That nature rains on flames we made
Should tell you everything is not broken
No everything is not broken
If everything's not fine

Everything Is Not Broken – John Mayer

Justin

It hasn't been easy.

How could it be easy losing both parents and just coming out of coma that you've been in for two weeks? And, you know, I'm not even sad about losing my dad. Honestly, I could careorless about him. My mom, however, I miss her. One thing I do remember about the things that happened before the accident was that I had, pretty much, treated her like shit.

If only I'd known…

It's been two weeks since I woke up out of my coma and I've been living with Daphne. It isn't that bad – except her and her family have been, pretty much, walking on eggshells around me. I'm totally over that. But…it doesn't matter. I'm in the spare bedroom most of the time anyway. I don't sleep though – well, I try not to anyway. That's when the nightmares come. I don't usually remember anything about them, though.

I just wake up, hot and sweaty with my heart pounding.

So, I try not to sleep. I load up on caffeine.

I try not to think. I read a lot. Or sketch.

But…whenever I sketch I usually draw sad reminders of what happened. Sometimes I draw my mother, which sends me into total depression. Sometimes I end up drawing my father – his angry face, which just makes me angry. Angry that he hadn't been paying attention. Angry that it was his fault that my mother was dead. If he had been watching the road instead of doing whatever it was that he was doing…she wouldn't be gone right now. I wouldn't be upset right now. I wouldn't be alone right now.

Shit, I wished I could remember what happened.

What had made him look away from the road?

Had it been my fault that he looked away?

I wish I could remember what words were exchanged between the three of us.

Then, sometimes I draw Brian. I wish I could blame all of this on him. After all, he had been the other car in the accident. Why couldn't it have been his fault that my mother was taken from me? But, unlike the feelings I feel when I draw my mother or father; I don't feel sad or angry when I draw him. I don't really know what I feel. I don't even know why I draw him. Sure, he's fucking gorgeous but I don't think that's why. I just…draw and later on his face is looking at me from the page. Anyway, the feeling I feel is…I just don't know.

But I really wish I was angry with him.

Then, at times, I draw Daphne. I feel slightly…good when I draw her because, at least I have one person in my life still that I love. She's like a sister to me. My head jerks up from my sketchpad when there's a knock at my door. It has to be Daphne because her parents left early this morning to fly out to some other state, I don't remember. "Come in." Daphne's head pops in and she smiles wearily at me. I don't blame her. I've had mood swings lately. Sometimes I'll be a major ass to her and, sometimes I'll be alright to be around. Quiet, but alright.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to get a bite to eat."

I glance over at the clock and suddenly realize that it's dinner time. And that I'm hungry. I haven't really eaten anything since I've gotten out of the hospital. I haven't really had the appetite, which is understandable but I am slightly hungry right now. I sigh and then nod. I haven't eaten out once since getting out of the hospital. I haven't even been out of the house for the entire two weeks. The only people I've seen in the last two weeks have been Daphne and her parents. That's it. Oh, and her friend Emmett Honeycutt who, to say the least, is very nice. He made me feel slightly better, honestly. He's funny, flamboyant and just...I don't know. He just makes me feel...not so sad. But he had only stopped by once.

"You don't have to if-"

"I said I'd go, Daphne."

She quickly nods. "Right, sorry."

"It's alright."

"Um...I'll wait for you downstairs."

She shuts the door behind her and I get up to change. The only things I've worn are my pajamas. There's been no reason to wear normal clothes, especially with me staying in the house for a straight two weeks. There's no one to impress and...I don't want to impress anyone. I trudge towards the closet where Daphne had hung up my clothes. She also folded a bunch and put them in the dresser. I don't call the closet or dresser mine because, well, they aren't. They're Daphne's. I pull on some khaki cargo pants and a blue t-shirt. I run a brush through my knotted, shaggy mess and make it look halfway decent but, like I said, I don't really care if it looks decent or not. I just don't care.

I quickly pull on my red converse.

I hate to make Daphne wait too long.

I head down the stairs and she's waiting for me on the sofa watching VH1 - Best Week Ever. "I'm ready." She turns off the TV, flips off all the lights and leads the two of us outside. It feels kind of weird being outside again considering that I haven't been outside for a while. It's a lot cooler than I thought it would be too. "Are you sure you don't want to get your jacket?" I quickly hurry back inside, jog upstairs and grab my jacket and put on while traveling all the way back downstairs and then I'm outside again. She unlocks her car and we both get in and she starts driving. She's silent. She isn't usually - she's probably been the one person out of her and her parents who hasn't been super careful around me. She'll usually talk but...for some reason she's not tonight. I glance over at her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You're quiet."

"Sorry - what do you wanna talk about?"

I shrug, sighing. She's obviously treating me like glass tonight. I don't know why and I don't think she'll come out and tell me why. "Just so you know...Brian's going to be there." Oh, that's probably why. She probably thinks I blame him for this entire ordeal. I wish I did but...unfortunately I don't. "Ok." I feel her looking at me but I don't meet her gaze. Out of my peripheral vision I see her look back at the road and I wish she wouldn't look away. I don't want another wreck to happen. Sure, I doubt it would - she's a good driver...but still. I'll probably be anal about the way people drive for the rest of my life now. "You don't care?"

"Why would I care, Daph?"

She doesn't reply and I look over at her.

"I don't blame him."

"Why? You don't even know what happened. You only know what people told you."

"Are you telling me I'm being lied to? That it was his fault that my parents are dead?"

I'm sure she didn't mean to start this conversation but whether she meant to or not, she did. And I really wished she hadn't. She shakes her head, sighing heavily. "No, it wasn't his fault...I just thought..."

"You thought wrong."

And that's that. She doesn't say a word.

We drive for another ten minutes and then she parks into a place called Liberty Diner. I've never been here. She's told me about it in letters but that's about it. "Emmett will be here too. Along with a few other people you don't know." I only nod and get out of the car, pulling my jacket tighter around myself. She leads the two of us inside. It's warm and toasty inside and I feel slightly better. A slightly bigger woman with crazy red hair beams at us from behind the counter. "Hey, Daph! Haven't seen ya around lately." Daphne grins and the woman comes around the counter and they hug. I think Daphne's told me about this woman too. Debbie or something. I can't really remember. The woman releases Daphne and my best-friend grins over at me.

"This is Debbie - Debbie, this is Justin."

Debbie grins at me. She's probably heard about the accident by now. If she has she doesn't acknowledge that she knows anything. I smile at her because, well, for some reason I can't just not smile at her. Her smile is, I guess, infectious. "Hey, Sunshine." I look over at Daphne as the woman walks away when someone yells that they want their order taken. "Sunshine?" Daphne smiles and shrugs. "If she gives you a nickname that means she likes you." I only nod and Daphne grabs me by the wrist to a table. I see the back of Brian's head and I see Emmett who's sitting across from him and next to a man with black hair and a Captain Astro shirt. Sitting next to 'Captain Astro' is a man with a white collared shirt and a loose tie. No one's sitting next to Brian.

"Hey guys."

Daphne pushes me in next to Brian and then she sits next to me.

"Guys, this is Justin. Justin, that's Ted, Michael and you know Emmett and Brian."

I offer them a small 'hi' but that's all I say.

Honestly, I don't know what to say. And, apparently, neither do they. It makes me feel slightly awkward to be honest. Daphne sighs, apparently disappointed at the lack of talk from her friends. I know her intent tonight wasn't to make me feel uncomfortable. She wanted to get me out of the house to try and make me feel better. She doesn't want to make me feel worse. And, actually, I don't feel worse - Just awkward. Soon, Debbie's at our table and breaking the slightly tense silence. "Hiya, boys...and girl, whatcha want to eat?" I just get a cheeseburger - I'm not that hungry. Then the others order and we're back to being silent. Debbie doesn't question it even though she seems like the kind of person who would. She just walks away to get our food.

Daphne sighs disappointedly.

Suddenly Brian speaks up. At least someone has.

"Where's the hub tonight, Mikey?"

Michael frowns slightly.

"He's not my husband."

"Not yet. Give it time."

"He had to stay home."

Emmett butted in, "Why? You two are inseparable."

"Yeah, it makes me sick."

Daphne rolls her eyes at Brian's comment. "Shut up, Brian - you're just jealous that you don't have anyone waiting at home for you." Brian snorted. "Yeah, that's the last thing I'd be jealous about." Michael turns to Emmett to answer his question, blatantly ignoring Brian. "He wanted to get some work done." Brian smiles sweetly at him. "He can't get it done if his work is here." Daphne groans and rolls her eyes, as does Ted. The man shakes his head, "There's more then the meaning 'sex' when someone says the word 'work', Brian." Brian smirks over at Ted. "Oh, I wasn't aware." The next ten minutes are spent with Michael and Brian bickering, me listening, Daphne scolding Brian a lot, Ted loathing Brian, and Emmett being...Emmett.

They all stop talking when Debbie brings our food.

Emmett looks over at me.

"So, how've you been, sweetie?"

"...I've been...fine."

He smiles apologetically at me and then the subject passes and I sigh with relief and eat in silence. I'm not sure what I should say. Should I try and act like nothing happened to me? Should I act totally normal? Should I try and fit in? I glance over at Emmett and Michael who are joking about something having to do with Ted getting 33 dildos for his birthday one year. Ted's listening and laughing with them and I'm glad they're attentions not on me anymore. It had been...I don't know. I just don't like feeling under pressure. I glance over at Daphne who buts in every now and then...she laughs sometimes too. She looks over at me and tells me that she'll tell me the whole story some time. I quickly glance over at Brian who immediately looks over at me too, which makes me quickly look back down at my plate. I don't want to be caught staring after all.

I look over at Daphne, not really in the mood to eat anymore.

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air."

"Want me to come with you?"

I quickly shake my head, "No, it'll just be a few minutes."

She gets out of the booth to let me out and I hug my jacket tighter against me as I stride outside. I glance down at my watch and realize that we've been out of Daphne's house for an hour and a half. It feels nicer, being out of the house instead of inside all the time. I'm glad I let Daphne take me out to eat. I sit down on a bench, sighing heavily wishing I didn't feel so sick. I wouldn't feel so sick, though, if I didn't stop thinking about her. My mom. I don't remember what I said to her or did to her before she died but all I know is that I hadn't been a bundle of joy. I probably didn't even say 'I love you' to her that day. I had probably been too angry about moving to do that. My eyes start to burn and I try to hold back the tears. I don't want to start crying like a baby. My throat and chest start to hurt from holding them back. My eyes continue to burn and the tears sneak out despite my trying to hold them inside.

I lean my face into the palms of my freezing hands.

I try to stop thinking. Thinking about the accident is the worst thing I can do right now.

Suddenly I feel the bench move slightly as someone sits next to me. I jump slightly, face flying out of my hands and look over at Brian. I hadn't even heard someone exit the diner. I quickly look away; I try and wipe my face before he sees. I have a feeling, however, that he's already seen. Even if he hasn't, he probably knows exactly what I had been doing. I look back over at him wondering what he's doing out here. I watch as he lights a cigarette. He doesn't say anything for a few moments and I start to wonder if he's even going to. When I finally decide that he's not I look away and then he does say something.

"I just want to let you know that I think sorry is bullshit,"

I look over at him, slightly confused.

"But, I guess I am sorry. For what happened to your parents."

I swallow - not sure of what to say except,

"I don't blame you...for what happened...just so you know."

He looks over at me, eyebrow raised as if he thought I did blame him. I guess I don't blame him…for thinking that I would, I mean. "You don't?" I shake my head 'no' and he looks away and is silent for a moment. Then, "So...what you're saying is...is that I just fucking broke my own rules and said sorry for no reason? Damn. You should've told me this before I ruined my hard earned reputation." He smiles over at me and I can't help but smile back, "Sorry...I guess." He snorts, blowing smoke out of his mouth. He looks over at me. "If you need anything, give me a call. I know Daphne can get kind of annoying sometimes." He smiles at me, handing me a paper with his number on it and then he stands up. "Or...if you just need something to do when you're bored...and Daphne's 'Cosmo' magazines aren't doing it for you...call me." I smile slightly and nod, standing up too deciding that I should go back in before Daphne comes out for me.

Brian starts to walk in but turns around, hand on the door.

"And do me a favor. Don't tell any of them that I can actually be nice."

I tell him I won't.

I want to keep it to myself anyway.

Brian

I watched as he sat down next to me.

I watched as he talked, though he didn't talk much.

I even watched him when he was...doing nothing.

I watched as he got out of the booth claiming that he had to get a breath of fresh air. I know, however, that he just needs to get away from the happy atmosphere. He's probably had enough laughter for the moment. I'm surprised that he's lasted this long with us, with Emmett's joking and everyone's laughing. I know Daphne's trying to make him forget, for at least a little bit but, I think he's had enough. At least for now. And, quite frankly, I've had enough of their stupid stories that I've heard five million too many times. So, I push Daphne out of the way and make my way out the door leaving a "Taking a smoke," over my shoulder. I open the door seeing his bent over form sitting on the bench.

I watch him again - just because I can.

Seeing as he doesn't know I'm even here.

So, yeah, I watch for a few seconds wondering how much he hates me. He didn't seem mad at me while we were inside eating but...that doesn't mean a damn thing. He could still be angry with me - still blame this all on me. I'm sure he does. Hell, I'd blame myself too if I was in his position...and I do wish I was in his position actually. I'd be ecstatic if my 'rents were both dead and in Hell where they belong with Satan, assuming that there is one. But, I know that this isn't the case with him. Well, his mother at least. From what I heard from Daphne over the last two weeks he's only upset about his mother being gone. He could careorless about his father. That's all she told me. She didn't tell me why he hated his father but, I don't need a reason. We have a thing in common though; we both hate our fathers.

I sit down next to him - enough watching.

I don't want to freak him out if he happens to look up.

He does look up when I'm seated. But neither of us says anything. Actually, I'm just waiting for him to vent out on me. Be angry with me since he blames me for the accident. But…he doesn't vent out on me and I'm not exactly sure why. So, I decide it's time to get this moving along.

"I just want to let you know that I think sorry is bullshit,"

The look on his face is priceless – tear stained confusion staring at me.

"But, I guess I am sorry. For what happened to your parents."

And I am. But I hate the fact that I'm still saying sorry. That's weird – for me to say. I mean, I'm not the type of person to say 'sorry' for anything – except this apparently.

"I don't blame you...for what happened...just so you know."

Well, that's news to me. Slightly confusing but good news. "You don't?" He shakes his head and I don't say anything for a moment. For once, I don't really know what to say. I've never dealt with seventeen-year-olds who've lost their parents before. I'm not really used to this kind of thing. I joke with him a few seconds later – I even get a smile, which is good. Good thing no one's out here with me or they'd see how I am acting, which is not good. Then again, they probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it – after all, I'm making Sunshine smile. What's better than that to them at the moment?

I get up, ask him not to tell them that I'm nice and he tells me that he won't and I walk inside.

A few minutes later he walks in.

A few minutes later Daphne takes him back out.

A few minutes later I'm thinking that…I really want Justin Taylor.

…As soon as he feels better of course.