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Kaidan looked out across the lake, enjoying the momentary sense of peace and quiet. He'd been kept busy on various assignments since Horizon; this bit of downtime was an unexpected pleasure. He had arrived this morning to discover the transport to Fehl Prime he was supposed to catch had already left, leaving him with some time to kill until the next ship going that way left tonight.

Nice as it was to have a moment to breathe, he couldn't stand still for too long. If he didn't keep himself busy, his thoughts strayed back to Horizon, to the terrible paralysis that had come over him again and again during the Collector attack, to the sight of the ship pulling away with so many of the colonists aboard, the sinking of his stomach that had come with knowing he hadn't been able to do them a damned bit of good … and to Shepard, standing there with that Cerberus emblem on her uniform acting as though everything was normal and she didn't work for monsters.

Shaking his head, Kaidan blinked the memories away. Shepard was likely gone now, whatever her mistakes were atoned for on the other side of the Omega4 relay. There had been no further Collector attacks since he had received her email, sent just before she left the known galaxy, so he assumed she had succeeded in taking down the Collectors. Of course she had—she was Commander Shepard, after all. But he felt her loss keenly; her loss, and that of Garrus, and Tali, and Joker, and Dr. Chakwas …

He shivered. Too much death and dying. Maybe now that would end and the galaxy could have peace. He tried not to think about the Reapers and Shepard's worries about their imminent arrival. Surely she must have been wrong, or so he told himself.

Pushing himself off the rail, he headed toward Zakera Ward in search of a good meal. On the way, he happened to catch a Galactic News vid running, seeing a familiar face flash across the screen, and he stopped, rewinding the vid to watch. His jaw dropped as the report unfolded. Shepard had done it! She had stopped the Collectors, destroying their base, and she and the Normandy and apparently the entire crew had made it back through the Omega4 relay alive and well.

Was it luck or something more that allowed her to prevail so often when no one thought she could? he wondered, surprised at the warmth that filled him at the news. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised—she had meant so much to him. Still did, despite what he had said on Horizon, despite how hard he had tried to move on ever since.

Without thinking, he called up the email program on his omni-tool and began typing.

Shepard—

I just heard that you did it again. I can't tell you how glad I am to have you safely back on this side of the galaxy. I don't know what lies ahead in your future—or mine, for that matter—but next time we're on the same planet, I'm buying you a beer.

Kaidan

He set off for Zakera Ward, whistling as he went. Somehow the world seemed brighter, the shadows in his memory fainter, than had been the case ten minutes ago.

As Thane cleared away the remnants of their dinner, Shepard ran a last check on her email before shutting down her personal terminal for the night. Thane was glad she took even the nights off, and felt no small amount of pride that she did so on his account—he knew that before he began spending the nights with her, she had often risen to the chime of any communication coming in, allowing her sleep to be disrupted over and over again. Most often now she closed the terminal while they ate, spent five minutes afterward making sure nothing noteworthy had occurred, and then was his and his alone until the morning came.

He was already excited waiting for the moment when she would close the terminal and stand up, unbuttoning her jacket as she did so. When nothing happened, he was broken out of the pleasant haze of memory and anticipation, glancing at her with concern, wondering what had occurred to disturb her.

But she wasn't disturbed. Instead, she was gazing at the terminal with a smile, a soft look such as she rarely wore. It was good news, then, something she had wanted to hear. With a stab of jealousy, dark and corrosive, Thane wondered who it was from. He cleared his throat, and Shepard looked up at him, her eyes unfocused for a moment. Then they cleared and she smiled, closing the terminal and getting to her feet, unbuttoning her jacket just as he had imagined she would.

"I'm sorry, was I keeping you waiting?"

"You didn't need to hurry on my account, Siha," he said, knowing it was a lie as he said it. Forcing himself to sound casual, he asked, "What were you looking at?"

"Oh, it was just an email from Kaidan, congratulating us on destroying the Collector base and saying he was glad I was still alive."

She said it so easily, and it was a natural sentiment to come from a former ship-mate and companion. That should have been the end of it. Thane should have been able to let it go. After all, she had never lied to him. She had never even tried.

But Kaidan Alenko had been the first man to touch her heart, and whatever she thought, Juniper had never entirely let him go. Could a person ever truly let go of their first love? Thane wondered. Certainly he could never deny what he and Irikah had shared. But Irikah was dead. Kaidan Alenko was very much alive. And unless Thane missed his guess, Kaidan also had not entirely let go of what he and Juniper used to have, regardless of what he had said on Horizon all those months ago. Kaidan, who was not dying.

Even as he watched Juniper disrobe, Thane was struggling in the grip of his own bitterness and resentment, railing against his fate, and nursing the dark depths of his jealousy. It was unworthy of her, he knew that, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

"Thane?" Juniper came to him, stroking his cheek with her fingers. "What is it?"

"I—it's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Tell me."

He managed a smile for her, but he could tell it wasn't a convincing one. "Just … the old worry."

"Why now especially?" Then she realized. He could see on her face the moment it came clear. "Because of Kaidan? You know that's over."

"Is it?"

"As far as I know, it is." She stepped closer, skin against skin, the shock of pleasure as strong as it always was. "I have you now, Thane. I know you want to look ahead, to think about what will come after—but I don't. I want now to be all we need, and not to worry about later. Can you do that for me?"

He probably couldn't, if he was being honest with them both, but … "I can try."

"Good. Let me see if I can help you with that."

Her hands explored, lower and lower, her mouth moving just behind them. He knew from experience that the toxins in his skin acted as a stimulant for her and with more of an effort than should have been required he let go of his worries and allowed himself to float on the sea of sensations that flooded him at her touch.