CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SHARING
Buffy was the first to stir, her body going into an automatic stretch to loosen tense muscles. Two things stopped her. The first was pain flaring in her back. Horribly unpleasant. The second was the warm body wrapped around her. Incredibly pleasant.
Buffy forced her body to relax, not just so that her back wouldn't go into spasms, but so that she didn't wake the sleeping Wiccan.
The Slayer lay in silence, a smile on her lips, tears in her eyes. Her heart clenched, the well of emotion being stirred was almost overwhelming.
Unbidden, her tears began to spill out. Months of angst, of residual numbness seeping out, the anger, pain and resentment that she'd unconsciously held onto was leaking out in a cathartic release.
She'd held onto her emotions for so long, not allowing them to be expressed for fear of what would come out. And as much as she'd recovered since her resurrection, she'd never truly been rid of the issues that it had dredged up. She'd never been free of the suffocating feeling that she'd lived with for the last six months.
But now, lying there in Tara's arms, she knew, with a depth of knowledge that she'd not had before, that she could let it go. She could be free of everything that had happened. Not just because she had a bright and shiny future to look forward to, but because the past could no longer hurt her unless she allowed it.
It was, partly, because of Tara that she understood this. The gentle Wiccan had led her down the garden path, laying down a firm cornerstone for Buffy to build on.
Tara hadn't tried to get Buffy to lean this new structure onto Tara, as Riley and even Angel had encouraged her to do. Tara had shown her where to place a few keys bricks, how to stir the cement just so, and allowed Buffy to rebuild herself in a healthy and independent manner.
Partnership in the truest sense of the word. Buffy and Tara had relied on each other for months. They'd helped each other rebuild after their respective collapses. It wasn't one-sided. It wasn't selfish. It wasn't that either of them had needed saving. They'd needed a leg up, and they'd been able to provide that for each other.
Buffy's tears slowed, and she felt a quiet contentment soak through her body. She lifted a hand and stroked her fingers gently through Tara's hair.
So…this was what partnership truly was.
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Tara woke with a smile on her face. She hummed happily at the feeling of fingers stroking through her hair. "S'nice," she murmured softly.
"Morning," Buffy whispered, kissing Tara's forehead.
Tara stretched and titled her head to look up at Buffy. "How's your back?"
"Kinda sore," Buffy admitted. "Better though."
"Do you want some help putting some cream on there?" Tara asked.
Buffy nodded, her fingers still dancing through Tara's hair. "That'd be nice."
They fell silent, enjoying each other's company, until Buffy's stomach rumbling broke the silence. Buffy tried not to react, but Tara couldn't help giggling at the sound.
"Feeding time for you, I think," Tara said, reluctantly pulling away from Buffy. She paused for a moment, looking down at the other woman, smiling happily. Unable to help herself, she leant down and pressed a chaste kiss to Buffy's lips.
As Tara pulled back, Buffy snaked a hand up to the back of Tara's neck, pulling Tara back down to kiss her properly. It was a thoroughly lazy exploration that left them both wondering when they'd get the chance for more.
"Mmm, I wouldn't mind waking up to that more often," Buffy said.
Tara smiled and slipped out of the bed. Buffy slowly proper herself up in bed, well aware of how badly her back was hurting. Tara noticed the slow movements and hovered close to the petite blonde to ensure Buffy didn't hurt herself while getting out of bed.
Buffy ran her fingertips lightly up Tara's forearm, smiling her appreciation for the Wiccan's concern, and for allowing Buffy to get out of the bed herself. The help was there if needed, but not intrusive. It was the balance that Riley and Angel had both lacked. It was a small act, but one that Buffy felt was something that was significant. They could support each other without crowding the other.
"Could you maybe help me down the stairs?" Buffy asked. "I don't particularly wanna find out what taking a header down the stairs will do to my back."
Tara nodded, heading into the hallway and waiting at the top of the stairs. She let Buffy take hold, and set the pace as they made their way down the stairs. As Buffy let go of Tara's arm, the Slayer ran her fingers across the small slit of skin showing between Tara's tank top and her pyjama pants. Tara shivered, almost shocked at how forward the Slayer was. Buffy just grinned mischievously.
They walked into the kitchen, both of them faltering slightly as they saw Willow at the kitchen counter, drinking coffee. From the looks of the level of coffee in the machine, it wasn't her first.
"G-good morning," Tara greeted, slightly rattled by the presence of her ex-girlfriend.
"Hey guys," Willow said cheerily. "Want coffee?"
Buffy raised an eyebrow at her best friend. "Looks like you've been indulging already. Got a test?"
"Nope," Willow replied. "Just wanted to start the day with lotsa caffeine."
Buffy smiled, though her heart wasn't entirely in it. She knew that she and Tara needed to come out of the closet, so to speak. And they needed to tell Willow first. The redhead deserved that much. And while it had been more than two and a half months since they Wiccan duo had originally split, it had been only six weeks since the official loss of all hope.
Buffy looked at Tara, the two of them communicating the need to be honest with Willow. Tara nodded, smiling sadly. She had no desire to hurt her former lover. She hadn't planned on falling in love with Buffy, and she hoped that Willow and the other Scoobies would realise that the affection between the two blondes was real and true.
Buffy carefully hoisted herself onto the stool next to Willow. This was not going to be a fun conversation.
"Will…"
Willow looked up, swallowing nervously. She supposed that it was probably a good thing that she'd walked in on Buffy and Tara earlier. While it ached to have to acknowledge that she'd lost Tara for good, she was far better prepared. She wouldn't break down in front of the two people who meant the world to her.
She couldn't blame Buffy for falling for Tara, or vice versa. She could see the appeal, from both sides. And if she were honest with herself, they were a good match for each other.
"Will, you know that I love you…and I'd never do anything to purposefully hurt you," Buffy began.
Willow smiled gently. She saw the worry and love coming from both Buffy and Tara. It would take time before she could look at the two women together and not feel the ache of 'what if', but she'd had her chances. She'd blown them, and she had to live with the consequences.
Taking pity on her best friend, Willow slid off her seat, and gently kissed Buffy's cheek.
"Take good care of her heart, Buffy," Willow said sadly. "And if you hurt her…"
"I won't," Buffy said quickly, astonished that Willow knew what had happened, and what she'd been trying to say.
Willow looked at Tara, a cheeky smile creasing her lips. "Y'know, I'm kinda jealous Tara. Your girlfriend's hot," Willow said.
Buffy's jaw dropped and Tara pulled Willow into a fierce hug. Willow returned the embrace just as tightly, feeling the relief and thankfulness coming from her former girlfriend.
"Thank you," Tara whispered. She knew that Willow could have made things incredibly difficult for Buffy and Tara. Tara hadn't really know what to expect from Willow, but she was more than pleased with how it was turning out. Perhaps Willow had truly come to terms with the things she'd done, and was finally taking responsibility for her actions.
"And y'know, as Buffy's best friend, I feel honour-bound to give you the shovel speech," Willow said, pulling back.
"I won't hurt her," Tara assured Willow. "We won't hurt each other."
Of that, Willow was sure. With a final reassuring smile at both women, Willow gracefully walked out of the kitchen and into the backyard. She sighed softly, thanking the goddess that she'd made it through. Surely it could only get easier from here. Tara was no longer hers, and Willow had to let herself and Tara move on.
Maybe she should ask the cute brunette from her Psych class for her number…