Dean sat on the side of my bed and proceeded to comb my hair with his fingers. He has never done that and I leaned into the touch. He started to hum Metalica. I knew the song because he used to sing it to me when I got scared from a nightmare. De is my superhero. He can do everything. He feeds me, looks after me, plays with me. I love him. But he got hurt because of me…
"What happened Sammy," Dean asked me softly. He never uses this voice anymore. I was startled and saw that I had tears on my face.
I said, "nothing." I was playing with the comforter. There was a thread hanging loose. I concentrated on tugging it free. I don't like to lie to my big brother. We are supposed to be partners.
"Sammy, look at me." I didn't. Jack sat on the other side of my bed and Cass just stood there, looking confused. Dean tried again by lifting my chin but I was stubborn like him. He pushed back the hair from my face and asked, "what did I say about liars?" I reluctantly looked up to Dean's smiling face and said "they have ants in their pants." Then my eyes got big and I wailed, "Are there ants in my pants?", I jumped off the bed and started pulling my pants off. Dean hastily caught my hands and I cried, "please don't let me get eaten by ants."
Dean shushed me and said that "you are a big boy now Sammy, ants can't do anything to you!
I continued to jump and said, "No! The man with the red eyes said that the ants would eat me alive!"
Every movement stalled except mine but when I looked to De, he looked close to tears. Cass was angry and Jack was sad. Why is everyone looking at me like that?
"Where did you see that man?" I thought I was in trouble, so I was silent for a moment but Dean got impatient. He shook me angrily and yelled, " where?" I was terrified and started sobbing. I hate crying. Dean sort of came out of his haze and put his hands on my face and said, "Sammy look at me." There was love in his voice. I could tell. I shook my head and started to tug on my pants. "Sammy, no one can hurt you here." And I believed him, like always.
He asked me again where did I see that man with red eyes? This time I told him. "In my dreams." Or, are they memories? But how could that be, I have never met that man. I sat on the bed and looked at Jack who was silently looking at me. We looked at each other and he smiled brightly. So I did too. He said, "wanna play?" I eagerly nodded my head.
Just then Cass put his hand on Dean's shoulder and said firmly, "We need to talk. Time is of the essence."
And I understood.
They were going to talk about me.
There's something wrong with me.
As always.