Zofia stared up at the ceiling as she lay in bed. Being in love felt strange. In some ways, she preferred it when she didn't know she was in love. When her fantasies all began and ended at "Being near to Pieck" and "Talking to Pieck" or, at their most extreme, "Being hugged by Pieck". Now that she was in love, her mind was theoretically free to fantasise about so many more things. But Zofia had never been in love before, and so she didn't know quite what to want. Perhaps... holding hands with Pieck? Going on a date with Pieck? Even, maybe, kissing Pieck? She still wasn't sure. But the idea of all those things did make her very happy...

She tried her hardest not to get too happy, because she still didn't know if Pieck loved her back. She had no idea how to tell if someone loved you back. No-one had ever taught her. She was bad at reading people's emotions, and had been ever since she was a child. She couldn't read social cues at all. Maybe Pieck didn't care for her at all, and was just too nice to say so. Probably not. More likely was that Pieck simply saw her as another one of her students. That was the most realistic option. But maybe, just maybe, Pieck had been in love with her this whole time. Maybe, when Zofia dreamt about spending the rest of her life with Pieck, Pieck was doing the exact same thing. This was almost certainly just a fantasy. There was no way that could actually be the case.

But, it was nice to think about.

The candle beside her flickered out on its own. The room was now lit only by the moonbeams that snuck in through holes in the curtains. It made the tattered old wallpaper glow, turning it from an ugly off-white into this magical shade of blue. It made Zofia feel like her room was underwater, like she was far away from the ghetto, somewhere deep under the sea. It felt nice, she thought.

It felt nice to be in love.

PIECK'S POV

Pieck lay in bed, staring up at the rotting ceiling, paralyzed with fear. It was happening again. She had fallen for another girl. History was repeating itself, and that terrified Pieck. She couldn't sleep anymore. The bags under her eyes were only getting heavier and heavier. The lack of adequate rest made her chronic pain flare up even worse than usual. The stress gave her migraines, which then meant she got even less sleep. It was gonna happen again. She could feel it. She'd tried so hard to stop it, but it was happening again. She was falling in love again. She was falling in love with Zofia Reitsch.

This was a big problem. Homosexuality was strictly prohibited in Marleyan society. So much so that even acknowledging that such a thing existed was a crime in-and-of-itself. It was the policy of Marleyan government to deny that homosexuality existed in any forms, or ever could, or ever had. There were no written laws that made being gay illegal, because that would imply that being gay was something it was possible to be. Instead anyone caught in "acts of unnatural passion" would be arrested without charge or a trial, some excuse would be made up as to why, then they would be "disappeared". Of course, a Marleyan could get away with it most of the time, as long as they kept it "behind closed doors". But Eldians were not so lucky. Homosexuality was seen as a "uniquely Eldian sin", and thus they were punished for it far more often than any Marleyan ever was.

Pieck was morbidly familiar with this law. She'd experienced it first-hand, five years ago, when she was just 16.

There was a girl, a girl she loved deeply, that lived in the apartment next to her. Giselle Lundër. Pieck had known Giselle since she they were both very little. They grew up side-by-side. Whilst Pieck was training to be a Warrior, Giselle worked at a bakery nearby. When Pieck would come home, aching and sore, Giselle would bring her some of the leftover pastries and strudels that hadn't been sold during the day. She was the reason Pieck had such a sweet tooth. They would eat them, together, and Giselle would try to ease the throbbing pain in Pieck's back with a long, candlelit massage. It became a sort of ritual, everyday the same thing. Pieck would spend all day thinking about her. Dreaming about those soft, pristine hands against her twisted, heavy spine. And as the months went by, she would feel those hands clasped into hers. They would be gently brushing down the hairs on her arms, tracing all her birthmarks and freckles. They would soon be wrapping around her waist. And then, they would be pulling her hips closer. They would be unbuckling her belt. And Giselle's soft, pristine lips would be pressed against hers. And Giselle's soft, pristine body would be hers to kiss and caress and hold and adore. It was the closest she'd ever been to true happiness.

But happiness made her careless. She didn't want to live behind closed doors. She wanted to fling every shutter open, let the light pour in, let everyone see what a beautiful thing she'd found. It was the worst mistake she ever made. She remembered every awful detail. The scene would replay over and over in her head, in perfect clarity.

It was outside of the bakery.

She was needy.

She wanted the taste of Giselle's kiss.

And so she took it.

But the taste was sour.

Giselle's eyes were filled with horror.

As were the eyes of the Marleyan patrolman, standing just a few metres away.

Pieck wished she'd died in that prison. She wished she'd been up there with Giselle, staring down that firing squad. But she wasn't. Even if she had been, it wouldn't have mattered. She couldn't die, not anymore. It had only been 3 days since she'd been gifted the Cart Titan. No wound that Marley could ever inflict would be able to kill her now. She couldn't even kill herself.

It was Zeke that bailed her out, but not as a kindness. Nothing Zeke ever did was out of kindness. He would have had her eaten by titans if he could. She could never forget the way he looked at her that day. Like she wasn't even human. The image of those dead-black eyes was now permanently burnt into her mind, like a hot-iron brand pressed directly against her cerebrum. She'd never seen anyone look so disgusted. But Zeke needed her. The Cart Titan was integral to his plan. He wouldn't dare risk losing one of his toys. So instead, he punished her in the only way he could.

He took her off the Paradis Expedition.

She was supposed to have been there, infiltrating the island with Reiner, Bertholdt and Marcel. She'd been training for it. For 2 whole years. Instead, Annie was sent in her place. Pieck was to stay on the continent, demoted to Zeke's personal assistant. There were so many great things that the Cart Titan could do, but she was now limited to carrying ammunition for Zeke. He wanted to humiliate her. And he succeeded, as he always did.

Pieck had said what she said to Zofia because, in her mind, she was fully prepared for that to be the last interaction she ever had with the girl. She would ignore her, or deliberately avoid her, in hopes that Zofia would forget all about her. She couldn't risk the possibility of what happened to Giselle happening again. She would have to say goodbye to Zofia. But, in her heart, she knew that she could never do that. It would crush Zofia, and it would crush her. She'd found something beautiful again, and this time there was no way she was going to let it go.

The old candle on her bedside finally died out. Her room was dark now, almost pitch black. Pieck lay on her side and curled up into a ball, the only position that was remotely comfortable for her to sleep in. Dredging up these old memories had been painful, and her pillow was wet with tears. But, at the same time, there was a part of her was hopeful. Her mind told her that love was curse, that Zofia was a millstone around her neck. But her heart knew the truth.

Love is not a curse.

It's a weapon.