Down for Love

Chapter 4

Greyeyedgirl

Preston Burke's footsteps through the deserted hospital hallway echoed through his mind, the rhythmic pounding adjusting itself to become in tune with his heartbeat.

"Hi." Cristina Yang had appeared out of nowhere, and she fell into step with him nonchalantly. He turned his head to look at her, his yellow surgical cap falling a little bit on his forehead.

"Cristina." How hard it was to make his voice sound calm.

"Meredith patched things up with Derek. They're together right now." She was smiling.

Burke's voice came out very, very quiet. "I know."

Cristina turned to him, her eyebrows knitted. "What's the matter?"

He turned to look at her, an honest look in his eye. "Shepherd's labs...aren't very encouraging."

She stared at him, a forced, fake smile twisting her face. "What are you talking about? His surgery went fine."

He sat her down nearby, opening the chart in his hands. "Here." She bent her head over the lab, her heart stopping. Oh, oh, oh.

Meredith was sitting a few inches away from Derek's bed, her head bent over his face, giggling. "Meredith," he said, whispering. A smile lit up his face.

"Yes," she said, smiling. Her eyes twinkled, lit by an inner light.

"I love you."

She giggled, as he raised one arm to put a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you, too, Derek."

He separated his lips to kiss her, her hair tickling the side of his face. "I bet I'll be out soon. I can't wait to take you to the ferryboats."

She smiled at him, squeezing his hand tightly. "Well, you have to take it easy for awhile. I don't want you to get overworked."

He smiled at her, putting his hand in her hair. "Maybe you could stay with me. Until I get better."

Meredith grinned, her eyes locked to his. "Maybe," she whispered.

Their splendor was rudely interrupted by the interruption of Burke coming in. "Dr. Grey, could I speak to you?"

Meredith looked up in surprise. "Sure," she said, still smiling. Burke turned, and Meredith stood up, giving Derek's hand a final squeeze as she followed Burke out of the room. "What's up?" She asked. She noted Cristina leaning against the wall, her face torn. She looked back and forth at them, confused.

Meredith stood in the cafeteria of the hospital, her empty stomach matching her face and heart. That's how she was. Empty.

"Hey," Cristina said softly, coming up and touching her wrist softly. Meredith didn't respond. "Meredith?" Cristina's voice was concerned.

"I have to get back to Derek." Eight syllables, eight steps on the stairway down to the depths of Hell.

"I'll walk you," Cristina sounded worried, but her voice was decisive, firm in its avowal.

Meredith was silent, making her way to the elevator with Cristina right by her side. "He's going to be fine," Cristina said.

Meredith forced herself to nod. "Of course he is."

Cristina frowned at her. "Meredith! Burke's going to make him all better. Burke's going to take care of him."

Meredith tried to make her heart start beating again. Yes. Burke, one of the greatest cardiovascular surgeons in the country. She smiled, a very, very small smile. "Right."

Cristina smiled too, but it barely outreached Meredith's. The elevator door binged, and they walked down the hall, reaching room 307. Meredith opened the door tentatively, and saw Derek lying in bed with his eyes closed. Burke was sitting in the corner. He looked up when she came in, jumping out of his seat. He gave her a small nod as he walked out of the room, as she took a seat next to Derek. His hand felt cold, and it gave her the creeps.

"Derek," she whispered. His eyes remained closed. His face reminded her of a sculpture, so tragically, silently, beautiful. Like glass. Clear, pure, lovely glass. It was so, so beautiful to her, but it was so easy to break. And once glass is broken, you can try as hard as you want to fix it. But deep down, you know it's never going to be the same.

She brought his hand up to her lips, wishing she could breathe life into him through the pores of his skin. She didn't like the cold. It was so harsh, so...empty.

"Meredith?" Derek's voice was a whisper, spoken softly as his eyes drifted open, causing her to float back down to reality.

"Yes. It's me." It took so much effort to smile at Cristina, but with Derek the movement of her lips was almost unintentional.

"I'm so glad you came."

She reached down to touch his face, and it was so soft. How could she have compared it to glass? He was as much its opposite as metal to cloud. Derek wasn't going to break.

"I miss you when you're gone." Derek was talking to her again.

She smiled at him, leaning down to kiss his chin. It felt shockingly intimate. "Then I won't leave again, Derek. Bailey gave me the day off. She said to take as much time as I needed."

Derek smiled. "Miranda's a sweet girl."

Meredith laughed, knowing how Bailey would feel if she heard that. "How are you feeling?"

Derek's eyes looked so heart wrenching, the ultimate blend of such lovely blues and greens. With Meredith they smiled even when he wasn't smiling, and they reminded her of the ocean on the first day of sunshine after a long, hard storm. "So happy."

Meredith laughed, a burst of sunshine and color in the stark white, empty hospital room. "I meant physically. Medically."

Derek's smile was for her and her only. "So happy," he repeated. His hand squeezed hers. A thought flitted through her mind, uncharacteristically abstract in her mind. She pushed it away. They were not Romeo and Juliet. She hated Romeo and Juliet. Damn mausoleum.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek's words were soft, and pretty abstract in their own right. She briefly contemplated telling him. "Nothing," she said, laughing. "You," she added, as an afterthought.

"I was thinking about you, too," he said. His eyes had a mystical look to them. He squeezed her hand again.

She couldn't pretend something didn't exist when she knew so strongly that it did. (Funny, how that came into her head, when that was what had brought her to him in the first place). "Derek, did Dr. Burke talk to you-" Her voice was hesitant and quiet. She hated hesitant and quiet. She wanted facts, precision, an all-knowing mind that never questioned itself.

Derek's grip on her hand grew almost uncomfortably tight. "Yes. But I'm not worried, at all. And you shouldn't be either. Dr. Burke is an extremely capable surgeon-"

Meredith opened her mouth to cut him off, but changed her mind instead, smiling and squeezing his hand comfortingly. "Yes," she said, her childhood lisp slightly apparent in her voice. "He is."

Derek brought her hand up to his lips, softly kissing the knuckles of her index and middle fingers. His lips felt slightly dry on her skin. "I love you, Meredith. So much." His eyes were tired, but they were smiling, too.

She closed her eyes, leaning her head against him. He held onto her hair like it was precious stuff. His chest felt familiar, but the essence of her feelings was embezzled by the feeling of the polyester in the harsh, lifeless hospital gown. The fabric felt scratchy on her cheek. Not the delicious kind of scratchy, like Derek when he didn't shave for a day, but the kind of scratchy that Hurt. She felt her eyes water, and the tear was soft, stifling the scratches. "I love you too, Derek."