It smelt like burning wax. Must have left the candle on before she went to sleep, Zofia thought. She slowly forced herself awake, not wanting to cause a fire. She wished the Marleyans would install electric lighting in the ghetto already. As she started to regain consciousness, she noticed how weird her bed felt. It was smooth like leather. And her pillows felt different. Everything was...

"WHA-!"

Zofia sat bolt upright, and suddenly felt a sharp ache in her legs. For a split second she started to panic, but as her senses rushed back to her she realised where she was. This was the academy's library, although the word "library" was maybe an overstatement. It was really just a tiny room with three barebones shelves against the walls, containing only a handful of pre-approved books that had all been censored or altered in some way or another. The Marleyans were not fond of literature, and were even less fond of Eldians having access to literature, so the selection was limited to say the least. But, regardless, why was she here..?

"Good evening, sleepyhead~"

Zofia turned to see Pieck, hunched on all fours like a crouching tiger, reading a book laid out infront of her. If it had been anyone else, this would have been a rather terrifying sight; seeing someone bent over in such a position, lit only by flickering candlelight. But it was Pieck, so it instantly set Zofia's nerves at ease. She rubbed her eyes as she spoke, trying to wake up fully.

"Wh... Why am I in school? What happened?"

"You passed out after finishing the half-marathon. Don't you remember?"

Zofia slowly started to remember. She'd assumed that must have been a dream, but apparently not. She was still a little out of it.

"Oh I'm *yawn* I'm sorry."

She stretched, began to recline once more, then suddenly jolted forward.

"CRAP! I'm gonna be late for Mr Braun's class!"

Zofia began to scramble up from the couch, but Pieck's laughter stopped her in her tracks.

"Wait, what time is it?"

"Classes ended a few hours ago, sweetheart."

Zofia collapsed back down, covering her face in her hands. This was so embarrassing. The other recruits would surely make fun of her over this. They'd start calling her 'Zzzzzofia' or something.

"God, I'm sorry. I should have-"

"Don't be sorry. It was a well deserved rest, you did incredibly well today."

The reassurance helped her calm down a little. Pieck made her over to the couch, using one hand to hold the candle and the other to help her crawl. Zofia noticed that she was missing her usual military coat, then looked down to find it had been draped over her as a blanket whilst she slept. Pieck was quite a bit taller than Zofia was, and so the fabric easily covered her entire body. It was warm, made of thick wool and linen, and worked surprisingly well as a blanket. It smelled nice, too...

"I hope that old couch wasn't too uncomfortable, I couldn't carry you very far by myself"

The idea of being carried in Pieck's arms gave Zofia that same fluttery feeling in her stomach that she often got when thinking about Pieck. Her only wish was that she'd been awake to experience it. Though she tried her best not to get caught up in the fantasy, focusing on the here and now.

"Won't Mr Braun be angry that I missed his class?"

"He'll be fine, I'm sure. And if he isn't, you tell me, okay?"

Pieck looked down for a moment, laughing to herself.

"It's still strange hearing people call him Mr Braun."

There was a long pause. Pieck continued to stare downwards, as if lost in thought. Then she turned to Zofia, with this strange look in her eyes, like a mixture of curiosity and melancholy.

"How is he? As a teacher, I mean."

Zofia didn't quite know how to respond. She considered lying, telling her that he was a great tutor, but that didn't feel right. It was just the two of them, after all, so there was no reason not to be honest.

"Mr Braun... seems to struggle with a lot of things..."

Zofia thought some more, trying to find an elegant way to phrase it.

"He's an interesting man, and clearly an excellent warrior, but he's..."

"Not an excellent teacher, right?"

"Right."

Pieck let out a deep, wistful sigh, resting her chin on the palms of her hands.

"He's suffered a lot, that man..."

Pieck again seemed lost in thought. Zofia began to think too, and her thoughts worried her. She wondered if maybe Pieck had romantic feelings for Reiner. Maybe they used to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Or maybe they still were.

The idea deeply troubled Zofia, but she still didn't understand why. It was normal for boys and girls to have feelings for one another. And Pieck was older than she was, so it would make sense that she would have a boyfriend.

And so would Zofia, one day. She would have a boyfriend, one day. Every girl does. She would be happy then, with her boyfriend. Then she would have to get married. Married to her husband. A husband like Reiner, harsh and angular and strong.

She'd be happy then.

Happy like the girls on her street.

Happy like the kids in her class.

Happy like her mother and father and grandpa and grandma.

Happy like all those movies they showed in class, with smiling men and women kissing eachother and waving to the camera. Wearing pretty dresses and tossing bouquets of pretty flowers to all the pretty people at the wedding.

They were all happy.

So why wasn't she happy?

Why did it all make her feel so sick?

Sick like she was about to throw-up.

Sick like she was desperately, feverishly ill.

Sick like her stomach was twisting into awful, horrid knots that would never untie.

Sick like there was something wrong with her, something that a million doctors and nurses could never ever fix.

"Is Reiner your boyfriend?"

Zofia was surprised by her own voice. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. It was like something had possessed her. Pieck was taken aback at first. Zofia expected her to be angry, or confused, or that she'd shout at her. But her voice was soft and kind, like it always was.

"No. Reiner isn't my boyfriend."

Zofia immediately tried to apologise for her outburst. She felt ashamed for even asking. But Pieck continued to speak.

"Reiner's lover went with him to Paradis ."

She paused, swallowing hard.

"And didn't come back."

Zofia felt terrible. She worried that Pieck hated her now. She couldn't shake this horrible feeling that she'd just fucked everything up. But at the same time, she wanted to know more.

"Who was she..? Reiner's lover?"

Pieck looked troubled, like she was about to say something she really wasn't supposed to say. The sweet-notes of her voice soured, turning into something pained and ugly.

"Reiner's lover was a man. A man named Berthold."

Zofia didn't know how to react.

"Reiner was in love with... with a man?"

Her brain couldn't seem to process this information. She didn't even know it was possible for a man to love another man. She wasn't shocked or disgusted, just confused. Everything she'd learnt when she was younger had taught her that a man could only love a woman. In the movies they showed in class, there were never two men getting married. It was always a man and a woman. Always. Why had she never known this was possible before?

Pieck suddenly looked very serious. She leant in close to Zofia, staring directly into her eyes with an intensity that Zofia had never experienced before.

"Zofia. Listen to me. You mustn't tell anyone about this. Anyone at all. Understand?"

She immediately nodded. It was unnerving to see Pieck looking so serious.

"Reiner could get into a lot of trouble for this, if someone were to find out."

Zofia was scared. She felt like she wasn't supposed to know this at all. But now that she knew, she needed to know more.

"W-why would Mr Braun get in trouble, just for loving another man..?"

It was a genuine question, but a question that Pieck didn't seem able to answer. Maybe she didn't know the answer herself. Her mouth would move but words seemed to escape her. And when she finally found an answer she looked defeated, as this wasn't the answer she truly wanted to give. But she gave it anyway, her voice becoming more and more intense as she spoke.

"Because the world we were born into is cruel and unkind, Zofia.
Cruel, unkind and unfair. It's not made for people like us.
People like Reiner and Berthold. People like me.
And especially not for people like you, Zofia.
You're far too good for this cruel world.
But we have to keep on living in it.
You have to keep on living in it.
Out of spite, if you have to.
Keep on living, Zofia.
Keep fighting.
For me."

It was dark by the time Zofia got home. For the past few hours, she had been trying desperately to work out just what Pieck had meant. It seemed such an intense answer to such a simple question. But maybe it was the only answer Pieck could give. She tried to piece together any clues she could. It took her far too long to understand, to finally realise what she'd known in her heart to be true for weeks now.

If Reiner could be in love with another man, then maybe...

Maybe she could be in love with another woman.