Back to the present

Sammy's lower lip was trembling, his fists clenched tight and his face was covered with tears. I have never seen him like this. Except when he was a kid. What do I do now?

I edged towards his bed and sat on the side. I automatically started to pull him to me, cradle his head in my chest and started to stroke his back. He was curled up in a fetal position, arms tightening around my waist. One hiccuping breath after another from him drove me to tighten my hold more and my eyes start to burn.

I suppose I knew what to do even after all this time.

"Hurts...De…" Sam said in a childlike voice.

"What hurts Sammy?"

"Everybody's dying," he started to sob violently.

This time I couldn't hold back… tears came because I couldn't help Sam. Yet he's depending on his big brother.

After a minute of rocking him back and forth, I said in a soft tone that I never thought I had in me, "It was just a nightmare Sammy. I'm here. We're all here."

You just have to break your wall, come out and see… I thought.

He clenched the back of my shirt harder and fiercely shook his head, "Mommy died, then Jess and then Daddy was on the floor." At this point, he was wailing.

I clutched him tighter, "Shhh, shhh, yea yeah but see I'm still here. I will never leave you, Sammy."

I was crying. I just couldn't bear the thought of all that pain balled inside of him for all these years. I could feel it before but he never shared it with me. Not in any way that could clue me into thinking that this could happen eventually…

He nags me all the time to talk and talk but very often he does that himself. I was angry at him and sad for him. I, who can show his calm in the middle of storms, can't handle these emotions. Because Sam's emotions are linked to me and they are going haywire!

After what felt like aeons, Sam stopped crying. Somewhere along the away, I did too.

He removed his vice-like hold, cleaned his nose on his shirt sleeves and I grimaced while he started to rub his tear-soaked eyes.

"How about some pancakes, huh?" I smiled at him.

He looked up from his t-shirt which was now soaked too with sweat and tears and a wobbly smile tugged at his lip.

I got up from the bed and offered my hand as a good, dutiful big brother and Sam, petulant, bratty man-child that he is, swatted my hand away, "I am not a baby De."

His bottom lip was turned low, his fists were still closed tight, he was talking in a child-like voice and I just internally rolled my eyes and said through a smile, "Sure, you're not!"

I turned back towards the bedroom door but kept an eye at him like always.

Just as I about to cross the threshold, Sam's soft yet determined voice ricocheted through the room, "You weren't always there, Dean."

And my whole world screeched to a halt. Because yes, I have failed him many times over the years. What should I say now to console a Sam whose mind is not that mature and understanding as it was three days ago...

Three days ago, back in the car...

I repeated, "You scared the bejeezus out of me Sammy! My BP is not going to be normal at this rate!"

To this Sam replied as always, "I am sorry."

It took every ounce of my will not to yell at him again as he looked so broken. To me, he'll always be my little brother whom I have to protect.

I said calmly, "I don't want you to be sorry Sam. I want you to tell me what the hell happened."

He shrugged, "Nightmare."

"Nightmare like that forced you to almost cut your ears off. Okay. We're going to the E.R."

At this, he placed his hand on my wrist to stop me from driving and said, "Let's go home, Dean. I'm tired. Besides, Cass is there. He could fix me up better than any doctor could."

I considered that for a second and nodded once.

"Okay. But if I see any weirdness in you than usual, I'm taking you to the hospital whether you want to or not!"

Sam just scoffed…

"What? You think I can't do it?"

"I'm not nine anymore Dean," He rolled his eyes.

I smirked, "You are maybe a Gigantor now but you still are my little brother and if you don't want gum on your hair before you woke up tomorrow, then you better believe it."

"You wouldn't!" Glaring Sam was just too adorable. (And I would not admit that I used words like adorable even if you hexed me!)

"Wouldn't I though?" I just looked at him smiling before turning my eyes to the road.

Sam's shoulders slumped. He sulked for a bit, mumbled words like "bossy" and "short" in-between came at me.

I just basked in my victory. Because I am awesome like that.

After a few minutes of silence, I couldn't take it, "So where are we on the whole hospital deal? Yes or no?"

"Yes, Dad!" Came the reply through clenched teeth.

At the same moment, the radio blasted out, "One way or another I'm gonna find ya. I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha…"

And I just full-on cracked up, couldn't hold it in, tears were forming on the corners of my eyes.

As I turned towards Sammy. He was desperately trying to hold back a laugh but his dimples told me otherwise. At last, he was at his wit's end too. He said through muffled laughter, "Turn that shit off!"

Begrudgingly, I silenced Blondie. But, I was laughing hard too...

TBC...

Note: I am very sorry for the delay on the update. I am almost always sick, physically or mentally. So, I can't write frequently as I would like to. I am so grateful that at least some of you are following/enjoying the story. I apologize in advance because I don't know when I'll be able to update again if anyone is interested anyway. But, I promise you this that I will finish this story, no matter what. Again, thank you so much for reading, reviewing. Hope, you will enjoy this one too. Anyway, take care guys... Be well! :)