Author's Note: This is an idea that's been at the back of my mind for quite some time now – not sure exactly how long, but I have a feeling it might have formed sometime during my Psych course last year…you'll see why…
Discalaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
Internal Dialogue
He blinked: Still dark.
He blinked again: Nope – nothing but nothingness.
It was disconcerting to think that the inside of his own subconscious mind was this, well…empty. But then, he supposed that left him much more room to spread his thoughts out and organize them. Everyone else always seemed to be complaining about having so many things to keep track of that they couldn't keep them straight – but thankfully, Inuyasha had been spared that problem.
The hanyou shrugged and strolled aimlessly into the void of his mind, glancing about at nothing in particular until—
A fist hit him hard in the jaw, sending him reeling sideways.
"Fuck! That hurt – the fuck did you do that for!" he demanded of the figure that approached him from the shadows.
There stood another Inuyasha – but this one was slightly different from his hanyou counterpart. His eyes glowed red whereas the other's were golden, his claws were longer and sharper, and he had violent jagged purple streaks on either cheek. The full-youkai Inuyasha shrugged dismissively. "Felt like it," he said.
"I don't think that was such a good idea," commented another familiar voice in a concerned tone.
"Oh fuck a donkey," the youkai Inuyasha burst out in exasperation, "Every time I wanna have fun, old Soupy-Sourpuss shows up…"
The most recent arrival stepped from the shadows, revealing himself to be yet another Inuyasha – this one with long ebony hair and blunted human fingernails in place of the others' claws. "That's 'Superego,' thank you very much, and there'll be no need for name-calling today, Id," he scolded.
"Shove it up your ass and choke on it," Id snapped back.
"For fuck's sake, guys," the hanyou Inuyasha cut in, "do we really have to do this every time?"
"He started it," Id pouted.
"I see no reason to resort to finger-pointing either," Superego countered calmly. "Ego is right – we ought to at least try to be civil."
"Feh." Id turned away and stepped behind a bar that had miraculously appeared in the middle of the nothingness, where he began to whip up for himself a gigantic chocolate malt with double whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles, and a little extra chocolate sauce on top. No cherry – fruit of any kind was way to "healthy" for his tastes. Superego merely cast an exasperated glance toward Ego, who could think of no response but to shrug.
"You give him far too much leeway," Superego commented.
Ego spluttered for a moment before saying, "Well he's not exactly easy to control!"
Of course, as usual, Superego was ready with a pat answer: "What is right is not always easy, and what is easy is not always right."
Of course, as usual, Superego was ignored.
Id was just finishing up the last of his malt, making loud slurping noises with his straw. "Feh – you sound just like Kagome, Soupy." He put on a whiny, high-pitched voice, "'Don't do this,' 'Don't go there,' 'Don't kill him' – she never lets us have any fun either."
"Hey," Ego cut in, "don't you start that up again…"
"What?" Id questioned, hopping up onto the counter with a jug of strong sake conjured from midair and taking a swig. "I still say we'd be much, much happier if we slipped her the sausage."
"Shut up," Ego gritted.
"Rode the tube…"
"Shut up."
"Did the horizontal tango…"
"Shut up."
"Got in, got off, got out…"
"SHUT UP! Or I'll rip your fucking throat out!" Ego growled fiercely at last, lunging at Id, only to be restrained by Superego. Id laughed so hard he fell off the counter.
"Easy," Superego soothed as Id cackled in the background, pounding his fists on the invisible floor, "you wouldn't want to do anything that you'd regret. Anyway, he's only doing it to make you angry."
His mirth subsiding at last, Id rolled onto his back and looked up at the other two from the floor, still chuckling occasionally. "Seriously, man – out of all of us, you definitely need a good lay. When are you going to get over this whole 'I'm a hanyou, and thus don't deserve happiness' martyr-ish thing and get a fucking life?"
"I have a life!" Ego retorted hotly.
"Right – finding jewel shards, fighting bad guys, shutting out our friends, and repeatedly dumping a seriously gorgeous chick to go chasing after a dead woman. I dunno whose idea that was, but it sure as hell wasn't mine," said Id.
"Well, we did make a promise to her, after all," Superego pointed out reasonably. "And if we go back on our word so easily, if we desert those who have been dear to us so carelessly, then perhaps we are no better than the monster others believe us to be."
"Ah," Id said knowingly, "I should have guessed – this had Soupy's fingerprints all over it."
"Well he's right, isn't he?" Ego pointed out. "I mean, we did make a promise to Kikyo, and we do have a responsibility to her – we love her…"
"Uh-uh, whoa boy," Id cut in, "Speak for yourself. Sure, she was cute, and it was nice to have somebody smiling at us instead of brandishing torches and pitchforks for a change – but that's it. The 'love' thing," he said mockingly, making air-quotes with his fingers, "was all his idea. 'Love' without passion – doesn't that seem kinda fucked up?"
"There was passion!" Ego argued defensively, but Id shook his head stubbornly.
"Nuh-uh – don't you think I, out of all of us, would know if there was passion or not? I'm the fucking king of passion! That's my fucking job! You just tricked yourself into thinking it was there because Soupy McSuckup over there was so eager to be accepted by those bitch-ass humans that he convinced you that we loved her. But if you had listened to me—"
"I hardly think that's a fair assessment," Superego interjected calmly. "After all, there's nothing wrong with fitting in once in awhile. Even you, Id, know the pleasure of being accepted is quite appealing."
"Yeah," Id snapped, "but Kagome accepts us without all that 'turning human' crap – so what do you say to that?"
"I seem to remember someone complaining only moments ago that Kagome 'never lets us have any fun'…" Superego pointed out in a wryly superior tone.
"So?" Id shrugged. "I'm fickle – I'm Id!"
As the other two continued to bicker, Ego crossed his arms and dropped his chin to his chest, staring at the nonexistent floor and thinking. Id was right – Kagome did accept him for who he was in a way that Kikyo, for all the connection that had existed between them, never had. She had never said overtly that the only way she was willing to be with him was if he turned human, or anything of that nature – but that entire period of his life had been suffused by the assumption that turning human would be the solution to all of his problems. Id was right again – he had been listening to Superego far too much in those days.
"…Oh yeah, sure, I get control in all the battles and shit," Id's voice broke into Ego's thoughts, "but whenever Kagome gets close you let Soupy Shit-for-brains takeover and nothing the fuck ever happens! Do you know how many times we could have kissed her or fucked her or whatever, but didn't? I'm keeping score…I think it's something like 378,000 by now…"
Superego came back with another lofty truism. "Just because one can do a thing does not mean that one ought to do said thing. Don't you understand the meaning of the word 'regret'?"
"Sure I do – I regret that we didn't fuck Kagome the first chance we got," Id snapped childishly, pulling out a yo-yo to work on his Around-the-World.
"Hey," Ego barked, "I told you not to say shit like that."
"Can't help it – it's who I am," explained Id with a remorseless shrug. "And if you'd stop and think about it you'd realize that the only reason it pisses you off is because it's who you are too. You just can't admit it."
"Admit what?" Ego demanded.
"That you're in love with her," Id spelled out, bouncing his yo-yo off Ego's forehead to top off his point, "For real this time – not that 'I-should-be-in-love-because-she's-nice-and-our-lives-have-been-so-similar' kind of love. If that theory worked you'd be carrying Sango around on your back, and moping about her when she went away – but you're not, are you. No – you only do those things for Kagome. You want her, you need her, and you belong with her. Face it."
Ego stared at his impulsive counterpart for a few moments, at a loss for words. He was, however, saved the trouble of responding when his other third cut in.
"As usual, Id," Superego said with an exasperated sigh, "you have managed to oversimplify everything to the point of absurdity. There is more to both life and love than mere gut feeling – think of the possible consequences of such a decision? What would everyone think? It's one thing for a human and a half demon to travel together, but if we were to begin a relation—"
"You weren't so dead set against the idea when Kikyo was the human," Id pointed out mockingly.
"Kikyo was a revered member of society, and a priestess – she could take care of herself," countered Superego calmly, "and what's more, she wanted us to become human, which would have solved the problem. Anyway, while you're musing about how much fun it would be to 'fuck' Kagome, you tend to forget the fact that she lives five hundred years in the future. Sooner or later she'll have to go home, and then where will we be?"
"We'll be right there with her, if that's what it takes," Id shrugged. "Besides, it's worked this long – why shouldn't it just go on working forever?"
"Because no one can live in two worlds at once," Superego said gravely. "In the end, something will have to give – and then everyone loses."
"Feh – you sure are a buzz kill man…" Id replied, now using his yo-yo as a lasso and attempting to snag his empty malt glass off the counter.
Ego, who had been quiet for some time now, opened his mouth to speak – but the voice that interrupted Id and Superego's resumed bickering was definitely not his.
"I agree with Id," came Kagome's unmistakable voice from the shadows, and soon the schoolgirl emerged into their little corner of the nothingness of Inuyasha's mind in all her green sailor-suited glory.
"Kagome!" Ego exclaimed, suddenly horrified and extremely confused. "What are you doing here?"
She shrugged at him. "You tell me – it's your mind. How should I know? Anyway," she continued, turning from Ego to Superego, "you over there – what do you mean 'Kikyo could take care of herself'? Are you insinuating that I am less capable of taking care of myself than she was?"
"Well, you do seem to attract an awful lot of trouble," Superego pointed out as he eyed her skirt (or relative lack thereof) with prudish disapproval. Incidentally, Id's gaze was also fixed upon her skirt, but his expression was anything but disapproving – more like ravenous…
"So what?" the girl said with a shrug. "I'm in the Feudal Era, I'm carrying shards of the Shikon Jewel, and I'm, well…close with a man who is hated by pretty much everybody in the entire world—"
"Hey!" Id and Ego snapped defensively, but Kagome ignored them.
"—The only thing I could possibly do to make myself more of a target is paint a freaking bull's-eye on my chest," she countered, hands on her hips.
"Precisely," Superego agreed. "Like I said, you have a talent for getting into trouble. And your point was?"
"My point was that yeah, sure, maybe Kikyo was a more powerful miko than I could ever hope to be," Kagome said, lifting her chin with a playfully smug smile, "but I'd bet you all the money in the world that the woman couldn't run a microwave to save—well…to steal back her life. And you may not have noticed this, but out of the two of us, I'm the only one who hasn't actually gotten herself killed yet."
"The woman has a point," Id cut in gleefully. He had pushed himself up onto the counter again, and was kicking his heels against it idly like a kid in a soda shop, with no particular rhythm.
"Alright, alright, alright – everybody just give it a rest already," Ego cut in at last, "You're giving me a headache…"
All at once a look of inspired mischief lighted within Id's eyes, and he shoved off the counter once more, landing neatly in front of Kagome. The young woman pulled back slightly at his sudden appearance, but she merely raised her eyebrows at the openly seductive expression on his face. He took a step toward her, advancing slowly, lifting a hand so that it grazed her arm ever so slightly, bringing the other up to slide into her hair.
A steady, warning growl began to issue from the hanyou standing several feet away, whose eyes were trained unblinkingly on the pair, but they both ignored it.
Id moved in for the kill, capturing her lips with his in a fiery kiss. The hand that was nestled in her hair angled her head slightly, allowing him to delve more deeply with his tongue, and the other hand curled around her waist, pulling her to him until their bodies were flush with one another down to the very last inch.
The growl increased.
Kagome, lost in the warmth of his body and the ministrations of his tongue, wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his affections with equal fervor.
The growl crescendoed into a rumble that would have made the walls shake – if there had been any walls to shake – and Ego at last ripped the two of them apart angrily. Whirling to face Id, he grabbed him by the front of his haori and ordered fiercely, "Don't you ever touch her again!"
"Why?" asked Id, thoroughly unconcerned by Ego's threat.
"Because I said so!"
"Eeengh! Wrong answer, try again," Id sing-songed, delighting in his new found method of torture.
"Because she's mine!" Ego tried again, shoving Id roughly away.
Id smoothed out the front of his clothes with a mock sigh and a "tsk, tsk" that was an uncanny imitation of Superego. "I'm afraid I can't accept that either. You'll have to be more specific. You don't want me to touch her…"
Ego glared.
"kiss her…"
Ego glared harder.
"pleasure her…"
Ego's growl began again.
"ravish her…"
Ego's growl increased again.
"because…" Id prompted.
Finally, it was too much.
"Alright fine, I love her, okay! You happy now!" Ego burst out irritably at last. Id merely cocked his head to the side and bobbed his eyebrows smugly.
"You do?" whispered a small, startled voice from behind Ego, and he turned to see a wide eyed Kagome on the verge of tears of happiness.
Her obvious delight at the prospect that he, Inuyasha, might be in love with her steeled his resolve. He felt himself swelling with the sort of confidence that always seemed to escape him in such moments as this – but no more. Now he knew his course as clearly as he knew his own name.
The Inuyasha known as Ego strode up to the image of Kagome and brushed his knuckles ever so gently over her cheek, bringing his palm to rest against her jaw as he looked deeply into her eyes. "Of course I love you, Kagome," he murmured sincerely, "You're everything to me. Without you, nothing makes any sense – nothing means anything. When you're gone I feel like you've taken the best part of me with you, and when you're here…I feel happier, more content, more real than I've ever felt in my entire life. You saved me, Kagome – not just from the Goshinboku, but from a life of the perpetual loneliness that I bring onto myself. You…you complete me."
And with those final whispered words, Kagome barely had time to breathe his name before the two of them melted together in a passionate embrace.
"Inuyasha…"
Kagome, he thought, eyes closed, every part of him enveloped by the feel of her lips against his. Kagome, Kagome…
"Inuyasha…"
Wait a minute – there was something strange about this. How was she managing to speak? He was still kissing her. At least he thought he was kissing her…
"Inuyasha!"
Inuyasha blinked with a start to find Kagome standing barely a foot in front of him, peering incredulously at him as she waved a hand in front of his face.
"Anybody in there?" Kagome asked, amused. "You took so long getting the firewood, the others finally sent me off to look for you. But now I understand – you were busy standing stalk still in the middle of the woods, staring off into space…"
"Was not," he snapped back lamely, still somewhat disoriented.
Kagome's eyebrows raised, her lips quirking upward with a suppressed smile. "Ah – my mistake. Well anyway, were you planning to come back to camp any time soon?"
"Uh…yeah. I'll be right behind you – you go on ahead."
She cast him one more sideways glance before turning to stroll off into the woods, back toward the camp. "Okay – see you in a bit…"
Inuyasha watched her retreating back for a long moment, and heaved what anyone but Inuyasha might call a wistful sigh. Ah well – a boy could dream, couldn't he?
Somewhere in the back of his mind, a wry, exasperated little voice intoned, "378,000 and one…"
A/N: Before I am flooded with reviews accusing me of OOC-ness, let me just specify that the youkai and human Inuyashas are not meant to act like Inuyasha really does when in each of those forms – they are merely intended as physical manifestations of the various parts of Inuyasha's mind (as described by Sigmund Freud). Thus their personalities are intended to reflect Freudian theory more than they reflect their real life counterparts.
There – glad we got that cleared up. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it…I certainly enjoyed writing it. Freudian jokes are one of my all-time favorite kinds – right up there with "Kikyo-is-dead" jokes and "Kenshin-killing-his-wife" jokes…lol…