Chapter 8/Epilogue: Further From Myself

Alright, last chapter. It's sad for me but I had so much fun writing this.

Ashley's point of view. That song Craig said he thought of in Chapter 5 finally makes it's appearance.

Song credit: Further From Myself by Pillar

It's been about a month since we got out here, and it's been great. Tonight is Craig's big debut show for the record label. I can tell he's nervous, but he acts like he's not. There's this one song he wants to premiere and he still hasn't let me listen to it or read the lyrics so I'm dying to find out what it is. All he will tell me is that it's about me and he came up with it after we had slept together again that one night. To pay him back a little for making me wait, I bought a new dress for tonight that I won't let him see until I get there. He has to be there ahead of time to do sound check with the other bands that are slated to play.

After cleaning up the apartment and doing my hair and makeup, I slip on my dress and head out to the club the concert is being held at. When Craig sees me his jaw drops just a little and I'm happy that I got the reaction I was looking for. I come up to him, give him a quick kiss on the cheek and whisper in his ear, "You should see what's underneath the dress." "Aww now that's just not right." I stick my tongue out at him and laugh at his pouty face. "Well, I just hope this song can live up to my dress." Craig grins at this, "Oh, no worries. It will." It's seven o'clock and the first band goes on. Not too many people have shown up yet, but Craig's on second so it should be a better crowd by then. We're standing at the side of the stage but he pulls me farther away so we can hear each other. "So, as it turns out, the song isn't the only surprise I have for you tonight." "Oh?" He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a very familiar piece of jewelry then lowers himself down on one knee. We've been through this before but my heart jumps anyway because I really wasn't expecting it. "Okay so I know this is my second time doing this and I know you still need to get through school and I need to finish up my record. But I also know that this is it for us. There's no reason to wait to do this because it's going to happen again anyway. People stay engaged all the time for a few years before they get married. And I've never been more sure of anything in my life as much as I'm sure that we are going to love each other forever. So, Ashley Kerwin, for the second time, will you marry me?" First of all, he didn't need that huge speech, but I love him even more for doing it because he thought it's what I needed. "Yes, Craig Manning, I will marry you." His face lights up as if he was a tiny but unsure that I would say yes. So he slips the ring on my finger and stands up to lift me up and spin me around. "I love you." I wink at him knowing that he'll remember the last time I said what I'm about to say, "Perfect. I love you too." We hold hands and walk over to watch the rest of the band's set from the side of the stage. I rest my head on his shoulder and can't help but keep this goofy grin on my face, we're really going to spend our lives together and now it's official. I'm so happy.

The band finishes up and someone brings Craig his guitar. I give him a kiss for good luck and tell him so. "I don't need anymore luck, I'm already the luckiest guy in the world." With that someone introduces him and he runs out onto the stage. It's amazing to see him this way. Doing what he does best. "Hey, how's everyone doing out there?" There's various applause, cheers, and whistles from the audience. "I'm Craig Manning and I wanted you people to be the first to know that I just got engaged to the most beautiful, wonderful girl who's standing just over to my right on the side of the stage." People cheer louder for this. Of course he would announce it, but this time I don't mind at all. I'm glad he did actually. "Well this first song is about her and it's the first time she's hearing it too so let's hope she likes it huh? So, here it is, it's called Further From Myself."

It's pressure the pleasures measure
The pressure is overbearing
Is it me myself that's caring
For every double-minded joy
And I admit that when I submit to you
I feel so unreal when I'm still
When I'm waiting for you to reveal
And from myself I seem so far away

And I admit that when I submit to you
I can see all of the selfish things I do
I'm further, further from myself
When I'm next to you
When I run to you

As he continues the song I start to think about all we've gone through. It's strange to think that we're only 18. I know it was all worth it and I'm so glad he never let me give up on us. I spend the rest of the time listening to the song and playing with the ring that found its new home on my left hand.

Well I was wasted embraced it but faced it
With you inside my heart you replaced it
Can't believe you have erased it
Selfishness and foolish pride
And I admit that when I submit to you
I can see all of the selfish things I do
I'm further, further from myself
When I'm next to you
When I run to you

Further from my future
Further from my past
Further from the starting line
Further from the last
Further from my doubts
Further from my fears
Further from temptations that I faced throughout my years
Further from agitation
Further from the distractions
The reactions of the dissatisfactions of others actions
Further from myself
Further from my flesh
Further from my birth and I'm
Further from my death
I'm further, further from myself
When I'm next to you
When I run to you

I wipe some tears away that escaped from my eyes and give him my best smile and blow a kiss when he looks my way to see if the song got my approval. He finishes up his set and it's clear that the crowd loved him. Looks like I'm going to have a superstar on my hands. As we walk out of the club Craig puts his arm around me and stop to catch a cab. I can get used to life like this. We have so much more to plan, but I know that everything is going to work out as long as we're together.