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The Normandy had a festive atmosphere as they flew through space toward the lair of the Shadow Broker. The original crewmates all seemed to enjoy being together a great deal. Of course, it was only Liara whose presence was unusual here, and Thane couldn't help wondering why she made such a difference. She was quiet, watchful, only occasionally offering a word or a comment, mostly listening while the others talked. Perhaps that was it? She galvanized them on to speech, gave them an audience, offered them support. Perhaps, Thane thought.

There was no question that Shepard's entire manner altered in Liara's presence. She became softer, gentler, her eyes on the asari as if looking for approval, or shadowed by concern. It was impossible to know if the concern was for the changes in Liara since Shepard had been gone, or if Shepard had always looked at her that way. And Thane wanted to know. He wanted that very badly. But would Shepard herself be aware of how she looked at Liara? He rather doubted it. Certainly she seemed not to have spent much of her earlier life examining her emotions—which did not mean she didn't have them, he reminded himself.

Sighing, he retreated to the life support bay to meditate and to lose himself in memory. These days, he dwelt as often in thoughts of Shepard and their brief moments of intimacy as in thoughts of Irikah. He didn't believe Irikah would mind. In fact, in his many imagined conversations with her over the years, she had spiritedly exhorted him to find someone to wake him to life again, before it was too late. He believed that even now Irikah would not characterize the situation as too late, not while there was breath left in his lungs and life left in his body. But she had always been an optimist, and someone with an appetite for all that life had to offer. It was so much of what had always drawn him to her. Shepard was the same, although less aware of her own voraciousness. Thane wasn't certain if he envied them that drive or if he was glad not to possess it. The burden of living an awake life with his memories and losses would have been too much, he thought. The struggle of living with hope and longing was as bad, leading him toward what he wanted, but constantly reminding him how quickly it would slip from his grasp.

Even as he thought of her, Shepard's brief knock came at his door. His voice was hoarse as he told her to enter, and she looked at him with concern.

"You weren't in the mess. I looked for you. Are you— Is everything all right?"

He could tell by the edge of anxiety in her tone that she was worried about his health, and he hastened to assure her. "No change."

"You should be out and about. Didn't Dr. Chakwas say—?"

Thane shook his head. "I can take care of myself, Siha. You needn't worry."

"I know, but I do anyway." She sat down across from him and reached for his hand. "I worry about the people I care for."

"As you do Liara?"

He meant "care for", but the shadow that crossed Juniper's face said she was focused on the worry. "Yes. She's so different now, so …. hard and vengeful."

"If I understand her story accurately, she has lost a great deal that was important to her in the past several years."

"That's true. Her mother, her work, this friend of hers …"

Thane wanted to point out that Shepard herself numbered amongst those losses, but he was afraid to. Afraid to know if some emotion that had lingered beneath the surface all this time was being awakened by Liara's presence, afraid to commit himself too fully to something as alive as jealousy, afraid to diminish himself in Shepard's eyes by appearing threatened by her friendships. "It must be pleasant for Liara to be here with all of you."

Shepard smiled. "I think it is. She seems more relaxed since she came aboard. We're missing Ashley, of course, but she and Liara were never close. And—" She stopped herself before she could mention Kaidan Alenko, and Thane wondered if she would ever tell him about that relationship. Of course, he had never told her about Irikah, not in any detail, and she must be curious.

For a heartbeat, he wanted so desperately to have the time to love her as she deserved to be loved, as he longed to love her, that he could have gotten to his feet and torn the room apart with his bare hands in the rage of his need. But he didn't. He remained in his seat, trying to keep the anguish from his face.

"Thane …" Juniper leaned across the table toward him. She was holding both of his hands now, and he could feel her skin against his so thoroughly, so vividly, so intimately, that it seemed all the nerve endings in his body were contained there. "I wish—"

He withdrew his hands from hers, hastily, and turned away so that he couldn't see the look in her eyes. "I do, too, Siha."

"Won't you try? Can't you?"

He didn't look at her, didn't answer. If he could only put these feelings away, fall back into his battle sleep, let death steal upon him unknown …

Her chair scraped as she got up, and he heard her leave, but he didn't move for a long time after she was gone.