his back was aching from leaning over the railing for so long but he still refused to move. His thoughts were lost in the river, passing through his head like the water passed by him. The wind blow strong, so strong that he was sure he hadn't blinked in hours – his eyes dried up from the wind. At some point he had felt the wind change, anticipating rain, but he still remained on the river bank. There was just something so therapeutic about that place, something almost tranquil and heavenly about it – even though it was right in the centre of Chicago. Sirens went off in the background and every now and again traffic noise would emerge from behind the buildings but none of that was head by him. All he could hear was the water.

She had walked away from him; it was after all what she was good at, he almost expected it. He had turned to watch her walk away, longing for her to turn around and face him; but she didn't. He was disappointed in her. He knew her and he knew how she worked, and most importantly, he knew when she was happy. She wasn't happy – not with Jake. There was a glisten in her eye, unknown to most, when she was truly happy. She would glow, beam with radiance – and that smile, it lit up the whole room. She used to smile like that when she was with him. He loved that. He loved her. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman in love and John Carter knew that all to well. She was beautiful around him, well more beautiful than usual; she shone and lit up the room. She didn't do that around Jake. Maybe he had missed his chance with her and now it was time to move on. He thought he had moved on, when if anything all he had done was distanced himself from what he needed most. Africa was a surreal experience. It was how he blocked himself from Chicago – and Abby. Their relationship was hanging on by its last threads when, to add salt to a serious wound, he left. He needed to clear his head and take some much needed "me" time. Africa offered that and when he came back to her she was cold, harsh and above all things – hurt. He had never hurt her in that way before – that was usually her job. Abby Lockhart was good at many things, and disappointing was ranked first place. John Carter was safe, reliable, trustworthy and sincere. When he knew he had hurt the one person he loved most his world stopped turning and instead of "fixing" himself, and their relationship he walked away.

He loved her, John Carter loved Abby Lockhart, even with her screwed up family and history, and every other fault she carried around with her. In that one moment all that mattered was her, Kem was nothing but a distant memory and Jake, well Jake was just a blip on the radar. If he knew Abby, and he was certain he did, then he knew Jake wouldn't be that hard to get rid of.

Chicago weather was pretty predictable, and just like he had anticipated; it started raining. As he finally detached himself from the river bank he started making his way to the one place he knew he needed to be. He needed to work out what to do, and with that in mind he got to his old, tattered Jeep and heading in the direction of Susan.

It was getting cold and Abby was getting impatient. She had been sitting outside Susan's building for all of 15 minutes but was already restless; the ever dropping temperatures were not exactly making it easy. But she waited. Susan would tell her what to do, she was the only person, besides Carter, who understood the situation and would, hopefully, give Abby her honest opinion and tell her the right thing to do. Then, at that moment a car slowed and came to a halt outside Susan's building

"Abby?" Susan said in surprise as she ran from her car to the door, trying to shelter herself from the rain.

"Hey" Abby replied, standing up.

Susan slowed herself as she made her way up the stairs leading to her door.

"You're soaked! Is everything ok?" She exclaimed.

Abby nodded her head and pushed her damp hair off her face as Susan slid in beside her and opened the door.

"Come inside and we'll talk, ok?" Susan said tenderly.

"Sure" Abby smiled before following Susan into the apartment.

Susan's place wasn't new but it had an almost over-bearing smell of fresh paint. Cosmo's toys littered the entire apartment; motherhood really seemed to suit Susan and in a way it made her jealous.

"So…" Susan started, as she sat down on her sofa. "What's up?"

Once seated opposite Susan, Abby grunted and shook her head. Susan tilted her head in concern for her friend.

"What is it?" She asked again.

Abby cleared her throat before she spoke. "I need you advice on something."

Susan smiled. "Sure Abby, anything. What is it?"

Abby shifted her weight as she sat on the sofa and inadvertently watched her feet. Although she wanted to, hell, needed to tell Susan what was going on she was finding it hard to bring it out in words.

"Abby..?" Susan said quietly as she moved and sat beside her.

Abby kept her head down at her feet and tried to find a way of telling Susan what had went on without bursting into tears, but it was too late.

She lifted her head, exposing her tear stained eyes and sighed. "He told me he loves me"

Without any further explanation, because nothing more needed to be said; Susan brought her arm around Abby's back and pulled into a hug, allowing her to cry on her shoulder until she could speak again.

Susan didn't need Abby to tell her who she was talking about. The only person who had the ability to make Abby cry was John Carter. Of course he loved her; he always had and Susan had always known it. For a brief moment she even found herself smiling to herself, thinking that now things might end up how they had always meant to. She had never seen Abby like this before; she had never even seen her cry. Abby always put herself across in indestructible when really; she was probably more vulnerable and insecure than anyone could understand.

Abby raised her head from her friends shoulder, having finally found the strength to talk. Susan turned and looked Abby in the eye, waiting for her to speak.

"I don't know what to do." She said softly.

Susan looked at her sadly. "What do you mean?"

Abby shook her head. "My wedding is tomorrow, you know? And I can't leave Jake…not now…that's not fair on him"

"That's bullshit Abby, and you know it!" Susan chirped in, somewhat angry at her although she kept her voice relatively low.

Abby jerked her head at Susan, almost taken aback by her outburst.

"If you stay with him then you're not only being completely unfair to yourself, but to Jake…and Carter!"

Abby nodded her head gently, understanding and accepting what she was being told.

"Do what's in your heart" She said sincerely.

"If you love Carter, and I know you do…then tell him." She added.

Abby shook her head. "I can't…"

"Of course you can. You already know he loves you so…? Why can't you?"

Abby felt her eyes water-up again and before a tear could fall from her eye; she buried her head in Susan's shoulder. Abby was ashamed; she couldn't tell Susan she was a coward, no – not when she thinks she's strong like so many people. It was a common misconception. Abby never let anyone in, never let her guard down. The only person who ever came close to really knowing her broke her heart and it never full recovered. She had let herself love him only to let him break her. Even before then she was a coward. She could never tell him she loved him; that would have been too much. Abby Lockhart doesn't convey her emotions, why would she? "She doesn't trust anyone" – another common misconception. Trusting wasn't the problem, it was fear. She was afraid of what she could loose if she opened up and admitted how she felt. If she made it real she could loose it all; so instead she never spoke about it and lost it all anyway.

The whole apartment had went silent as Abby wept on Susan's shoulder and it stayed like that for a while until faint noises could be heard from outside Susan's door. The shuffling of feet became louder and louder until, eventually a gentle knock was heard from the door. It got stronger and louder after a few hits until it became completely audible.

The noise startled Abby who raised her head and looked at Susan.

Susan smiled gently at her friend.

"I'll get rid of whoever it is" she said softly.

Abby nodded her head in agreement and Susan made her way to the front door, leaving the living room door wide open on her way out. At the door, she looked through the peep hole and shook her head. She took in a deep breath as she opened the door, praying the person on the other side wouldn't speak too loudly…

Thanks for reading. Please, please spend two seconds reviewing. It really does help when I'm writing and if you have any constructive criticism please feel free to give it.

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