''Don't let me get me''
Chapter 1 Packing Jeans
Ah where should I start? Well at the beginning I guess. Well ya know this is the beginning. No really it it. This is my new beginning wether I like it or not.
My parents have been fighting since I was just a kid. By the time I was ten my dad had decided he'd had enough of counseling, fighting, and of Mom. It hurt her in more ways than you know. At the time no one had gotten a divorce and I don't think Mom thought that Dad would be the one to leave.
Up until now my Dad had never maintained a suitable place to live. And because of a series of unfortunate events involving academic staff at my school, my parents had decided it would ultimately be better if I went to live with dad for a while. What don't look at me like that, maybe I don't want to tell why I am leaving to live with my dad.
So anyway here I am in my room packing my things for when I leave today. My brother Jay and I haven't been separated for more than a couple of days, so he is taking it pretty hard. We both are.
'' Here'' Jay says, handing me a stack or his jeans, button-down shirts and t-shirts
'' So you can have some real clothes while your down there.'' Jay said.
I reply with a smile and grab the clothes. Jay has always been the only person to understand and encourage everything that I have done. Jay isn't just my brother but he is also my best friend as well. We have always been each others support system.
'' Take care of yourself big sis.'' Jay said.
'' I will. You too.'' I replied.
I set Jays clothes down and embraced him in a hug. For the rest of the time Jay just watched as I packed. We didn't say anything. Probably because either there wasn't anything to say or there was just to much and it was to painful to begin and not be able to finish.
A few moments later my mom came in and set a stack of skirts and blouses on my bed. She didn't acknowledge me but actually just left the room. Not making eye contact with me at all.
'' I don't see why she makes you pack them when she damn well knows that your not going to wear them.'' Jay said
'' She is holding out for the day I lose my brain and give up''. I replied.
Jay and I briefly laughed at my joke but stopped quickly probably because we knew it was about time for me to go to the airport. Jay helped me pack my things in the car mom didn't want Jay coming for the ride. Even if she did I don't think Jay would want to come. It only make it harder to say goodbye.
'' Tonya we are going get in the car.'' my mother said in a monotone voice.
'' I think that is the most she has said to you since the fight.'' Jay joked.
'' Take care Jay'' I said as I embraced him into one last hug.
'' I love you Tony. Stay out of trouble'' he replied
'' I will bye''
Mom started the care and began to drive away. I decided that I didn't want to turnaround and watch my brother and what I used to call home disappear. The car ride was silent. My mom didn't say anything. I think you could find more laughing in a graveyard. All I could do is look out the window and daydream.
I remember the day this all began. I was in the girls locker room at L.A. public high school. I was washing my face when I took notice that all of the other girls were eyeing me and making fun of me more than usual. Could they just be making fun of how I look again.
No that couldn't be it, then it hit me. My face became more pale than the fated tiles that were falling off the locker room walls. Then some tall skinny girl with long brunette hair comes up to me. I recognized her she was one of the cheerleading bitches what did she want.
'' Tonya. I'm sorry. I mean Tony, I am so happy you got that A in biology. Do you think you could help me with your study habits. I'm failing spanish.'' she said
My face went from a pale green to a fire engine red. I clenched my teeth tightened my fist and I socked that bitch. Then I grabbed that bitch by the hair and started beating the crap out of her.
All the rest is a montage of my mother yelling at me and the principle expelling me. By the time I had finished my flash back we had already arrived at the airport.
After we had gotten through costumes, mom waited with me at my gate. I didn't know what to do or say. These last couple of weeks have been the first time in my life I have been speechless. Except for when my parents were still fighting. But usually I'm shooting my mouth off to people.
'' All passengers for Oregon may enter the plain.'' The guy on the inter calm said
I stood up and grabbed my carry one bag. I turned and faced my my mother. I felt so awkward. I didn't know what to do. But I didn't need to decide mom had embraced me into a very tight hug. I faintly patted her back. Still not sure wether I was going to miss her or not.
'' Take care of yourself while your over there.'' She said still keeping a straight face.
'' I will.'' I replied.
I tucked my platinum blonde hair behind my right ear and grabbed my bag. It's weird, here I am walking down this hall. I am leaving. I wont be able to go to Jay when I'm upset. I will not only not be able to talk to mom but also I wont be able to see the disappointed look on her face when she is debating with herself to yell at me or not.
As I took my seat on the plain I looked out the window. As we took off I saw the airport shrink into the city of L.A. which shrunk into L.A. county until everything and everyone shrunk almost to the point of being insignificant. It's weird leaving someplace which has always seemed larger than life to you and now seeing that it wont play a role in life any longer.
Then it hit me. I was leaving L.A.. Every rumor, every stereotype, and every label that was on me was now gone. I was going to Castle Rock, Oregon. But now
on the plain in between these two worlds the one I was apart of and the one I am going to be apart of. I was now non existent in both places and it felt good.