"Back to the Start"
After a while it seemed as though everyone had stood up and said their piece about Leo. Donna had everyone laughing, Margaret had reduced just about everyone to tears and Nancy McNally spoke eloquently about the faith the people in the Situation Room put in Leo when he was Chief of Staff. Finally President Bartlet stood again and summed up the evening.
"Again, I want to thank each of you for being here tonight," he said. "Abbey and I would like to invite you all to stay and chat. It's been so long since some of us were in the same room together that it's nice to catch up. Thank you again for coming."
"Thank you sir," Nancy said.
The large group sat silent for a moment until someone moved and started a side conversation which allowed everyone to speak freely. CJ sighed as she stood up to refill her empty glass. She turned and ran into Danny.
"Can I refill that for you?" Danny asked noting her empty glass.
"Thanks," CJ said. "I'll go with you."
"I think you're gonna want to stay here," Danny said looking over her shoulder.
"Why is that?"
"Someone is coming over here to talk to you," Danny said nodding his head forward. "I think I missed the fireworks earlier, but I'll be within earshot this time."
He gave her a smile and took her glass as he left to refill her drink. CJ turned around and saw Toby a few steps away from her.
"This was nice," he said casually biting his lower lip and clutching his drink tightly.
"Yeah," CJ agreed. "I saw Josh follow you out before. Neither of you have any cuts or bruises so I'm assuming things went well?"
"Yeah," Toby said almost cracking a smile. "Things went well."
CJ just looked at Toby as he examined his drink. She scanned the room to find Josh laughing with Sam and assumed that things actually did go well.
"I apologized to him," Toby told CJ. "I told him I was sorry about what I said about Santos."
"That was pretty harsh. It wasn't like you to say something like that," CJ said.
"Well it kind of was," Toby admitted.
"Out loud," CJ clarified. "You didn't let me finish. I was going to say that wasn't something you'd normally say out loud."
"Point taken," Toby agreed. "But I apologized. I'm going for a new personal record. I apologized to the president, to Josh…to you."
He added the last two words quietly and he almost looked embarrassed when he said it. He looked down at the floor and scuffed his shoes on the carpet while he waited for CJ's response.
"Really?" CJ replied. "I didn't actually hear an apology."
"No? I could have sworn I just said it."
"You didn't," CJ said seriously.
"I'm sorry," he said quick and sincerely. "I know what I did was wrong and I know it messed everything up. I just couldn't sit here and not speak up."
"I know," CJ said. "I accept your apology. Will you accept mine?"
"What are you sorry for?"
"I'm sorry for planting the idea in your head to begin with," CJ said with a hint of guilt in her voice. "I called you into my office and basically led you to the solution to the shuttle problem by using your brother."
"You didn't. I knew about it already."
"But I brought it up," CJ insisted. "You knew how I felt about it."
"Of course I knew how you felt about it," Toby insisted. "Your poker face has improved but you keep forgetting I've known you for twenty years."
"Yeah well I still feel responsible," CJ said.
"Don't," Toby cut her off. "It was my doing. You weren't involved."
"I was," CJ admitted.
"How?"
"There were a few hints," CJ said vaguely. "Not all those calls to Greg Brock were completely innocent Toby. I wanted him to find it. I was hoping he'd find out and then you went and told him outright. I was never going to tell him outright."
"Okay, we shouldn't be talking about this," Toby said wearily as he looked around the room.
"I didn't do anything illegal," CJ insisted. "Trust me, Greg Brock may be a prize-winning journalist but he's a little slow with the hints but he couldn't connect the dots until someone told him exactly what to look for. I knew it was you. I just had this feeling it was you and the guilt I felt was so enormous."
"CJ what did you tell Greg Brock?"
"Nothing," CJ said. "I made a few comments about how I wished there was another way to save the astronauts. There was a point when I knew he figured it out and he was pumping me for information. That was when I shut my mouth. Most of the calls I made were after I thought it was you who leaked the story. I kept trying to find out for sure if it was you and how I could fix it. He took so long to write the damn story that I was on the phone everyday trying to find out what he knew. I was so mad at you, but then I kept hoping that maybe I had it wrong. Maybe it wasn't you and so I kept calling Greg to try to find out without asking him what he knew and how. I didn't want it to be you because then I'd be all alone."
"I'm sorry," Toby said relieved that CJ's conversations with Greg Brock weren't as incriminating as everyone thought.
"You and me," CJ said. "That was all I had left here. First Sam, then Leo, then Josh, they all left and I just kept thinking at least I still have Toby. I was so pissed at you."
"I know," Toby said. "But I had to do it. You know I had to do it."
"You didn't have to do it," CJ said in hushed tones. "He would have sent up that shuttle without the leak."
"I couldn't count on that," Toby said.
"You should have asked me," CJ said. "I became Chief of Staff and we stopped talking."
"Yeah," Toby agreed.
"Because you didn't think I deserved it," CJ said.
"No," Toby said forcefully. "That's not true. It just took some getting used to. It was different and I know didn't react well, but I didn't know how else to act."
"I don't like what we've become," CJ said.
"Me either," Toby agreed.
"Can we go back to how it was before?" CJ asked.
"I don't know," Toby said. "Can you trust me?"
She looked at him hard for a moment. She reached her hand out and placed it over his and squeezed it lightly.
"I do trust you," CJ said. "I want us to be able to talk again."
"We can do that," Toby said softly.
"Okay," CJ said.
"Okay," Toby replied.
They stood in silence for a moment and, like the moment between Toby and Josh, everything seemed to gel within the silence. Like a wound that had scabbed over, the flecks of dead skin seemed to dissipate into scar tissue, which strengthened the bond rather than weakened it.
"So Toby," Danny said walking over with CJ's glass in his hand. "How are things?"
CJ let go of Toby's hand and took the glass Danny handed with a smile. Danny then stuck out his hand to shake Toby's.
"Slightly less stressful now than it was four days ago," Toby replied.
"Yeah, this one," he said nudging CJ lightly with his shoulder, "could have given me the heads up on the pardon for one of my final articles, but she was tight-lipped as ever."
"Unlike me," Toby tried to joke. "What do you mean your last article? You're getting out of the newspaper business?"
"Yeah," Danny sighed. "After this election it's over. I'm hanging up my reporter hat."
"What are you planning to do?" Toby asked.
"Find a wealthy, possible about to be unemployed woman of a certain age to support me," Danny joked. CJ gave him a look and he cleared his throat. "In all seriousness I haven't really thought about it. I have a little saved up. I might just travel for the sake of relaxation instead of a story for a while. How about you?"
"Well I haven't really thought about it," Toby said. "I figured I'd have my book to write in lieu of yard time, but now it looks like I just have my book to write, with a very different ending than what I anticipated a month ago."
"A much happier ending," CJ reminded him.
"Yeah," Toby agreed.
"Hey, I'm gonna go downstairs and write for a little while," Danny said quietly to CJ. "Can I stop by your office later?"
"Give me about an hour?" CJ asked turning her back slightly to Toby.
"I'll see you then," Danny said. "Toby, it was good to see you. I'm glad things worked out for you."
"Thank you," Toby said.
Danny walked over to say his goodbyes to the president and Abbey as Toby took a long hard look at CJ.
"What?" CJ asked when she felt his stare.
"What's going on there?" Toby asked.
"There's nothing going on," CJ lied although she felt her cheeks flush slightly. Talking about personal relationships with Toby was always slightly awkward for a myriad of reasons, but talking about Danny was especially strange because she knew that Toby could read her like a book.
"Hey," Kate said walking up to CJ and Toby. "It's good to see you Toby."
"Thanks," Toby said dismissively as he saw CJ's cheeks flush.
"You're not gonna tell me?" Toby pressed CJ. "I thought we were going to communicate a little better."
"It's nothing," CJ said looking over as Danny exited the room. "How are you Kate?"
"I'm alright. I waited until your boyfriend left so I wouldn't interrupt anything important again," Kate said almost as if she's accomplished a great feat.
"Her boyfriend?" Toby said turning to Kate and finding her conversation much more enlightening than CJ's.
"He's not my boyfriend," CJ protested pulling on Toby's shoulder to get him to turn toward her and not Kate.
"You mean Danny?" Toby asked Kate.
"She did not mean my boyfriend," CJ said giving Kate a hard look.
"I just stepped into something here," Kate said feeling slightly foolish. She just assumed that CJ's date had been a boyfriend and that others knew about him.
"Did CJ tell you Danny was her boyfriend?" Toby pressed Kate.
"Stepped right into it and I'm dragging it across the floor," Kate mumbled to herself.
"Kate?" Toby asked again.
"Fine," CJ said throwing her arms up. "I went out with Danny. I didn't say he was my boyfriend."
"That is true," Kate piped up. "She mentioned a date, but I was the one who assumed the boyfriend part of it."
"Really?" Toby asked amused.
"What's going on over here?" Sam asked as he approached the group. By Toby's smile he assumed that all was forgiven and it was safe to engage the group.
"Oh geez," CJ mumbled.
"It seems that CJ found herself a boyfriend," Toby told Sam.
"I didn't find myself a boyfriend," CJ replied venomously at Toby. "I went to dinner with Danny."
"Concannon?" Josh asked as he walked over and joined in the conversation.
CJ looked at the group around her and rolled her eyes with a loud sigh. "I'm never forgiving you for this," CJ told Kate.
"Yeah, I kind of figured," Kate said. "I'm actually gonna go."
"And let me clean up the mess," CJ said as Kate walked over to talk to Will with a grin.
"So what's going on with Danny CJ?" Josh asked.
"Nothing," CJ said. "I don't know. Does this have to be a thing?"
"Of course it has to be a thing. Danny's been pining over you for years," Sam pointed out.
"He hasn't been pining," CJ said.
"He's been sniffing around for years," Josh added.
"You deserve to be happy," Toby said quietly.
"He hasn't been sniffing around," CJ denied Josh's comment while almost missing Toby's. It took her a moment but his comment finally registered.
"Thank you," CJ said. "I do deserve to be happy and it's not like there's anything going on now. I told him nothing could happen until after the inauguration."
"Poor guy can't catch a break," Josh continued to tease her. "He's waited almost nine years and you're still making him beg."
"I wouldn't go there Skippy," CJ said. "I could bring up a certain someone who's waited for about nine years myself."
"What?" Josh asked as he swallowed hard.
"I need to spell it out for you? Her name starts with a D," CJ said.
"Followed by an O," Sam smiled.
"I think there's an N after that," CJ continued.
"Two N's actually," Toby pointed out as he sipped his drink.
"Don't," Josh said. "It's not like that."
"A, it ends with an A right?" Sam asked amused.
"What does that spell?" CJ asked with a mischievous grin.
"A big thank you to the White House Cheer Team," Josh said sarcastically. "Unfortunately with that routine I don't think they'll be seeing Nationals this year."
"I'm just saying, you know what they say about glass houses Josh," CJ smiled.
"I'm not throwing stones," Josh said. "You and Danny are completely different than me and…anyone else."
Josh wouldn't allow himself to say Donna's name but he did glance quickly over to the corner where she stood. He had to admit that ever since he'd found out about Leo's death Donna had been his rock. She somehow anchored him in reality when he felt like his mind was a million miles away. It wasn't the first time he'd noticed it. She'd actually been his anchor for years, but it wouldn't have been appropriate. It was inappropriate now. They worked together and that issue would only grow if Santos won the election.
"Okay, leave him alone," Toby said. "His cheeks have turned a sufficient shade of crimson."
"Gee, thanks," Josh said turning his attention back to the group.
"You only tease the ones you love," CJ pointed out. "Have I told you guys that I love you lately?"
"Twice in the last two hours," Sam said.
"Well I mean it," she said taking Sam's face in her hands and giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.
"I love you Sam," she said.
"I love you to too CJ," he replied.
She let go of his face and pulled Josh over to her and gave him a kiss on the cheek as well.
"I love you Josh," she said.
"I suppose I love you too," Josh groaned as if it were work to admit it.
"Thanks for sounding so sincere," she smiled at him.
She let go of Josh and turned to Toby and held his face in her hands before she kissed his cheek.
"I love you Toby," she said.
"Love you too CJ," he replied.
"I love a visit from the kissing fairy," Sam said with a smile as Toby wiped the lipstick off his cheek gently.
"I was kind of hoping for something a little hotter," Josh teased.
"No, the hot stuff is reserved for Danny now," Toby said with a smirk.
"Okay, I officially hate you guys," CJ said serious but with a slight chuckle in her tone. "I have to go make the rounds. I'll see you later if I feel like talking to any of you ever again."
CJ took leave of the group and they all smiled as they watched her walk away. They had forgotten how much fun it was to tease CJ. Their numbers had dwindled and the fun had stopped, but it was amazing how they could come together after so long and pick up where they left off, without too much effort, save almost coming to blows over petty wounds from the past.
"So have you given any thought to how you're gonna handle things tomorrow?" Toby asked Josh.
"Not a whole lot," Josh said. "I feel like I'm betraying Leo to even think about it."
"You're not," Sam reminded him.
"I know I'm not, but it doesn't feel right," Josh replied.
"You'll figure it out," Toby said confidently. "You're gonna make Leo Vice President."
"It's the least I can do," Josh said.
"Does Santos have anyone in mind if he wins?" Toby asked.
"We haven't even talked about it. Everything has been so hectic and awful the last few days. I'm sure he's thought about it, but I haven't talked to him about it."
"Berryhill is still a good go-to guy," Toby suggested. "Just because we couldn't confirm him doesn't mean you won't be able to."
"Yeah," Josh said. "We'll see. Winning is half the battle."
"You're gonna win," the president said approaching the group.
"Sir," Josh said turning. "Thank you. I wish I were as confident."
"You don't need to be, that's what I'm here for," the president pointed out.
"I appreciate that sir," Josh replied.
President Bartlet leaned on his cane, which he had to use that day. The battle with MS was like that of a relationship with a star-crossed lover. One day things were normal, the next they were horrible. Most days he sat somewhere between okay and horrible. He was hoping that leaving office would alleviate the daily stress and help stabilize his condition, but today he needed the cane. He mentally cursed it that morning. He was supposed to be strong and hold it together for Leo, yet he felt impotent and weak having to use a cane to walk behind Leo's casket.
"This wake was a really nice idea sir," Sam said pulling the president out of his thoughts.
"Yeah," the president nodded.
"Leo would have liked it," Sam said.
"Come on, we all know Leo would have hated it," President Bartlet dismissed him. "He hated being the center of attention."
"Yeah he probably would have hated it," Josh agreed with a small chuckle thinking about what Leo's reaction would have been had he known about the wake.
"Lucky for me I'm the President and I get to make sure my best friend has a proper send off," he said.
"Your eulogy was excellent sir," Toby offered.
"Yeah? Thanks," the president said. "I could have used some help tightening up the middle though."
Toby nodded understanding the sentiment. "I thought it was touching."
"Leo probably would have hated that too. I got a little sentimental."
"You said what was in your heart. Leo wouldn't have hated that," Sam offered.
"I suppose not," the president nodded with a sadness in his voice. "Well, I have to go catch up with Charlie and Zoey. They said something about talking to me and Abbey and I have to go clean my shotguns before they drop the bomb."
The men chuckled. "Say goodbye before you all leave," the president instructed them.
"We will sir," Josh said.
"We should do this more often. Get together I mean," Sam said clarifying himself.
"Yeah," Josh said.
"No really, I mean it," Sam insisted. "We haven't been in the same room together in years."
"Ellie's wedding," Josh pointed.
"I wasn't at Ellie's wedding," Toby reminded him.
"Oh, right," Josh said sheepishly. "I had a lot on my mind that day. Well there was the California trip."
"That was three years ago," Toby said in wonder. It couldn't have been three years since they were all in the same place, could it?
"It was three years ago," Sam agreed.
"Wow," Josh said.
"Yeah," Toby affirmed.
"My point being we need to make the time if we're ever going to stay in touch. We need to schedule it."
"That's easier said than done," Josh pointed out.
"Well what are you doing on this date next year?" Sam asked.
"Hopefully running the country," Josh replied.
"Right, but for at least an hour on this date next years you'll be free," Sam insisted.
"I don't know, probably," Josh said.
"What about you Toby?" Sam asked.
"Sam I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow let alone a year from now."
"But if you had it on your calendar you'd come, right?"
"Yeah, I guess," Toby said giving him a funny look.
"Fine," Same said pulling his PDA out of his breast pocket. "I'm setting a meeting for this exact date one year from now." He pushed a few buttons quickly. "There'll be formal requests for your attendance in your e-mail in about one minute."
"Sam," Josh said. "This is crazy."
"Why?" Sam asked putting his PDA back in his pocket. "CJ's right. We never say how we feel. We never did. I want to change that. I miss hanging out like we used to. I miss almost getting into bar fights with you to defend Zoey. I miss road trips in the middle of night with Toby. I miss hearing CJ's gut-busting laugh from down the hall. I want us to get together a year from now. Is that so much to ask?"
"No," Toby said softly remembering for a moment how it used to be. There were days when he thought that working at the White House was the most stressful, horrible job in the world. There were days when he hated everybody he worked with. But the good days, the days when he felt like they changed world, outweighed all the bad memories and feelings he ever had about the White House.
"No," Josh agreed.
"I guess I'll see you a year from now," Sam said.
"If not sooner," Toby said.
"Sooner?" Josh asked.
"Well if the president is cleaning his shot guns I'm inclined to believe we might have a wedding to attend in the near future," Toby pointed out.
The three men surveyed the room and saw Donna, Margaret and CJ embroiled in what appeared to be a serious conversation with moments of humor reflected through CJ's laugh. President Bartlet and Abbey seemed to be having a pleasant, if not somewhat awkward, conversation with Zoey and Charlie. Everything seemed to so similar to how it was before and yet drastically different.
"Leo would have loved having everyone together again," Josh said.
"Yeah, he sure would have," Sam agreed.
"This wake was definitely one of his better ideas," Toby said. "And he did it without the help of any Senior Staff."
"Are you saying he didn't ever really need us?" Sam teased Toby.
"No, I'm just saying that Leo saw what it took us time to discover," Toby said. "The president's better angels will always win out in the end."
"That's why he ran the show," Josh replied.
"And ran it so well," Sam added.
TBC