Another parody, courtesy of my friends, Win, Lyn, Mia and me! The title is quite misleading, right? Sounds rather like an angsty ar dramatic fic. It's not, in any way, angsty okay?Anyway, please read and review!
It was an unusually pleasant day. Birds were twittering away, sakura petals blew in the breeze, and little irritating rodents known as squirrels (apologies to squirrel lovers) clambered on to tree trunks, leaving deep marks on the bark where their claws gouged into.
Tatsumi was in a good mood, which was very rare, and also very odd. He almost felt like whistling or breaking in to a song, but note the 'almost' aforementioned. He sat at his desk in his office and tried to finish his paperwork, but the day was just too pleasant for him to do something so boring. In the end, Tatsumi decided to go through his bank account book (Not sure whether that's the correct term) to amuse himself and also to make sure that the six-digit number in the book remained six-digited.
He flipped the leafs in his little book to the most recent transaction in the last page. What he saw made his eyes popped wide open, all good mood gone.
'-100,000 yen'
"TSUZUUUKIIII!" He shouted. "Get in here AT ONCE!" He slammed the table for a more dramatic effect. The door of his office opened slowly, and a head slowly poked in. "Eeh… Nani?" Tsuzuki asked, wondering what could possibly make the secretary so angry. "What is this?" Tatsumi demanded, jabbing his index finger at the book, his face a deepening shade of red. Tsuzuki cocked his head. "Er…a book?" His reply obviously made Tatsumi more infuriated, as he kept pushing his glasses higher and higher up his nose until they fell to the floor.
"Tsuzuki!" he screamed. "What? I didn't do that!" Tsuzuki protested, only succeeding in adding to Tatsumi's rage. "It wasn't MY fault!" he said again, in case the other shinigami didn't hear him the first time. Tatsumi threw the bank account book at Tsuzuki's head, which the latter caught deftly. "This isn't your fault? THIS isn't your fault!" Tatsumi exclaimed. Tsuzuki stared at the book, deciphering the codes on it until he understood the meaning of the numbers. "This is my fault," he said, waving the book. "But that isn't," he continued, pointing at the shattered glasses.
"Okay," a no-glasses Tatsumi sighed, looking with remorse at his shattered eyewear. "Never mind the glasses, but this," he said, snatching back the book and pointing at the boldly printed negative sign, "This requires explaining!"
"Oops… Uh, it WASN'T my fault..?" Tsuzuki said, realizing his mistake. Tatsumi glared at him. "I… I was hungry…" Tsuzuki whined, practically melting under Tatsumi's burning glare. "You… were… hungry?" The secretary twitched. "He's always hungry", a voice came. The two shinigami looked at the doorway at which a very bored-looking Hisoka stood. "You know Tsuzuki for a longer period than I do, you should have expected this a long time ago," Hisoka continued.
Tatsumi twitched again. "I had expected something like this to happen, but who could possibly spend 100,000 yen at one go?" He demanded. Tsuzuki whimpered pathetically. Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Tsuzuki, apparently." Tatsumi gave Tsuzuki the Evil Eye. "But I only used 50,000 yen!" Tsuzuki cried, trying to save himself. "Then what happened to the other 50,000 yen?" Tatsumi asked, veins bulging in his temples. At that statement, Hisoka flushed bright red in his pale face.
"Kurosaki?" Tatsumi asked, his eyeballs nearly popping out of their sockets. Trying to frown away the embarrassment shown on his face, Hisoka cleared his throat and looked down at the floor. So bright. So shiny.
Tsuzuki nudged the blushing youth slightly, urging him to explain. The nudging elicited an incoherent mumbling from Hisoka who wrenched his gaze from the floor and directed it at the wall behind Tatsumi instead. "It was a rare edition of Mary Poppins," Hisoka said in a small voice. "WHAT! You mean the lady who flies around with an umbrella and uses bed knobs!" Tatsumi exclaimed. "Kurosakiii!" he wailed. "How could youuu!"
Hisoka flushed an even brighter red and his gaze darted to the ceiling, to the table, to the floor again; well, to anything that does not resemble a human. Or in this case, a very angry shinigami. "So it was YOU who snatched that last copy of the rare Mary Poppins book!" Tatsumi wailed further, pointing an accusing finger at Hisoka. The group fell silent. Tsuzuki suddenly spoke up. "Eh?" he exclaimed, clearly confused, looking back and forth from one blushing shinigami to the one who was red with frustration.
Hisoka cleared his throat again. "I will repay you, Tatsumi-san, even though it may take a long time," he said. Tatsumi wringed his hands. "NOOO! I want the rare edition of Mary Poppins! Give it to me, and I'll forget about the money." Hisoka's eyes widened as he clasped his hands to his chest and exclaim dramatically," Never!" He shook his head vigorously. "Not for all the money in the world or in Meifu!"
"But I want it!" Tatsumi whined pitifully, turning into a jumping five-year-old throwing a tantrum. "No!" Hisoka howled. "It's mine, not yours!"
"Oh, shut it, the both of you!" Tsuzuki yelled, suddenly maturing. "What's next, the special edition of Barney!" The two bickering shinigamis' eyes widened, and they clutched at Tsuzuki's coat. "You have the special edtion of Barney?" Hisoka half whispered, his wide eyes shining. "I want Barney," whimpered Tatsumi, almost tearing Tsuzuki's sleeve in his tight grip. "Nani!" Tsuzuki yelped, almost falling over from the shock. "We want Barney! We want Barney!" the deranged two chanted, marching around Tsuzuki's limp frame. "Well, I DON'T have Barney!" he shouted. "The madness! I cannot take it!"
He broke out of the grips of his colleagues and ran out of the room. His eyes darted back and forth, looking for an escape route. He spotted Terazuma walking around the corner, muttering to himself as he clutched some files at his side. Tsuzuki ran up to him and caught hold of his shoulders. "Where's the nearest escape route? Hurry!" he urged, shaking the other shinigami as he spoke. Terazuma protested, "Hey, let go of me, you-" Hisoka and Tatsumi suddenly ran around the corner. "There he is!" Hisoka pointed at Tsuzuki. "Oh, &&!" Tsuzuki cursed and shoved Terazuma aside, fleeing again.
Hisoka and Tatsumi chased after him, crashing into Terazuma. "Oof!" Terazuma dropped the files he was carrying. Tatsumi bent down to help his colleague pick up the files. "Terazuma, is that… Is that BARNEY!" he exclaimed with joy, picking up a file with the glorious picture of the purple dinosaur on it. Quick as a flash, the file zipped right out of the clutches of Tatsumi. "I've got it!" Hisoka crowed, running away hugging the file to his chest protectively. Tatsumi chased after him wailing, "I want Barney too! Kurosaki, don't be mean!" Terazuma ran after the two, yelling, "NO! Don't take my Barney awaaayy!"
In a broom closet, Tsuzuki peeped out of the keyhole at the unfolding madness. Sighing, he fell to the floor, holding his head in his hands, desperate for a solution to this scenario. He eyed the Barney lovers through the keyhole again and decided that it was safe to come out. He pushed the door open and crept out silently.
"Aha! There's the guy who has the special edition of Barney!"
Tsuzuki head whirled around so quickly, he almost sprained his neck. Now three deranged shinigamis were standing behind him, advancing on him ominously. "Not again," he whimpered, on the verge of bursting into big baby sobs already. He ran again, pursued by the frothing-in-the-mouths Barney lovers.
Suddenly, a flash of white appeared before him. Unable to stop in time, Tsuzuki crashed into the person and looked up into the face of Muraki Kazutaka. The latter smiled genially. "Ah, Tsuzuki. I've been planning to visit you. Why don't we go somewhere else for a talk?" Tsuzuki looked at the loons catching up to him and decided that it wasn't the time to fight with Muraki. He spied another closet nearby and dragged Muraki into it, making sure to shut the door and thus engulf the both of them in darkness.
"Feeling frisky, are we Tsuzuki?" Muraki chuckled darkly. "Now I have you where I want," he continued, trying to wrap an arm around Tsuzuki's waist. "Shh!" Tsuzuki hushed him, attempting to cover Muraki's mouth but, in the darkness, only succeeded in jabbing three fingers into the latter's mouth. Muraki calmly removed Tsuzuki's hand and said, "What in the world is happening?"
Tsuzuki pulled at his hair. "It's all Barney's darn fault I'm stuck here with you!" Muraki frowned. "You make it sound so bad when you say that. What is Barney?" Tsuzuki stopped pulling his hair. An evil glint appeared in his eyes. "You don't know what Barney is?"
"No, and frankly, I don't care." Muraki reached out towards Tsuzuki and the latter dodged him, grabbing a Barney suit (Which was conveniently hanging on the wall of the cupboard) and said, "Simon says wear this!" He stuffed Muraki into the suit and shoved him out of the closet. Hisoka, Tatsumi and Terazuma, who had just rounded the corner, paused just only to admire the divine shade of purple before resuming their pursuit. "BAAAARNEEEEY!" they screamed in delight. Muraki, who had just realized the impending doom ahead, broke into a run.
And so, Muraki sprinted into the sunset, shouting his betrayer's name (Tsuzukiiii!) as the three shinigamis followed him, while Tsuzuki left the closet sniggering.
-OWARI!-