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Shepard had almost forgotten how exhausting it was to carry the weight of a galaxy's future on her shoulders. All those months in exile on Earth, the enforced inactivity … being in command of a starship again would have been a lot after that, but to then be thrust so suddenly into the role of savior of the galaxy, to be tasked with brokering peace between long-opposed species and forcing them to work together, to know how many people died every time someone said, "Yes, but …" to her …
It was too much, she thought. More than she could handle. More than anyone could be expected to handle. And yet here she was, and there was no one else. This task was hers to do precisely because there was no one else willing or able to get it done.
If only Thane were here. His quiet acceptance, his solid reassurance behind her—she needed those right now. And she had them, she knew that, but from afar.
More than that, his interest in the cares of this world was fading as his body's grasp on life failed. His mind was preparing for its journey across the sea, and even his love for her and for Kolyat was becoming distant. She could feel it. On the one hand it was fascinating to witness. Comforting, even—surely his belief that they would meet again across the sea had validity if his mind was already preparing to cross.
Shepard leaned her arm against the glass of the aquarium, watching the fish flit back and forth. They seemed at peace. Busy, involved in their own lives and whatever thoughts went through their small fishy brains. Maybe that was what it woud be like on the other side of that ocean, where Thane would wait for her until she came. The cares of the world dropping from your shoulders, and only the immediate needs of life important.
That Irikah would also be there, that Thane waited as impatiently to join her as he would for Shepard one day to join him, didn't bother her. Of course in this life, on this side of the sea, it meant a great deal to have that one person's attention, to know you shared that special bond with no one else—but surely in the afterlife it wouldn't be that way. There would be room to love more than one person there. Otherwise, why did the heart move on when a love was lost? No, Shepard wasn't threatened by Irikah's spirit. She looked forward to meeting her. Something told her that Irikah would approve of her having awakened Thane so that he approached death with his eyes open, not in his battle sleep. She imagined they might have some good conversations, the three of them.
Or more, she admitted to herself. After all, she was young still, with a great deal of her life ahead of her, assuming the Reapers didn't take it from her too soon. It seemed likely there would be someone else for her at some point in the time to come.
She took a moment to speculate on what that might be like, but, really, it was impossible to imagine. She could never have imagined Thane, for certain, or even Kaidan before him. Both of them had been complete surprises. She hoped that when love came to her again, if there was time for such a thing, it, too, would be a surprise.
Her comm link chimed, breaking her reverie and bringing her sharply back into the present. "Commander, approaching Eden Prime."
"Thank you, Joker."
Eden Prime. Where it all began, with that Prothean beacon. And now she was back again, older, wiser, she hoped, and certainly far more experienced.
And far from ready to cross the sea and determine what truly lay on the other side. The fish could have their peace and quiet—J.R. Shepard still had work to do, and none of it would be accomplished by standing in here thinking about what might be.
She laid her palm flat against the glass in a farewell, content to know that the fish would be here when she got back, just as Thane would be at the Citadel when she returned there. For now, it was enough. There would be time later to think about what more she might someday ask of her life.