Chapter Thirteen

Charlie carefully added mushrooms to Don's plate. He'd cut the steak already . His brother had tried to hide his displeasure of being fed but had failed miserably at lunch time. Knocking the sandwich out of Charlie's hand and having to spend almost fifteen minutes being soothed by his brother until the pain in his shoulder had subsided. He'd accepted so much help, so gracefully, but it was beginning to wear him down.

They'd picked him up from the hospital two days before. Charlie had gone to thank the nurses while Alan had helped Don dress. He'd almost protested but from the look in Alan's eyes he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere. Alan helped him with his pants, t-shirt and shoes. Smoothed his son's hair and once Charlie was back with the orderly they had all walked out to the front entrance together. Don had been very quiet. He'd barely spoken to his family since they had arrived that morning. Alan had been told by one of the nurses that Don had had a hard time sleeping the night before, the rings under his eyes confirming this.

Once home they had settled Don on the couch. His refusal to go and lie down in his room only furthered Alan's concern. Charlie had to go to the school to pick up some papers which needed grading, once he'd left Alan pulled the chair closer to the couch, and sat down facing Don.

"What's going on Don?"

"Nothing Dad, I'm fine, glad to be home"

"Donnie?"

Don had avoided his father's eyes. He could feel the gaze tearing a hole into his soul.

"I'm ok Dad" His voice had come out so much softer than he had intended. Alan leant forward and laid his hand on Don's thigh.

"Don it's ok to feel sad, it's ok to admit that you know. Now we have you home, safe and home. I know you want things back to normal, and they will be, but you have to allow us in, allow us both in"

Alan raised his eye brows and continued in his sternest voice.

"We almost lost you Don, do you know how that made us feel? Do you know the pain we went through not knowing if you were alive or dead? Waiting for any news. Then to see you in that phone booth, see you in so much pain. Have you thought about how that made us feel? We have you home, we never thought we'd even see you again, so you will be looked after, and you will enjoy it, and you won't shut either of us out. Do you understand me?"

Don had nodded, all the while looking into his lap. Alan watched his son, knew he was trying to talk himself round, make himself accept his situation. Alan didn't expect him to right away. He was fiercely independent and having to be looked after like this was getting to him. Each new task Alan and Charlie had to do for him only added to his realisation of how helpless he was. Alan saw tiredness in Don's eyes which he'd never seen before. His boy was exhausted. Mentally and physically. Megan had warned Alan that unless Don started to open up about his ordeal, stopped internalising his every feeling, he may not be able to pick himself up and carry on.

Alan was determined to be there to help . Charlie had voiced his concerns the evening before Don's return home, as they'd tried to relax in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, trying to not think of him alone in the hospital.

"He's embarrassed by all of this Dad"

"I know Charlie but there's not much I can do about that. He has to be looked after and rather it's us than him struggling on his own, causing himself further damage"

"I'll feed him, he finds it less embarrassing, I think he feels like a child if you do it"

"I definitely got that impression last night with dinner. Ok Charlie, you take care of the meals. I'll take care of the washing and dressing"

"Do you think he's going to cope alright with this?"

"He has no choice Charlie." Alan ran his hand over his face. "I just want him here, want him home, under this roof where I can keep an eye on him and I know he's safe."

"What they did, what he saw" Charlie took a deep breath and searched his father's eyes for an answer, for a reason for this. He found nothing but the same pain he felt.

"Charlie, Don is strong, he's his own man but he knows he needs us, he knows he's going to need help and I'm sure he'll cope with this."

"Do you really think so?"

"Well if he doesn't then I'll just have to kick his ass"

Charlie carried the plate into the dining room and set it down in front of Don. He looked at his brother, noted his paleness, and decided after this meal he'd insist on him having a nap, upstairs in his bed. He'd taken to sleeping on the couch during the day, needing to be near his family but Alan had mentioned this wasn't conducive to a decent sleep so they both needed to start being firmer with Don . Easier said than done.

Charlie sat down next to his brother and picked up some meat and potato with the fork.

"You cooked steak?"

"Yes I cooked steak"

Don accepted the food and chewed with relish. He had to admit, his brother cooked a pretty good steak.

"It's actually nice" he said around a mouth full of meat.

"I'm going to ignore that. I can cook well you know Don." Charlie offered another fork full of food. Don accepted gratefully. Charlie's heart swelled as he noted the embarrassment of earlier wasn't evident in his brothers features anymore. After the lunch throwing incident Charlie was wary of a repeat, but his brother seemed quite relaxed.

"You ok bro? Do you want some water?"

"Yeah Charlie, thanks"

Charlie helped Don drink a few sips, noting his right hand moving upward, unconsciously trying to help. Another fork full, another acceptance.

"Sorry about earlier buddy"

"That's ok Don, I can only imagine how frustrating this is. Don't worry about it, it's already forgotten"

"Yeah, but still, I'm sorry"

"It's ok, really. Thank you though"

After the meal Charlie had helped Don upstairs and into his bed, removed his shoes and covered him with the duvet. Don had tried to walk toward the couch but Charlie had insisted on his room, saying he'd be working in the solarium anyway so would be closer to his brother if he needed anything. This seemed to sway Don. He laid back and closed his eyes, listened to his brother fuss with the covers and slowly drifted off to sleep.

"Donnie?"

Don was caught back in the living room, back at Bruton's, only this time there was no tape, no VCR , no TV. There was the whole awful scene, being played out before him, and he was powerless to do anything. The little girl kept looking at him with pleading eyes. Reaching toward him with her tiny hands, he couldn't move, couldn't reach back for her, he could only watch. Each blow, each thrust felt like a shock wave through the air.

"Donnie"

Alan shook his son harder, tried to not cause him pain but aware he might have to in order to wake him up from his nightmare.

"No, no no no no no NOOOO!"

Don sat upright with such force he nearly knocked Alan off the edge of the bed, he started to fall back but Alan caught him, held him close while his eyes searched the room, Don couldn't figure out where he was, he searched for the girl, knew she was there somewhere, he couldn't see who held him and for a second he panicked, convinced Bruton had him, at any second he'd feel a knife through his back, a shot through his heart. Slowly the warmth of his fathers embrace began to sooth his chills. Don leaned further into Alan and tried to focus on the hand, rubbing his back, the soothing voice in his ear.

"It's ok Donnie, you're home now, you're finally home now"

Alan felt Don's breathing even, felt his body relax, but he didn't let go, and Don made no move to pull away. Alan had fully expected him too. He held on tighter, running his hand across his son's back. He felt hot and clammy.

"Was the nightmare about the girl Don?"

Don's breathing began to hitch, Alan held tight.

"They'll find who she is Don"

"No they won't" His voice was muffled by his fathers neck, but Don made no move to sit back.

"Well, then you'll keep looking. The fact that you know this girl's story, you know what happened to her, that's important Don. If someone knows your story that's how your memory is kept alive. You should know that Donnie."

"But I feel so helpless."

"I know Don, I know son"

Alan pulled away and held Don's face in his hands.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up ready for breakfast"

"Breakfast?" Don wiped his nose with his thumb. He'd found he could do a lot with the thumb, was handy for pulling cups toward him so that he could reach the straw, for scratching the itches which appeared every time he thought about the lack of use of his arm.

"It's 8am Donnie"

Don looked at his father incredulously, had he really slept that long?

"See what happens when you sleep in a bed, you actually sleep. Now come on, up you get"

Alan pulled back the covers, noting that Don was covered in sweat. He unclipped the sling and helped him stand. Once he had Don seated on the edge of the bath he removed his shirt and filled the sink with water.

"I could have a shower you know, I'd manage that ok"

"You can't get your shoulder wet Don, anyway, raise your arm"

Don tried to lift his left arm but the shoulder protested. He reluctantly gave in.

"If we cover your hand and arm you could stand in the shower and I'll wash you?"

"NO"

The word had come out stronger than Don had meant it to. There was no way he'd be subjected to that humiliation though. No way in hell. When he finally had that shower he'd be alone and would enjoy it for a good hour. He watched as Alan added shower gel to the water, then laid towels across the floor by Don's feet. His mind drifted back to the dream. He felt incomplete, there was a task he needed to finish before he could truly rest. All he was able to think of was the girl, who she was. He knew he might never know the answer but still, he was impatient to begin his search. His recovery was going to be slow though. Don was unsure how long his patience would hold out.

Alan squeezed the excess water from the cloth and ran it around Don's neck, and his right shoulder, then down his arm. He rinsed the cloth and continued to clean Don's left arm, moving onto his back and torso. He felt Don shiver so dried his body before continuing to clean his son.

Once done, Alan laid out the antiseptic cream and gauze. Slowly and carefully he unwound the bandage from Don's shoulder, carefully pulling away the sweat soaked gauze. Small amounts of blood were evident on the underside, Alan frowned at Don who merely smiled back at him innocently.

"You've used the arm Don"

"No I haven't, I probably just moved it in my sleep"

"Uh huh?"

"Uh huh, I just needed to see what I could do Dad. How am I to know if I'm making progress if I don't try?"

"And what did you discover Don?"

Don flinched as Alan applied the cream to his wound, just as Sandy had shown him. The bruising around his shoulder and collar bone had turned a purple colour, spreading out toward his chest.

"That I have a little way to go yet"

"You don't say"

"I keep hearing her Dad" Don looked into his father's eyes. Alan kneeled before him.

"Does she scream?"

He nodded slowly, his eyes filling with tears.

"She reaches to me but I can't move, I can't help her"

"Is it always the same dream Donnie?"

Don nodded again. Alan placed his hand on Don's arm.

"The dreams will get better Don, but you have to talk to me, it's the only way we can help. Talk to Charlie as well."

"And say what?"

"How you feel. Remember, I've said before it's ok to talk, it's ok to cry"

"Thought you said it was some other wise man that had said that"

"There are a lot of us about"

"It's always back in that room, I'm stuck, can't move and he's there, he's raping her and I can't help. She asks me to but I can't " Don's voice had raised in pitch and Alan felt him shaking beneath his touch.

"Don, I had a dream after your mother died, was the same dream night after night, she was there, asking me to take the pain away, asking me to look after you all. In the dream I felt helpless, felt I couldn't do as she asked. I always felt in the dream she was judging me, daring me to face life without her and to face it with my head high. I'd sometimes wake feeling good, more often than not I'd wake feeling like a failure. Like I'd let her down, hadn't protected her. But do you know what Don? Each time I have dinner with you boys, all the time I spend time with you I realise I did ok. That your mother and I raised you well, that you are continuing to be such good people, such caring men. I'm proud of you both and I have no doubts now that no matter what you boys throw at me, no matter what situations we find ourselves in, we'll get through it, together, as a family."

Don had stared at his feet , listening to his father, soaking up his words. Something inside him gave way. Alan watched as Don looked up, his eyes full of moisture, his cheek's covered with tears.

"I don't now how to make it stop Dad. How can I make it stop?"

Alan wrapped his arms around Don, who returned the embrace with his right arm. He held his boy as Don broke down and cried into his shoulder.

"I don't know Donnie, but we'll find a way. We'll find a way together"

He held his son for what seemed like an eternity. Don's sob's broke his heart. Slowly he calmed, his chest hitching, his right arm pulling his father closer.

"You'll be ok Donnie, I'll make sure of it. We're all going to be ok"

Once Don had calmed enough Alan pulled away, wiped his face and then covered the wound on his shoulder with the gauze, he tried to avoid hurting his son but no matter how carefully he tried to re-wind the bandage he knew he caused him pain.

Once done he stood and stared at Don.

"What?"

"You my boy, need a shave"

"Oh god you're not coming at me with a razor are you?"

Alan laughed warmly at his son, slowly his easy manner was returning. A joke here and there, a teasing comment to Charlie. Slowly Don was picking himself up.

Clean, shaved and now fully dressed, Don followed his father down the stairs.

Charlie had been up for a couple of hours already, he'd been working on some equations and then had made his way toward the stairs to make breakfast for his family. He'd heard his father and Don in the bathroom. Had heard his brother crying.

He added more egg's to the bowl and whisked the mixture together. Don had cried.

Charlie whisked so hard that some of the mixture flew across the counter. Swearing to himself he wiped the surface clean.

How could he help Don?

He'd called Megan but they still were no closer to finding the identity of the girl. There had to be something he could do to help his brother. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He found Sandy standing the other side, bag of muffin's in hand.

"Oh hey Sandy, come on in, how are you? How'd you know where we lived?"

"Thanks Charlie, your father gave me the address, hope you don't mind me popping by. My shift doesn't start for another hour so I thought I'd come and see how you're all doing"

Alan came down the stairs and warmly greeted Sandy. Charlie smiled at Don who stood behind his father laughing.

"Don't mind us, we'll be in the kitchen, leave you kids to talk"

Alan ignored Don and offered a seat to Sandy.

"I'm so glad you came round."

"I'm glad you asked me, how is he?"

Alan lowered his voice so Don couldn't hear them.

"Exhausted, seems no matter how much sleep he has he still looks tired."

"It take's time Alan" Sandy placed her hand on his arm supportively.

"He broke down this morning. I've never seen him do that. Part of me is relieved, the other part is so shocked, so surprised that he cried"

"It means he's making progress Alan, you're a good father and good father's bring out the best in their sons, believe me I know. He's letting you in and from what I can tell, from what you've said and what I've observed of Don, that's a hard thing for him to do"

"You have no idea how hard"

"My oldest boy James, it took him years before he accepted his fathers death. He refused to speak about him, refused to stay in the room if I spoke about him. Then one day he came in and put his arms around me and cried. Said he didn't know what he was doing, who he was without his father."

"How is he now?"

"He's the man we always hoped he would be, it's still difficult for him to speak about Peter, but he listens. That's more than I could have imagined him to do. Children find strength in parents Alan. We don't always realise it when it's happening, but the evidence is always there."

"Thank you Sandy, I'm sorry that each time I see you it's to unload my troubles"

"That's no problem Alan, I enjoy our talks. If I can help in any way then I will"

"Oh you've done enough, really. More than enough. I'll have to treat you to dinner as a thank you"

"I'm going to hold you to that. How's Don's shoulder?"

"If you wouldn't mind I'd like you to check it. Seems more bruised and sore today. I did change the dressing but I'd be a lot happier if you could check him for me"

Sandy and Alan walked into the kitchen to find Don trying to stop Charlie from wiping the egg mixture from his t-shirt.

"He might be a genius but this guy can't whisk to save his life"

"You were standing too close Don"

"If I was in the garage I'd be too close"

Charlie wiped the egg from the front of Don's shirt, added another to his bowl and set about making scrambled egg for his family.

"Donnie, come and sit in the dining room"

"Everything ok Dad?"

"I want to check your shoulder Don, is that ok?"

Don nodded, and followed them into the dining room, his father pulled out a chair and he sat awkwardly, attempting to hide the pain from the two sets of observant eyes upon him.

"Have you taken any painkillers today Don?"

"No, not yet"

"Ok, I'll be as careful as I can"

Sandy checked the wound, smiling to Alan when she saw how well he'd applied the gauze. Removing the sling, she slowly and carefully raised his arm, watching his reactions. Once his arm reached neck height his face contorted into a grimace. Placing his arm back in the sling she then ran her hands around his torso, checking the bones were healing and the pressure against his side wasn't too intense. Again she watched Don's reactions, he frowned slightly as her fingers brushed over the broken ribs.

Taking hold of his right hand she checked the colour of his fingers beneath the dressings. Satisfied the digits were healing ,slowly she turned his hand around and stopped when she noticed marks over the cast.

"Hey, what's this?"

"What's what?"

Alan leaned forward and smiled when he saw the markings, in white, all around the side of the cast.

"What the? CHARLIE!"

All across the underside of the cast , written in white, was an equation, a problem for Don to solve. He knew this because Charlie had written underneath the numbers and letters 'If you can solve this bro I promise their willbe a reward'.

"And Charlie, there is spelt T H E R E "

The sound of giggles from the kitchen , followed by an annoyed "No it's not" caused them to all break into laughter.

Sandy finished checking Don's hand as Charlie came in with the food.

"You've done a good job Alan, you're healing nicely Don. Seems your family are quite good at after care"

"I think you gave them a head start. Thanks Sandy"

"You're welcome. I'd best get going, enjoy your breakfast and there's muffins there for later"

Alan saw Sandy to the door, while he was saying goodbye Charlie leaned into his brother.

"You think there's something going on between them"

"Oh definitely" said Don around a mouthful of egg.

"Hey , these aren't bad"

"For the hundredth time Don I can cook"

Charlie shovelled another spoonful of egg into his brothers mouth before he could retaliate.

Watching him eat Charlie's mind was still trying to figure out a way to help him. A way for him to gain some closure. Little did he know Don was wandering the same thing. Although the idea forming in his mind wasn't one his family was going to like. Not by a long shot.