The last rays of the closing day poured in through her window. She looked out over the landscape of green, her eyes drawing to the beautiful lake as the light seemed to glide over it, making it glow a deep blue. Her day had been quiet, with not much chaos to distract her. It gave her a lot of time to reflect, on everything.
She thought about the latest years in her life, and how they had drastically changed. She thought of life when she was a mere child, wearing her Sunday dress and being twirled around by her adoring father, and then helping Mum bake cookies. She had gotten flour all over herself. She thought about getting the letter that changed her life, and going to a school that was so mysterious, complex, simple, welcoming, dangerous, and beautiful all at the same time.
She thought about how she had made that school her home. She thought about how she had met her two best friends, and how they became inseparable, facing all of their many trials together. She loved those friends dearly, and was thankful they were still there, by her side through everything.
She thought about how a man had come into her life, and changed it forever. He swept her off her feet, and, she was convinced, made her the single happiest person in the world. She thought about how, upon graduation, they started their lives together, and had a son. She loved her son very much. She then thought about how the love of her life had been ripped away from them, and they had to continue their lives without him. To say that it was difficult for her would be an understatement. Her tears welled up as she watched the sky turn from blue to orange to red. This time of day was always hardest on her when she stopped to think about it. It was at sunset that he had died.
She missed him so much. The only reason that she kept on living and working hard was for her son. She promised she would take care of him, and she would do that to the best of her ability. Yet sometimes she just wanted to quit. She needed her husband. He had been her comforter, her shelter, her guidance, her life. When she was in his presence, the feelings she felt were indescribable. She felt, dare she say it, complete. She felt like nothing could ever go wrong in the world, so long as he was there. She felt that with him always in her presence, she would never truly have to worry about being sad.
Standing next to him had made her feel so small compared to his tall height. But she liked that too. It made her feel protected. The way he looked at her made her feel so loved and important, like she was the only one who existed in his world. He made her feel like she was more beautiful than any other woman on earth. And the glances they would share while in the presence of others were one of her favorite things in the world. It was their little secret, how they told each other with their eyes that they loved each other and that they were the sexiest person to have ever walked the earth.
But now he was gone. And they would never have those glances ever again. She had taken it hard when he first died. She shut everyone out, not talking, and only eating when someone forced her to. Every night she would cry herself to sleep. Every morning, her first thoughts would be innocent hopes to see the love of her life. It didn't take long for her to realize the crushing reality that she would never see him again. And that's how her days would start off. She was like a body walking around without a soul. Some ignorant strangers who did not know her situation were positive that she had gotten the dementor's kiss.
This went on for three months, until one of her loyal best friends decided to do something.
'Hermione,' Harry said, walking into the room. She simply looked at him, and then back at her baby, whom she was washing in a simple tub. 'I had just gotten back from work when Ginny suggested I come see you. I thought it was a great idea. We didn't talk much the other day. How was your day?'
'Fine,' she replied simply, not even looking at him. She pulled her son out of the water and wrapped him in a towel.
'Oh. We had a good day at work today. Ron and I caught another Death Eater! He'll most likely be getting the dementor's kiss tomorrow. Great, huh?'
'Mmm…' she mumbled, quickly clothing her child before he got cold. Harry watched her, at a loss on how to get her to start talking.
'So how's everything going running the Manor? Are things running smoothly?' At this she shot him a reproachful look and nodded her head. Harry took Michael from Hermione's arms and began talking to him, making him giggle. The little boy seemed overjoyed to see his godfather.
'Michael sure has gotten bigger.' Hermione nodded again. 'How about we sit down and have a cup of tea, 'Mione? Then we can talk.'
'Okay,' she said, and started walking off after grabbing her son back. Harry assumed he was supposed to follow her and did so.
'I sure have enjoyed all this snow, haven't you?' he said as they walked into the parlor. She just grunted in response.
'Dolly, get some tea for us, will you?' she said to a nearby house elf.
'Wow, Hermione! That's the most you've said all night!' This exclamation earned Harry a death glare from her. Harry dropped his joking façade and sobered up real fast. 'You're not okay, are you?' he stated more than asked with a concerned look on his face. Hermione's eyes teared up as she looked down and shook her head. This was the first time in all of their friendship that Harry could remember Hermione looking so defeated.
'I miss him, Harry,' she said in a quiet voice. 'I just don't know what to do anymore. My life has been flipped upside down and I just can't handle it!' Tears streamed down her face. She appeared to be a broken woman.
'You've been shutting us all out; pushing us away. None of us know what to do to help. We can't make anything better for you if you don't talk, 'Mione. We love you; we want you to be at least remotely happy.' She put her son on the ground and pulled her hands up to her hair, clenching it between her fists.
'I'm sorry, Harry,' she sobbed. 'I just can't be happy. How can I be? He was my everything, my life. He seemed to make my world turn. And now he's g-g-gone.' She was now full out weeping. Harry walked towards her and sat next to her on the couch so she could cry on his shoulder while he whispered comforting thoughts into her ear. She finally calmed down enough to stop crying, so Harry offered her a handkerchief.
'Thank you,' she said, blowing her nose.
'You haven't been sleeping, have you?' he asked.
She shook her head no and said, 'I can't. Whenever I do, I have nightmares with him in them.' Harry nodded understandingly.
'From the looks of it, I'd say you aren't eating enough either.'
'I have no appetite.'
'How do you have enough milk for your son?'
'I eat enough for him.' She replied.
'Hermione, this isn't healthy!" Harry said, beginning to get angry.
'Okay! I'm sorry! I'll start eating more, I promise! Just don't be angry with me.' His eyes softened.
'I wasn't only talking about your lack of appetite,' he had said, calming down. She cast him a confused glance. 'I'm talking about your whole situation, Hermione. It's like you're not even a person anymore. You go around acting like a robot or something. It's not healthy. You need to be strong. We miss you. Draco's not the only one who died you know? We all lost someone important to us. We need your love and comfort too. We need you, Hermione. It's at a time like this when we should stick together, support each other. It may be even more important to stick together now than it was before. We can't let you do this to yourself.'
'I'm sorry,' she said, now crying again, though not as much. 'I'm sorry, Harry. It's just so hard! But I promise I'll try to be better. I'll start eating more, and I'll make myself go to sleep, even if it does mean dreams of him.'
'We're not just worried about your physical health. We're worried about your mental and emotional health as well, Hermione.' He said, his voice full of concern and compassion.
'What do you mean?' she asked, brows furrowed in confusion.
'I mean that you need to try to be happy. You should try talking to us more. What about Ginny? She misses you terribly! And with the baby on the way… it's hard for her not to have you around at all. And Ron, he's getting married Hermione! I know it's hard for you to see him so happy, but you don't want to ruin his happiness do you?' He paused, letting it sink in. Hermione was still looking down, but she was listening intently to what Harry was saying.
'Your son needs you too.' Harry said suddenly. Hermione looked up at him quickly, and then looked back down. 'He needs his mother, especially now that he lost a very important figure in his life. He shouldn't lose you too. I know how hard it is not having parents who love you. And I'm not saying that you don't love him, because I know you do. But you have to show him that. And as he gets older, you're going to have to be there for him as he faces hardships in his life. You can offer him something nobody else can, and he'll need it. You have to be strong for the both of you, Hermione. I know you can do it. I know that somewhere in there, there's a brave spirit, and a strong soul. I've seen it before, and I know that I will see it again. It may seem like there isn't much hope in your life right now, but it's time to move on. It doesn't mean forget Draco. You never will, and there will always be a hole in your heart because he's gone. I've lost important people in my life too. It seems like there's no more reason to live. But there is, Hermione, there is. There's always a reason to live. Be thankful that you had Draco while you did. And be even more thankful that you can still be surrounded by a family that loves you dearly, and whom I know you love just as much.'
Hermione looked up at him as he finished his speech, and grabbed his hand, nodding to tell him that she had understood and listened.
'Thank you, Harry. I needed that. I really do love you for being such a great friend.'
Hermione, true to her word, did change after that, and her life ran much more smoothly. She was happier, and had loved and been loved by all her friends. She says friends, but they were really closer than family. Unfortunately though, however much she poured her heart into her friends and child, it did not cover up the scar of losing her husband. She missed him just as much as she did the day he died. She just learned not to let it consume her. She sighed as one lone tear trailed down her cheek.
She heard a knock on her door and turned around to see her grinning best friend. He happened to look quite pleased with himself.
"Harry!" Hermione ran and jumped into his arms as he twirled her around and put her back on the ground.
"Hey, Hermione," Harry said with a lazy smile on his face. "It's good to see you."
"Thanks. Michael's in his room. I'm sure that's your next question."
"Right you are," said Harry, and as Hermione opened her mouth to speak, he continued, "and Ginny's at home with the baby. I hope you guys have a lovely discussion." Hermione hugged Harry goodbye and kissed him on the cheek before disapparating and then apparating into Godric's Hollow.
"Ginny! Where are you?" Hermione called, first checking the lower level. She heard a muffled yell from upstairs, and ran up the stairs, assuming correctly that Ginny was in the nursery.
"I thought I'd be seeing you soon," Ginny grinned.
"How was France?" Hermione inquired, preparing to make her and her friend completely updated on the news that is their lives.
"Perfect!" Ginny answered, her grin becoming even larger.
"Really?"
"Yes! Harry and I had the best time!" Ginny sounded really excited.
"I am sure you did."
"He's such a romantic," she said, her facial expression giving an impression that she somehow knew the secrets of the world.
"Ooh, what did he do?"
"Oh, a million things, but we won't get into that now. How is Michael?"
"Good. He learned a new word this week; mischievous. I called him that after he took all my undergarments, soaked them with water, and then stuck them in the freezer. I don't know who taught him that!"
Ginny giggled. "That is rather funny, though. Isn't it?"
"No! If he's already doing that sort of stuff at the age of six, who knows what he'll do by the time he reaches his teen years. It will be dreadful!" Hermione replied. "Anyways, I received a letter from Dumbledore last Monday." She said this casually, as if it were no big deal, and that her old Headmaster wrote a letter to every one of his past students every week. However, Ginny knew better.
"Really? What was it about?" Ginny asked; playing along with Hermione's game.
"He wants me to teach," Hermione said, knowing full well that Ginny knew what this meant to her. She would have to return to Hogwarts.
"What about Michael?" Ginny asked.
"He'd come with me. I suppose he would just stay with me during classes or with other professors during their breaks. I might get a nanny if it gets too rough, though."
"That doesn't sound too awful bad. So are you going to accept?" she asked.
"I'm not sure. It's really a big job. I'm sure it would be life-changing. Do you think I should?" The last part was said in desperation.
"Yes. I think you should go. It would be good for you. Besides, it will change things up a bit. And it will get Michael out of your hair for a while."
"That's true. I just don't know if I would be a good teacher."
"Hermione, you'll be an excellent teacher! If I didn't know better, I'd say you were made for it. And think of all the students you tutored while you were still in school. That must tell you something!" Ginny answered.
"Well, yes. I suppose you're right. But it doesn't make me any less nervous. I'll think about it. Dumbledore needs a decision in three days' time. Have you eaten yet?"
"No, we just got back a little while ago."
"Excellent. Let's go have Dobby make us some dinner, and you can tell me all about your vacation to France. God knows you deserved it."
The next morning, Hermione awoke to a beautiful, sunshiny day. The impeccable weather led to a decision to go on a picnic with her beloved son. Malfoy Manor had acres and acres of beautiful land, and the most stunning hippogriffs to ride. They enjoyed a splendid morning, flying over their fields together, and picking which spot would be exactly right for a picnic. Finally, Michael decided that he liked the little clearing by the stream best, so they landed there. Michael skipped rocks while Hermione prepared the lunch. Soon they were both eating the most superb meal (prepared by house elves, all of which had first-rate rights). The setting was perfect.
"Michael," Hermione began, "Dumbledore sent me a letter the other day. He's the Headmaster at the old school I went to."
"Really?" he said, his eyes alighting with interest. He loved hearing about Hogwarts.
"Yes," Hermione said, smiling at his enthusiasm. "He wants me to go back to Hogwarts and teach. What would you think of that?"
"Would I have to stay here?" he asked frowning.
"No, of course not, you would come with me. We'll have a splendid time— if you say yes, of course."
"You mean it's up to me?" he asked.
"In a sort of way it is. I do want to go. But it will be an awfully big change, so if you don't want to then I won't. So what do you say?"
"Let's go! It sounds like an adventure to me!" he said, eyes alighting at the prospect. "It sounds like an awfully big adventure!"
"It will be, son. It will be," Hermione said, knowing somehow exactly how true that statement was.
"I hope you can come help me unpack at Hogwarts. Packing I can stand, but unpacking is the worst, Ginny," said Hermione as they both shrunk important items and put them into the trunk.
"I'm sure Dumbledore will say that it's fine," she replied.
"I hope so."
"So what does Michael think about going to Hogwarts?" Ginny asked.
"Believe it or not, he's really excited about it. He says it will be a grand adventure. I just hope he won't get himself into too much trouble."
"He probably will," Ginny replied, already imagining the great fun he will have tormenting his mum. She grinned wickedly.
"What are you smiling about?" Hermione asked suspiciously. She knew Ginny to be a very accomplished prankster, and didn't want her giving any advice to her son.
"Nothing, nothing," she replied. Her face suddenly became thoughtful. "You know, Michael will be the youngest person to ever live at Hogwarts. Just imagine, out of all the years, he'll be the first! It's rather neat if you think about it."
"It is, isn't it? Should I take this dress, or this one?" Hermione asked, holding up two different black dresses.
"I say take both. Better safe than sorry, right? Who knows what situation may arise. There may be some hot new professor teaching there!" Ginny teased. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"You know I don't want to remarry, Ginny! It would just be… weird. I don't know. It seems like I feel like I'm waiting for something. But I don't know what. Anyhow, I have no desire to date, court, get engaged, or be married!"
"I didn't say anything about catching a guy. I just thought that you might want to look nice. You've had that second one for years though, right? Since… oh…." She trailed off, suddenly remembering exactly when she got that particular black dress; her first date with Draco Malfoy. Ginny had helped pick it out herself.
"Yes, since that," Hermione said briskly. "Now, which shoes shall I take? I think at least three pairs of dress shoes, four pairs of sneakers, 7 sandals, you think? Three slippers will most likely be the ticket…. Or maybe I should bring four. And I don't know, maybe 8 or 9 sandals will be better. And six pairs of dress shoes. Yes six sounds about right…."
"Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed. She had been trying to get her attention since just about the beginning of her rant. "You're going to be gone a school year, not ten years! And you can always floo back here for an extra pair of shoes or two if you need them. Not to mention you got an O in Transfiguration N.E.W.T.'s."
"Hmmm, yes I guess you're right," Hermione said. "But I'd rather just be safe. How about three pairs of dress shoes? Ginny, they're important! And, well, three pairs of sneakers; some good ones and bad ones. Six pairs of sandals; those are good to have, and two slippers. Ginny, I have to bring the fuzzy ones and the black ones!"
"Hermione, sometimes I don't know what to do about you. You weren't like this in school, were you?" Ginny asked.
"No. In school I was only concentrated on my studies. And I didn't have to worry about whether or not I looked good. Being a professor brings much more attention to you. And I'll be representing the school! It's very important!"
"Not that important. I don't understand why you are practically hyperventilating just picking out shoes!" she said.
Hermione sighed and sat down on the bed. "I guess I'm just nervous. It's been a while since I've gone back there. I mean really gone back. I'll have to wander the halls, go to the library, eat in the Great Hall, and visit Hagrid; everything that I used to do. I'll be doing everything I did when I was young. Except this time, it will be different. Instead of living there and making memories, I'll just be reminded of ones that I only wish I could relive. It really scares me."
"I can understand your worry. But you'll have to remember that you will be making memories, a lot more of them. They just won't be with the same people or at the same time. And did you honestly think you would stay away from Hogwarts forever? It was inevitable for you to go back. You're Hermione Granger! But honestly, I'm sure everything will be rough, but you're strong. You can make it, Hermione."
"Come Michael, we want to make it in time, before every student arrives, that way we find a compartment. Ginny and Harry are here to drive us to King's Cross now."
"Okay, Mum. How far away is it?" asked the inquisitive mind.
"It will only be a couple of hours, unless they decide to fly. And they probably will."
"Excellent!" said the boy, grinning from ear to ear.
As Hermione predicted, they did end up flying. Harry Potter had always been one to defy the limits, and that would never change. They found an empty little compartment towards the back of the train, and miraculously had a quiet journey all the way to Hogsmeade Station, being interrupted only once by the familiar old lady with the food trolley.
Michael had asked his mother to tell him all about her years at Hogwarts, starting in her first year. He insisted he tell her in minute detail. She consented willingly, and happily traveled down memory lane, while heading towards her long lost home. The distraction was good for her. She no longer had to think about the fact that she was headed towards the place where it all began. It was at Hogwarts where they fell in love. Naturally, this would lead to thoughts of how they married, how they had their baby and seemed to be the happiest people in the world, and how he had gone on, and left her to take care of their son on her own. She hadn't realized yet, that the one person she had always been anxious about caring for, had done her the biggest favor of all. He had given Hermione Malfoy, best friend of Harry Potter and greatest witch of her age, something to live for.