Author's Note: I'm sorry this one took a little longer than expected. Thanks for sticking with me:)
"The Prodigal Son Returns"
Toby sat in the driver's seat and looked at the large house illuminated by a thousand lights and the full moon. He must have sat there for a good five minutes before he turned off the engine. It was a sign that he might be ready to decide if he would go in or not. Although killing the engine was a fairly good sign that he wasn't going to drive off any time soon.
He had left his apartment with the intention of driving passed the White House just to gauge his initial reaction. Since he'd been escorted out of the building with a simple paper carton full of his personal belongings he'd avoided the building like the plague. He rarely left the apartment lately but when he did he made sure to use side streets and back roads to avoid the large imposing building. Now he sat in his car and stared at the institution which afforded him his greatest joy and his greatest pain.
Suddenly he heard a knock on the driver's window and it made him jump. He turned his head and saw a familiar face standing beside his car. He opened the car door and stood up to face him.
"You know I always thought it looked nice at night," Charlie commented. "You'd never know that there are probably a hundred people in there making sure that budgets are met and countries don't go to war."
"Yeah," Toby said.
"You going in or are you just gonna sit here all night?" Charlie asked.
"I haven't decided yet," Toby replied. "How did you know I was sitting here?"
"I pulled in after you," Charlie explained. "I thought we could walk in together, but you sat here for so long I wasn't sure whether you were going in or not."
"Why didn't you just go in without me?" Toby asked.
"I heard the president wanted you there so I thought I'd help you along just in case," Charlie replied.
"I don't need help," Toby said a little curtly.
"Then why have you been sitting in your car for the last ten minutes?" Charlie replied. "You wouldn't have come if you didn't plan on going in."
"How do you know?" Toby asked him.
Charlie just gave him a look that told him he couldn't lie. "Please," he said. "How many times did you skulk around the Oval Office when you were anxious to get in there? If you didn't want to be here you would have stayed home."
"Maybe," Toby said wondering how much Charlie could tell about all the Senior Staff. He was the one who served as the checkpoint between President Bartlet and the outside world for years. He must have picked up on all their nonverbal ticks and idiosyncrasies.
"How did you know it was safe to talk to me? I've been told I'm radioactive," Toby said.
"The president pardoned you," Charlie said. "You're probably more like a microwave now. There's radiation but as long as you don't stand in front of it too long it's pretty much okay."
"That's an interesting perception," Toby sighed.
"Come on," Charlie prodded. "Let's go."
"I don't know," Toby said still holding on to his car door.
"Toby we both know you're going in there," Charlie said. "Just suck it up and come in with me."
"You still work with CJ?" Toby asked.
"As part of her office," Charlie clarified. In truth he hadn't really worked side-by-side with her in months.
"Does she hate me too? I'm fairly certain that Josh does and the president isn't too happy with me right now. I just need to know how many enemies I have in there waiting for me," Toby asked.
Charlie detected a hint of feeling in his voice that wasn't there before. It was clear that he really cared about the answer to his question.
"You don't have enemies in there Toby," he said. He could tell that Toby was still waiting for an answer to his question about CJ so he said, "She's never said anything about it to me. She wasn't supposed to talk about it."
"Yeah," Toby said feeling slightly nervous.
"If it makes you feel any better I don't think she hates you, but I'd also like to point out that right now her job involves ensuring that China, Russia and Kazakhstan don't blow each other off the planet and I don't really think she thinks about it that much."
"Right," Toby nodded feeling slightly foolish. Leave it to Charlie to point out that he was acting like a self-involved teenager. Although it stung a little to contemplate that CJ had disregarded him without much thought.
"So are we going in?" Charlie asked a little impatiently.
Toby assessed the situation and he decided that going in with Charlie was better than going in alone. At least he knew there would be one person in the room who would speak to him. After his conversation with Josh he was fairly certain that he wouldn't have to worry about making conversation with him. He was unsure about CJ's reaction to his presence and he was sure the president would be cordial, but icy. The more he thought about it the more Toby realized that he might be standing next to the only person who would willingly talk to him.
"Yeah," Toby sighed. "We're going in."
He slammed his car door shut and the fell into step beside Charlie. He hadn't felt this uneasy about anything since the twins were born, but now it looked like he didn't have a choice. He was returning to the scene of the crime.
"How are things in the California 47th?" President Bartlet asked Sam. The two were engaged in a political discussion while they waited for the guests to arrive.
"It's going well sir," Sam replied. "I've had to become more moderate than I'm used to but I think I'm winning them over, making a difference."
"Good," the president replied. "So what's next?"
"Next sir?" Sam asked.
"I know you and I know you can't be content in a district like Orange County," the president told him.
"I'm actually looking at a run for governor," Sam confided.
"Really? That's excellent news. Let me know what I can do to help," he offered.
"Thank you sir," Sam smiled.
The room was starting to fill, but just as President Bartlet had planned, it was a small group of people who knew Leo the best. It was more a gathering of friends than work colleagues. Josh was engaged in a conversation with Donna and Margaret and CJ was in the corner talking to Annabeth.
"I'm so sorry," CJ told her. "I know you and Leo were close."
"Yeah," Annabeth replied pasting a small smile on her face, but CJ could see the sadness in her eyes. "He was a wonderful man."
"He was," CJ agreed. "I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to walk in and…"
CJ trailed off not really wishing to finish the thought, but rather, let Annabeth know that she admired her ability to be brave. She had always sensed that there was something more between Annabeth and Leo than a simple work relationship, but she didn't want to pry. However, if there was more than anyone knew then Annabeth must be devastated.
"I'd say it was probably the worst day of my life," Annabeth replied. "But, he looked so calm. It's probably an odd thing to say but if I didn't know better I'd almost say there was a grin on his face. He just looked so content, which was a nice change."
"I didn't know that," CJ said. "That's kind of comforting."
"Yeah," Annabeth smiled. "I had to practice with him for the debates. His facial expressions were so funny. I sat there and played with his face like it was a fistful of Play Doh."
She smiled fondly remembering the moment like it was yesterday. "He was so irritated with me that day. In the end I guess he got the last laugh because his expression was perfect when I found him."
The look on her face told CJ that she was right about Annabeth's feelings for Leo. They were much bigger than a simple working relationship.
"Annabeth," CJ said gently. "I don't want to pry or say anything to upset you, but if you need to talk to someone about Leo, you can talk to me."
"Thank you," Annabeth said. "But I'm okay. We've all lost a great man today, not just me."
"We did," CJ agreed. "But, I can't help but pick up on something when you talk about Leo that makes me think there might have been more going on for you than for the rest of us."
Annabeth looked down at the floor and avoided making eye contact with CJ. She had hit the nail square on the head with her comment and it was difficult for Annabeth to reply. She and Leo had always been professional but there was something between them, the promise of more, that was now lost. There were so many reasons for Annabeth to grieve for Leo but this unspoken reason was the one that kept her up at night.
CJ sensed that she was right by Annabeth's silence and she continued to explain her reasoning for putting her on the spot.
"About three years ago there was this man," CJ began. "I had been assigned Secret Service protection because of some threats I was receiving and they assigned a man named Simon Donovan to protect me. There was more between us than the job and after they caught the man threatening me we decided to meet. On the way to meet me Simon stopped at a store and he walked into the middle of a robbery. He was shot and killed that night. I know it's not the same, but I just thought that it might be nice to know that I understand the way it feels when things are left unfinished."
Annabeth looked up and saw the sincerity in CJ's eyes. She had shared a piece of herself and Annabeth was grateful.
"Thank you," Annabeth said. "It's been difficult. There was nothing romantic between us and yet there was something there that I can't even put words to and I guess I won't ever be able to now."
CJ reached over and grabbed Annabeth's hand. She squeezed it gently. "You know where to find me if you ever need to talk."
"I appreciate that CJ," Annabeth replied with a sad grin. She looked as though she was about to say something when she caught a glimpse of the door. "Oh my gosh."
CJ noticed that Annabeth's eyes shifted toward the door. CJ's back was turned and so she quickly adjusted her posture to glance at the door. That was when she saw Toby and Charlie enter the room. There was a moment where the silence lingered and communication was made through eye contact around the room. Josh glanced at the door and turned his back again. CJ just stared at Toby.
"Toby," Sam said as he walked over. It was somehow appropriate for Sam to be the one to break the silence and welcome him into the room. Sam, who had been so far removed from the White House and the chaos that ensued, was the only one who truly had no hard feelings toward Toby. With the exception of Charlie, Sam was probably the only person that Toby harbored no ill-will against in the room anyway.
"Sam," Toby said. Sam hugged Toby and he returned the embrace. It had been years since they'd seen each other and Toby was surprised how happy he was to see Sam.
"I'm really happy for you," Sam said quietly before the hug ended.
"Yeah," Toby said. "I wish the circumstances were different."
It was all Toby had to offer Sam. In his mind Toby always hoped that the Presidential Pardon would come, but he had hoped it would be a result of President Bartlet's soul searching. He had hoped that the pardon would have come with forgiveness. He had hoped it wouldn't come out of necessity. But then, who would have thought that there would be a necessity like this.
Sam and Toby entered the room further and the president approached them.
"Thank you for coming Toby," President Bartlet said. He didn't extend his hand or make a motion that there should be any physical contact at all.
"You're welcome Mr. President," Toby said through clenched teeth. "Thank you for inviting me."
"Leo would have wanted you here," President Bartlet replied making it perfectly clear that he had made the decision not because he wanted to, but because he had to. It was a way to avoid the Catholic guilt that he would surely carry with him if he left Toby as an outcast at Leo's wake.
"I'm glad I could be here sir," Toby said clenching his fists. It was unlike him to say nothing in the face of what he perceived a slight, but in the case he thought it better to finish the conversation and move on as quickly as possible.
"Josh wasn't sure you would come," the president said. "Since you didn't come to the church I wasn't sure either."
"I didn't want to create a scene at the church sir," Toby explained. "Today is about Leo."
"You're right," he replied. "Today is about Leo."
With that President Bartlet turned and welcomed Charlie to the residence. Toby, understanding that this meant he was dismissed, sighed and scanned the room. Sam stayed close by so it didn't appear that he was completely alone. It was then that he saw CJ approach him.
Josh stood near by and observed Toby as if he were intruding on territory which he didn't belong. Josh thought about how silly it was to be so angry with Toby, but his comments that afternoon had affected him more deeply than he knew at the time.
"Toby," CJ said approaching slowly as if he were an explosive that may blow at any given moment.
"CJ," he said.
"How are you?" she asked softly. "How have you been?"
"Just peachy," he replied sarcastically.
"You look good," CJ offered.
"It's amazing how the threat of hard time can help your metabolism," Toby responded in a cutting tone.
"How are the kids?" CJ asked trying to brush off his attitude. CJ knew that Toby was like an onion. If you stuck with it long enough to get through the crispy outer layers you would eventually hit a soft inner layer. What she didn't know was how many layers she'd have to peel to get the real Toby. What she didn't know was how long she could peel the layers away before the bitter outer layers drove her to tears.
"Good," Toby said. He softened for a moment when he thought about Molly and Huck, but it was only a moment before he added, "They're at such a cute age. The other day Molly asked me why they kept showing my picture with jail bars and handcuffs on TV. Huck told her it was because I became a policeman. I'm so proud when they tell their little friends that."
"Toby," CJ sighed not sure she could take his passive aggression much longer. She felt bad for him, but she also knew that he brought all of this on himself and almost let her take the heat for it. She wasn't sure how much patience she had left.
"What?" he asked as if he were issuing a challenge.
"Nothing," CJ said pursing her lips. She decided to bite her tongue and turn and walk away. She took two steps before Toby decided to comment.
"Shocking that you would turn your back on me," he said spitefully. "I guess I should be used to that by now."
"Hey," Josh said piping up from the corner of the room. He had been listening to the entire exchange and he walked over to the conversation with his fists clenched.
"Josh," Donna said reaching out a hand to keep him where he was. It was too late. He was already half way across the room.
"Don't talk to her like that," Josh said. "She didn't turn her back on you. You gave her no choice."
"This isn't your conversation Josh," Toby said warningly.
"I think it's about to be," Josh replied.
"Josh, it's fine," CJ said. "I can handle it."
"Yeah she'll just ignore me and pretend I don't exist," Toby snarled. "She's particularly good at that."
"Excuse me?" CJ asked. "What was I supposed to do Toby? Communicate with you through carrier pigeon? I didn't turn my back on you. You messed up. Don't blame this on me."
"He can't help it," Josh commented. "He's Toby, patron saint of self-alienated, righteous bastards. He's happiest wallowing in his own self pity."
The raised voices got President Bartlet's attention and he turned to witness the interaction. Part of him wanted to break up the commotion, but the other part thought it best to just let them have it out and see who ended up on top. For his money he was betting on Josh and CJ to triumph.
"Are you just going to let them go at it?" Abbey whispered to him.
"For now," he said resolved as he observed the fray.
"Yeah I'm the one who's happiest in my own self pity," Toby scoffed. "Please spare me your psychoanalysis. You're the one who was so wrapped up in self pity that you left the White House. Poor Josh didn't get the job he wanted so he went off to Texas to lick his wounds and wound up with a Congressman who couldn't get elected President of Mexico let alone the United States."
"Toby," Sam said partly trying to keep him cool and partly aghast at his response.
"No, Sam, it's true," Toby insisted. "We all know it's true."
"Wow. I didn't think you could get any worse but apparently we can add bigot to the list of your illustrious accomplishments," Josh shot back.
"Stop it," CJ chimed in. "This isn't you Toby. You don't hate Santos. You're just pissed because Josh left to go work for him."
"I really don't need you to tell me about how I feel CJ," Toby sighed.
"Oh yeah? Well how about if I tell you about how I feel? How about if I tell you about how hurt I felt when you abandoned me? How about if I tell you how hard it was not to have you to talk to anymore?"
"You think the last few months have been a picnic for me? Do you think I liked being alienated from everyone? Do you think I felt good about leaking that information?" Toby shouted.
"Yes," President Bartlet piped up. The group turned and realized how loud their voices were and they were slightly embarrassed to note that the president, Abbey, Annabeth, Donna, Margaret and Charlie had all witnessed their shouting match, although President Bartlet's comment took everyone by surprise.
"Excuse me sir?" Toby asked.
"I said you did feel good when you were leaking that information," President Bartlet said knowingly as he approached the group. "You felt proud and righteous because you've always been right and I've always been wrong. You were putting me in my place. No matter what I've done, I couldn't be the man you wanted me to be and I'm sorry for that. But I'm not sorry enough to let you pity yourself and take all your friends down with you."
"All due respect sir, that's not how it was," Toby said.
"Then please, enlighten me. We can talk about it now. There's no threat of legal action. Why did you think it was your sacred duty to give out our national defense secrets like Halloween candy?"
"I didn't, it wasn't like that," Toby stammered. "You had an opportunity to save those people."
"They were saved," President Bartlet pointed out.
"And how long did their families wait in agony wondering if this was the day that their government was going to make the decision about whether they lived or died? Oh wait, they had no idea that their government had the option to save them at all because we keep everything so quiet," Toby replied. "We were operating under a veil of secrecy every day. The shuttle, Supreme Court justices, your health…it never ended. One minute you were paralyzed and heaven forbid we tell anyone about it. We have to wait until you're well enough to wheel yourself around to prove how healthy you are so we don't look weak. If this country only knew how many times we were this close to having Hoynes or Russell behind the wheel they'd be shocked."
"Is that your problem with me? I play things too close to the vest? I have news for you Toby; it's none of their damn business how I'm feeling today. If I wake up crippled tomorrow my mind will still be as sharp as ever and I'd never put this country at risk because of me. I think I proved that when I turned over the government to Walken."
"I don't doubt that sir," Toby said lowering his voice. "I do doubt how you pick and choose who to sacrifice and who is worth fighting for."
"Do you think this job is easy Toby? Every day it's a constant struggle to weigh what is more important, who is worth saving and who isn't. Do you think I like having to make those decisions? Do you think I don't lie awake at night thinking about the decisions I've made?"
"No sir," Toby replied quietly. "I just think that there was a better way to handle the situation."
"And so you took it upon yourself to take my options away from me."
"I wasn't the only one who thought the military shuttle should be used, sir," Toby pointed out as he glanced over at CJ. "I'm just the only one with enough courage to tell people."
"Don't mistake your actions for courage Toby," the president said. "You acted rashly and exposed a very large government secret. Now China and Russia and who knows how many other countries are hard at work on military space shuttles right now so that one day war won't even be fought on Earth anymore. But I suppose that isn't my problem, it's the problem of future generations. The secret slipped out on my watch but why burden myself? I won't be around for the fallout and neither will you."
"Sir," Toby sighed. He paused for what seemed like forever and contemplated his response. There were so many things he wanted to say, yet he knew the president had a very valid point. Toby tipped off the media, but at what cost to the future? He'd never really thought about it before. He was so wrapped up in his own righteous attitude that he didn't stop to consider the long-term consequences to his actions.
"I'm sorry," Toby finally offered approaching the president. "I understand that what I did was legally wrong. To be honest I never really thought about the long-term implications of my actions, but please understand that morally I couldn't stand by and allow those astronauts and their families go through that. I thought about my brother and if it had been him up there and we did nothing I would have lost my mind. I didn't want that for the families of those men. I'm sorry for the breach in national security and I'm sorry for the problems it created for the White House, but I'm not sorry that those men were saved because of it."
President Bartlet was shocked. He never would have expected Toby to concede the point, let alone apologize for his actions. It was very unexpected and although Toby made it clear that he was sorry for the strife his actions caused he still made it clear, in his own way, that he didn't regret it.
"I appreciate your apology Toby," he replied. He extended his hand to Toby and, like an olive branch, Toby reached out and grabbed it. They shook hands formally but with a mutual respect they hadn't shared in months.
President Bartlet leaned in and spoke quietly so that only Toby could hear him, "As much as you were wrong for going to Brock, you gave me an out."
He locked eyes with Toby as he pulled back and the look was of gratitude. Toby saw everything he needed to know in that moment. His betrayal was forgiven, not forgotten, but forgiven and understood by the one person that Toby really needed to understand.
"Now," the president said changing the subject. "Who needs a drink?"
CJ, Josh and Toby exchanged a look that signaled the end of the verbal sparing match that had begun, although it was clear that nothing between the three of them was forgiven or forgotten. There would still have to be conversations and apologies before their rift would be repaired, but for the moment they were all content to move on.
Will and Danny entered the room and looked around at the faces, which looked shocked and tired and they hadn't a clue what they missed, but sensed it was something historic because the group in the center of the room included Toby.
"What's going on?" Danny asked as he sidled up to Josh.
"Nothing," Josh replied quietly.
"Toby's here," Danny said.
"Yep, he sure is," Josh replied bitterly.
"Not too happy about that?" Danny asked.
"I'm just great," Josh said shoving his hands in his pockets. "You want something to drink?"
"Sure," Danny replied as he followed Josh over to the table where the president was pouring cocktails happily. Josh took two drinks and swigged one deeply before he walked over to Donna and handed her a glass of wine. Danny took this to mean he was on his own and that Josh was quite a foul mood.
"Hello Mr. President," Danny said.
"Danny," the president welcomed him brightly. "I'm glad you could come."
"I appreciate the invitation sir," Danny said shaking his hand.
"You understand this is all off the record," the president reminded him.
"Of course sir," Danny replied. "Tonight is about remembering a very great man. I wouldn't dream of writing anything down."
"Well I'm glad you could make it. Leo always liked you. I mean I always liked you, but there were certain days when I wanted your credentials revoked."
President Bartlet smiled good-naturedly at Danny. They had always had a friendly relationship, which Danny was grateful for. He knew there were times when he'd published things that the administration would rather not have publicized, but it was his job and at one time he truly enjoyed digging for the stories.
"I understand sir," Danny smiled.
"I'd tell Leo to have you thrown out on your ass and CJ would agree with me sometimes you know," the president teased him.
"I believe that sir," he said chuckling.
"But then Leo would tell us we couldn't restrict your access just because we were angry," the president continued. "Then he'd point out that although 90 percent of your article was crap, it was very well written crap, and you gave us the benefit of the doubt 10 percent of the time, which was generous."
"I can almost hear him saying that," Danny said seriously. "He was not only accomplished but he was a real gentleman. He's going to be missed."
"That he is," the president said as he surveyed the room. He picked up a glass of scotch and handed it to Danny. He glanced around the room and made a mental note of the people he'd invited. Abbey, Zoey, Ellie, Liz, CJ, Josh, Sam, Toby, Danny, Donna, Margaret, Charlie, Will, Kate, Annabeth and Nancy; they were all there. They had all gathered to celebrate Leo.
"Can I have everyone's attention please?" President Bartlet commanded. "I think it's time we get started."
TBC