Pitter Patter Goes my Heart

I'll sing along,
the whole night through

You have my attention

&&&

Justin

It's been three weeks since my "big outing" to the diner for dinner.

I'll admit, I feel a helluva lot better. Ok, everything may not be peachy, but I've learned that…I'll feel better than I've been feeling if I actually let myself out of my confinement. Fresh air is good for a person. So, it started out with just short brief appearances in the living room or kitchen. Sometimes, when Daphne was outside, I'd even step out on the porch to talk with her for a few minutes. Well, she'd talk but I can tell that she's happy that I'm making small attempts to put some normalcy back into my life. After three days of my "brief appearances" Daphne woke me up. At five in the morning.

No one wakes up at five in the morning during the summer.

However, Daphne does. She gets up every morning at five and goes out on walks to get her daily exercise. She's mentally ill, waking up at that time; waking me up at that time! But, she wouldn't leave me alone so she forced me to get up, shower, and get dressed so that we could both go walking.

I guess I'm mentally ill too-I continued doing it with her.

&&&

"We're going out tonight."

"Who's 'we're'?"

"Me, Emmett, Michael, Ted, Ben, Brian, and, maybe, you."

"Ben?"

I wrap my jacket tighter around me. The thing about these morning walks is, is that they're fucking cold. "Oh, you haven't met Ben yet. I forgot. Ben is Michael's boyfriend. They've been together for, like…ever." Oh, so that's what Brian meant when he had asked Michael where his "hub" had been at the diner that night. Daphne smiles over at me, "He's really nice. He's a professor. And, not to mention, he's nice to look at."

"Are all your guy friends gay?"

"No! Well, kind of."

She laughs, "I have at least one straight guy friend." I smile over at her, shove my hands in my pockets and ask the question I've wanted to ask. "So, uh, where are you guys going? Tonight, I mean." Daphne shrugs, small smile on her face.

"To enjoy the nightlife."

"Aren't your parents coming home tonight?"

"Well, yes, but I'm staying at a friends. Wink, wink."

"Oh."

I'm not sure about the whole "enjoying the nightlife" thing. I mean I want to go. Emmett we'll be there and he's fun. Brian will be there, though, I doubt he'll give me too much notice. He might…blow his cover or something…assuming that he really is nice in secret and that he hadn't just been…I don't know-trying to make me feel better. And, Ben sounds really nice and I'm sure that I'd really like him if I met him. And…this could be my next step to getting out of the house. Out of Daphne's neighborhood. "Coming out of my shell" or whatever the fuck.

It might be good for me – to get out some more.

"I don't want to force you, Justin. If you don't want to go I can tell my mom that I've decided to stay home with you. It's really no big deal."

"Whose house are you staying at?"

She has to be staying with one of the guys-I think. What other friend would she be staying with? It was obviously all just a lie she told her mom so she could get out. Daphne shrugs, "Who knows? Sometimes I'll stay with Emmett, rarely with Michael. Sometimes I even force Brian to let me stay at his loft. He has the nicest loft ever. Ah, the life of a very, very rich man." I smile slightly, rolling my eyes over at her. She shrugs again and our walk begins to lead us back to her house. We've already been walking for two hours and, to be honest, I feel…good.

"Are you in or out?"

"I-I guess I'll go."

"Yay. You'll have fun-most likely."

"Thanks for the encouragement."

&&&

"He's going!"

As soon as we walk back into the house she's grabbing the phone and calling Emmett. What the hell? Had they been…planning this? Planning on waiting till a certain time and asking me this certain question? Probably. It sounds like something Daphne would do. I roll my eyes and go upstairs to my bedroom and shut the door. I'm tempted to pick up the phone and listen in since I'm curious as to what they're saying. But, I resist the temptation. Sighing, I fling myself down on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

Am I making a right decision?

Should I go?

Where are we going?

To a club?

How long will we be out?

Do I have anything to wear?

Why does it matter what I wear?

I tell myself to stop asking questions. It doesn't matter. Of course I have clothes to wear. I have a lot of clothes. I hear Daphne still running her mouth on the phone and I sit up and grab my sketchpad, and I do what I do best. Draw. I don't tell myself to draw a certain thing. But, an hour later Brian's staring from down on the page up at me. I flip the paper to start on something else. I don't know why I draw Brian. I kind of wished I didn't 'cause there's still that feeling of something I don't know inside me. And I hate not knowing things and, whenever I draw him, the feelings there.

And it's annoying as hell.

So, I draw something else instead.

Thirty minutes later the door swings open and Daphne strides in. "Emmett's excited that you're going. He was practically screaming with joy. He likes you a lot. Not 'likes you' in, like, a…he wants you way. A 'likes you' in a…friends way." I smile slightly. "I knew what you meant, Daph." Daphne sits down next to me and grabs my sketchbook out of my hands. I don't really want her flipping through it but we both know that there's no way I can stop her from doing so. She starts from the beginning, babbling about Emmett being happy that I'm going out with them tonight.

"Do you like Brian?"

The question kind of throws me.

It's completely random.

"W-what?"

"Do. You. Like. Brian?"

"No! What gave you that idea?"

I don't even know him. There's no way I can like him. In order to like someone you have to get to know them first-I think. Daphne shrugs and flips to the next page where there's another picture of Brian. "Well, you've drawn him, like, a million times." I shake my head; snort indignantly. "I have not. I've drawn him, like, three times. And, plus, I've drawn my father and I hate him. I've drawn you and I don't like you. Well, like that. And I've drawn Emmett but,"

"I get the point."

"Alright."

"No need to get so defensive."

"I wasn't!"

She smiles. "Whatever you say, Sunshine." I shake my head and take my sketches away from her. "You know, I wouldn't blame you if you did like him. He's hot. And rich."

"You're a loser."

"No, just a gold digger."

"Yeah-loser."

&&&

I look in my closet wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do. I mean, I know I'm supposed to reach inside and grab some clothes so that I can put them on but…what do I do? What do I wear? I still don't know the exact plans for tonight and, for some reason that I can't fathom, I'm nervous about going out. Maybe I'm not ready for this yet. Maybe I should stay in. Swallowing down the thought, I reach inside and grab the first pair of pants I see. Jeans. Nice jeans. Ok, good. I reach inside again and grab the first shirt my hand collides with. It's nothing special. Sky blue. Kind of plain but…whatever.

Sighing, I hold the clothes in my arms and walk to Daphne's room.

"Is this alright?"

"You're seventeen. You can't dress yourself?"

"Shut up. I don't know where we're going."

"We're going to a place called a club. A club is a place where bartenders sell drinks-alcoholic drinks-and there's very loud music and hot guys and dancing…"

"I know what a club is!"

"Sorry! That's fine. Where whatever you want. It isn't a fashion contest. Whatever you wear, Justin, you'll look good. You're just lucky like that-unlike some people. Me."

I smile, "That's not true, Daphne." I walk back to my room and change. I hurry out before I change my mind and walk back to her room. She's talking on the phone again and I sit on her bed and listen to her side.

"You're an asshole, Brian."

"Yes, he's coming if you must know."

He asked about me? That must mean he wants me to come, right? Or maybe he's asking because he doesn't want me to come. Shut up. "I'm not answering that question…no! That's for you to decide when you see him." What? I almost get up and run back to my room so I can listen in on the phone with them. I look at her curiously but she doesn't say a word to me. "I said you can find out for yourself…who cares if I'm a girl? Maybe I'm a lesbian." Yeah right. She laughs for a second and then looks over at me.

"Fine, but I'm only answering you because you're an annoying son of a bitch."

She stares at me for a second and then, "Yes, he looks extremely…nice." He asked if I looked nice? "Yes! Nice equals hot you idiot." Not nice, hot. My cheeks heat up slightly and I distract myself with picking up a book and pretending to read it. Not interested. Sighing, I put it down. Now, they're arguing. I don't know what about but they are. Playfully…not, like, mean arguing.

"Are you done, Brian? 'Cause you're supposed to pick us up in five minutes."

She hangs up and smiles over at me.

"Ready, party animal?"

"…No."

"You can still bail if you want to. I'd understand."

I shrug and stare at my feet. "I don't want to bail." She bites her bottom lip. "Are you sure? You don't look so sure. We can wait…" I quickly shake my head. "I'm sure. I want to go." She nods and we both go downstairs. I grab my jacket on the way and pull it on and we sit on the couch waiting for Brian to come get us. She hadn't mentioned that he would be picking us up tonight. Not that it matters, of course. After five minutes of talking, her treading lightly all of the sudden-probably because of my…unsureness- there's a knock at the door and a black jeep in the driveway.

Smiling, Daphne swings open the door while I stand shyly behind her.

I won't bail – I won't.

"It's about time!"

Brian rolls his eyes, looking annoyed. I know he's not. "Well, someone was holding me up on my phone so I couldn't get out of the house."

"Yeah, that someone was you."

Brian offers me a look between a smile and a smirk. "Hey." I smile, not sure what to say because my mouth suddenly feels oddly dry. Dammit. Daphne looks at m questioningly but she keeps the questions to herself. She turns back to Brian. "Well, lets be off guys. We have a full night of fun filled activities to engage in!"

Lyrics: The song is 'You Have my Attention' by Copeland..