A Sense of Family

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Three: Further apart

Michaelangelo:

I woke up to hear Rama in her room, crying out " Ramiela! I'm Ramiela!" at the top of her lungs. I knew from the tone of voice in her yells that she was caught in the grip of yet another nightmare.

I had informed Don of her many nightmares, how she often woke screaming from these terrors; it always reminded me of the time when she had been four years old and her mother had tried to kidnap her, and after that she had suffered from bad dreams about her mom coming to get her. Now her dreams, however focusing more on what Yukio had put her through; the things that she wouldn't- or couldn't- admit to in the day, haunted her at night once more.

I got up, kicking the sheets back and felt the coolness of the sewers around me easily snatching the last vestiges of sleep, waking me up totally. I headed to her bedroom, and found her sitting up in her bed. Her fear, bordering on panic, lingered in the air.

Her head shot up and around as soon as she heard me, and I saw her body shake slightly as she drew the blankets closer about her, seeking warmth that couldn't be found.

" It's all right Rama, it's just me" I soothed.

She hung her head, exhaling a large breath of air. " I didn't mean to disturb you Mike." she apologized.

" It's nothing. Don't worry about it." I assured her quickly " You okay Rama?" I asked, concerned.

" Yeah" she answered simply.

" Ga hoshi desu o hanashiau ka? Chikaia O boeru motto yoi." ( Care to talk about it? You might feel better.) I encouraged her, hoping that by speaking Japanese she might open up and reveal some of the horrors that terrorized her every night. Sometimes Rama would be more open when we talked in Japanese, not always, but I wasn't opposed to using whatever means to ply.

" Sore wa utagawashii ne. Niwa de kutsurogu." ( It is doubtful. I'll relax in the garden) she informed me softly, kicking back the bedding and rising.

I sighed, realizing that she was trying to shut me out yet again; Apparently even I was only trusted to a point.

" Ryokucha ikuraka no gi hoshii ka" ( Want some green tea?) I suggested hopefully. I knew tea would help her calm down; could be a way for me to try to help her. I had to take whatever she was willing to give.

She gave me a small smile as she neared the door, " Watashi ano no yo ne…" she agreed. (I'd like that.)

I smiled, relieved that she wasn't totally shutting me out. I watched as she brushed past me and headed towards the garden, before I headed to the kitchen. I prepared a tray as the water boiled.

As I went through the simple motions, I reflected on the possible idea of getting Rama to open up to me. Don had told me that it would do her good, to talk about her nightmares and her fears, but those were things that Rama just didn't seem to want to talk about. At least not yet.

I, myself, just wanted Rama to see that Yukio had only hurt her and didn't deserve her loyalty. Sadly, it seemed both would have to wait until Rama was ready.

Once the tea was prepared, I took everything into the gardens. Rama rose from her seat taking the tray from me and carrying it over to the table. Rama poured the brew into aged cups with the delicate motions- and strictly observing the ancient art of tea ceremonies.

I sat across from her and took the proffered cup, giving her a compassionate look. I asked as gently as I could, " Are you sure that you don't want to talk Rama?"

She sighed looking up and away. " It is only a dream but it's-" she paused scowling a bit, " -disturbing. I hate how threatened and weak I feel in my dreams." She replied.

" Weak?" I wondered, arching an eye ridge slightly.

She nodded and sipped at her tea. " Weak, like I can't protect myself. I don't know where the attack is coming from, and I'm all alone and there is no one to help me."

" You were that way as a child Rama, but it isn't that way now. You are no longer alone, and you are quite the fighter." I reminded her.

" Sometimes it feels like I am still very much alone Mike" Rama grumbled, as she cast her eyes downward, a tired, angry frown creasing her features.

" What happens in these dreams? You know talking about it might help break whatever power they seem to hold over you." I suggested strongly, dropping into a coaxing tone " Can't you tell me why they disturb you so?"

" The dreams that haunt me the most, I think, are based on stuff that really happened to me when I was younger." She spoke softly and hesitantly, she raised her cup then absently set it back down without taking a drink, her head bowed and she stared at her hands. " I just don't like thinking about it." she concluded.

" It disturbs you that much Rama?" I prodded gently, sipping at my own tea.

" Sort of. I mean I'd rather not think of him that way" Rama declared.

" Him? You mean Yukio?" I dared to nudge her.

She nodded looking up into my eyes and I saw the pain and uncertainty there. I reached out and felt the confusion and turmoil that swirled around in her mind.

" You guys hate father, but he wasn't all bad and I feel that if I were to start thinking of him like that, I'd forget all the better parts." Rama snarled, " I don't want to see my father as an enemy, all right!"

Better parts, now wasn't that a joke? I would love to believe that Yukio, like all of us, had his loveable, friendly side. I mean, everybody is supposed to have both good and bad in their physical makeup. Yukio just might be the exception to that rule, and judging all we knew about him- he was as evil as any human could be.

I also found it rather odd that Rama could see me, her own flesh and blood dad as her enemy, but couldn't do the same where the heartless bastard Yukio was concerned.

Sure it might be natural, to think and speak well of the dead, but to me it was only further proof of how confused and mixed up Rama still was.

" I admit, Rama, that it is rather hard for any of us to have fond memories of Yukio, but no one here is going make you hate him." I soothed.

" Funny, that isn't the impression I have." Snorting, she sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her plastron. " Everyone just wants to talk about the terrible things he did to them- You even want me to admit that he lied to me!" She accused sharply. Her voice grew hard. " What difference does it make if I accept such a thing or not? I am alone, Mike, because I am the only one who cares that he even died." She shook her head as her raging rant died down. " He was my father- so what if he told me a few lies and hurt those who sought to hurt him! Isn't that nothing more then defending yourself? Yet when father did it, it became a crime of epic proportions!"

I raised a hand to rub at my forehead and temple, wondering how I was to respond to this without making her feel I was against her, " I thought you didn't care for liars Rama," I mumbled.

" I don't!" She insisted, " But father may not have been the one who took me from you, have you ever considered that?" she shot out, " He took me all over Japan and parts of Europe too! I have had the best instructors, and he never allowed anyone to perform any scientific experiments on me!" She declared, " He always encouraged me to do my best in everything." She ticked her fingers off on these traits as she went.

" He hurt you." I added to her growing list.

" I was a disobedient willful child." She countered brashly, " I deserved to be punished."

If only because that is what Yukio had told her numerous time-, enough times that she had actually come to believe it.

" Punishment can also be taken too far Ramiela. There's a fine line between punishing and abusing a child. Sometimes it becomes very easy for a parent to cross that line; in fact it happens all to often." I informed her kindly. " Punishment or discipline is one thing, what happened to you was another. I think on some level you know and accept that, and he has hurt you far more then you let on." I pressed on, " He has hurt you through his lies and so much more Rama!" I pleaded, imploring her to understand.

Rama glanced away looking towards the fountain. I knew she was holding back, hiding and burying things because she didn't want to face them. Perhaps she couldn't face what she had been through. Maybe her ties to Yukio were still too powerful to sever.

Don had once said that we might have to give Rama permission to hate Yukio, because she obviously would not have been allowed to show such hatred while she lived with him.

" Once she knows she can be mad at Yukio, it ought to help with a greater part of her healing."

I watched Rama, saw that she wasn't responding, and was still staring as if enraptured of the fountain. I knew better though, she was no longer willing to discuss matters. I had been shut down and shut out, and she wanted to be alone. So I left her to her thoughts. I rose from my chair, leaving the teapot behind in case she wanted more.

…

Later at morning practice Leo decided to let Raph and Rama spar together. As for the moment Raph had neither said nor done anything to rile Rama up- it seemed a safe enough decision on his part. Leo usually was pretty good at keeping them a part when the two were both acting irrationally. He wanted to avoid any unnecessary bloodshed as much as we did.

So Leo, Don, and I were together. Rama had been showing me a few techniques to try with my nunchucks, and I was eager to see how well I could implement them. As we all settled down into the early stages of practice, I kept part of my senses tuned to Rama. It had become a habit, as I had to often step in and stop her from going after somebody else in the family.

I heard a soft thud, and a low curse, a clear sign Rama had tossed him.

" Damn it- that is it Kirra! You are going down!" Raph snarled, jumping to his feet.

I knew Rama hated to be called Kirra- to her it was connected to the lie she had been forced to lead, it was a reminder that she was a Foot soldier and our enemy. So she had opted to use 'Ramiela'- the name I had given her instead. I swung my head about, suddenly distracted by what I knew was coming- far more concerned with how Rama was going to respond to Raphael's words.

Leo took advantage of my lapse, disarming me and was about to tell me about focusing and paying attention to my own fight, when he saw what was going on across the room.

Rama, upon hearing the name Kirra, moved with lightning quick speed that seemed impossible to match, and had Raph down. She had jumped on him hard enough to knock the wind out of him, her legs effectively pinning his arms to his sides and her sais out one on either side of Raph's neck, while her face glared a pure mask of hatred.

All of this before I could prevent, intercept, or deflect. Now I had to get her to calmed down before she killed Raph.

" Rama let him go, I'm sure has learned his lesson now." I coaxed.

" He may learn his lesson when he is dead too, and I won't let him leave here alive unless he promises to never call me by that name again" she snapped brutally. " I am not backing down this time!"

" I'll call you whatever the hell I please, Ama," Raph declared firmly. (Bitch)

" Kikei ga nai node shinu ano kaiseteu ka?" ( Freak, you want to die for that comment?), she responded further by pushing the tips harder at his neck, while her gaze froze over in icy blackness.

" Rama, dozo saseru kare iku. Kokai suru ato de." I urged gently, knowing that Rama often responded better when I spoke Japanese to her. ( Rama please let him go, you may regret it later.)

" Iie. Asoko ni nani mo kokai suru" ( No. There is nothing to regret). Rama stated flatly.

" Raph, apologise to her!" Leo barked the order.

" Leo!" Raph hissed, vehemently glowering at our brother from his sprawled position on the mats.

" Do it Raph." Leo commanded, his concern at the moment more for Raph and trying to appease Rama, no matter what it took to do so.

Raph gritted his teeth as his eyes blazed, but relented, spitting out the words, " Fine! I'm sorry I called you that." Each word absolutely dripping with sarcasm and disdain.

" You won't do it again will you?" Rama prompted him, gloating in her position.

" No I won't, Ramiela" Raph ground the name out.

Rama nodded. She seemed pleased, for she tucked the weapons back into her belt and backed off, always a watchful eye on Raph. The weapons now removed showed that Rama had indeed punctured the skin, for a trickle of blood flowed from each wound.

Raph stood up, whirling on Leo " Thanks a lot Leo!" He fumed, " She's psycho and about to kill me, but I have to apologize to her!"

" You brought it on yourself Raph. You know better" Leo disputed.

" Right Leo, and who are we going to blame when she decides to kill us all?" Raph raged, stabbing a finger in Leo's direction. " She's said it before that she wants us all dead! She only cares about Mike, so wise up fearless leader!" Raph roared.

Rama gave Raph a mocking look, " I still stand by those words." she agreed casually.

" I'm out of here." Raph deflated, giving a shake of his head, " And I refuse to practice with crazy lady any longer. You guys want to do it- that's your problem. Not mine." He growled over his shoulder as he stalked off.

Don was looking like he was both bothered and yet frustrated by this latest attack of Rama's, Leo far more then that. He glared hard at Rama, marching over to her, but she met his glare, and curled her lip in response.

" I am not Kirra!" she announce in a haughty way, daring Leo to do anything with her.

Leo eyed her before shaking his head, probably realizing that anything he said or did at the moment would only cause another attack. He relented, muttering my way " Mike, you finish practicing with Rama today."

I heard his silent rebuke aloud, and his increased doubts rang in my head about Rama ever settling in with us. It seemed the more I tried to bring my family together- the further apart they became.

TBC