Thank you for reading! This chapter NSFW.
Shepard was reading over a datapad, reminding herself of everything they had learned about the Collector base. On the whole, she was glad they had reached this point. Whatever came, it would be nice to get it over with, not have it hanging out there ahead of them in all its mystery and peril any longer.
Engrossed in her planning, she almost didn't hear the faint tap at her door. It came again, and she lifted her head, listening. "Someone there?"
"Are you—do you have a minute?" came Thane's familiar voice, somehow even more hoarse than usual.
She got to her feet, alarmed. Was he having a Kepral's episode? Was this the beginning of the end? Her heart pounded with her sudden fear. She wasn't ready, not for this. Hurrying to the door, she touched the button that would open it, looking into his face when it slid open. "Of course I have a minute. Are you all right?"
"I— Siha …" He shook his head. "I am not all right."
"Is it— Should I call Dr. Chakwas?"
Thane looked at her, puzzled, then his eyes cleared. "Oh. No. It is not that."
Shepard let out a sigh of relief, leaning her shoulder against the wall as the door slid closed again behind him. "I'm glad to hear it."
"I didn't mean to frighten you."
"Thane, if it's not … if you're not ill, then, what is it? Is it Kolyat?"
"No. No, nothing of that nature. It's … me. Siha, I have known for many years that I would die, that my time was very short. I have tried to prepare myself, tried to leave the galaxy a better place than I found it." He paused, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Perhaps an odd wish for a man in my line of work, but I attempted it nevertheless. And you have helped me achieve so much more than I thought possible. Since I joined you, we have righted many wrongs. I have spoken to my son, seen him settled somewhere that he can have a future. I should be at peace on the eve of battle, but—"
"Oh." He was here for her, because his struggle between his desire to sink quietly into death and his desire to be with her had brought him here. "Thane." She was at a loss for words, until suddenly someone else's came to her, someone whose words Thane had given her. "'Do not go gently into that good night … Rage, rage against the dying of the light,'" she quoted softly.
He froze, startled. "Dylan Thomas. You read the book."
"Yes. And that one …"
"I see its application," he assured her.
Shepard moved toward him. "You don't have to give me a speech. I understand."
"No, you don't. I am … ashamed."
She reached out a hand to touch his face, but he caught her wrist, pushing her hand away from him, and turned his back to her.
"I have worked so hard," he said, his voice low and quiet and angry, but with her or with himself or with the situation, she couldn't tell. "I have meditated and prayed and performed good deeds, atoned for the evils I have done. I have prepared as best I could. I should be at peace. But now—" With a sudden violent movement, his fist crashed against the desk. "Now I consider my body's death and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid. And it shames me. I can neither go back to what I was or go forward to what I—what I could be."
"I'm so sorry," Juniper whispered.
It was evidently not at all what he had expected her to say, because he turned sharply, frowning. "Why do you apologize?"
"Because this is my fault. I knew. You told me from the start that you were dying, and I … Well, I couldn't help how I feel, but to ask you to awaken for me … I was selfish. Am selfish."
"Siha. Siha, this is not your fault."
"It is. You know it is." She blinked back tears. "And that's not the end. Because—Thane, I have never cared for anyone this way, never wanted—never needed anyone this way. And in a few days we go through the Omega 4 relay. Earlier, I wrote an email to my old captain telling him that I'm not afraid to die. And I'm not. If that's what it takes to stop the Collectors …" She shrugged. "Then that's what it takes. But tonight, right now—I'm alive. And I want—I need you to be alive with me. Please can you do that, Thane?"
He was trembling, his hands clenched at his sides, and she could almost see the struggle inside him, the warring impulses that urged him in one direction and pulled him in terror in the other.
This time when she stepped toward him he didn't back away.
"Siha. I am … not as strong as you are."
"I can be strong for both of us." She didn't know if it was true, not entirely, but if that was what he needed from her, she was sure as hell going to try. And then she closed the distance between them, her hands on his shoulders, and kissed him.
It was even better than she had imagined it would be, his sensual lips soft and warm against hers. Thane was still, no breath or motion, against her for a heartbeat before his hands slid around her waist, pulling her more firmly against him, and he took over the kiss, opening her mouth and seeking her tongue with his.
Shepard moaned with surprise and pleasure, giving herself over to the sheer joy of his kiss.
His hands moved restlessly up and down her back, crushing the stretchy fabric of her tank top, pushing it up as his hands explored the sensitive bare skin along her spine. Shepard reached down and pulled at the hem, tugging the shirt off over her head, reluctant as she was to break their kiss.
Wanting to see and feel him as well, she pushed at his jacket, shoving it off over his shoulders, the heavy canvas falling to the floor. The thin shirt he wore beneath it went quickly, and Shepard reached for him, feeling the faint roughness of his skin, her hands tracing the lines of muscle that sculpted his stomach and abdomen. Thane sucked in his breath, closing his eyes, and she bent to kiss his chest, putting out her tongue before she remembered what Mordin had said about the toxicity of a drell's skin. Next time, perhaps, she would try it, but this time, she wanted her wits about her, to savor every moment, every sensation. Instead she contented herself with hot breaths across his skin, feeling his chest hitch over and over as she worked her way back up to his mouth.
His hips moved against hers as they kissed again, and any concern she might have had about the compatibility of their anatomy was put to rest as she felt him through the layers of their remaining clothing. Sliding her fingers inside his waistband, she tugged him backward toward the bed, letting herself fall onto it.
Thane looked down at her, spread out in front of him, his eyes somehow green instead of their usual black. Shepard reached out a hand and switched off the lights, leaving only the light from the aquarium and the bright shimmer of the stars above to illuminate him. He was beautiful in full light, but in this wavering blue shadow he was astonishingly sexy. She lifted her hips with a moan, and Thane growled deep in his chest, taking advantage of her movement to slide her leggings down and off. Her underwear, caught in the fabric, went with them, and she lay there practically naked.
Lifting her arms, she begged him silently to join her. Relieving himself of his last garments, he came into her arms, skin against skin. His was rough, the texture exciting her as they moved against each other.
Thane's fingers, dexterous from years of manipulating weaponry, slid down her side and across her stomach and through the dark hair at the cleft of her thighs. Fascinated, he stopped to play with the hair, combing his fingers through it, before dipping lower and touching her intimately.
Shepard cried out, lifting her hips again to get closer to his longed-for touch. Oh, he knew what he was doing. Drell must have similar sensitive spots, she thought hazily. Her own hands moved down and down, thumbs stroking the tender skin on the inside of his hipbones, reveling in the sharp catch of his breath and the involuntary thrust of his hips against her thigh. Then she found him, smooth and hard and heated.
Both of them were breathing heavily as they stroked each other, and Shepard didn't think she could last much longer, not this time. She had wanted him too much, and for too long. She tugged at him lightly, making her need known, and he chuckled deep in his throat in delight and triumph, letting her guide him inside her.
He kissed her again even as he thrust within her, bodies moving in concert. The stars blurred above them as Shepard's pleasure mounted and peaked, as Thane cried out against her shoulder, his arms tightening around her.
Slowly the tension eased out of him even as Shepard felt her own heartrate slowing, and they moved together into an embrace that said without words what the experience had meant to both of them.