cannot express how grateful I am to all the people who have stuck with me. I have to be the most annoying writer in the world. You guys kept me going (albeit slowly). A million thank yous.

Can you believe I started this thing in June? SIX MONTHS! God...That's quite bad actually :P

Right, enough of my ramblings.

Here it is. The end.

Chapter 11 - The Final

He was in the same state she had been in, like her his face was stained with tears and soaked with rain. He had the same sad expression on his face when she smiled at him. He didn't speak, instead he stood still, gently shaking his head as Susan watched him. She couldn't let him in, he couldn't be near Abby until she had worked out what she was going to do, and chances are he didn't want to see Abby much either. Susan closed the door behind her, stepping out into the hallway with him.

"Abby's in there" She said quietly, almost whispering.

Carter breathed deeply and nodded his head.

"Is she ok?"

Susan sighed. "She's Abby…don't be expecting miracles John."

Carter lowered his head. "I know"

He had spoken so quietly, that when he stopped talking it made no real difference. The hallway would echo anything that was said but Carter was speaking so low no one could hear him.

He faced the floor – devoting as much of his concentration on his feet as he possibly could. Susan was feeling more and more uneasy by the minute. His silence was cutting through her like a knife. She was dying to pull him into a hug or slap him across the face. Just like Carter always does he had beat around the bush and got himself into the mess he is in today, but at least he was trying to fix it. Trying…and failing. She wouldn't admit it and it was tearing him up inside. He wanted, hell, needed to hear her say it – hear her tell him that they could run away together and live happily ever after, that she loves him and that nothing else matters. Maybe this could have been avoided, maybe they'd be together now if he hadn't went to Africa, or maybe not. Africa ended one chapter in his life and started a brand new one; a much faster paced, romantic and epic chapter than the one that came before it but in spite of all of this Carter favoured the less "exciting", much more real predecessor.

Knowing she was on the other side of the door wasn't helping him, knowing she could hear everything he was going to say even though he couldn't see her. That's all he wanted to do. See her, be near her. He wanted to push pass Susan and storm the apartment, grab Abby and run – run away from all the madness around them and all the problems they were both facing. He didn't realise that he was, in a way the cause of a lot of Abby's problems. His departure and spineless break up letter had left her bitter, hurt and angry and perhaps, if it hadn't happened this way then she wouldn't have gone back to med school, so at least she had him to thank for that. Her return to med school was her attempt to show John Carter that she could change, grow or even just get a hold of her own life. For the months he was away she had been mentally picturing the day he would walk back into the ER and she her in a lab coat. But of course, that didn't go to plan. When he walked into that ER with that thing on his arm she felt as though the wind had been sucked from her body. He barely looked at her and she avoided him like the plague but when she finally did muster up the courage to approach him she was shot in the chest. She will never forget how she felt when he handed her that sonogram picture, nor will she ever forget how much she wished it was hers. But it wasn't. Carter had moved on and had a family on the way – her return to med school seemed mediocre in comparison.

She remembers feeling terrible when news of the baby made its way down to the ER and almost instantaneously Abby switched herself back into friend mode. That was something that was far too short lived. In the after math of the baby's death she tried tirelessly to reach out to him. It made no difference and within weeks they were nothing more than colleagues…until he left. Something in her head triggered and although they had spent the last year barely speaking she missed him. She missed knowing he was there, knowing that should she need him he'd come running. Sure, he still would have come – only he was half way around the world. In reality it was missing him that had made her reach out to Jake again and it was knowing he was no longer hers that had spurred her along when Jake proposed.

Even through a door she could recognise his voice. The muffled noises had been intriguing her since Susan opened the door, it looked like Carter had turned to the same person she had. Susan was fast becoming the rock in both of their lives. She was the first person either one turned to; a responsibility that carried three tonnes of emotions with it. Carter had known her since he was a med student, and although he denied it; he did have a crush on her. She was much too old for him, much too experienced and besides, he was sure she was into someone else – her best friend Mark Greene. When she left he was without a friend, a mentor and a rock and when she came back he was on cloud nine. Almost everyone welcomed her back with open arms, everyone except Abby. In her eyes she was taking Carter away from her; stealing him and worst of all…dating him. Resentment was the only way to describe how Abby felt towards Susan, sheer and unadulterated resentment. Susan had always felt intimidated by Abby yet when the pair finally made their way round to talking to one another their friendship even surprised themselves. When the time came round, no one was more excited about Carter and Abby's relationship than Susan and just like that no one was more disappointed when it ended. And now, yet again she was stuck right in the middle of their issues.

Abby sat on Susan's sofa, straining her neck and her ear in a bid to hear what was going on. His voice was muffled and slow. He sounded upset, or at least she thought he did. As much as she wanted to talk to him, she needed time; time to think about him, about Jake and of course, about herself. That is of course why she walked away from him, wasn't it? Not because she's afraid of loving him, of not loving Jake; afraid of commitment or the unknown. Of course not. Abby Lockhart doesn't get afraid; she's strong and self-assured. She doesn't need anyone. Or at least, that's what she told herself as she ran, crying her eyes out, across the city to Susan; and maybe if she tells herself that enough then it will come true – because Abby and happiness don't go together.

She stood up and turned towards the door. She stood infront of it, hesitating as to whether or not to open it a little and try and hear what was going on. She didn't think she could suffer hearing what he had to say but at the same time she needed to know. She casually glanced around the room before taking a deep breath and slowly pulling the door back a few centimetres. Suddenly everything became clearer, well, the voices did. He was crying and when she heard that her heart ached a little. She was the cause of his pain, she was why she was crying and she couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I'm sorry John…this just isn't working"

Surely he'd understand that. They both had to have known it wasn't going well. He was never there; not mentally. Since they day they got married his head was a million miles away and it was obvious. She had tried to ignore it and block it out, imagine it wasn't happening…but she couldn't.

She did love him, there was no denying that but somehow, from somewhere she just felt like he didn't love her.

She was hurt. He needed to be confronted and she wanted to make it seem like he was hurting her. Kem could never be seen to be the bad one.

"I'll ask him if he is happy" She thought to herself. "…and if he tells me he is, I'll tell him I'm not." That would have to be the easiest way to do things wouldn't it? She thought so, and although she was prepared for a tricky conversation I don't think she expected the one she got. He wasn't happy; so she lied – lied to make him feel bad…but it didn't work. He left.

He had been gone a full week and she still hadn't heard a word from him. Her small knowledge of Abby leant her to know that her wedding was in the next 24 hours. Surley she'd hear from John by then…since by then Abby will be out of his reach – thankfully.

Her mind churned and churned hypothetical situations continuously. She had almost every scenario worked out; John coming back, apologising and then both of them working on their strained relationship; or John comes back and they call it quits – move on and remain as friends; or even face that he does still love Abby but not let it come between them. All these and many more, but she hadn't dared to think what would happen if he didn't come home to her. Strange, since she even knew that chances are he wasn't coming back. Chances are things would finally be over and she could move on with her life; and so could he.

"What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should talk to Abby" Susan confirmed.

"Welll…." Carter said as he nodded towards the door.

Susan shook her head

"I don't think she's ready to talk to you…"

Carter was taken aback

"I mean, I don't think she knows what to do…or say, or how to react, you know?"

Carter gently nodded his head. "I guess…"

He could feel it all building up inside him again. He wanted to scream and let it all out. He wanted to go back; before he left for Africa and just stay; stay with Abby and work it out. If he had done that chances are they wouldn't be where they are just now.

Susan was looking past Carter, peering down the hallway when she lifted her hand and looked at the watch on her wrist – noticing that she had been standing at the door for much longer than she had anticipated.

"Look Carter, I gotta go…I have company remember?"

Carter groaned with frustration. "Yeah, okay…" He said as she turned to close the door.

"Wait! Can you just ask her, just tell her I'm here…"

"I don't know Carter…"

"Please?" He begged.

"He wants to talk to you…" Susan stated as she pushed the door open.

Abby, upon hearing Susan moving had darted onto the sofa again, was sitting at the other end of the room. She decided to play dumb.

"Who? Carter?...He's here?" Abby sounded surprised.

"Yeah, I figured you'd have been leaning against the door, listening" Susan smiled.

Abby smiled before thinking about whether or not to go talk to him.

"Do you want me to tell him to go away?" Susan asked, breaking the silence.

Abby snapped out of her line of thought and looked up at her friend.

"No…I need to talk him too…"

Susan smiled and nodded her head.

"…It's just…well; if you hear him screaming, don't worry. I'll probably be killing him. Ok?" Abby joked, lightening the mood.

"Sure thing" Susan replied, laughing a little before Abby stood up, walked across the room and closed the door on her way out.

He had moved to the outside of the building and was found sitting on the stone stairs leading up to Susan's building; he had his back turned to the door and was gazing across the street, or at the not so distant Sears Tower.

She had followed her way out the building and saw his shadow behind the glass on the door. When she pushed the heavy door open he turned and faced her.

"Hey" She said quietly.

"Hey" He smiled.

"Don't you wanna come inside? You've got to be freezing" Abby sounded concerned. He was still rather wet after trekking through the city in the rain.

"Nah, I'll be okay" Carter replied.

"Okay"

Abby breathed in and stepped down to sit beside Carter. He shuffled along a little bit – making room for her. He watched her sit down then find her balance and he smiled to himself.

She turned to face him and almost sadly smiled at him; looking deep into his eyes. He avoided her gaze; it was making him feel uncomfortable. She knew what he was here for, she knew how he was feeling and only she knew how to make it right. He felt naked sitting beside her; all his defences had been let down and he was ready to be hurt; after all Abby was never one for over-powering romantic gestures, or even facing her own feelings.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" She spoke softly.

Carter sniggered, shaking his head. "You know what I'm here to say" He snapped back at her.

Abby leant to her side, leaning in towards him; trying to catch his attention.

"Is this how it's going to be? You biting at me until I say the one thing you know I can't?"

"That's bullshit Abby. You can say it; I know you can because I know you do. We wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't."

He waited for her to respond. She didn't.

"So why can't you just swallow your pride and say it?"

"It's not about pride" She looked at her feet.

"Then what is it? If you feel it, and you mean it why can't you say it?"

It was his turn to look at her and her turn to avoid him. She kept her eyes focused on the step below her and her feet.

"It's easy to say…"

Abby found her self springing up at his last remark.

"Oh yeah?" Abby asked, sceptically.

Carter was startled by her sudden movement and sensed that she was on a roll and that it would be best to let her go on.

"If it's so easy then why didn't you say it?"

"I did say it…We were standing by the river, an hour ago and I said it."

"Not then Carter" She should feel herself getting angry with him.

"Then when?"

"Ohh I don't know…In the year we were dating?" She shouted the last word a little too loudly since it caused John to jump a little.

He stopped for a moment and looked into her eyes.

"Why didn't you?" He spoke softly and quietly, bringing the tone of the conversation back down to the level it deserved.

Abby could feel herself getting worked up. She could feel her eyes watering and her heart was aching. Both she and Carter took a moment to think to themselves, allowing themselves to comprehend the situation.

"What's wrong with us?" Abby said shaking her head.

Carter found himself laughing a little at her statement.

"I do not know. I shouldn't be this hard, should it?"

"Oh I don't John, I was always taught you have to fight for the good things in life" Abby said sincerely. "It was one of the very few pearls of wisdom Maggie came out with" She added on the end, lightening the mood.

He laughed at her comment.

"Trust you to kill a mood"

She smiled. "Hey, I'll have you know that's quite a skill. You should be so lucky…and talented."

They smiled at one another.

"So, where do we go now?" Abby asked, looking out across the street.

"I was hoping you could tell me" Carter added, following her eyes.

She took and deep breath and as she turned to face him she let it out.

"I do, y…you know? I, I never stopped…"She stuttered out.

"You do what?" Carter enquired, trying to get her to say what he desperately wanted her to say.

She shook her head and turned her attention back to her feet. "…John, please!"

"Why can't you say it…"

"You, of all people should know why I'm finding it so tough to say this" She said quietly as her eyes waters to the point where a single tear rolled down her cheek. She turned and looked at him. Noticing the tear on her face he lifted his hand and in cupping her face, wiped it away.

"You're not going to loose me" John said, meaning every word he said.

Abby turned her head in his hand before lifting her hand up to bring his down off her face.

"You said that once before…and you left." Abby spoke through the tears that now streamed down her face.

"God, carter, I trusted you! And you left…If I hadn't had run in to you that night I wouldn't even have known."

"I know, I know and I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I wish I could just go back in time and stay with you, in Chicago…but I can't."

"So what now?" Abby said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Carter breathed in and leaned towards her.

"Now…I'm going to tell you that I love you and that I'm sorry. I'm going to tell you that I'm willing to fight the rest of my life if it means we're together and I'm going to tell you that I'm never going to leave you…ever again."

Carter's eyes had watered up so much; he was practically crying. He starred into her eyes, watching them fill up with water and as a new tear rolled down he face he wiped it away. He held onto her face, holding the side where her jaw meets her neck. He stared into her eyes, watching them stare back at him. He leaned forward and pulled her in with him and where they met he kissed her.

She closed her tear stained eyes and absorbed the moment; melting into him – allowing every fear or doubt she had fly out of the window. In that one precious minute everything was how it should have been; her head was clear.

"I love you" She whispered as she gently pulled away from him, leaving her forehead resting on his. She could feel him smiling as he tightened his grip around her neck. They remained like this for what seemed like an eternity; listening to and feeling each others breaths, absorbing everything they had long since been near and when the time felt right they pulled apart.

He picked her hand up and placed in his as she lay her head on his shoulder – where they sat smiling and thinking about their futures – together.

"Can I borrow your cell?" Abby said confidently, keeping her head on John's shoulder.

He turned, forcing her to lift her head. "Why?" Carter asked, confused.

Abby smiled and raised her eyebrows.

"I've got a wedding to cancel"

Fin

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