"Leo McGarry"
"I'd like to start by saying thank you to all of you for coming this evening," President Bartlet said. "It means a lot to me, but I know that it would have meant the world to Leo as well. We both considered all of you to be like our extended family."
He scanned the room and saw their faces. They were captivated and mournful and it was hard to speak to this group, this group of people who had become family in some strange way, without feeling vulnerable enough to break down. He summoned his courage to continue with a quick glance over to Abbey.
"I know we've done the funeral and the cemetery, but I wanted us to gather one last time for Leo. I was hoping we could each share some stories, have a few drinks and celebrate Leo's life the way all good Irishmen do," he continued. "In the spirit of that, I'll start us off and spare you the ceremony of the eulogy I gave earlier."
"Leo McGarry was my best friend. I've known him for 40-some-odd years and odd is a good word to describe them," he chuckled. "We met a long time ago, but our true friendship probably started about 15 years ago. That was when we'd have our late-night talks and stay up debating policy or politics or sports. That was also around the time that Abbey started calling Leo my boyfriend."
The group chuckled as the president paced back and forth with a drink in his hand. He looked as though he enjoyed reliving the memories that were now more precious to him than gold.
"Seriously though, he was there during my greatest successes, of which he was responsible, and my greatest failures, which he understood and talked me through. I can still remember the day that he walked into my office in New Hampshire with a napkin he'd written on. He said he couldn't stop writing down one phrase over and over everywhere he went. The napkin said 'Bartlet for America' and no matter how many books are written, no matter how many articles try to capture the events, they will never find adequate words to describe my awe and admiration for Leo. He was a man who I'm honored to call my best friend and he will be missed."
He paused for moment before raising his glass in the air. "To Leo, the best friend a man could ever dream of knowing."
"To Leo," everyone chimed in before taking a sip of their drinks.
Margaret wiped her eyes discretely. She had held her emotions for most of the funeral and cemetery, but now she couldn't deny her sorrow any longer and she quietly let the tears flow silently down her cheeks.
"I guess I'll go next," Abbey said standing and giving Jed a kiss on the cheek as she passed him. "Leo was like a brother to me. He was the brother that sometimes annoyed me to no end and knew just how to push my buttons, but he was also the brother than I loved and would have fought to the death for. He was the brother that I was proud to have in my family. I was proud to know Leo McGarry as well as I did and even more proud of him and what he stood for."
"Leo was a fighter. He was tenacious and stubborn and often times unbending, but then there was a side to him that not everyone got to see. I'm sure you all saw it, but it wasn't often talked about in these hallowed halls. That was the Leo that was gentle, soft-spoken, caring and kind. That was the Leo that would keep an eye on all of you even if you didn't know it. That is the Leo I'll remember the most. I'll remember him as the man who used to bring me a pumpkin pie and an extra can of cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving because he knew he'd want more than one helping of each. He was a generous soul with a kind heart and even kinder eyes. I'm just grateful that I got to know him for as long as I did."
"Salute," Mrs. Bartlet said as she raised her glass. Again, everyone followed suit and raised their glass and took a sip.
The mood was quite somber and CJ felt her heart grow heavier with each recollection. She looked around the room and it seemed that Josh and Toby were still brooding and Sam wasn't yet ready to speak. CJ took a deep breath and stood up with her glass in hand.
"I could talk for months about Leo and how wonderful he was," CJ began. "Or how I owe him a debt of gratitude so great there will never be enough days in lifetime to repay him. But for some reason at this moment when I think of Leo I can only think of snakes."
There was an uneasy chuckled from the group and Donna smiled as she recalled CJ recounting this story to her once upon a time.
"I'm sure everyone remembers my good friends at Heifer International, thank you Mrs. Bartlet," CJ said smiling as she looked over at the First Lady who raised her glass in her direction. "I had set up a photo shoot with the President and Heifer International and Leo and I had gone outside to have a look at what I thought was supposed to be a cow, but which actually turned out to be a goat. Leo, in his infinite wisdom, pointed out that we were a few votes down on the hill and that a photo op with a goat might not be the best thing."
"I can't imagine why he'd think that," President Bartlet piped up.
"Well he was very intuitive sir," CJ replied. "So, Leo pointed out that fact out to me and then he told me that if I made the President look bad with the photo that he would hide snakes in my car."
There was a collective chuckle around the room and CJ joined in. "I know, right?" CJ said. "He went on to say that he'd hide them in my car and not tell me about it and they'd lay eggs and it would be my worst nightmare. I have to tell you, the look on his face was so serious that I thought he had already bought the snakes to put in my car."
"Was that the day you dragged me out to your car to look for something?" Toby asked recalling a fairly odd outing to the parking lot with CJ. He indicated the word 'something' with air quotes for effect.
"Yes, in fact it was," CJ replied with a laugh. "I dragged Toby out there that night to do an impromptu sweep of my car because Leo looked so serious."
"She kept telling me to really get under the seat and look," Toby said with the hint of a smile. "I kept asking her what I was looking for and she'd just say there was a rattling I needed to check out."
"You know I think I passed him in the hall shortly after that," Josh said. "I was stressed about the vote and all of sudden Leo just started chuckling. He said something about snakes and a goat and I thought he was losing it. It all makes sense now."
"Well I'm glad he enjoyed it. I was looking for snake eggs in my front seat for a week!" CJ laughed. "To sum up, not only will I always remember Leo as a wonderful man and leader. Not only will I forever be grateful to him as a friend and a mentor, but I will also remember him as the mischievous man who loved a good joke and an innocent threat every now and then. To Leo."
"To Leo," they replied as they chuckled and sipped their drinks.
Josh decided to stop brooding in the corner and walk to the middle of the room as CJ took a seat. He rubbed his hand through his hair and took a minute before he spoke.
"I have so many memories of Leo," Josh said quietly. "I owe him everything. If it weren't for Leo I'd have fallen into obscurity as a former staffer for John Hoynes. Leo had a lot more foresight than I did on that one," Josh tried to make light.
"The first wonderful thing that Leo did for me was tell me to drop by this speech that Governor Bartlet was giving. I'd hardly heard of the man and it seemed like a waste of time but then I showed up and realized that Leo was right. One hundred percent, unequivocally right. I was working for the wrong guy. So I owe Leo that."
Donna could tell that Josh was more emotional than he'd been at the funeral. President Bartlet was right. There was something about this group that made it seem like it was okay to be break down and be yourself. She silently hoped he would hold it together or else she'd hear about how embarrassed he was all the way back to the hotel and he should never feel bad for mourning Leo.
"The second big thing that I owe Leo for is for recognizing that I didn't have it," Josh said. "When President Bartlet needed a new Chief of Staff he knew I wasn't ready and he was right. I would have made all the wrong decisions and it would have been bad on so many levels. He saw that and he allowed me to find my own way."
Josh realized that his words might sound hallow or cold, which wasn't how he felt at all. He honestly felt that at the time CJ was better suited to the position and he accepted it. A year earlier maybe not so much, but now, he wouldn't trade his life for the last year for all the money in the world.
"I don't mean that to sound bitter," Josh said looking at CJ. "I really mean that you were the right choice CJ. I wasn't ready and Leo saw it. I was terrified when he had that heart attack. He saw the fear in me and he was right. You can't have a fearful Chief of Staff. At the time I couldn't have pulled it together like you did. I needed more time and Leo saw that."
"But above everything else I'll always remember Leo for saving my life. I guess he did it on more than one occasion, but after Rosslyn I was pretty messed up. You all saw it. The day I met with Stanley after the window incident Leo waited for me. I was worried I was going to lose my job, again, for not the first and not the last time," Josh said smiling mischievously over at President Bartlet.
"He told me as long as he had a job I had a job," Josh continued. "He told me this story about a guy who fell in a hole. A priest walks by and the man in the hole asks for help and the priest throws down a prayer to him. A few other people walk by and basically leave this guy in the hole. Finally, a friend walks by and the man in the hole shouts up for help. The friend jumps in the hole and the guy in the hole says, 'what did you do that for?' The friend answers, 'I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
Josh paused for a minute as he recalled that moment sitting in the lobby of the White House with Leo. He could almost hear the Christmas carols playing in the background.
"He knew the way out because he really was down there once before too," Josh said quietly. "He cared enough to jump back in the hole to get me. He also told that story a lot better than I did, so his storytelling legacy is unfortunately, not safe with me."
Josh smirked a little before adding, "The only way I have to repay Leo is to make him the next Vice President of the United States, which I intend to do tomorrow, but until that time, Leo, you will be missed more than you can ever imagine."
He raised his glass to the ceiling and took a long sip before sticking his hand in his pocket and walking back to where he stood before. Donna stood next to him and placed her hand on his forearm as a silent gesture of affection and support.
Sam waited for Toby to stand and share his sentiments for a moment but instead he sat silently. Sam took a deep breath, rubbed his hands together and stood up. He walked to the center of the room and scratched his forehead.
"Leo was a man who meant a lot to all of us," Sam began. "He guided us, taught us, cared about us and most importantly he touched the lives of everyone in this room, not to mention almost everyone in Washington. I obviously haven't been around for the last few years, but even though I haven't been here physically I've been here with you in spirit and I've always thought about each and every one of you. There were times when I'd think about calling just to say hello and I didn't because it didn't seem urgent enough. I never thought for a moment that one day my phone would ring and I would get such terrible news and I want to apologize for not keeping in touch like I should have."
CJ looked down at the floor, Josh averted his eyes and Toby looked up at the ceiling. It was clear that Sam's sentiment had hit home because none of them had made serious attempts to keep in closer contact. Sam was the first to leave the West Wing and communication between them stayed close for a few months before it dwindled. Josh was the next to leave and it seemed so abrupt that neither CJ nor Toby made much attempt to keep in contact with him socially. It was mostly out of necessity to the campaign and the next Democratic hope for president. When Toby was eventually escorted from the building it seemed as though all communication between the group that was once so tight was severed indefinitely.
That was, with the exception of Leo. He always seemed to be the one they called, the one that held them together. As if Sam was reading their minds he said, "Except Leo. I don't know if it was just me, but I'd find myself calling him for advice at odd hours of the morning because I knew he was the only one who could talk me around my problem."
"I called him at least once a day when I first started working on the campaign," Josh offered.
"I called him at least once an hour when I first took over," CJ chuckled.
"I called him at least once week asking him how he ever managed to deal with all of you on a constant basis," President Bartlet teased them.
"I'm glad to know it wasn't just me annoying him," Sam said happily. "But seriously, like CJ said before, I could stand here and regale you all with stories about Leo and how he changed my life or about how I looked up to him in so many ways, but my anecdote actually involves Leo, Mallory and a birthday card."
Half of the room laughed quietly and stifled grins remembering the birthday card that Leo tasked Sam to write in order to prevent him from going out with Mallory.
"I'd been off my game," Sam admitted. "I was struggling to find my voice and I was hoping to get out and enjoy some air with a lady friend."
"Not the hooker," Toby interjected with a grin.
"Call girl," Sam said without skipping a beat, "and no. I was going out with Mallory and Leo decided that was the perfect time for me to write a birthday card for some under-secretary in order to prevent me from keeping that date."
"You spent hours on that thing," the president recalled.
"I wasn't the only one," Sam grinned looking over at Toby.
"What? It was an exercise in creative writing," Toby said as if he shouldn't be teased for his eventual involvement in the card.
"Well all I know is that night it taught me two important lessons," Sam said. "The first is that even though Leo meant the assignment as a quasi-punishment, he helped me find my voice again by asking me to write that card. I'd been floundering and he gave me the swift kick I needed to get back on track."
"What was the second lesson?" Danny asked.
"That as intimidating as meeting a girl's father is, it's about a thousand times more intimidating when that father is Leo McGarry," Sam replied with a smile.
"Leo, wherever you are, you are missed," Sam said raising his glass.
"Here, here," the group replied as they took another sip of their drinks.
"Hey Sam," the president said as Sam walked back to his seat.
"Yes?"
"Just so you know, Leo liked you a hell of a lot more than the new guy," he told him.
"Thank you sir," Sam grinned.
"Just don't tell Mallory I told you that," Jed said.
"It's just between us sir," Sam said.
"And the twenty people in this room," Josh pointed out with a smile.
There seemed to be a silence that washed over the group for a moment. No one seemed to want to stand and speak. It was because there was an order. The president started, followed by the senior staff and Toby had yet to speak. Although the order was unofficial and obviously unimportant, it was clear that everyone was waiting for Toby to speak.
For his part Toby felt the eyes boring into him. Some eyes questioned his silence. Others looked confused as if they couldn't contemplate why he had yet to speak. The truth was that Toby felt very uncomfortable. Granted he usually felt uncomfortable in his own skin, but the circumstances and the looks made him feel even more uneasy.
He took a deep breath and sighed sensing that everyone was waiting. He stood up with his half empty glass of bourbon in his hand and walked to the front of the room with his head down.
"I'm grateful to be here tonight," Toby said clearing his throat. "I'm gonna make this quick for a lot of reasons but the most important is that Leo wasn't a man of many words. He didn't need them. Most of the time he could just look at you and you knew where you stood, or why you let him down or why he thought you were amusing."
Toby looked quickly around the room and tried to avoid direct eye contact with just about everyone save Annabeth, Charlie and Zoey.
"I'm always going to remember Big Block of Cheese Day," Toby said. "Not only because I hated it with a fiery passion and it amused Leo to see me begrudge and belittle the day, but also because Leo was right. He was a man of wealth and stature, but his heart was so big that he wanted us to open our doors to people who might not otherwise be heard. He wanted us to expand our ideas and opinions and many times it failed miserably like CJ and the Wolf Highway, but other times it did expand our opinions. It gave regular groups, normal people, the opportunity to change their world and our minds, which is what government is about. It's about the belief that things can be better and that we all have a voice and I think that is an amazing gift and an astounding testament to his character. I can only hope that I didn't let him down too badly and he will be missed."
Toby raised his glass and took a sip and everyone else followed suit. Margaret wiped another tear from her cheek and marveled that Toby was the one who would reduce her to tears again, especially given the circumstances.
Toby drained his glass and walked out of the room to refill it. Josh watched as Toby left and he quietly slipped around the corner after him. He stood for a moment and watched as he refilled his glass.
"It was a nice speech," Josh said with a hint of attitude in his tone.
"Thank you," Toby said wearily without looking over at Josh.
Josh looked around the corner and noted that Kate was speaking about Toby and he made a concerted effort to keep his voice down.
"I need to know why," Josh said.
"Leo was a great man," Toby said obviously irritated. "Regardless of what you might think I'm going to miss him."
"That's not what I meant," Josh said inching closer. "I mean I need to know why you've turned on me all of sudden. I thought we'd put all this behind us and now…I honestly don't know what's going on."
"Me either," Toby said putting the bottle of alcohol down on the table. "Look, I'm sorry."
He choked out the words as if his fingernails were being pulled out one by one. It was obviously a hard thing for him to admit once, let alone twice in one night.
"I have a lot going on in my head right now and then you show up and it brings up all the stuff from before."
"So you still hate me then," Josh said.
"I never hated you," Toby dismissed his comment.
"Do you have any idea how it hurt?" Josh said. "For some reason I feel like I need your approval and it doesn't make sense, but there it is."
"I know," Toby said.
"You know?" Josh asked looking at him quizzically.
"Yeah," Toby sighed. "You don't think it wasn't obvious? I know you want approval Josh. You've always wanted it and not only from me. It's the easiest thing to withhold from you so I did it to hurt you."
"Gee, thanks," Josh said bitterly.
"Look, I'm going through some stuff right now okay? It's just easier to lash out," Toby said. He sensed that his explanation wasn't quite what Josh was looking for so he added, "For what it's worth I don't think Santos is going to lose because of Leo's death."
"You don't think he's the right guy though," Josh pointed out.
"It doesn't matter what I think," Toby replied.
"You know it does," Josh insisted.
"No," Toby said. "I don't think he's the guy, but if you think Santos is the guy and you're his Chief of Staff then I feel a hell of better about the future of my country."
Josh just looked at him and saw that he was sincere. Toby took a swig of his drink.
"Of course it also helps that I didn't end up losing my right to vote in future elections, as well as this one," Toby pointed out with the hint of a grin.
"I'm sorry I called you a bastard," Josh said.
"No, it was pretty well deserved," Toby said.
"You're right, it was," Josh said with a grin.
"Jackass," Toby said with a smile under his breath.
"Yeah," Josh nodded.
"At last we agree on that," Toby said.
"Your speech about Leo really was nice," Josh said.
"Yours too," Toby said. "I didn't know he waited for you that night, after Stanley left."
"Yeah," Josh replied. "He had Donna take me to the hospital and made sure I was okay."
"You and Donna seem to have gotten close again," Toby ventured.
"We've always been close," Josh protested.
"Okay," Toby said unconvinced.
"What?"
"Nothing, I'm just pointing out that things like this have a way of bringing people closer. You're holding Donna's hand, CJ's telling everyone within earshot that she loves them, Sam's at the White House again, it all adds up to some strange bedfellows."
"Donna's known Leo about as long as we have," Josh said. "It comforting to be around people who knew him you know? The Santos people haven't known him that long. They don't know him like we do."
"I get that," Toby said.
The two men stood and listened to Will talking about Leo and how he inspired him.
"Sounds like Will is finishing up his speech," Josh said. "Maybe we ought to head back in."
"Yeah, maybe we should," Toby agreed.
Both men stood side-by-side leaning on the table and sipped their drinks. It was almost as if they were afraid to move, as if moving would break the truce that had been silently declared. Finally Toby stood up straight and took a few steps toward the other room.
"Hey Toby," Josh said.
"Yeah?" Toby said turning.
"We really are glad you're here," Josh said.
"Thanks," Toby said lowering his head in humility. "I better…" he said turning to walk into the room.
"Yeah," Josh said as he sipped his drink and refilled it before rejoining the group again himself.
TBC