A/N – Inserting begging for feedback here. It keeps a writing going and wow, have I really been going on this story. Every free moment I have I devote to pursuing this and I need to know if it is worth it. Your effort in reviews is reflected in my effort in continuing Luvs – good to see you back, I was wondering where you went! MANY MANY thanks to my idea creating, fuel for my coffers, keep me going, always striving to make the story clearer, better, ever so wonderful, can't say enough about Beta reader – SARAH! The time she has devoted is absolutely amazing! Without her I'm afraid none of this would be possible. Thank you for all your time and effort in making this a better story!
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Carth approached her sleeping form, the one resting comfortably against Treg, still in the chair where he last saw them the night before.
His angry gaze more than his words brought her from sleep, "We have a situation, the Republic is here in all its fanfare. It will take awhile but I can manage a safe landing. Considering I didn't return the Fore Runner, it might be best if I stayed on the ship once we land."
Revan rose immediately, wrestling her hand from under Treg's sleeping body. It escaped from his weight, trailing down his side as she spoke, "When do we land?"
"Late evening, if we're lucky, but most likely tomorrow." Carth replied, turning, but not before giving her a look, letting her know he had seen the way her hand had glided over Treg's sleeping form.
Treg shifted as he woke, bringing his eyes to Revan, "What's wrong?"
"Change of plans, get some rest. No mission or training today, I have to see if I can figure out why the republic has paid this planet a visit."
"Woah, wait." The last traces of sleep leaving him, he grabbed her hand before she had a chance to leave. "There has to be something I can do."
Revan thought a moment, "You could make me some caffa, I'll be in the control center."
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The aroma arrived long before the person. "Here's you caffa. Now care to tell me what's going on and why I can't do more than be your servant?"
Grabbing the liquid, entering a few more movements with her fingertips followed by an exchange with X-14, she turned to Treg.
"There's an entire Republic fleet above the planet, it's delayed our landing. There has to be a reason for it and I'm trying to see what I can find out." As a follow up she offered, "Sorry about the caffa thing, I really needed some and I couldn't think of anything else for you to do at the time."
"More of that 'trouble always follows you' thought?"
She smiled at his perception.
"So, is there something I can do? Besides bring you caffa?"
"Not unless you know how to break into transmissions, unlock security codes, redirect…"
"Okay, I got it. I'll just bring you caffa."
"And you do it so well." The smile escaped her lips before the mug hid its view.
Their mugs were emptied as Revan continued her efforts. Unable to yield any results she finally turned with a forlorn appearance and faced Treg. "This isn't working."
"And that upsets you why? Did you really believe it would be so easy to infiltrate an entire ruling governments security measures?"
"To be honest, yes. Before… things seemed to just happen so easily, but lately, now …"
"You think you've lost your touch?"
"Very perceptive Mr. Unic"
"Not perceptive at all, it's written all over your face. Along with some guilt and failure." He drained the last of his caffa.
"Am I that easy to read?" she asked.
"Somewhat, I think it's more of what you've told me, and how it contrasts with what I see now that makes it so perceptible."
"Contrasts? How?"
"What immediately springs to mind is that you aren't using your Jedi powers to guide you."
"I can't…"
"No indication that it would have stopped you before, so what's the real reason Revan?" his eyes bore into hers.
"No other reason."
"If you want to convince me, you are doing a lousy job. If you want to convince yourself, perhaps you are succeeding." He stood, grabbing the mugs, "If you just prefer not to tell me that is fine, but at least admit it to yourself Revan."
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The mug appeared in front of her hanging head, oblivious to its preceding aroma. "Caffa man at your service."
Both hands grasped the mug as she brought it to her lips, "Thanks." She waited until he sat down, "You win." A small, painful smile erupted, "I'm, well, I'm having a hard time with the force lately. It's harder for me to access and sometimes when I do … I wish I wouldn't have. It's disturbing. I wonder if all the things I have been feeling, emotionally, have caused this. A Jedi without the force Treg, well, a Jedi we are not. Perhaps I have forsaken enough of the traits that the power is lost to me now, the price I have to pay for turning to the darkside before. I don't know, I don't have the answers anymore, since Malachor, since the children..." her voice trailed off. Since Carth. "I remember things, it's sketchy, but before we traded in the Fore Runner for Rubicon, I felt such a strong impulse. I had some very dark thoughts then Treg. I remember struggling, within myself, calling silently to Carth, to save me from what I was about to do. I tried … I think I succeeded, but not before I hurt him, not physically but… That's not the only time I've had these dark feelings … and then after, I just feel so empty, so overcome with guilt, remorse, pain. I feel like I don't know who or what I am anymore. I'm scared, for the first time I can remember, I'm scared and I just don't know how to deal with it."
He stretched his legs, "Perhaps you were never meant to be a Jedi. What defines one? If you feel you have constantly gone against that, well then, maybe you never were one."
The mug slid from her grasp, spilling brown liquid around as she stood, "You have a lot of nerve!"
He rose to meet her challenge, voice ever so calm, "I'm just saying that you shouldn't live a lie. I've heard enough about your life and how it doesn't fit in with the Jedi code. I can see that, and I know you can see that. Perhaps that is what led you along the path you traveled. You need to accept who you are, who you were." He smiled then, "And realize that you are not an exceptional person because you are a Jedi, but that you are a Jedi because you are an exceptional person." He was near the exit before he turned, "That's the last of the caffa, if you want any more you'll have to get it yourself."
