Juhani waited in the galley for a few minutes after Carth and the children had left. She thought perhaps that Revan would come there, but as the minutes wore on she gave up hope and left in search of her. Carth's silent plea kept echoing in her head and she realized things were terribly amiss. He had never sounded so worried, so hopeless. Not even back on Coruscant after Revan had left.

She searched through all of the main level crew quarters before turning her attention to the sublevel rooms. The empty halls mirrored her success. The ship was too big, too many places to get lost, to hide. As the hours passed she thought about using the force to find her but decided against it. Not until we know the extent of the threat against the Jedi. She'll have to return to her room sometime.

Juhani had been shocked when Carth told her that Revan was remembering her past. Force, why didn't she tell me? Did the Council know, had they known? Force, we could certainly use their wisdom right now.

She moved to the cockpit, shaking her head at Carth, letting him know that she had not found her.

"I slowed down the ship but we are still heading towards Coruscant. We will have to decide soon." He gave her a grave look.

Juhani nodded as he slipped away from the children and moved towards her. He spoke quietly so they would not overhear, "I also had the droids install tracking devices and security codes on our remaining ships. Just in case…"

"Will that be enough?" Juhani asked, realizing that Carth was worried about Revan secretly leaving.

"Probably not, if she is determined." He replied, defeat in his voice. "But it will slow her down and we will at least know where she goes initially."

Juhani face grew as concerned as his as she moved towards the children. "Did Commodore Onasi teach you how to fly a ship?"

"Carth, I told them to call me Carth." He interjected, "And I do believe we have some upcoming Jedi pilots among us." He gave them a wink.

Juhani exited with the children and headed back towards their room. She was disappointed to see that Revan had not yet returned.

"Where's Ma'ma?" Ariana inquired as they slipped into their beds.

"She will be back soon, now get some rest." Juhani replied, her voice having more confidence then she felt.

-------

Revan slowly made her way down the hall, the eeriness of the ship silently tormenting her. She knew it was later then she realized when she entered her quarters. The children were already asleep while Juhani dozed on Revan's cot. Was I gone that long?

She shook the Cathar awake and gestured to the other room as she tried to remember. She knew she had gone to the cargo hold, knew she had experienced another memory. She also remembered feeling distressed. And then … Then what? … She couldn't remember. Dammit, I am regaining my past but I cannot even remember what is happening in the present!

She entered the adjoining room and could immediately feel the anger from her recent confrontation with Carth. It still permeated the walls.

Revan quickly felt more distraught as she thought about what she had said and how she had acted. Her shoulders slumped and she felt defeated. Even more so then she already did. She moved to the small mirror on the side table and stood staring at herself. Force, I look as harrowing as I feel. What the hell is wrong with me?

She was standing like that when Juhani entered. Force, she looks as awful as she had back at the Jedi Temple four years ago. Maybe worse. Juhani stared at her, taking in the worn and exhausted appearance of Revan. Definitely worse.

Revan's words came out weak, "Juhani, I do not know what is happening to me. Ever since I left Malachor … I have been unable to control my emotions. They are getting stronger. I feel so angry. I feel so afraid."

Juhani replied, falling back to the only thing she could think of, as she moved further into the room. "Fear is the path to the dark side Revan: fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering"

"Dammit Juhani, don't you think I know that!" Revan lashed out. Her mood shift happened so quick. It took them both by surprise. Waves of anger flowed from Revan as she scowled at her. Uneasiness drifted between them.

Recovering, Juhani inquired, "Carth said you are remembering your past?" She waited, but continued when Revan didn't reply. "You should have spoken to the Council."

Regret, not anger, played in her reply, as she sank deeper within herself, "Well, it is too late now isn't it?" She moved closer to Juhani, her voice coming in a desperate whisper, "I do not know what is real anymore. How I feel, what…" Everything shifted and Revan finished with an irritating and cold voice, "What those Jedi scum have done to me!"

Conflict and confusion surrounded her as an inner battle raged deep inside. Revan was fighting to understand reality, to remember what memories were from the present and what were from the distant past. It was all swirling around in her head and she could not put them into an orderly fashion.

He knows something!

She shook her head, trying to make sense of her thoughts, Who knows? Carth, Malak?

No, Malak is from my past, Carth is …

Her mind wasn't clear, she didn't understand anything as she wrestled with her thoughts.

He gave you something, but he also took something from you.

Who did?

Carth? Malak?

No. The scout, but he is not a scout, he is a Dark Jedi.

Who is a Dark Jedi? I don't remember.

YES, yes you do…and you remember what he also gave you, as he took away from you.

Noooooooo, that isn't reality. I don't remember.

Juhani tried to remain composed as she felt great emotions flying around her friend. She looked lost, so lost and Juhani did not know what to do, how to help. "Come Revan, let us meditate. Then, we need to make some decisions."

Defeat was back as Revan replied, "Fine, but not here, I don't want Aaron or Ariana to … " Is that real? Are they real? Her thoughts were messed up. She did not understand anything as her mind continued to fight with itself.

Yes, yes they are real.

Are you sure?

Yes, No. I think so.

They moved to down the hall, entering one of the empty rooms. Revan quietly lowered herself to the floor as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. Her mind was still racing as her thoughts battled within.

Do not do this Revan, it is what he wants.

WHAT WHO wants?

If you do this you will have no one to blame but yourself.

What do you mean? Dammit, leave me alone! Go away, I want to go away. I want everything to go away.

Don't leave Revan, you have to stay.

No, I want to get away. I HAVE to get away.

No

Yes

no

YES! …