A Sense of Family

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Author's Note: I will try to update this story once a week, but updates may depend on various circumstances, such as other stories I am working on, life and of course have I gotten the next chapter to Mikaela's Spade for beta reading and so on. So be course as always mythanks to Mikaela's Spade for her help. Ramica

Chapter One - Who am I?

Ramiela:

I moved silently through the sewers, trying not to cause so much as a ripple in the water around my feet, doing my best to keep my presence hid from those who might be lingering near.

I wrinkled my muzzle in distaste at the rank smells that assaulted my nostrils. I was use to far better then this, I once had a life of wealth and power through my father Yukio Sekora, for not only was he the Foot leader, but he was a very wealthy man, hiding his nature behind reputable businesses. It seems that what I once was used to I now could never have.

I was on the way to the shared dojo, which lay part way between my new home and the turtle's home, we used it for practice sessions as Leonardo felt it would be for the best, I think it was because his wife and children got worried when ever I attacked the turtle leader.

At any rate I knew this session would be like all the others, Leonardo would make decisions for me, and then expect me to obey him as if I were a member of his clan, but I wasn't. Course Leonardo was nothing more than a pompous arrogant fool, and he didn't seem to realize how much I despised him and wanted him dead. He irritated me to no end with his condescending attitude.

I could accept Donatello, while that turtle had been a bane to the Foot clan, in more ways then one, he was easy to get along with. We had reached a certain understanding of each other, after only a couple of incidents, through scientific means.

He was interested in my knowledge of building bombs and other explosives, as well as learning about ancient Foot remedies that he had never heard of before meeting me. Normally he was very good, not pushing or demanding too much, but every once in a while his curiosity got the better of him, and he'd end up pressing for more then I was ready to give.

Luckily he seemed quick to realize when he had overstepped the line and apologize to me, before insisting that he didn't really mean to pry.

Besides- I was interested in learning some of what he knew, and though he was intrigued, I often sensed his many unanswered questions, he managed to keep himself contained and peaceful, which helped to put me at ease. I knew he was generally quiet and at heart a pacifist.

More importantly I felt that he bore no grudge or ill will towards me. I rather liked him. I also liked Michaelangelo.

I admired Mike's easygoing spirit and willingness to forgive and forget, I know he claimed to love me, but I hadn't done anything to earn his love.

I had tried to earn father's love, more than once actually, and I got nowhere, Yukio was a busy man and he didn't have time to show affection. Still I couldn't understand how Mike could give his love so quickly and easily, nor was I able to fathom why I felt safe when he touched me, or held me close in his arms.

It just didn't make sense.

Still I knew that he had given up a normal life with his family, to be with me, his long lost daughter, though I felt more like a stranger then family.

I knew that he walked a strange tightrope, of sorts, that divided his family from me, while he did his best to bring us all together. I knew he wanted us to be family, but I doubted it would ever happen.

If Mike had been a different sort of person, he would never be able to pull off the delicate balancing act, but the thing is both his family, and I trusted Mike, for our own reasons and that trust allowed him to be separate and yet a part of each of our lives.

He was a true chameleon in that way, capable of blending in or standing out in his environment. I admired that in him.

I was willing to put off seppuku, if only because of him. He was the one who seemed to understand me.

As for Raphael, well he was positive I was going kill them all one day. He was wrong about that, I wouldn't have to kill all of them, just a couple of them would do.

At least he wasn't afraid to tell me what he thought of me- he wasn't the sort to tiptoe around issues after all- but what I didn't care for is when he voiced these same opinions when I wasn't around to defend myself.

I figured that he ought to be grateful that I spared his sorry pathetic ass in the first place, but Raphael didn't seem to see it that way. He absolutely refused to trust me, he had made up his mind and there would be no changing it.

As for Leonardo he was just….oooh, the very thought of him caused a vicious anger to rise up inside of me. I now could understand father's desire to make the turtle leader suffer, the most. My father might have been wrong about many things but he was right on this count. I owed no allegiance to the turtle leader, and obstinately refused to give it to him, while reminding him that I was nothing more then a ronin.

Not that I was proud of that status but my whole life had been ninjitsu, and I really didn't know what other opportunities might wait someone of my looks and skills. When I had been training in the Ryu in Japan, it was natural for me to spend about ten hours a day on physical aspects of ninjitsu, sparring, gymnastics and that sort of thing, five hours on schooling learning languages, tactical warfare, science, chemistry and what have you. Three hours a day in meditation and other mental aspects of ninjitsu, and the rest of the day was mine for sleeping, eating or leisure activities.

As I neared the dojo I heard Raphael's voice and I paused to listen, as it was obvious that he wasn't aware of me.

" Leo I'm sick of having her creeping around and sneaking up behind us. She can't be trusted" he grumbled, " her so called programming is set so no matter what we say or do it won't change a thing because she will always be foot!"

" Raph, we have to give her a fair chance. I wish you'd lay off of her, you aren't making things easier, you know."

" Since when do I make things easy?" he demanded, " We owe her nothing Leo. She isn't going change anymore then I am going sprout wings and fly. How many times has she gone after you with her katana Leo, huh?" Raph pressed his brother, " I don't really care about Mike's feelings in this matter. She will never be a part of our family, and she will only hurt us."

" Raph. Don has told us she can change it will just take time. We really have no idea what Yukio did to her, everything he put her through is still a mystery to us, and we might never know" Leo declared, " in spite of her threats and her attempts to hurt us, she never has done any serious damage. She has accepted Don," he pointed out. " Besides Raph she is a hell of a fighter, with in depth knowledge of the Foot Clan we can use her help, if and when she ever decides to give it to us." He sighed, " We just have to be patient."

I bristled a bit at his words, he only wanted to use me, to destroy the Foot Clan and I had no intention of being used, especially not by the likes of him.

" Patient Leo? We both know that isn't in my vocabulary. Now why don't we just run her through and be done with it?"

I felt a hot rage bursting up inside me, as I entered the dojo glaring hard at both of them.

" Whatever gives you the idea that you could possibly even try to kill me? Has it ever crossed your pea sized brain Raphael, that if I wanted you dead, you wouldn't be here now?" I snapped, " it isn't that I am not tempted to kill you rather I have more honour then that. I gave up everything to help you and what have you done for me?" I wondered as I crossed my arms over my plastron. I silently dared one or the other, or better yet both, to make a move on me, for if they did it would be the last mistake they ever made.

" I am sick of your eavesdropping and spying on us" Raph sneered reaching for his weapons, but not pulling them, instead he kept his hands close to the grips on his sais.

" Then stop making it so easy" I countered sharply, " You are suppose to be ninja" I reminded him tartly.

Michaelangelo then entered the dojo; he cast a quick glance our way and immediately moved in between Raph and I. He gave a stern but gentle look towards Raph.

" Hey bro, just calm down and back off, your only instigating an attack" He shook his head " Can't we get through one session without one of us going after someone else's throat?" He asked lightly, " I really wish you two would drop this."

Mike wouldn't pick sides I knew that, he distributed blame evenly, no matter how many times he had broken up a fight, he did his best to remain neutral, while breaking things down and trying his best to get those involved to reach a reasonable agreement if nothing else.

However, many times when he accused me, I felt more that he was taking sides against me, and I had enough people against me, so that his gentle rebuke was often harder to deal with.

" Raph you know Rama is all ninja so it is only to be expected that she will eavesdrop or spy once in a while, she has to keep up her skills, it is in the ninja nature after all" Mike cajoled, then he turned towards me " Rama you have got to stop taking everything Raph says so personally, you have to relax girl. Raph doesn't mean half of what he says, but he will take offence at anyone who tries to get beyond his words and his attitude."

I swallowed slightly and backed off a few steps mumbling " Your right."

I didn't want to carry on the battle with Mike in the way but I resented the fact that I backed down so often now, like I was a coward or a weakling. I especially hated backing down where Raphael was concerned.

He smirked at me, as if he won the match and I bristled inwardly at his smug expression. One day I knew that Mike wouldn't be able to make me retreat, then we would see who had the right to be smug.

I settled on glaring at the obnoxious turtle, while Mike feeling reasonably comfortable that Raph and I weren't going kill each other just yet, relaxed visibly as he walked over to me.

" Rama you got to stop doing this to me" He teased.

" And spoil all of our fun?" I asked sarcastically.

Once Don arrived, Leo broke us up into sparring teams, hoping to keep things safe, he matched me against Don and Mike, while he and Raph worked out together.

For this sparring practice I opted to use one katana and one sai, being as they were two different weapons, with different techniques meant that I had to stay more alert to the block, parry and attack methods appropriate to each weapon.

Naturally it could be a bit distracting, and therefore not wise to use in long battles, but for sparring purposes it offered a challenge.

After our work out was done Mike and I walked back towards what we called home.

" Raph is never going to accept me. I don't even know why I bother staying here, when I know they will never trust me," I muttered bitterly.

" Rama, Raph doesn't give his trust easily. Just give him some time, let him get to know who you are. He will come around" He assured me placing an arm around my shoulders and giving me a hug.

" You don't get it Mike, Leo and Raph will never accept me for who I am. I don't see why I have to change to please them, if they don't like me now, changing won't help matters" I grumbled.

" It will come Rama, trust and acceptance can't be earned in a day, especially not with your background."

" My background?" I hissed narrowing my eyes at him.

" Yes your background." Mike insisted, " As leader of the clan, Leo isn't going accept you until he knows you won't be violent and hurt others" Mike explained, "As long as you continue to pose a threat, he has to keep you separate, that is just the way it is" he smiled, " It is all right Rama, we have been through all the screaming and yelling before, when Raph was younger he and Leo got into some big battles, fist flew and furniture tended to get broken, however we knew Raph never intentionally meant to hurt us when he got upset." Mike gave a wistful shake of his head, " Course your problem comes from Yukio and what he did to you."

That was it; he had gone too far!

" Father did nothing to me!" I snapped at him, lunging hard for him. I caught him off guard as I pushed him up against the cement pipe and clasped my hand about his throat.

" You told me he did do things to you Rama, that he lied to you about who you were, and where you came from. You only learned the truth when you went through his files" he spoke in a calm matter of fact way, in spite of the grip I kept on his throat, and the truth of his words only irked me more. " Rama you have to let go of Yukio and how you feel about him" Mike pleaded.

I was irritated and riled up. I wasn't exactly in the mood to listen to him any further, instead I snarled back at him.

" Why- so you can take his place? I don't give a damn what you say, you are not my father and you know that!"

" I don't want Yukio's place Rama, I don't want you to live in fear of what I might do to you. I just want to be your friend and I am your real dad whether you ever accept me as it or not" Mike replied unflinching.

I released him from my hold as I whirled about on my heels, " Kutabatchimae" I flung over my shoulders as I stalked off into the shadows of the sewers. ( Go to hell!)

I headed up to the streets and the rooftops doing a progression of jumps to get higher and further away from my home. Finally I came to a stop on one of the taller buildings in the area. I strolled over to the edge and looked down to the sidewalk below.

For a moment I heard something urging me to take that jump, I knew the fall wouldn't kill me; the impact when I hit the unforgiving cement sidewalk would though. I took a couple unsteady steps back from the edge a strangled whimper escaping from my throat. I knew I really didn't want to die, at least not today.

Yet I was also aware that the only way I could truly restore honour was through seppuku.

I didn't know how much longer I could continue like this, my life was far too complicated. I was no longer who I once thought I was. I was not the person I was supposed to be and the problem was, I didn't really know who I was now.

My whole world, my entire life had been turned upside down, and all I had come to believe in had turned out to be no more then a masterful illusion. Now I was stuck in a life, I wasn't sure that I belonged in, trying, hopelessly that is, to become part of a family that I had been stolen from as a child.

All of my training to this point told me that I had to kill and destroy all of them, and then kill myself to restore the honour I had lost.

I think that is why Raph's words galled me so, he was closer to the truth, then I was willing to admit to.

TBC