Chapter Thirty

"You are not angry with me?" Christine asked, knowing she should end the conversation where it was instead of dragging on but unable to help herself. Erik shook his head.

"No...but you have every right to be angry with me," he answered. She went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"No more talking of these things, it is all rather depressing, don't you agree?" she asked, looking up at him with a smile. He smiled hesitantly in return, wishing he could see the same joy in life that Christine seemed to. So many things had happened to her in her short life but she was still so sweet and compassionate.

He had seen the harsh realities of life and it had left him cold and bitter. For a long time he had hated everyone and everything. And yet here was this woman who had melted the ice around his heart.

So many would have given up if this had happened to them. He would not blame them. But she had a inner fire, a inner passion that kept her going. What with the death of her father and the countless rapes one would find it hard pressed to find any compassion within themselves to show to others.

Christine had done all that and more. She was one of the most kind and caring woman he had ever met and she had changed his life. He would never have thought that the screaming girl who had fainted at his doorstep would become this woman that he could not live without.

Without her he would still be the Black Wolf, loved by no one and hated by everyone. She had shown him that it was possible for someone to merely love Erik, the man, not the monster and not the wolf. Christine had given him a glance of Heaven and because of that he would always love her.

"I missed you," she whispered. Erik shuddered against her, overcome with emotion. He took her chin in his hands and brought her gaze to his.

"Listen to me, Christine. I am a foolish man-"

"Erik-"

"No, let me finish. I cannot seem to find it in me to just admit that I love you and I need you with me," he said. Christine eyes grew round, having not expected this from him now. He gave her a kiss before continueing.

"I do love you. I am a fool and I almost ruined everything we had because of it," he said. She did smile then.

"You do not know how happy that makes me to hear you say that," she said. He grinned.

"God knows I do not deserve you...but I am to selfish to let you go," he said. Christine shook her head.

"I am glad you are selfish, Erik, I feel the same way. We do not have to be alone any more," she whispered.

"Never again," he said, pulling her to him and hugging her tightly. She pulled away after a moment, however, needing to ask him this.

"Erik...it does not bother you that...well, that I cannot please you?" she whispered. Erik frowned for a moment, not knowing what she meant until he looked into her eyes. He pushed the curls away from her face almost frantically as his eyes grew soft.

"Your ability to please me is not what I love about you, Christine. Look how far we got last night...perhaps in time you will be able to let me show you how to make love. Until then I can be patient," he whispered. Christine began crying. It hurt her that she could not give herself to him. She had thought that perhaps when she found someone she loved it would not be so hard for her to share her body with him...why could she not overcome her fear and share that with him.

"No, do not cry," he pleaded, not wanting to see her tears.

"I'm sorry...I'm just so ashamed of myself!" she whispered. Erik picked her up into his arms and carried her out of the library and to his room. He sat down on the bed and cradled her on his lap.

"Christine...perhaps you should tell me what happened...then maybe you will feel better?" he suggested, not knowing if he wanted to hear it but needing her to be happy.

"I...I was so young. I thought he cared for me. He knew all the right things to say and in the end I wanted to make love to him...but then he came to me drunk and I knew he wanted me for my body and the pleasure it promised, not because he loved me," she whispered brokenly. Erik could see the young girl she had been and how her innocence had been cruelly taken from her in the worst way.

"T-then...when Philippe took me, he was there. Again and again he did to me what he had done all those years ago-I told him to stop...he-he wouldn't...I-can still see...his face!" she cried, burying her face in his chest. Several of his own tears fell onto her hair.

"Never again, Christine, I swear to you that no one will ever touch you again," he swore ficiously. She pressed a hand to his lips.

"Do not promise such a thing. If, for some reason, it were to happen again I do not want you to blame yourself," she said.

"Do not talk like that. As long as I am here I am never going to let that happen," he insisted. She looked up at him with a haunted expression.

"You deserve a woman who can give you everything she is...I do not know when I can do that," she whispered. He shook his head.

"You are that woman, Christine. As long as it takes, sweetheart, as long as it takes," he said, meaning it with everything he had in him. She kissed him softly.

"Thank you," she whispered. They were both interrupted with a loud knock on the door.

"Come in," he snapped. Rupert came in, a sorrowful expression on his face. Christine knew before the words were out of his mouth that she was not going to like what he said.

"Jammes is dead."