A/N: Well, this chapter is dedicated to Insanity 101, apparently the only person who reads anything I write! (hehehe). I guess I wasn't so bad at the romance thing, eh? Yeah, it was a pretty strong dream, I felt like I had to do this. This is mainly the "heart" of this piece, since it finally reflects what Terra's feeling about this whole fiasco. Hope it goes down ok.
Terra and Beast Boy made their way slowly down the hall. More than once, Terra swayed with exhaustion, and the changeling was always there to steady her and give her a reassuring smile.
Lightning flashed outside, casting gloomy and eerie light on their countenances. They walked along in silence; once again, no words seemed necessary.
However, the peace did not last long. A door in front of them opened, and Starfire floated out, humming to herself. She was holding a bowl full of something that squelched horribly and made bubbly noises. She took one look at the pair and let out a squeal of delight.
"Terra! Oh, it is quite wonderful to see you alive and not made of stone!" she cried, racing toward the earth-shifter. Terra gritted her teeth and braced herself for impact.
"Wait!" screeched Beast Boy, turning into a hippopotamus between Terra and the approaching meteor. Starfire skid to a stop, narrowly missing the changeling. He turned back into his original form.
"Sorry Star," B.B. said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "It's just Terra's really tired now, and your hands are full of alien goo."
Starfire looked down at the goo and blushed, giggling. "Understood. I would not wish to see Terra covered in freshly squeezed glorg."
"I am elated to see you friend," she said warmly, turning to Terra. "Tell me, do you wish to ingest this meal that so aroused your interest before?"
"Uhh…thanks Starfire, but I'm not really hungry. I'd just like to rest now," Terra mumbled, eyes downcast.
Starfire looked crestfallen, but she quickly smiled and stated, "Of course; spending so much time as a statue must be quite tiring. Perhaps for breakfast, tomorrow?"
Terra nodded wordlessly and continued down the hall.
Beast Boy stared after her before following, shrugging at Starfire while lifting his hands.
A very put-out Starfire slowly made her way to the kitchen. A rare frown tugged at the Tamaranian's face. Something was not right here.
B.B. reached Terra's door first. They both stood before it. Fearing things would become awkward, he went ahead and made it so by giggling nervously, rubbing the back of his head.
"So…this is your room…well…I guess I should get going…"
Terra didn't say anything.
Starting to worry about this continuous silence and feeling exasperated, Beast Boy exclaimed rather loudly, "Umm, are you SURE you're okay, Terra? Do you need anything?"
Terra seemed to catch the hint. She looked at Beast Boy as though seeing him for the first time, and said, "Sorry, Beast Boy. I'm a little out of it right now. I'm fine, I don't need anything. I just need some sleep."
Beast Boy sighed, defeated. "Well, if you need anything…"
His voice trailed off as Terra opened her door, stepped in, and closed it behind her without a glance back in his direction. In a matter much like Starfire, with drooping shoulders and ears, Beast Boy turned and made his way to his room for some well-deserved sleep.
Terra shut the door. She remained immobile in front of it. Alone at last. Long minutes passed, and the earth-shifter stayed standing in front of the door, staring into space. An almost unperceivable sigh escaped her lips.
With a jolt, her eyes suddenly snapped back into reality. She blinked several times, and took an unsteady step into the room. She looked around as though seeing it for the first time. She gazed at the stars painted on the walls, giving her the impression that she was outside.
Terra slowly lowered her gaze to the sofa in the middle of the room. She made her way over to it and sat down. The computer rested in front of her, the same computer she had used to send emails to Slade with secret information about the titans. And with that, it all came back.
The Titans took her in, twice. She saw their strengths and weaknesses. She planted hidden cameras and stole secret codes. Terra gave Slade the Titans on a silver platter.
Terra left them to be overwhelmed by sladebots. She attacked them while their guard was down, cruising in the T-Car.
Terra's stomach churned with self-disgust as she remembered how she provoked Raven into uncontrollable anger, and then heartlessly "drowned" her in the mud. She violently shook her head, attempting to erase the image of Raven's four red eyes turning to two normal ones once again as she gasped for breath…
The earth-shifter grit her teeth as she remembered more things. She had been aiming for Robin; why did Starfire step in the way? She had laughed with evil pleasure at the time, but now she could only rest her head in her hands, and sob softly. How could she have harmed Starfire? It was like hurting a puppy.
A puppy with starbolts and alien strength, Terra thought, with a weak smile.
It vanished as she pondered about Cyborg. He had done her no harm; didn't he even apologize before trying to blast her with his sonic cannon?
The same ran for Robin; he tried to save her, and all he received was a huge rock in his face. But it wasn't until she remembered Beast Boy that her eyes filled with tears.
Beast Boy…he took her in, invited her to stay...
"But he lied to me!" she exclaimed out loud, partially standing up. "He told them…after I made him swear not to!"
But he said he didn't, she thought. Maybe he hadn't lied...
She groaned with agony as realization hit her; Robin was trained to see subtleties, did he really need someone to tell him she couldn't fully control her powers? Beast Boy hadn't been lying. And then she…
Hot tears streaked down her face freely now, and she desperately clutched her head with her hands. She couldn't get the image of his face, of his incredulous eyes, out of her head…
"Terra, you can't."
The look in his eyes, shocked, unbelieving, but above all so hurt! It was almost more than she could stand.
Terra sprang to her feet, and with a wild cry grabbed the laptop and threw it into the wall. It crashed and broke into several pieces. She stayed glaring at it, breathing hard from the sudden exertion. After all he had done for her, even after she was turned to stone…
Terra blanched, turning a deathly pale. No, she didn't want to remember, not now.
She hurried to the bed, feeling sick. She lay down, curling up into a fetal position. Her breathing became shallow, and her eyes widened with fear. There was no hiding from it, no running from this…as hard as she tried no to, she remembered…
Sometimes it was dark, sometimes it wasn't. It became hard to tell the difference after a while. It wasn't your everyday night-time dark either; it was darkness black as pitch, seemingly tangible, like a covering, smothering and suffocating you until you gasped for breath. Though this was bad, the other times were worse.
Other times, all you could see was a deep, sickly yellow color, near brown, with flashes of green, blue, and red, like stars or sequins. If you closed you eyes and pressed the butt of your hands into them vigorously, you could have an idea of what it looked like, except then it was much worse, because it was constant, unwavering. The swirling designs and patterns made you sick to your stomach if you looked at them for too long. An inevitable event.
But whether in dark or dizziness, there was one constant: a slit in the void, a small space, where you could see the real world, through the statue's eyes. But this void was ever-shrinking, always getting smaller, and it took all of the earth-shifter's mental will to keep it open, to prevent it from getting too miniscule or disappearing altogether. Somehow, in the back of her mind, she sensed that if she let the space fade, she would be trapped forever.
Thus did Terra live and spend the months in her encasement, if you could call that living. She did not sleep. She had no need for food. As a matter of fact, she had no awareness of a physical body anymore.
How much time had passed was impossible for her to gauge. It might have been years, or five minutes, but after a while, Terra was hit with the frightening concept that this was what had always been, that there was nothing beyond the interchanging black and bright scenarios.
And yet there was. Amid all this horror, one thing shone for her like a beacon of hope. His name was Beast Boy.
She couldn't have expressed her immediate joy and terrible dismay when the Titans came to give their final farewells. Terra was glad to see them, and ecstatic when Raven spoke of some kind of reversal of the effect of the stone imprisonment.
Yet happiness was soon smothered as the Titans walked away.
"We'll bring her back…someday."
Someday? What someday? She was alive, she was here! If she could have, she would have laid down and cried.
But Beast Boy didn't leave her. He wouldn't give up hope. He visited her many times, always telling her how things were going, and expressing how he missed her. If only she could tell him how he was helping her! Terra knew in her heart that the only reason she had survived was because of Beast Boy. She wouldn't give up while he believed in her. Not by a long shot.
When he spoke those immortal words, "I forgive you", that had been the turning point. She felt her heart would burst. The earth-shifter concentrated every ounce of sheer will, empowered by those words, and fought back the darkness. Slowly, but surely, it crept back until she could feel the change over her whole body. The stone melted away, and without it's support she almost fell. And he was there to make sure she was okay, and would not fall.
Terra bit her lip to keep from screaming. So much pain, so much suffering…she had caused that amount, so she had earned that amount.
She squeezed her pillow between her hands, trying to stop the hurt. How could she have been so cold, so heartless? And yet, after all that had happened, the Titans still took her in once more. It was hardly believable.
Trembling, she sat up and tried once more to tear off the dreaded apprentice uniform. To her surprise, it slipped of quite easily. Slade must truly be gone, she thought thankfully. With a sudden burst of energy, she rushed to her closet and pulled on an oversized black T-shirt. She returned to her bed, and slipped under the covers.
As soon as her head hit the pillow, she drifted off into an uneasy sleep, filled with dreams of falling. Terra hated that sensation; she liked solid earth beneath her feet. Yet she was tormented even in her sleep by nightmares of plunging into darkness…