~Ike's POV~

"Great...AETHER!"

When I saw those gizmos coming my way, I swung my sword and slashed them with all my might.

R.O.B. the Robot was helping me train for a brawl that was coming up in a few weeks. He agreed to do so because the other Fire Emblem fighters were too busy to train with me. Whenever R.O.B. tossed a Gyro at me like a horseshoe, I punched it with my fists, and as he threw multiple Gyros at me, I used my Ragnell sword to slash them all at once. This was good exercise, and I've always wanted to be in a "man vs. machine" fight.

"Hiya! Ha!"

One Gyro, punch once. Two Gyros, punch twice. Four Gyros, slash left. Six Gyros, slash right. I quickly wiped the sweat off my forehead. I steadied my sword as I panted before getting back into a fighting stance.

Another grunt escaped my lips as I continued to smack the Gyros that R.O.B. chucked at me. Left punch, right punch, up slash, down slash.

"Nice to see you in action with a robot, Ike," I heard a voice say. R.O.B. and I stopped and turned around to see that Captain Falcon, Snake, and Little Mac were standing at the door.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked them, feeling exhausted by the training. "What do you need from me?"

"We're going to need your help," said Snake.

"With what?" I asked when I finally caught my breath. "I hope you're not looking for a partner to train with, because I already chose R.O.B. before anyone else could."

"No, man, this is different," said Little Mac. "We need your help with a relationship problem we're dealing with right now."

"Relationship?" I asked. "As in a friendship kind of relationship or a romantic one?"

"The latter," said Snake. "I don't know if you heard the news or not, but Samus, the beautiful bounty huntress that all four of us used to date, has been going steady with Pit."

"And she's planning to go out with him this weekend," said Falcon.

"I know," I sighed as I rolled my eyes, remembering that phone call Pit had with Samus the day before. "It was probably the biggest thrill of his life since he's so nuts about her."

"Wait, did he tell you?" asked Mac.

"He certainly did," I said. "He told the other guys who were in the room, too. That angel boy's reaction was...quite unexpected, to say the very least. As I may recall, he went absolutely bonkers, running and jumping around the room, announcing that he had a date to us at top volume. It was shocking, but I'm glad that I didn't go deaf or get trampled on."

"Goodness," said Snake. "That boy sure is enthusiastic about being given the chance to go out with Samus."

"I know, right?" I said. "He must be very lucky."

"Affirmative," said R.O.B. "It's not every day that she sets up a date with someone. I'm willing to bet that almost any young man would be lucky to have her call them and ask if they want to go out with her."

"Yes. Lucky," said Falcon. "That's how Snake and I felt back when we dated Samus."

"Yes, yes, those were the days," said Snake. "But as time passed, Samus didn't show much interest for us as she used to."

"No," said Falcon. "I don't know what went wrong, but for some reason, she dumped me and started dating Snake instead."

"Things worked out okay between us for only a while," said Snake. "But then she turned me down because she believed I was a little too old for her."

"After she got Snake out of her hair, she started dating me," said Little Mac. "But then she dumped me after she found out about my blossoming romance with the female Wii Fit Trainer, and I don't think she wanted to keep a stable relationship with a cheating two-timer."

"You used to date Samus, too, right, Ike?" said Falcon.

"Of course," I said. "But that was before she decided that she didn't want to be my girlfriend anymore and I started dating Palutena instead."

"I guess that's when Samus got together with Pit," said Mac. "I mean, I don't mind that Miss Trainer is my girlfriend now, because she's a huge fitness nut, just like me, but it makes me kind of jealous that Pit seems to like Samus more than I did."

"And I don't think it's fair that you and Ike found new girlfriends while Snake and I have remained single," replied Falcon. "I don't know why we can't find ladies who are interested in us for once."

"What's the big deal, guys?" I asked. "I know Samus dumped me a while back and hooked up with Pit, but I've moved past that. Besides, I like having a green-haired goddess for a girlfriend."

"According to my relationship statistics, Samus is often Pit's first choice," said R.O.B. "But there are lots of other girls he likes, too. For example, he sometimes goes out with the lightning goddess Phosphora and hangs out with Rosalina when she isn't busy taking care of her Lumas. From what I've heard, he's also dated a lot of different girl angels. In short, when it comes to girls, Pit really knows how to play the field."

"Yeah, but Samus's relationship with that flightless little angel is making us jealous," said Little Mac. "And I'd rather lick the floor of the Smash Arena locker room than see her kiss him on the lips."

"Well, I think it's nice that Samus likes Pit," said R.O.B. "They have so much in common with one another. Not to mention that they both defeated space pirates and fight little squid-like creatures*. Even though Samus is usually a pretty fierce lady, she is able to warm up easily to Pit. I suppose that's why they get along so well."

"Listen, Ike," said Falcon. "There's only one thing to do about this situation."

"What?" I asked.

"We should try and sabotage their date," said Falcon.

"Sabotage their date?" I asked. "How?"

"Oh, I have a plan," said Falcon. "So lend me your ear so I can share it with you."

All four of us huddled together so he could tell us what his plan was.

"Okay, so from what I learned, the first thing Pit and Samus are going to do on their date is go to the cafe," said Falcon. "When they get their drinks and find a place to sit, one of us will grab a tray, fill it with full cups of coffee, then carry it over to their table. Then we will 'accidentally' spill the coffee onto Samus's lap, and she will think that Pit was the one who did it."

"After they leave the cafe, they're going to visit the Namco Museum," said Snake. "We'll make a fake replica of one of the museum's game machines and try as best as we can to make it work like the real thing, and if Pit sees it and decides to play it with Samus, he'll be in for a surprise."

"Then, Samus is going to bring Pit to the mini-golf course to whack some balls around," said Falcon. "Well, he's gonna have a tough time doing that, because we're going to replace the balls with exploding ones and then glue them onto the tees, which will make it harder for him to hit them."

"And if he does manage to hit them," said Little Mac. "It's likely that they, along with the tees they're glued on, will fly right off the ground and explode on impact. If one of them explodes near Samus, boy, will she be mad or what?"

"Once we follow Pit downtown, he'd better say goodbye to Samus thinking he's cool, because we're going to embarrass the Bjork out of him!" said Falcon. "Then, hopefully, Samus will dump him and come crawling back to me."

"Or me," said Snake. "Whichever comes first."

"Are you sure that's going to work?" I asked, feeling a little skeptical.

"Maybe it will," said Falcon. "Maybe it won't. Who knows?"

"We'll see how far this plan will go," said Snake.

"Whaddya say, R.O.B.?" asked Little Mac. "Are you willing to help us sabotage that upcoming date?"

"I think this plan is somewhat idiotic, but whatever," said R.O.B.

"Are you in, Ike?" asked Falcon.

I wasn't so sure if I wanted to go with this insane plan that Falcon and Snake had. But since I was one of Samus's ex-boyfriends, did I really have a choice? I mean, I love my current girlfriend and all, but I knew Falcon and Snake would be insulted if I didn't help them. So, I just decided that it was best to go with my gut, because if I turned their plan down, I would either get Falcon Punched or take a missile to the face.

"What the heck?" I sighed, making my fateful decision in order to avoid being beaten up. "Fine. I'll help you sabotage that date and get Samus back."

I knew this was a really stupid idea, and I knew there were going to be consequences for it, but I was going to go along with it just for the sake of helping Falcon and Snake get their ex-girlfriend back. I still wasn't sure if it was going to work, but since I'm one of Samus's ex-boyfriends, too, helping her other exes out might be the right thing...Maybe.

*The little squid-like creatures are called Metroids in Samus's world and Komaytos in Pit's world.