CHAPTER FOURTEEN: SACRIFICING

Willow took a deep breath, completely nervous about what was to come. She and Tara hadn't been alone in over a month and a half, and it was incredibly nerve-wracking to say the least.

"So, uh…how are you?" Willow asked inanely.

"Good," Tara replied. "I'm good…you?"

"Fine," Willow replied quickly. "Just fine…uh…"

"This is kinda…"

"Awkward?" Willow finished.

Tara nodded sadly. It had never been like that between them before. It hurt to realise how far apart they know were.

"Tara, I…I wanted to tell you how sorry I am," Willow said softly. "What happened…I mean, with the magic and all…I never meant for it to go that far. I never meant to hurt you. And I should have kept my promise to you. I never should have used magic against you."

Tara breathed in deeply, wondering how exactly to handle things. She loved Willow, there was no doubting that. The problem now was working out if she and Willow could ever go back to how things were before the spell. Trust needed to be earned, and she wasn't certain that she could trust Willow unconditionally. The redheaded Wiccan had lied about too many things in the last few months, and it worried Tara.

"For what it's worth…I forgive you," Tara said softly. "I just…I just don't know if I trust you."

Willow was both disappointed and completely elated at the same time. She had desperately wanted Tara's forgiveness, but she couldn't deny that a larger part of her had wanted to hear that she and Tara could overcome what had happened and get back together.

"Is there…I mean, is there even a chance that you and I…" Willow trailed off, not even able to say the words.

Tara breathed in deeply. She couldn't deny that she loved Willow. But Willow had betrayed her trust and their love, and she refused to feel guilty over being distrustful. There was also the other problem of her growing feelings for Buffy. With everything that had happened with Willow, Tara had found herself turning to the Slayer for friendship and comfort, and that friendship had been steadily growing into more. She wanted to discover what she could possibly have with Buffy, but she knew that it would completely devastate Willow.

"No," Tara finally managed to reply, tears welling in her eyes. She couldn't give Willow even the slightest suggestion to say that they could ever get back together if there was nothing there.

Willow felt her throat clog up painfully. She tried to keep her breathing steady and her tears at bay. She nodded, trying to keep a brave face, but she was close to completely breaking down into a sobbing mess.

"Willow, I…I'm sorry," Tara whispered softly. "I just…I can't. We c-can't, y'know, be together like that again. I…I'd always be wondering, even just at the back of my mind whether or not I could really trust you. That wouldn't be fair to either of us."

Willow nodded, again damning her behaviour and her foolish mistake of tampering with Tara's memory. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek, and she raised a shaking hand to wipe it away.

"Well, uh…thank you for being honest I suppose," Willow whispered, her voice barely audible.

Tara felt her heart breaking, but there was no chance of ever trusting the redhead again. If Willow had managed to keep her promise to go the week without magic, Tara would have been more inclined to trust her ex-girlfriend, but Willow had not only broken her promise, but had tried to alter Tara's memory in regards to all the fights they'd been having.

"I'm sorry Willow," Tara said softly.

Willow nodded and breathed in deeply. "So am I."

Tara gently touched Willow's hand and leaned down to gently give a final kiss to Willow's cheek. Willow stifled a sob and watched helplessly as Tara walked slowly out the door. As soon as the door had closed, the tears that Willow had been fighting to keep at bay began to flow freely.