Lying on that medslab for days, recalling how close he was to death, brought a new determination to his mind.

Carth now knew what he had to do. He had to tell Revan everything, all his fears, his concerns. He could no longer try to hide behind the wall he was trying to erect, the one that would stop all these feelings, if, and when she fell. He'd been a terrible fool and he realized that now. It didn't matter how many walls he tried to erect, they could never erase what he felt, how he felt. The only thing he had accomplished so far, on this journey, was pushing her away. The last thing he wanted.

Juhani had tried to tell him, but he had ignored her. Yes, he was consumed by hate. Hate for the fact she was a former Dark Lord, hate for the fact he had fallen in love with someone who held that title, whether in her past or not. Hate for so many others reasons, yes, he was definitely ruled by hate, but also love, the tender, all encompassing love he felt for her. I have to balance the two. This journey has done nothing but bring it full front into my mind and I have to deal with it, decide what is important.

And coming close to his own death had made him realize that she was what was important, despite all her flaws, despite her past. She was the mother of his children, children he had a chance to be a father to, make up for all he had done wrong with Dustil. He couldn't ignore that, he couldn't ignore anything at this point, she had possessed him, without trying, she had reached into his very soul and made him whole again. His mission had been all wrong, it was not about the children, it was about her. With her he would have the children, with her he would be complete again.

Regret over all the times in the past weeks where he could have gone to her, comforted her, ate away at him. He wouldn't do that any longer, she needed him, isn't that what Juhani had been trying to tell him? Don't let your love be consumed by your hate, she had said.

An overwhelming desire to be close to her, to feel her next to him overtook his thoughts. It was all he could think of as he slipped out of the medbay, intent on making the once easy journey up the ladder, to her quarters, his only mission.

-----------------------------

She slid down the wall after Treg left, replaying his words in her head. It isn't true. It can't be true. Carth is my strength, he's everything I ever needed or wanted. My glorified lover. No, no, being with him isn't a punishment. He forgives me, he told me… but he never showed me. He only spoke the words, easy enough to do, especially if he believed them himself. No, Revan, stop this. He showed you with that kiss, back on the Fore Runner. The one filled with burning desire. NO! Stop analyzing this based on one persons observations.

"Carth!" She yelled in fright, rising immediately when he entered the room, afraid that somehow he had peered into her thoughts.

"In the flesh, only took me three days to get enough strength to climb up to the bunking quarters. Sorry if I scared the hell out of you again." His playful tone and small smirk made her feel even more guilt.

"No it's okay, I was just distracted, surprised to see you here."

"Glad? Because," he moved towards her, pushing his body against hers, "I think we have some unfinished business." His mouth whispered the words, his lips close enough to bring an occasional touch to her cheek as he spoke. "I never thanked you for saving me. I never told you how it felt, knowing that I might never see you again, feel you close to me." He paused for a brief second, letting the feeling excite him, excite her, before he brought his mouth to the one that was waiting, softly begging for his.

His hands moved to hold her face as he pressed into her mouth, feeling her body curve so they could be that much closer, deeper into one another. Her hands were sliding down his back, fingers trailing with a motion that left him weak.

Revan tried to stop the thoughts from racing through her mind, tried to concentrate on the burning desire that was flooding her body. It's different, this kiss. It's pure hunger, desire, lust. Like in the training room, when I watched him…wanted him. Stop it Revan, how can you be comparing them! Stop it! He pulled away almost as abruptly as she did, as the pain from his wound responded to the hands pushing him back.

Not understanding that his pained look was from his injury, she mistook it for something else. "I'm sorry Carth. It's not what you think. Ah frack, or maybe it is. I don't know anymore."

He looked at her, the touch of pain still there but being quickly replaced by apprehension and budding realization. "What the hell are you talking about Revan?" His mind raced back to the evening he saw them together, the next morning when she had slid her hand down his side, fingers trailing behind. He knew that movement by her, knew it all too well.

"It's him, isn't it?" he roared, turning from her.

She ran in front of him, putting her arms up to stop him from leaving. "No, don't" but he grabbed her by the wrists, ready to push her aside. Taking out the force he wanted to lay on Treg out on her instead, she yelled in shock as he flung her aside. She stumbled over her side table and landed on the floor. Ah force Onasi, what the hell were you thinking!

She didn't realize he was no longer heading for the door, that instead he was coming to her side, apologetic. And by the time it dawned on her, it was too late, the words were out, "Carth, it was just a kiss. Don't –".

He froze, "Damn you Revan, how much more of my heart can you rip out! I thought, never mind what I thought."

He wanted to leave, turn right around and keep walking, but the earlier adrenaline rush was now asking for payment. His body shrank down to sit on her bed, completely spent. His head bent down as his hands held it up by the forehead.

Revan crawled over to him, unwilling to rise and stand taller than him when she felt so low. Giving him that unknown gift, she reached to touch his leg, but he pulled away. "Don't. Don't touch me."

"All I can ever seem to do is ask your forgiveness. And apologize. It happens over and over with us. And now I have to ask for more. Please Carth, don't be mad at Treg. It wasn't his fault." Her words came out slow, painfully slow. "It was me. I kissed him. I'm sorry."

Finally able to rise, he strode out of the room, stepping over her without another glance.

----------

Revan was more than afraid of what might happen if Carth and Treg were ever alone together. She rushed out her door, immediately searching for either one of them. She jumped from the last remaining rails of the ladder and rushed off towards the cockpit. Unable to wait for the door to slide completely open, she pushed herself into the room in a sideways manner.

"Revan, what's wrong?" Treg asked of the frantic woman.

"Carth, he didn't come here? Treg, he knows. I… I messed up. Your words were in my head, our kiss in my mind and I was paranoid. I thought he suspected…"

As usual Treg was completely relaxed. Unconcerned that in a few minutes he might be twitching like a pummeled gizka.

"Treg, aren't you concerned? How can you be so calm at a time like this?"

His blue eyes looked into hers, "Because I am quietly reflecting on what you just said."

"Treg, I just said that you're about to have your ass beaten! No reflection needed!"

"No, I believe what you just said was that," he moved to her, wrapping one arm around her waist as he pulled her into him, "our kiss was in your mind."

This time he moved first, sucking on her lips before finally wrapping the warmth of his around them. He continued lavishing soft, quick kisses across her lips. Gliding his tongue from one corner of her mouth to the other, pausing occasionally to deliver a playful nibble. Spending enough time exploring the outline of her lips that it was forever burned in his mind. His soft gentle movements prevented her from resisting. She left the moment carry her to the depths of space, unwilling to question what she was feeling, pushing everything else aside as she felt the blanket of his kisses cover her body with warmth.

"Oh force Treg. This shouldn't be happening." But he refused to let her go, "But it is," he replied before bringing her face up for another kiss.

"If Carth would walk in he'd kill us both."

Treg reached his hand up, hitting the door panel as if guided there, because his eyes never left Revan. He continued to tease her lips, sucking on them, running his tongue over them, while staring directly into her eyes, watching the dance of the growing flames that were trapped inside.

"Treg, I can't."

"You can. You want to. Don't deny it, don't deny yourself any more. Accept what happens, live with no regret. Enjoy forgiveness." He was whispering in her ear, teasing her with his lips after each word. "We are so alike Revan, our lives parallel, our feelings the same…"

With a final sigh, unable to resist for even one more moment, she turned to him, kissing him in the same manner as he had her, only moments before.

He gently guided her hands to his chest, "Touch me Revan."

Her arms rubbed slowly up his chest, gliding back down his side before she reached inside his shirt. The feeling of his skin underneath her fingers caused her to shudder with excitement and she heard Treg groan in pleasure.

He did the same to her, exploring her stomach with his hands before bringing his lips down to kiss where they had just touched. Revan cried out, begging him to take it further, explore other areas, but instead he draped a final kiss over her lips, a final touch along her waist and then he pulled away. "Not so fast Revan. I want to enjoy every moment, savor every gesture, one at a time." He smiled at her warmly, "Now, what are we going to do about Onasi?"