Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews! I hope you continue to enjoy this story and continue to review. :)
"The Simple Moments in Between"
Abbey was about to be introduced as the keynote speaker at a conference when her assistant ran over to her with a cell phone.
"Dr. Bartlet," she said. "The president is on the phone."
"I'm about to go on stage Melanie," Abbey pointed out.
"I understand ma'am," she said. "But I think you should take the call. I'll tell them you've been delayed."
Abbey saw the look in her assistant's eyes and she knew that she needed to take the phone. Abbey suddenly worried that something horrible had happened to Jed. In a split second she imagined him paralyzed on the floor of the Oval Office and her 3,000 miles away.
"Jed?" she said quickly as she took the phone.
"Hey," he said casually.
"Hey," she replied. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I'm okay," he said. Then he changed his mind and decided to tell her the truth. "I'm not okay."
"What happened?"
"Leo," he said quietly.
"What about Leo?" she asked slightly irritated by the guessing game they were playing.
"He's gone," Jed almost whispered.
"He's gone?" Abbey asked not grasping what her husband was telling her. "Where did he go?"
"Abbey he's gone," Jed said a little more forcefully. "Apparently he had a heart attack. CJ just told me."
"Oh my god," she said feeling as if she had the wind knocked out of her. Her eyes immediately welled up and she felt a few tears run down her cheeks. The phone went silent for a moment. Abbey tried to control her tears so Jed didn't hear her cry. She was certain he was holding back his own emotions and she didn't want to put hers on him.
"I'm coming home," she told him once she'd composed herself enough so that her voice wouldn't crack when she spoke.
"No," he protested. "You've got that thing."
"I'm coming home Jed," she said insisted.
"Okay," he conceded not putting up much of a fight. It was selfish, but he wanted her home, by his side.
"I'm so sorry," she said feeling that the words amounted to nothing. Everyone would say they were sorry. It was her job to make him feel better, make him feel that his best friend hadn't died too suddenly and much too young. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and let him breakdown if that's what he had to do.
"I'll see you in a few hours," he said. "I love you Abbey."
"I love you too," she said as she hung up the phone.
Jed gazed out the window of the car as it traveled back to the White House following the funeral. It was funny how those memories came creeping up in his mind. His conversation with CJ, his phone call to Abbey in California; they were both days ago, but they seemed so fresh. He clutched Abbey's hand tightly as if it was his foothold into the world of the living. For the past few days he felt like he was lost in a fog. He was able to govern, but his thoughts kept turning to Leo, for he was the only reason he sat in White House.
"What are you thinking about?" Abbey asked him gently as the car sped along. He hadn't spoken much since she returned from California. She expected him to angry. She expected his righteous indignation at the thought of Leo's death, but he was mostly quiet.
"Nothing," he sighed.
"Nothing?" she asked in disbelief.
"I was thinking of the time Leo and I had dinner together in the residence," he said. Abbey detected lightness to his tone and was happy to hear that he was recalling a fond memory.
"You and Leo had a thousand meals in the residence," Abbey pointed out.
"Yeah, but this one was unusual. The steward thought I was going to be dining with you. He had it set up with mood lighting and champagne," Jed chuckled. "Leo was so uncomfortable."
"It sounds very romantic," Abbey said. "You never told me about that before."
"I didn't want you to get jealous," Jed joked.
"Please, if I let myself worry about every romantic meal you spent with Leo I'd have divorced you ten years go," she teased him back.
It was a light moment that allowed Jed to let go of his grief and pain for a moment. He even chuckled as he thought of the meals he'd shared with Leo instead of Abbey. She always teased them about how close they were. After his divorce Leo spent most holidays with them and, at times, it was almost as if it was a marriage of three people rather than two.
However, there was the estrangement between all three of them after Zoey's kidnapping. Abbey blamed Leo for it and although they made up she regretted that she harbored so much resentment toward him for so long. She saw him as the man who put her family in such a public and dangerous position. Of course it wasn't Leo's fault, but she blamed him and now it was too late to get those weeks back.
"He usually spends Thanksgiving with us," Jed said. "There'll be one less this year."
"Well Vic will be there," Abbey pointed out.
"Vic is no Leo," Jed said sternly.
"No he isn't," Abbey agreed. "Doug probably won't be there either."
"Why? Because he knows I'll have the Secret Service take him out back and put two between his eyes?"
"That and because he knows I'll corner and castrate him before dessert," Abbey said.
"We really shouldn't talk like this," Jed said. "For unknown reasons Elizabeth is trying to work it out."
"But it's fun to imagine," Abbey pointed out.
"Leo said he knew an ex-military guy who could take him to a secluded area in New Jersey."
"Leo was always looking out for us," Abbey said fondly.
"Yeah, he was," Jed replied nostalgically. "His first heart attack was my fault."
"Jed," Abbey protested. "You had nothing to do with it. He had a bad heart."
"I cut him out of the loop. I'm gonna regret that every day for the rest of my life."
"Listen to me," Abbey said looking him in the eye. "Leo had a bad heart and whether you cut him out of the loop or not he would have had that first heart attack. There was nothing you could have done."
"I hurt him."
"Hell Jed, everyone hurts each other," she said indignantly. "Do you think I don't regret holding him responsible for Zoey's kidnapping? I wasted so much energy being pissed at him. You can't hold yourself responsible for his heart attack. He'd tell you that himself if he could."
"I know," he said sullenly. "I talked to him the night he died. I should have told him I was proud of him and grateful to him and that nothing I could do what repay him. Instead we talked about foreign policy."
"He knew," Abbey said patting his hand. "He knew you were grateful and he knew you were proud."
"Yeah," he replied squeezing her hand.
"Are you going to be okay tonight?" Abbey asked.
"I'll be fine."
"This wake might be harder than the funeral," she pointed out.
"No," Jed replied. "It'll be easier. We'll be surrounded by family."
Abbey nodded knowing that Jed felt that all his invited guests felt like his family. Somehow it made him feel better knowing that they could all remember Leo together as close family would. Jed and Abbey rode back to the White House in comfortable silence. They had both felt the void that Leo's absence brought over the last year. They held hands and were grateful for the time they had been able to spend with Leo.
CJ sat with her back to the door in her office and played with her necklace as she stared out the window. It was an hour before the wake and CJ had planned on getting a little work done in between the funeral and the wake, but the concentration would not come. Instead she sat, the back of her chair to the door, and she thought about Leo and his life.
When they entered the White House Leo had a wife and home that were ostensibly happy. Not even half way through the first term he was divorced and living in a hotel. To be sure, the job hadn't really afforded him much of a social life. None of the White House staffers truly had one, but Leo's already established life had fallen apart because of the job. His life was an example to CJ about why she shouldn't get seriously involved while working at the White House. But then there was really only one man who she'd ever thought about getting seriously involved with and she had left him sitting in a restaurant just before he was about to propose, or so she thought.
CJ heard a light rap on her door and turned her chair slowly.
"Hey," Danny said softly as he leaned against the doorway.
"Hey," she smiled brightly when she saw him. He had been at the church, but she hadn't had a moment to speak to him. She stood up and walked over to him throwing her arms around his neck.
"If I didn't know any better Ms. Cregg, I'd say you're happy to see me," he tried to joke as he held her in his arms for a moment before she pulled back. The funny thing was that she took his hand and led him into the office before closing the door behind him.
"That's why you've won a Pulitzer," she replied. "You can always sniff out the truth."
"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say hello at the church today," he said taking a seat on the couch. "You were flanked by every political leader in the U. S. and it didn't seem appropriate. How are you holding up?"
CJ made her way over to the couch, and much to Danny's surprise, she sat down next to him. She'd normally sat across from him, but never next to him.
"I'm okay," she said. "I've done enough crying over the last few days to dehydrate myself and now I'm just accepting it."
"Leo was a great man," Danny said trying to say anything that made sense. Much like everyone he hated funerals and death in general, but it was magnified by a hundred when it was someone he knew. Words seemed to make little difference to the grieving, but it was something that filled the silence.
"Yes he was," CJ agreed.
"So what were thinking about when I came in?" he asked.
"I was thinking about this office," CJ said casually pulling one leg up under the other. "I redecorated but it's never really felt like mine. It's always been Leo's office. I call it mine and sometimes it actually feels that way, but I still think of it as his. This job is stressful enough without having to live up to the standard that Leo set."
"You've done a great job," Danny reminded her.
"I've done alright," she said. "The best I could anyway."
"He was proud of you. He hand-picked you because he knew you could handle it," Danny reminded her.
"Yeah," she said absently. "Danny, I need to tell you something."
"Okay," he said.
"I'm sorry for cutting out on dinner that night," she said. "You were in the middle of something and I just left."
"CJ you had a nuclear power plant blowing up. You had to go."
"I did, but I was kind of distant and I didn't mean to be," she explained. "It's just this job. I can't care as much as I'd like to. If I'm emotionally cut off then it doesn't hurt as much to make really tough decisions."
"I understand," he said wondering why she was bringing it up.
"Ever since Josh told me about Leo, I've realized how distant I've become. I don't like it, but its part of the job. So, in an effort to return to the land of emotion, I need to tell you something. Please keep in mind that I probably most likely would have said this to you at some point anyway so I don't want you to think I'm just saying it because I feel obligated or vulnerable or freaked out or anything," CJ babbled. "Because I would have eventually, probably, in all likelihood said it anyway."
"You need a breath?" Danny asked putting a hand on her arm.
"No I'm good," she said taking a breath anyway.
"You sure?"
"Yes," she said feeling the butterflies in her stomach abate slightly. "I need to tell you that you, above all other people, have this little piece of me that one else can touch. It's a little bit crazy because we've never made it through an actual date but there it is."
"We did have dinner once," he pointed out with a grin.
"One dinner, on the record," she reminded him lightly. "Anyway, I've been telling everyone how I feel and now it's your turn. I have feelings for you and I tried to forget about it because it couldn't work, but I can't seem to forget about it especially now when you're around again. Now just seems like the time to tell you that I love you Danny."
She looked at him nervously. It wasn't like her to lay her cards on the table this way. Once upon the time it would have been classified as vintage CJ, but time had passed and she locked her emotions away. Now, with Leo's death, it seemed like there was no better time to tell everyone that she cared.
Danny reached over and intertwined his fingers with hers. "I love you too," he said. "This is probably going to sound crazy to you, but I'm in love you CJ. I fell in love with you eight years ago on that stupid Bartlet for America bus that traveled across the country. I just didn't know it at the time."
"Danny," she started to say.
"No, wait, let me finish," Danny said not allowing her to speak. "What I wanted to say at the restaurant that night was that we're these two people jumping off a cliff. I'm going by choice and you're going by force, but we're both going over. I know that now is not a good time, but you've only got three months left and then you're being pushed off the cliff. I'm gonna be standing next to you holding your hand just like this when we go over. I want you to know that I'm done messing around. I know what I want. What I'm trying to say, not very eloquently I might add, is that we'd be great together and--"
He was interrupted by the sound of a brisk knock from the hallway door. Before waiting for a response the person on the other side of the door opened it and poked a head into the room.
"CJ?" Kate said opening the door wider.
"Kate," CJ said. Danny thought he picked up a tone of frustration with her interruption and took it as a good sign and even grinned without realizing it. CJ quickly moved her hand away from his as she stood.
"Sorry," Kate said lingering in the doorway. "I didn't know you had someone in here."
"Because the closed door tends to invite people to enter of their own free will," CJ said good-naturedly, but with a slightly biting tone.
"I'll go," Danny said standing.
"You don't have to go," CJ informed him.
"No, don't go," Kate said getting read to close the door again.
"No, it's okay," Danny said. "CJ and I were just catching up on old times."
"Will you give us a minute?" CJ asked Kate.
She obliged by stepping back into the hall, but leaving the door slightly ajar. "I get the feeling we need to have a conversation that keeps getting interrupted," CJ told Danny.
"We'll have the conversation," Danny promised.
"When? Will you be around?" CJ asked hoping that she wouldn't have to wait too long before they got to finish the conversation that had twice started but never seemed to finish.
"Actually the president invited me to the wake," Danny said pulling back.
"He did?" CJ asked.
"The bonding that occurred on those bus trips knows no bounds," he smiled.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I forgot that you and Leo used to sit up with the president for your late night talks."
"Those were some really great times," Danny said recalling them fondly.
"I bet they were," CJ smiled.
"Okay," he said. "Well I'll see you in the residence then."
"You will," she replied as Danny excused himself.
Danny smiled and quickly exited the office. Kate, who had been waiting across the hall, saw him exit and she entered the office.
"Who's that?" she asked casually.
"Remember that date I had a few weeks ago that you thought I made up?" CJ asked walking behind her desk.
"Yeah," Kate said.
"That was him," CJ said as she looked through some papers on her desk. She was trying to avoid eye contact because for some reason she knew she was blushing. "Danny. Danny Concannon. That's his name," she offered awkwardly.
"Nice," Kate said nodded. "I'm really sorry I interrupted."
"Me too," CJ smiled.
Kate returned the grin and noted that CJ seemed more relaxed than usual. Maybe Danny had a calming presence that she never heard about.
"What have you got?" CJ asked returning to business.
"I hate to even bring it up on a day like today," Kate said.
"What have you got?" CJ sighed.
"China," Kate replied before she started a lengthy explanation that CJ had to focus on. Before she gave over her full attention she thought of Leo and how he never really had a social life because of the job. For the first time in her career at the White House CJ thought that a two-term president might be the best innovation of the Founding Fathers, not only for the of the country, but for the good of the staff as well.
Margaret wondered what was going on behind CJ's closed door. She had seen the back of someone's head enter the office before she could stop him. She thought it looked like Danny Concannon, but it had been a while and she couldn't quite remember if his hair was that long. She was returning from the mess and she wasn't in time to stop him from entering, but then she noticed that CJ closed the door and decided that she welcomed whoever it was. It was probably Danny anyway.
Margaret sat at her desk and it somehow felt empty. The only other time she could remember it feeling like this was when Leo had his heart attack. She contemplated leaving the White House all together, but CJ asked her to stay and she loved her job so she couldn't say no. Working for CJ was nice. She was fairly easy-going and nice to work with, but she wasn't Leo. She didn't have the same tone when she shouted her name.
"Margaret!" she could almost hear Leo's voice screaming her name through the wall. Most secretaries would find it offensive. In many ways it was akin to being beckoned for like a dog. But in so many others it was shorthand between them. She could decipher his need and level of irritation by his tone. He sometimes had a way of taking her name and turning it into one syllable. There was no break between syllables and that meant his need for her was urgent and depending on the volume, he was either angry, irritated or frustrated.
Margaret looked at her desk and all the unfinished paperwork that had been building since CJ pulled her into the office and told her about Leo. She'd definitely neglected her duties over the last few days, but somehow she didn't feel like she could focus. In a way she felt it was ridiculous because he hadn't been her boss in years, but she was still profoundly affected by his death.
"Margaret?" the voice said softly.
She looked up and saw Donna standing in front of her desk.
"Hi Donna," Margaret replied trying to force a smile.
"How are you?" Donna asked approaching the red-haired woman. She extended her arms and Margaret stood up knowing that she should accept the embrace that was being offered. She felt Donna hug her and suddenly it was three years ago when Donna was down the hall and Leo was in his office bellowing her name. In that moment she couldn't contain her sorrow.
"Margaret?" Donna asked when she felt her tense. It was then that she realized that Margaret was crying softly on her shoulder.
"It's okay," Donna whispered soothingly. She patted her back softly and allowed her a moment of silence to purge her emotion.
"I'm sorry," Margaret sniffed.
"It's okay," Donna told her. "You need to let it out."
"We're not really supposed to get so attached to our bosses though," Margaret said ending the hug. "I haven't worked for Leo in years, but I just feel so empty."
Margaret sat down in her chair and Donna perched on the edge of her desk. Margaret somehow looked vulnerable. She had always had an air about her that made her seem like an enforcer, but now she just looked lost.
"We get attached," Donna told her. "We're human. When I left I couldn't stop thinking about being here and what Josh was up to."
"Was it like this for you at Roslyn?" Margaret asked. "When you didn't know if Josh would make it?"
Donna thought back to that horrible night. She had rushed to the hospital thinking the president had been wounded and that was horrible enough, but when Toby informed her that Josh was in worse shape she actually felt her heart skip a beat. In fact, she thought it may have stopped altogether for a good five seconds. If he hadn't have made it she wasn't sure how she would have been able to come back to work. Although Margaret's situation was different she understood her attachment to Leo.
"It was for a little while, but then Josh came through surgery okay," Donna replied carefully choosing her words. "It was scary for a while though."
"Leo ate too much red meat," Margaret replied as if she were moving on to another conversation. "I told him he ate too much red meat, but he had a fish bias. I told him that they were practically the same if you marinated the fish long enough but he said, 'They're not even the same species Margaret.' Is it stupid to remember something like that?"
"No, I don't think it's stupid at all," Donna said quietly.
"I can't remember the last time I talked to him," Margaret said quietly.
"Margaret," Donna said sympathetically.
"I should remember something like that shouldn't I?" she asked her. "I can't really remember it. I think I placed a call for CJ and he was in Texas. He said something about ten-gallon hats and how I should be grateful that I was still in Washington because Texas was the red meat capital of world. He'd eaten steak every day for a week. He ate too much red meat."
"You know," Donna said choosing her words carefully, "I don't think the red meat had a lot to do with the heart attack."
Margaret looked up at Donna as if that thought hadn't occurred to her. "Maybe not," she conceded. "But I should have been more vigilant about it."
"I'm sure you did everything you could," Donna reminded her.
"He was more than a boss to me," Margaret started talking. It was the first time in a long time that felt she could open up and be heard. "He was like an older brother that I worried about because he tried to do too much."
"You took good care of him."
"Not good enough," Margaret lamented.
"Come on," Donna said reaching for her hand.
"Where are we going?"
"We're going for a walk."
"I can't leave, CJ might need something," Margaret protested.
"CJ has been in her office for the last 15 minutes with the door shut and the wake starts in ten," Donna pointed out. "She won't need you and you need to clear your head."
"Where are we going?"
"That stand on the corner is open until eight. They have really good banana muffins," Donna suggested. "You just need to get out in the fresh air."
"Okay, I guess I could go for a few minutes," Margaret relented.
Margaret pulled on her coat and followed Donna down the hall to the door. "Hey Donna," Margaret said as they walked out into the night air.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. I missed this," Margaret said recalling the fun camaraderie they once had, bound together in the sisterhood of dutiful assistants.
"Me too," Donna smiled. The least she could do was get Margaret away from the White House for a few minutes before the sad occasion of Leo's wake would consume them all.
TBC