Chapter 3: Your Cloud

Craig's point of view. One song in this chapter is used differently, you'll see. BTW I'm also going to go ahead and ignore jimash, I think that the kiss was just Ashley showing Jimmy that girls can still be attracted to him, and that's all.

Song credit: " A Sorta Fairytale" and "Your Cloud" by Tori Amos

It's been a week since I saw Ash at graduation and we talked. I meant what I said about being friends, and I want to start a clean slate. So I decided to go to her house and see if she wanted to hang out. Manny's off at some audition so it's not like I'm ditching her to go see Ash, right? She got so jealous every time I was hanging out with Ellie though. To the point where I was seriously thinking about breaking up with her, but then I left for Vancouver so things got better with neither of them around. And that was only Ellie. God knows what Manny's going to think of me hanging out with my ex-girlfriend (well, technically ex-fiancee). But everything will be fine. I've learned my lesson. Cheating leads to badness. I guess that would be pretty ironic if I cheated on Manny with Ash. Full circle. But that's not going to happen. We're just friends. Or I think we will be, that's why I'm going to her house. I need to take the first step so we can be okay again.

Toby answers the door and looks surprised to see me. "Hey, Craig, what's up?" "Oh, not much I was just stopping by to see Ash, is she here?" "Yeah, she's in her room listening to Tori Amos as usual, I think she's depressed again." I have to smile at this, nobody understood Ash's tendency to listen to and write somewhat depressing music. "Nah, she just really likes Tori cause she says her lyrics are so deep. It gives her inspiration." "Um, alright, whatever music freaks. Anyway, go on up." "Thanks, Toby." I knock on her door and hear "A Sorta Fairytale" blaring out of her speakers. Uh, the only reason I know those songs is because she used to make me listen to them too. But I didn't mind, I would just watch Ash sing along or we would just lay on her bed together and fall asleep to it. Those were great times. Makes me all nostalgic.

and I'm so sad
like a good book I can't put this day back
it's a sorta fairytale with you
I could pick back up
whenever I feel

The music lowers and I can hear her bed squeak as she gets up to open the door. She opens it and looks surprised to see me, of course. She doesn't have any makeup on and she's wearing only sweats and a T-shirt that I recognize…the old Ramones one I got her for Christmas that crazy mistake of a year. I think she looks great though, I've always liked her better without makeup. "Craig…um, what are you doing here?" "Well it's nice to see you too, friend, I just thought I'd stop by and see what you're up to." I go ahead and make myself at home and sit on her bed. I try not to think about what we once did in that bed. Bad Craig, no thoughts of that, just friends! "Well, let's see, I was…oh yeah, I was just being a bum. Thanks for calling first!" "Ash, who cares like I haven't seen you look like a bum before." I'm happy to see that this lightens things up a bit. She laughs and playfully smacks me. I try not to think of the last time she did that too. "Shut up!" She sits down on her bed also, just way on the other side like I have a contagious disease or something. "So, broke out the old Tori albums again, huh?" "Well, I was bored I thought I might try to write some stuff" "London must have had lots of inspiration, huh?" Her eyes light up a little at this, she's glad that I'm interested without being angry or hurt about London. "Oh yeah, tons. I don't know if half of it is any good though." "I'm sure it is." And I really am, I've never had any doubt in Ashley's talent. I glance down at her bed and see a book that looks vaguely familiar. I reach down for it, she tries to get it before me but I'm too fast. "Hey, is this that journal I gave you before you left!" "Um, yeah, but there's nothing good in it, you don't want to read it." "Are you kidding, of course I do. I can't believe you actually used it." She looks surprised at this. "Why wouldn't I? It was an awesome gift, and it really helped when I got homesick." "Glad to hear it, so you really don't want me to see it?" I give her my best frown and my famous puppy dog eyes. She hates it when I do this. "Okay, that face is not going to work…but, yeah you can read it. You did give it to me so it's only fair." This will be interesting, I will get a glimpse of what Ash was thinking while she was in London. I flip through it and there's a lot of entries describing London and what she did that day. Then there's various lyrics, some scribbled out and some half finished. One catches my eye. She titled it "Your Cloud" and it looks like a completely finished song. I glance up at Ash and she seems to be…embarrassed? But she nods her head to let me know that it's okay to read it. I start to read it in my head.

where the river cross
crosses the lake
where the words jump off my pen
and into your pages

The beginning is typical Ash. This one sounds really good. So I keep reading.

do you think just like that
you can divide this
you as yours
me as mine
to before we were us
if the rain has to separate from itself
does it say
"pick out your cloud"

I glance back up at her and she's still squirmy. Hmm. Not sure what that's about but I'll ask her about it when I'm finished reading.

if there is a horizontal line
that runs from the map
off your body
straight through the land
shooting up
right through my heart
will this horizontal line
when asked know
how to find
where you end. where I begin.

how light can play and form a ring of rain
that can change bows into arrows
I found a thrill
who we were
isn't lost
before we were us
indigo is his own
blue always knew this

"Wow, Ash that's awesome!" She finally seems to calm down a little, but not completely and I'm still wondering what's going on in that head of hers. "Um, thanks." I suddenly realize why she must be uncomfortable. This is about Ali isn't it? Ugh, why am I such an idiot, why did I insist upon reading it. Now I feel stupid, and mad, and jealous even though I shouldn't. "Don't worry you can chill out, I know it's about that guy you met over there. Sorry, I guess you're right I shouldn't have read it." Now she looks surprised, again, why do I keep having that effect on her? "No! Craig, it's not about Ali…it's…um, it's about us." "Oh, but…oh, okay now I feel like even more of an idiot." So why was she acting that way? It's not like we haven't written songs about each other before. "So why did you look so embarrassed?" She laughs a little and rolls her eyes. "You know, Craig, sometimes you can be so dense when it comes to my lyrics!" "Hey! Give me a break you always write in metaphors!" I see that she's now completely comfortable and I'm glad. We can be friends. Things are back to normal. "Craig, it's about, um, you know…" She's looking at me like I need to catch on to what she's saying because she doesn't want to finish. "You know, the hotel room…do I have to say it?" Oh! There it is, the lightbulb. The song is about our first time. "Oh! Wow, God Ash, I…" "Okay, and now I'm embarrassed again." "No! Don't be. The song is, it's beautiful Ash. Thank you." "For what?" "For writing it, and for letting me read it." She smiles that brilliant smile I've been wanting to see since we first saw each other again last week. "You're welcome." Okay, now I really have to go. After reading that and being in her room, I realize it's going to take a while before we can fully be friends again. "Well…I have to get going, Joey wants me home early tonight to help with dinner." "Oh, okay well thanks for stopping by." "Thanks for having me, it was nice we should do it again sometime. I'm here for two months before I have to go back to Vancouver so we'll have time." She walks me down the stairs and out the door. "okay, well I'll be seeing you then." "Yeah, you will. Bye, Ash." "Goodnight."

As if fate didn't have enough fun messing with me tonight, wouldn't you know it who do I run into after leaving Ash's house but…Manny. And she does not look happy.

Dun dun dun. Okay, sorry had to do a cliffhanger there!