(sorry about the wait peeps, however I was ill for a time and couldn't get any writing done, however back on my feet now, Enjoy xx)
Three hours later
Sam lay on her designated hospital bed, where Carolyn had insisted she take up residence for the rest of the day at least. On arrival back on base, the usual whirlwind of medics rushing the wounded off to the infirmary had occurred. Sam had wearily accepted her greeting of arrival home from the General before being ordered and escorted by him personally to the infirmary where Carolyn had taken a moment from Daniel and Cameron to give Sam a check up and insisted on her immediate rest. Sam had asked the General for an immediate briefing before she took any rest and he had relented to her request, despite Carolyn's protests. Sam had to promise to return immediately after the briefing to rest.
The General had kept the briefing as quickly as possible. Reynolds team SG-3 were present as was Teal'c. They were silent as Sam relayed in as much detail as possible the events, which had taken, place over the last few days, and faces had turned solemn when she spoke of Lt Parker's death. She'd informed the General briefly in private about the Lt's demise before the briefing. After she'd given her account, SG-1 and Teal'c gave an account of their arrival on the planet and the search to locate the missing team. After a few questions from the General he dismissed them. Sam felt a little better having accounted her side of the story while it was fresh in her mind, before she rested. A further briefing would take place when Cameron and Daniel were back on their feet, but for now, all three would require rest.
Sam had returned to the infirmary, where she'd been immediately put to bed and left alone, but she'd been unable to sleep and instead had lain quietly musing over the goings on of the past few days. She was relieved when Teal'c wandered slowly into the infirmary and approached her bed, pulling a stool up beside it, under the watchful eye of Carolyn.
"No visiting for too long Teal'c, Colonel Carter is supposed to be resting" said Carolyn approaching the bed where Sam lay.
Teal'c nodded slightly in acknowledgement as he sat.
"How are Doctor Jackson and Colonel Mitchell?"
"A few broken bones, but nothing too serious. They merely require a lot of bed rest whilst they heal, but hopefully not too much, I'm not sure I can stand Colonel Mitchell's whining for long"
"Yeah, Cameron doesn't seem to be the best of patients" smiled Sam
"Yes well, speak of the devil, I'm off to check on them both right now" replied Carolyn with a smile "Don't stay too long Teal'c. I'll be back to check on you later Colonel"
With that the doctor left the two comrades alone and Teal'c turned his attention to Sam.
"How are you feeling Colonel Carter?" asked Teal'c with slight concern
"Tired, but ok thanks Teal'c. Just glad to be back, it's been a long two days. I've been running in auto pilot for the most part of them, and even then I wasn't entirely sure we were doing the right thing"
"You should have more faith in your abilities, as we do" replied Teal'c
"To be honest I missed you being there with us Teal'c" said Sam "Would have felt safer for one thing, had you have been"
"We had hoped to have reached the planet earlier, but circumstances did not allow. However it seems you would have made it back despite our rescue mission"
"Believe me it was a relief to see you, even if we were that close to the gate"
"I am relieved we found you all in relatively safe conditions"
"Not all of us" replied Sam quietly after a pause
"Indeed" said Teal'c softly, before starting to stand "I will leave you to your rest"
"Actually Teal'c, would you mind staying a little longer, just until I fall asleep" asked Sam, she was grateful of his company, after being without it the past few days when she'd been in great need of it.
Teal'c sat down with a small smile and watched as she lay back into the pillows of the bed and closed her eyes.
The Next Day
Sam had awoke early morning still in the infirmary feeling refreshed from her sleep and famished. Carolyn had dismissed her from the infirmary but wanted her to stay on base for the day to make sure was she was definitely all right. Sam left the infirmary and had gone to her quarters for a much-needed shower and change of clothes. She then reported straight to the commissary where she was joined by Teal'c for early breakfast. She had returned to the infirmary with him to catch up on Daniel and Cameron's situation but they were both asleep and they had left with Carolyn's promise that she would call them as soon as they were awake.
The two had returned to the commissary where Sam caught up with all the news of the goings on with the Free Jaffa situation from Teal'c. A few hours passed as they discussed the intricacies of setting up the new political system and the prospect of Bra'tac perhaps becoming leader of the free Jaffa in some capacity. Eventually they went their separate ways, having still not heard of the two invalids in the infirmary. Sam retired to her lab, to muse over the odd bit of paperwork, planning on returning to her quarters afterwards for some more rest, she still felt tired from the past days events.
Sitting at her desk, she looked over some of the papers lying before her, silently musing over the past days events once more and glad to be sitting at her desk doing so.
Sam jumped slightly from her silent reverie and eyed the phone as it rang. With a soft sigh she reached over and picked up the receiver, leaning on her elbow, head resting in an upturned hand tiredly.
"Hello?" she said softly
"Hey"
She smiled, having been wondering over the past hours about when he would eventually call.
"Hey Sir" she replied, swivelling slightly in her chair and adjusting her stance slightly to lean better on her hand, her fingers sliding through her blonde hair.
"I heard you went for a trek through the woods"
"Something like that" said Sam, "Why should Hansel and Gretel have all the fun?"
"You ok?"
Sam pondered the question a moment, missions such as the one she'd just pulled through always changed a person, no matter how much they wished to admit it hadn't. She was back home safe and well, she guessed that was ok enough.
"Sure" she replied, trying for upbeat but unable to find the correct words.
"Carter?" the question was pressing, despite the miles, they could have conversations like they were in the room together reading each other like books.
"The outcome could have been better," said Sam, feeling that small stab of guilt somewhere deep inside.
"You got home alive, you got your team home alive"
"Not all of us"
There was a momentary pause, Sam knew Landry would have imparted every detail to the General, who would have been too impatient for their reports, hence the phone call.
"There was nothing you could do"
"I guess not," said Sam, although guilt told her perhaps there was.
"From what Landry told me, you had no choice but take the course of action you did"
"I could have gotten him out of there"
"He was dead Carter"
"I could have tried to revive him...bring him back, he was dead barely a moment, I didn't even try"
Sam didn't feel overly emotional about it, which un-nerved her, it was almost as if she was trying to reassure herself that she'd done the right thing, despite the deep down feeling of wondering could she have done more.
"You got the rest of the team to safety, you had their lives on your shoulders too"
"Yeah, I know," she said with a sigh
"You don't sound convinced"
"What if it had been Cameron, or Daniel lying there. Do you think I would have left them?" she knew she was really asking him, if he'd been in her position, if roles had been different, would he have done the same. Not that it mattered, it was done and she couldn't change it. Perhaps she already knew his answer; an experience from years past was clear in her mind.
"It wasn't"
"No it wasn't" said Sam "But I can't help thinking what if"
"Get used to it, it'll be a question which will follow you around for a while"
"So I just have to deal" asked Sam
There was silence; save for the background noise she could hear through the receiver.
"Yeah I guess you just have to deal..."
"What ever happened to 'you don't leave a man behind'?"
"You get the rest of your team to safety first, and then think about going back, if you have that choice"
"But I didn't go back"
"Because he was gone"
The scene seemed to play slowly through her mind, flashing moments, and different scenarios.
"I could have gotten him out, gone back for the others"
"And what if something happened while you got him out of there? Would you have forgiven yourself if Mitchell of Daniel had been hurt even more because you got him out first"
"I thought about going back"
"But you didn't"
"No I didn't" replied Sam, closing her eyes for a moment tiredly
"Why didn't you?"
"Because..." started Sam, with a sigh, "Because if something had happened to me, when I went back for him, Daniel and Cameron wouldn't have been able to make it out without help"
"You knew you were their only chance"
"They were my responsibility"
There was a long pause and Sam sat up, lowering her hand to fiddle with a pencil lying on the table.
"How they both doing?"
"They'll survive, plenty of bed rest and they'll be back to their usual selves"
"And you're just ok"
"Perhaps I need some bed rest of my own"
"Sitting moping in your lab won't help much"
"I'm not moping" replied Sam a little indignant, but almost hearing the soft smile that spoke the words
"Feeling sorry for yourself won't help either"
"Too tired to do anything else at the moment Sir" said Sam honestly "Can't help but think..."
"I've told you for years, you think to much"
"Is it so easy for you to not think about it?"
"I'm a seasoned vetran at it Carter"
"Is that your way of telling me it gets easier?"
"No... I guess it's my way of saying I know what you're going through"
"I didn't doubt you wouldn't understand Sir"
"You know, you all could give guy a break here and stop getting into so much trouble"
"Strange, I told Mitchell a few days back that we're SG-1... trouble should replace the hyphen"
"You could have at least formed a different numbered team"
"And disappoint Cameron...he is very persuasive...plus he has this pouty look he gives when he wants his own way...reminds me of an old CO of mine"
"I don't pout"
"Of course not Sir" replied Sam with a smile; she missed these types of conversation, they didn't happen as much as they should these days, but she appreciated them even more when they had them
"Are you humouring me Carter?"
"Seasoned vetran at it Sir, had plenty of practice over the years"
"Well I'm heading to the cabin this weekend, and you're going to join me"
"I am?" asked Sam, although the thought of a few days away doing nothing was appealing
"Yup, I need the company and you need the rest"
"You're ordering me to go away for the weekend?"
"Yup"
"If I refuse?"
"Insubordination"
"You'd have me charged?"
"Yup"
Sam suppressed a smile and swivelled slightly in her chair.
"What if the world needs saving?"
"It will have to wait three days, plus it's Teal'c's turn to save the day"
"Guess I'll see you Friday night then"
"Bring beer"
"Wouldn't dream of coming along without it Sir"
"Great, see you Friday"
"Bye Sir"
Sam set the receiver down and smiled softly. The weight hadn't really lifted from her shoulders, but it didn't strain as much either. She knew the weekend would bring on more in depth conversation, and she'd glean some wisdom, despite the General's claims that he had none to offer. She also knew it would be a relaxing break she needed and a chance to filter out her thoughts and set aside some of the guilt she'd be carrying for a while.
Standing she gave up on the paperwork and refused to wait any longer for a phone call. Walking into the corridor, and seeking out Teal'c once more, they made their way to see the two in the infirmary before she made arrangements to go home and prepare for the weekend.
The End
(Thankyou, to all for the wonderful fabulous, very kind Fb/Reviews you've all left. I've enjoyed writing this a whole lot, been a while since I wrote anything of any great length like this, and to have been encouraged all the way by peeps always helps. The muse thrives on FB! Thanks to all and happy reading and writing...Sara Lou xx)