Title: Down For Love

Author: Greyeyedgirl

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am a sick, obsessed child who is addicted to both Grey's Anatomy and writing. I also have a procrastination problem, and this helps pass the time while I avoid doing my homework. :D

Summary: "The liquor dripping down his throat was burning, and it fit Derek's mood as he reminisced about Meredith."

Author's Note: Quick fic to pass the time before Grey's gets off hiatus. Read, review. And don't get mad if the fiction sucks. I am very tired. And this fic was bothering me to be written. I think I have OCD.

The liquor dripping down his throat was burning, and it fit Derek's mood as he reminisced about Meredith. Her hair...It smelled good. Not like hair that had just been washed and smelled like expensive, over-scentified shampoo. It smelled like her. Like Meredith.

Her eyes, her smile, the way she looked at him. He took another swig of the alcohol. They had to be long swigs, because if he just sipped at it, it would burn his tongue and throat, and he'd unwillingly spit it out. He had to just put as much down as quickly as he could to be able to swallow. Like ripping off a band-aid. No anesthesia.

That was how she had been torn from him. Ripped away, leaving him down. He had drank the liquor as fast as he could, but it still burned, and it Hurt. He wiped the tear away from his eye, wishing it was just from the alcohol. He brought the bottle to his lips and inhaled. His coughing came out in rough bursts.

"You okay, man?" It was Joe, looking at him, worry on his face. "I'm fine," Derek managed.

"Dude, I think you've had enough."

"I'm fine!" His voice sounded ruder than he'd intended. He'd had more than enough. "Sorry, Joe," he whispered, taking the bottle of Southern Comfort and stumbling out the door. He couldn't stay here. She might come, and he knew he would not be able to resist the temptation, or be able to calm his aching heart when she came into view. Addison was staying at the hotel, and he knew she would not be back to the bar that night, just like he wouldn't go back to New York. Too many bad memories.

He wanted to go home. It was what he thought of the trailer as, even though he hadn't been back there for a couple of months. He couldn't drive, could he? It wouldn't be bright. He dipped the top of the bottle back into his mouth. Ohhhh, how it burned. He deserved it, for what he had done to her. His heart had been hurting since Meredith had first said, "It's not enough." His heart was ruined, maybe even his brain, so why not worry the rest of his organs, too?

He missed her. He could see her face, the look in her beautiful eyes when she saw him, the happiness transformed into pain that was rivaled only by his own. Was that the price that had to be paid for loving someone? For having a person in your life that could cause a happiness like no other? Having them hurt you instead? God, he loved her.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love the feel of your hair, soft and angelic through my fingers. I love the taste of your lips, the porcelain of your skin. The rhythmic beating of our hearts together. God, he was drunk.

His eyes filled as he remembered the way she'd been after the big train wreck hit Seattle. How she'd reacted to Bonnie. "WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER! WE HAVE AN OBLIGATION!" Which had she said? We? Or he?

His heart broke as he remembered her screams. How could he have done that? How could he have broken her like that? His body burned again, but this time it wasn't from the alcohol.

"Derek?"

He looked up from his position with his head bent over the alcohol bottle. "Meredith," he murmured.

"It's okay," she said, bending down and taking the bottle from his hand. "It's okay."

"Meredith," he murmured, smiling. "Yes. It's me."

"I'm srry. Iluv you." His words were slurred and jumbled.

"It's okay," she whispered. "Noooooooo." Why was his head spinning such?

"Iluv you Merdith." Why couldn't he talk right? "Meredith," he corrected himself.

"Yes."

"Iluv you."

"Yes."

He forced himself to open his eyes. "Sayit bak."

Meredith's face swam in his mind.

"Dude? Dude!" Derek awoke with a jolt. "What?" He mumbled quietly.

"Uh, I think you fell asleep. Are you okay?" It was the male nurse, Tyler.

"Yes." He tried to sit up, his head throbbing and stomach burning. "Yes." Tyler looked worried. "Are you sure, Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek nodded absentmindedly, looking around. He must not have slept very long, it was still pitch black outside, and the alcohol had not even begun to wear off yet. He took another swig as he stood up, and it made him shiver. Ohhh, he was going to throw up.

He made his way to the parking lot, fishing around in his pocket for his keys. There. Got 'em. He sat himself down into the driver's seat, fumbling to put the keys in the ignition. Turn, turn. There. Now, GO.

He almost didn't feel it as the impact threw him through the car.