Thank you for reading! Special thanks to Oleander's One for being my sounding board.

"And you have to let me take you to the new batarian restaurant. It's great if you like raw meat. Which I hope you do, or it'll be a really long and uncomfortable meal.

Looking forward to seeing you again! – Natalia"

Kaidan smiled. Natalia was a doctor on the Citadel, a fun and interesting woman with intelligence—not unlike another woman he still couldn't think of without a sense of deep and abiding loss. Although Natalia lacked both Shepard's dignity and her air of command, sometimes that made her easier to deal with, a thought Kaidan tried to bury as well, feeling it vaguely disloyal.

But how could you be disloyal to a ghost? he thought, clicking Natalia's email closed without replying to it and leaning back in his chair. He closed his eyes, trying to blank out the images of the Normandy on fire, the screams of the dying, the vivid pictures of Shepard spaced that filled his nightmares. How did you just get over losing someone that way? Especially the love of your life. He knew it was a romantic notion, but he couldn't shake it. He had loved her more deeply than he had ever imagined was possible, despite the brief amount of time they'd had together. And he thought she had felt the same way. She was hard to read, but she'd been getting easier as they spent more time together, as he got to know her better, as she began to let him see more of the person she kept hidden behind her military bearing and the mask of the commander she wore so well.

And then in an instant, in an attack that still hadn't been explained to Kaidan's satisfaction, she was gone. And he had been left to try to pick up the pieces, even as the team she had built splintered.

Wrex had been the first; he had left for his homeworld almost immediately, seeing no reason to stay with the Council with Shepard gone. Tali had followed soon after, taking her information on the geth and returning to the flotilla.

Liara had been at loose ends for a little while, but eventually she disappeared, without a word. Kaidan hadn't been able to find any trace of her. And he had lost track of all the others, despite his best intentions. It was too painful to keep in touch. Garrus did the best—he sent an email every couple of months. But they were cagey and vaguely written; whatever the turian was up to, he didn't want it widely known.

Kaidan had seen a fair amount of Joker and Dr. Chakwas at first, but both of them had fallen off the grid in the past year. And he hadn't had the time to keep up with them. Being a member of the team that had saved the Citadel came with a certain cachet, but as time passed and there was no Shepard to remind everyone of what had happened and who had been on the front lines, the stories of what had happened began to change. The Reapers were eventually dismissed as a fabrication of Saren's, Shepard having fallen for the story in an attempt to believe there was more to the attack than a rogue Spectre, and Kaidan learned eventually, too late, that arguing for the existence of the Reapers was only going to damage his career.

It had kept him from a command of his own, that was for sure. He had ended up as a sort of detached operative for Councilor Anderson, who was one of the few who genuinely seemed to regret the tarnishing of Shepard's memory and to half-believe what she had said about the Reapers. He had been a firm believer for a long time, but holding out against the rest of the Council hadn't done him any favors as the newest member. The Council still had some reservations about the addition of humans in the first place, and the loss of the first human Spectre so soon after humanity's accession to the Council had placed Anderson in a precarious enough position. He had found it expedient to follow the party line on the Reapers, and over time Kaidan could tell the Councilor had lost interest in whether the Reapers were real or not. The threat seemed past, and that was all that truly mattered.

But now there was a new threat, human colonies in the Terminus Systems utterly disappearing, every man, woman, and child simply gone, leaving all their belongings behind as though they had simply vaporized where they sat or stood. No clues as to their whereabouts or what had actually happened had been found. Anderson was thinking of sending him to one of them, to shore up their defenses. Kaidan hoped so; he was about ready to be done hanging around the Citadel waiting for something to do.

He left his quarters, heading for C-Sec, but was stopped by Emily Wong, the reporter Shepard had helped several times.

"Commander Alenko! Just the man I was looking for."

"I don't have clearance to talk to you, just so you know," he warned her.

"I was more hoping for something off the record. She—I won't say she was my friend, but I liked her."

"Who, Shepard?" It was difficult saying the name out loud. "Why are you bringing her up now?"

Emily's eyes widened. "Then you haven't heard?"

"Heard what?" When she didn't answer immediately, he stepped closer to her and raised his voice. "Heard what?"

She looked around, seeing no one within earshot, and softly said, "She's been seen, Commander. On Omega, if my sources are correct."

"Omega? That's— Why would she— She's dead, Emily! Your sources must be mistaken."

"I … don't think so. They're very reliable." She shrugged. "I'm a reporter—if my sources aren't trustworthy, I could lose my job. Or worse. The thing is …"

"What?" He was shouting again, trying to tell himself this was ridiculous, impossible, a cruel joke, anything to quell the hope bubbling up in his chest.

"She was with people who are known to be members of Cerberus."

"You're crazy," he said automatically. "Shepard knows—knew—what Cerberus is capable of."

"Still … she was seen with them, and not— She's Commander Shepard still, from what I'm told. In the lead, out in front. Not a prisoner."

"That can't be." He reached out, groping for the wall next to him to hold himself up, his head swimming. "Shepard's dead, Emily. Two years ago. No one survives being spaced. She has to be dead."

"Well, I thought you ought to know what I've heard." She shrugged a little. "I actually was hoping to get information from you, rather than give it to you. I'd have thought she would have contacted you."

"Yeah … I'd have thought so, too."

Kaidan barely noticed when Emily walked away, he was so flummoxed by this news. He wanted to believe it, but he didn't want to believe it. How could Shepard still be alive and he not have known all this time? Never to have contacted him? She must have had her reasons … But she couldn't be working with Cerberus. Not and still be the woman he'd known. The woman he'd loved.

Pushing himself off the wall, he made his way to Councilor Anderson's office, walking in without knocking.

The Councilor looked up from his papers. "Commander? Are you all right?"

"I just … I just heard …" It didn't even sound like his own voice, so hoarse and thick with emotion. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I heard that Shepard has been seen on Omega."

"Oh? Really? That seems impossible." But Anderson had waited a beat too long for his surprise to seem genuine.

"You've heard it, too! When were you going to tell me?"

"Anything I might or might not have heard is unsubstantiated, Commander."

"Tell me what you know!"

"And classified," Anderson added. He held Kaidan's gaze until Kaidan looked away.

"Can you at least tell me if it's true that she was seen with Cerberus operatives?"

"No."

"She can't have been, you know. Shepard knew what Cerberus was up to. She would never have joined them."

"As you say, Commander," Anderson said evenly. His face gave nothing away. "As it happens, it's good you're here. I'm putting together a dossier for you on the colony at Horizon; I want you to go out and build them some defense towers."

"I'm a soldier, Councilor, not a contractor."

"You're dancing very close to insubordination, Commander."

"Sorry." Kaidan put a hand to his head. "I'm a little—this was the last thing I expected to hear, today or ever."

"I understand." There was sympathy in the Councilor's voice for the first time.

His brain slowly beginning to clear, Kaidan remembered something he had heard a while ago. "Cerberus … didn't I hear they were investigating the colony disappearances?"

"It's a possibility."

"So … if Shepard is alive, and if she's working with Cerberus, and if Cerberus is investigating the colonies …"

Anderson's eyes were shuttered again, the brief appearance of sympathy gone.

Kaidan had learned to tell when a commanding officer wasn't going to give him any information. "Never mind."

"You'll find your orders in your quarters, Commander. Dismissed." More softly, he added, "Good luck."

A/N: I do entertain suggestions from readers, so if there's a particular scene you'd like to see as this goes on, let me know and I'll see if it fits in with the overall narrative.