My apologies for the unscheduled posting delay. Summer! We should be good for a while now. Thank you for reading!
After days of turning the dilemma over in her mind, thinking about what it might be like to have a child, what it might be like to carry Thane's child, almost certainly to raise it largely on her own, Shepard still couldn't decide what she thought of the possibility. She hadn't dared to raise the topic with Thane, not wanting to bring it up until she was certain she knew what she wanted. So far, she had trusted to the implant she wore as a contraceptive, but it occurred to her that she couldn't be sure of that, either. Did an implant meant to prevent human sperm from germinating inside her work on drell sperm?
At last she convinced herself to consult Mordin on the topic, little as she wanted to. Dr. Chakwas might have been a more comfortable person to confide her concerns to, but Dr. Chakwas didn't know alien systems as well as Mordin did.
Shepard found a chance to speak with him early one morning before most of the rest of the ship was awake. She had left Thane sleeping, after lying next to him for a long while listening to his breathing, listening for any hint of the Kepral's Syndrome worsening, before she finally drew herself away.
Mordin looked up from his table. "Shepard. Early morning. Not typical for your visits. Problems?"
"I … came to consult with you."
He stopped what he was doing and studied her face for a moment before nodding. "Wondered how long it would take. Sadly, have no words of comfort. Kepral's Syndrome well studied, trials in process, but … not soon enough. Could potentially slow progress—but days, not weeks."
"Oh." Juniper tried to swallow her disappointment. After all, that wasn't really why she was here. But she had hoped that somehow Mordin would know more than … well, more than people who made curing Kepral's Syndrome their life's work. Thane had told her as much, but she hadn't believed him. After all, she was Commander Shepard. She got things done. She did things no one else thought was possible. Surely curing one man of an illness was within her abilities. To find out it wasn't … For a blink of an eye, she deeply regretted the break with Cerberus. If she had stayed, done what the Illusive Man wanted, she could have had the backing of all of Cerberus's resources helping her. Surely they could have found a way. Now that was all lost to her, to Thane. But the price would have been too high. Much too high.
And that disappointment was a problem for another day, a bitter pill she would simply have to learn how to swallow. "That wasn't what I came to see you about. I was … wondering …"
It was rare to find herself at a loss for words, or to be uncomfortable speaking with someone. But this was—personal. As personal as she had ever been, really, and with someone who spoke only in clinical terms.
There was nothing for it. Mordin was regarding her with curiosity and poorly masked impatience, and she had to ask her question. "Can a human and a drell produce offspring?"
"Ah. That question. Problematic." He frowned, one long finger tapping his cheek, muttering to himself. "Human incubation not possible—body would repel alien DNA. Not compatible," he said at last. "In lab? Could grow cells, make experiments … might work."
"Might work?" Shepard repeated.
His eyes were unusually kind and sympathetic as they met hers. "Trial and error. Many embryos created, certainly to die. Probability of eventual success less than ten percent."
Shepard flinched at the idea. She couldn't be party to that, not for a child she wasn't even certain she wanted. It had been a dream, to have some semblance of a life together for herself and Thane, even if … even once she lost him. And she was going to lose him. She had to face that now. Nothing she could do, no one she could force to do her bidding, no one she could beg or bribe, was going to save him. And nothing of him would survive except whatever memories she could hold onto. And Kolyat, of course, but Kolyat barely spoke to Thane—he was hardly interested in developing a relationship with his father's lover.
"Thank you, Mordin," she said, whispering around the lump in her throat.
"Glad to help. Wish answers were better."
"No, you told me what I needed to hear." She nodded at him and left the room, hiding herself in the weapons locker until she had pushed everything down to a place where she could manage it, at least for now. She had tried to change the path of the future, but she couldn't, and for once she was going to have to accept that.