A Vision That Will Not Vanish
There was something lingering between them, something neither of them did dare to give voice to, like a protest that was held back either out of politeness or out of the desire to avoid possible embarrassment that could ensue for both parties - Dearka was quite sure it was the latter.
He also thought that Miriallia felt it, too.
Even as Dearka hungrily stroked her bare skin and kneaded her breasts firmly (A girl, this, a girl -), making the brown-haired girl under him sigh quietly (Sweet, melodic sounds, definitely female, too soft and pleading to come from anything but a woman -), he kept his eyes shut tightly, he kept on silently murmuring inside his mind, almost begging, for his chest to stop feeling so unbearingly, painfully tight.
They never lasted long when they were like this, and soon Dearka was pushing inside Miriallia, who had her arms looped around Dearka's neck, rocking against the boy in sync. (Doing the most natural thing in the world, joining, uniting, and yet-)
Not even the feeling of the girl's very much female curves against his own body that was slick with sweat were of any help - the only thing on Dearka's mind was the sleek figure of a silver-haired boy, the milky skin with the almost frail seeming limbs if it weren't for the firm muscles beneath, muscles from years of exercise (Always careful not to watch too closely in the group showers, during the countless hours they had spent working out at the academy.).
"Dearka-" came the panted moan (Yzak's voice was harsh and unforgiving), and Dearka's hands roamed over her bare back, squeezing lightly as he kept on shoving his lenght into her, closer, just a bit -
He could not shake the faint memory of Yzak's body under his when they had been engaging in such profane things as tickling or wrestling, perfectly normal activities among boys, perfectly normal situations that came along with long years of close friendship ... (Not like that, no!)
Dearka felt his whole body tense as he reached the pit, and for a moment everything faded away into a blur of white and memories, still, memories of what Yzak's body looked like under the blankets, lying in bed just across the room, the fragrance of the boy's shampoo and his proud profile, staring ahead with his icy blue eyes ... (Will I ever see him again like this?)
What have I done? Gods, what have I -
Finally, Dearka lost comtrol and let his mind be washed blank by the waves of pleasure that crashed over him, sending him over the edge.
When they were done and had successfully entangled themselves from each other, still breathing harshly with exhaustion, Dearka finally dared to open his eyes, gazing at Miriallia's naked body lying right in front of him. A hand was draped over her forehead, while she was trying to regain her breath. She stared right back at him, her eyes seeming questioning, holding some undefinable emotion but did not dare to say anything. Her slightly trembling hand did not dare to reach out for Dearka.
Dearka leaned forward then, watching the girl closely as he slowly reached up to touch her still reddened cheek gently, cupping it with his palm. His eyes were open now, and darkness no longer kept him save, kept his thoughts hidden. He swallowed hard, hoping for his hand to start trembling like it did, thinking; Why can't I leave you behind?
His thumb traced Miriallia's swollen lips slowly. Why can't I be like this with this girl?
He forced himself to fix his eyes on Miriallia's face again, and all he saw were Yzak's hurt eyes, how his blushed cheeks clashed horribly with his pale skin and his silver hair that was spilled around his head like a crown of light.
Why do you keep on haunting me like this?
Miriallia did not respond when Dearka leaned forward and kissed her slowly, careful to keep his mouth shut. She did not even tense, did not even close her eyes, just stared at the ceiling until Dearka pulled away again and sat up.
The girl took a few deep breaths before sitting up as well.
With the two of them sitting on the disshelved bed, naked, there wasn't anything left to hide.
"I think we are both trying to forget someone."
Miriallia's voice was neutral, holding neither disappointment nor anger.
Dearka turned his head away eventually, giving in to the girl's firm gaze. He wordlessly got up and went straight to the shower.