Chapter 3. No Light Without Darkness
(This chap's title is based on the quote that heads this chapter in the book.)
As always, I have things to say. It doesn't much matter whether you choose to read them or not, I just want to write them down.
First, a protest to STOP DISCRIMINATION AGAINST INTERROBANGS! (An interrobang is what you call it when you pile an exclamation point on top of a question mark.) I used some in the infamous "What's a concubine?" scene in the last chapter and they were somehow accidentally translated into ORDINARY BORING EXCLAMATION POINTS! I feel my artistic vision has been compromised and the full range of the character's emotions not expressed because we were forbidden the right to stack punctuation! LONG LIVE THE INTERROBANG!
On a calmer note, know that although there was very little in the last chapter that could be safely cut, I will be forced to condense quite a bit from here on. As much as it breaks my heart to razor my beloved sci-fi chapters, I don't want to bore my fans (Come on, I know you're out there) with as many chapters as Herbert has. Besides, if you want to see how the book compares, I strongly urge you to read it yourself. If you don't want to see how the book compares... Well, I still suggest reading it!
That reminds me: My thanks to selle18 are like the Idaho gholas: Uncountable and seemingly neverending! Thanks for your review and casting ideas! I liked them so much that a total of three roles were shuffled and Kakashi will now be playing the role of Duncan as per suggestion.
Thanks are also due to my other reviewer, KazeKage Shad. Yes, you have selle18, her suggestions, and the ensuing role shuffle to thank for the fact that Gaara's role is now safe. Too bad, because I had big plans for a scene in which he is "saved" by a certain crazed fangirl I know... Now let's just say I'll have Malia's wrath to deal with instead.
Anyway, the show must go on!
(To clear up any confusion: This next backstage scene contains a character I lifted from a flashback on page 110 of my copy of Chapterhouse: Dune. I just moved her into the present(which for me is about p.118). Non-readers should be warned that the BG of her time has changed from that of the first book. By the way, the disclaimers from the introduction still apply. CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR HERETICS/CHAPTERHOUSE.)
Linchine walked slowly down the hall, hoping that no one would see the humiliating Starbucks cup clenched in her hand. As a Bene Gesserit acolyte, it was her duty to see to the every need of the Mother Superior and other high BG officials, but this... this was crossing the line. She knew that the Reverend Mother Sheeana had left pawn status behind at a fairly young age, but even she had been older than this Julia. Who so far showed no skill with sandworms. A girl of thirteen Standard Years who claimed to be from another dimension... Mother Superior should have sent her to an insane asylum, not loaned her acolytes! And the grand plan they were working for? A play about Muad'Dib! Who remembered him, after the Tyrant? Even if she was only an acolyte, Linchine was still a proud member of the Sisterhood. And here she was, serving male actors younger than herself, doing this unglorified go-fer job for an effort to glorify the time when the Sisterhood's dreams had wriggled out of their grasp and begun twisting into the nightmare that had been the Tyrant.
She continued fuming to herself as she reached the door. She didn't knock but simply shoved the door open. Looking into the room, she saw the source of the tiresome request she had just fulfilled: A raven-haired boy about the same age as that cursed Julia. A lesser girl might have fallen for him. Linchine just might have, if she hadn't been working herself up for the past ten minutes to the point where she could barely restrain her senseless anger.
She thrust the steaming token of her service at him so hard that the brown liquid almost slopped out. Coffee without spice. What's the point? "Here you go...Sasuke," she hissed, spitting his name at him.
Somehow seeing the go-fer so mad made Sasuke want to fight back. "Since you're my go-fer, shouldn't you be addressing me as Mr. Uchiha?" he said coolly, taking the cup from her.
Linchine snapped. "Since when am I your go-fer? And I'm already having enough trouble telling you apart from the other Uchiha here!"
Sasuke stiffened and stared at her as though she had just appeared out of thin air. What was it I said? thought Linchine nervously. Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "So he's here then..." He abruptly rose and strode purposefully out the door, which Linchine had left open. The forgotten coffee teetered on the arm of the chair then fell to the floor before the acolyte's horrified eyes, releasing a huge stain onto the carpet. Linchine cursed to herself. Clumsy ungrateful wretch! I wonder what that was all about anyway... But it wasn't an acolyte's job to question. She stooped to the carpet to survey the damage. Questioning wasn't her job, but sadly cleaning up was.
A/N: Wow. Didn't intend for that part to be so long. A creative rush showed up, grabbed me, and started pulling me along. I have no idea where it came from. Wish I did, though. Maybe then I could make them come on command... Maybe I should have Linchine in another scene (Maybe Gaara since she hates fetching coffee so much?); she was fun to write(even though she hates me and the play--because of it even!) Hey, Mr. DuPepper (my English teacher's nickname), I used a semicolon in that last sentence! What was I talking about again? Oh, right. I know Sasuke may have been a bit OOC, but I had to set things up for poor Linchine to let it slip who else is sharing the stage...
Meanwhile, on the stage, the scenery had changed the setting from the open, reassuring Castle Caladan to a shadowed room with a backdrop prominently featuring a griffin crest. There was a large table center stage, surrounded by chairs, where three figures were sitting. On it was a globe, spun by a hand reaching out of the darkness. The world portrayed by the globe was a uniform caramel color, save the cloud-milk diamonds that were the polar caps. The blue of open water was nowhere to be seen.
The hand stopped the globe in its tracks. Its owner spoke, using a voice in which the taint of evil plans could easily be heard. "There it is, Piter -- the biggest mantrap in all history. And the Duke's headed into its jaws. Is it not a magnificent thing that I, the Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, do?"
"Assuredly, Baron," replied a more visible figure, a little too visible for those who weren't fans of green skintight bodysuits. Rock Lee really was trying to get into the excitement of the thing, but he was having to jump the hurdle of not being content with his part. (A/N: Sorry Lee!) Nonetheless, he was also showing acting skills he never knew he had. He managed to pretend to be hanging on the speaker's every word.
"Could anyone mistake this place? Arrakis! Truly unique. A superb setting for a unique victory."
Lee forced a smile and answered back with his own line. "And to think, Baron: the Padishah Emperor believes he's given the Duke your spice planet. How poignant."
"That's a nonsensical statement. You say this to confuse young Feyd-Rautha, but it is not necessary to confuse my nephew."
The third figure stirred and sat up straight, red eyes staring at the other two. Unaware that his younger brother was currently embarking on a mad search for him backstage, Uchiha Itachi was apathetically waiting for his lines.
But the next line was Lee's. "That Atreides fool answered us, Baron!"
"Whenever did an Atreides refuse the opportunity for a gesture? Well, what does he say?"
"He's most uncouth, Baron. Addresses you as 'Harkonnen'-- no title, nothing."
"It's a good name. What does dear Leto say?"
"He says: 'Your offer of a meeting is refused. I have ofttimes met your treachery and this all men know.' He signs it: 'Duke Leto of Arrakis.'" Lee gave off an evil-sounding laugh and was appalled at how easily it came to him. "Of Arrakis! Almost too rich!"
"Be silent, Piter," said the voice from the shadows. Lee suddenly found he could and did stop the laughing completely in about half a second. "He phrases his response so I know he means it."
"You made the peace gesture," replied Lee. "The forms have been obeyed."
"For a Mentat, you talk too much, Piter."
They continued on in this manner until... "Have you been chewing verite, Piter?"
It was in the script, but Lee took it personally. "IF I WAS ON TRUTH DRUGS, YOU THINK I'D BE PRETENDING I WAS HAPPY TO BE IN THIS PLAY!" (A/N: Should have been interrobangs there.)
In the midst of the awkward silence, Itachi said to himself, "My uncle cannot talk to his Mentat without arguing. Do they think I've nothing to do except listen their arguments? Hold on, WHY IS THERE A TYPO IN THE SCRIPT?"
"Sorry," replied the director's calm voice, "There's a typo in the book. Or at least I think Herbert meant to write 'listen to their arguments'..."
"Well, maybe you should try editing the script so it doesn't make ME look stupid," answered Itaqhi hotly. "HEY! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE! THE 'Q' KEY ISN'T ANYWHERE NEAR 'C', DOBE!" He turned to the wings to find a witness. His red eyes made contact with the white ones of a certain long-haired boy.
Neji stepped forward. "Fine, I admit to watching Julia with the Byakugan. And she's usually a very good typist. Though I can say in her defense, you lost your temper and called her dobe, which was very OOC of you."
"Thanks Neji," said Julia, and turned back to her computer, muttering, "Yeah, the weasel's definitely next in line for the dartboard."
"WHAT?" yelled Itachi.
"Nothing." Julia smirked and turned back to her flawless typing.
A/N: Okay, you're probably wondering where the line "The weasel's definitely next in line for the dartboard" came from. Or maybe you're not. Regardless, I'm still going to publish the amazing story of how this line came to be. See, last Friday my friend Hannah and I spent the afternoon at the house of another friend, Maddy. It was discovered that Maddy had accidentally printed 15 copies of the cover page of the Naruto manga chapter 166: a full page entirely taken up by Orochimaru's face, complete with freakish tongue stuck way out. Well... Let's just say that taping them to a dartboard was my idea. And Maddy happened to have a dartboard and darts in her house. Not magnetic ones either, but real, pointy darts that will leave holes in a picture taped to the dartboard (and in the wall if your aim is bad...). Playing darts is a lot more fun when you find yourself saying, "That tongue is so big... Why is it so darn hard to hit?" And a friend quotes Rock Lee during the Chuunin exam: "If you throw a rock at a pole, it will miss, but if you throw to miss, it will hit." (I answered that perhaps we should then try to hit Maddy's wall so it wouldn't keep gaining new holes.) We moved to the computer after going through two Orochimarus and unanimously deciding on Itachi as our next victim. Then Maddy and I saw a website that explained the meanings of names in Naruto, and one of the few that made any sense was "Itachi: weasel or skunk". And there you have it, my wonderful line! Ummmm... Back to the action!
The Baron Harkonnen stepped from the shadows at last. The scene with Itachi had more or less ruined any further attempt at suspense. In case you hadn't guessed, the Baron was revealed to be the one and only (Thank goodness!) Orochimaru. "Feyd, I told you to listen and learn when I invited you in here. Are you learning?"
"Yes, Uncle," replied Itachi.
"Look at Piter. This is a Mentat, Feyd, a human computer. It has been trained and conditioned to perform certain duties. The fact that it is human, however, must not be overlooked. A serious drawback, that. I sometimes think the ancients with their thinking machines had the right idea."
"They were toys compared to me," interrupted Lee, even more unhappy with his role since he found out who his "master" was. "You yourself, Baron, could outperform those machines."
Then, at the "Baron"'s command, he began to outline the evil plan to bring about the total destruction of House Atreides by distracting the Duke's Mentat and making him suspect the Lady Jessica and then the real traitor would move and Harkonnen troops and the Emperor's Sardaukar and blah blah blah blah...
Itachi didn't listen. He simply thought, It's not that hard to exterminate a great family. I've done it myself, after all...
So there you have it. So far I've been accomplishing my goal of one chapter a week... But I have a week of vacation this week, so hopefully I'll be able to do more! I'm going to start now, as I got myself on a sugar high so I could finish this chapter and am now singing along to my iPod (which is set to shuffle) at the top of my lungs. Scary, I know. The last time this happened while I was reading Naruto FanFiction, the song "Uptown Girl" came on, and I spent what seemed like hours singing "Leaf Town Girl" over and over as loud as I possibly could... Ahem Thank goodness my parents were not home:)
Next chap: I haven't written it yet so how should I know? But there is likely to be a peek at Hinata's role. Then there's Thufir Hawat and Gurney Halleck... Who will be playing them? You'll just have to wait and see!